I have a son who calls himself names.
As his mother it’s excruciating to hear.
It takes my breath away to listen to how he talks to himself.
Anytime he makes a mistake or a bad decision or can’t seem to get his shoelaces untied from their tangle of knots I’ll hear him mutter — Idiot! I’m so stupid!
And it hurts.
It hurts because it means there’s a core lie he’s believing about himself that has somehow wriggled deep under his skin until it feels like it’s part of him. Until he believes it enough to start preaching it back to himself without question.
I was thinking about that the other day as I was loading the dishwasher and eavesdropping on my son. As I lined up all the blue plastic cups and the sticky knives and forks I caught an earful again of my son’s impatience with himself.
I get it. I do.
Most of the time I don’t think we’re even aware how we’re talking to ourselves. It comes so naturally to be crushingly cruel to ourselves. To disdain how much we accomplished in a day, how little we think of our own ability to love or reconcile or work out or keep up with the dirt and dust that collects under the dining room table.
But the names we call ourselves matter.
I know this because I know how damaging it is to listen to my son, my beloved, brave and beautiful son, call himself, “Stupid.”
But if I’m honest, if I were naming myself, there are days I am tempted to call myself something along the lines of, “Lost her temper again” or “Can’t keep up with the dishes” or “Constantly doubts herself.”
I don’t know about you, but often I approach God like He is disappointed in me. Like my life is a tangle of knotted up shoelaces I can’t make sense of and I have to constantly apologize for my own stupidity, my mistakes, my pride, my laziness. For the years I worry I’ve wasted because they were so consumed with thoughtless selfishness.
I can get so bogged down in what I get wrong that the names of shame and despair role right off my tongue until I believe that God believes those names about me too.
But last night a friend asked me, what if we approached God like He delighted in us? What if I believed that He liked me in spite of all my stupid mistakes.
Then she sent me to read Isaiah 62:4 and it took my breath away:
No longer will you be called Deserted [or stupid or shameful or reckless or careless or irresponsible or unworthy or unloved].
Instead, you will be called, My Delight is in Her.” {Isaiah 62:4, emphasis mine}
I read it two or three times. I underlined it. And then I got out a notecard and wrote that new name for myself out in thick, blue ink. And I posted it above my computer.
Lisa-Jo, you will be called “My Delight is in Her.”
That night after dinner I told my kids that story. I told them all the terrible names I would give myself. We talked about how easy it is to be frustrated with ourselves. How we can be so disappointed in our own behavior that we punish ourselves. And that we forget to stop punishing ourselves. That we say mean things to ourselves because we think we deserve it.
I looked into their knowing eyes and asked them what they thought God would call them. What kind of name He whispers when He thinks of each of them, when He watches them fall asleep at night or play soccer or show up for summer camp.
And then I told them to go and read the notecard that was above my computer and they came back grinning.
“That is my new name,” I said. “And it’s your name too. Each one of us is personally named, “My Delight is in Her” or “My Delight is in Him.”
And if that’s the name God calls us what business do we have to go insulting His children? From now on in our house I hope that’s the reminder lingering in the back of our minds on the days we disappoint ourselves again. That we are loved by a God who names us Delight and not Disappointment.
Amazing that I can claim such a name. And that you can too. As a child of God it is your birthright. No matter what anyone else says about you. No matter what you say about yourself. Your Father God has the final word. And He says, My Delight is in Her.
Leave a Comment
Suz says
Waaaaaaaa!!!! I’m so, so BLESSED that GOD in HIS sweetness spoke to my very core though you today!! Today, when the house is a mess (still!), when I’m getting up after less than 6 hours sleep (again!), when I’m running off to work without my time with Abba (again!), when I have a breast biopsy hanging over my head… Today, tomorrow, and even yesterday, I AM HIS DELIGHT!!! I’m in a salty pool of HIS SWEET LOVE, waaaaaaa! …thank you!
Lisa-Jo Baker says
Oh Suz – wish I could pass you a hot cup of tea through the screen and sit with you in your salty mess and say I SO get it. All of it. And Yes You ARE His absolute delight today. And every day! Much love!
Pati says
Thank you, it’s always good to be reminded of the things we “know” but so often forget.
Grace Gallagher says
Great words that I needed to hear! Thank you God delights in her!
Lisa-Jo Baker says
I’m so glad they encouraged.
Margaret Anfinson says
Thank you for your sweet words of encouragement today, Lisa-Jo. I truly needed to hear it. I often put myself down for not spending enough time with our Heavenly Father, distracted by one thing or another. I have become quite ill in the last year and tell myself, “that’s what you get for not spending quiet time with your father”. Or when I am quick to anger, or don’t finish something, I see myself as a failure because that’s what I’ve been called all my life. But I know that I’m not… And today you reassured me of this. I Am His Delight! and I just posted a note on my mirror so I can see it everytime I go into my bathroom as a reminder.
Thank you and bless you always❣
Lisa-Jo Baker says
Yes to posting notes to remind ourselves how God sees us and what He names us. I love that!
Donna says
Lisa-Jo were you in my bedroom last night as I lay there tossing and turning over feeling, yet again, that I’d let my Father down? Did you hear my prayers of repentance and bargaining and promises that THIS would be the time I finally got it right? Because I woke up this morning to these words of yours in my mailbox and they have cut me deep. Thank you for writing them. Thank you for your transparency. Thank you for allowing the Holy Spirit to speak through your writing. I am going straight away to get a notecard and pen so that I, too, can write those words from Isaiah and post them for my eyes to see all day long.
Lisa-Jo Baker says
Hey there Donna,
It’s amazing how easy it is for Satan to convince us that our names are anything BUT, Delight. I’m looking at my own notecard above my desk right now and so happy to know other women are writing their own reminders today!
Julie Garmon says
So powerful! I’m sharing this. Thank you~~~
Lisa-Jo Baker says
Thanks Julie – I hope it encourages many of us!
Jeri DeGroot says
Your son has an awesome mom because she has an Awesome Father!
Lisa-Jo Baker says
That made me smile so big – thanks Jeri!
Crystal says
Just THANK YOU! Breathing this in deeply today~
Lisa-Jo Baker says
You’re so welcome. I’m glad it encouraged.
Stefanie says
I needed to hear this today. Thank you for your sweet words.
Lisa-Jo Baker says
You’re so welcome, Stefanie.
Keri Underwood says
I. Needed. This. Thank you for your words this morning. I have been so hard on myself about some things going on. I think we are all our own worst critic, right? I needed to be reminded of this today!
http://www.littlelightonahill.com
Lisa-Jo Baker says
Yes, we are absolutely our worst and cruelest critic. We say things to ourselves we would never say to other people. May we have grace with ourselves today because we are the delight of our Father God.
Beth Coulton says
So perfect for me today – thank you. Yesterday it seemed that all that happened at work were events that pointed out things I’d missed, details that had been left unattended to, work-loops that hadn’t been closed and somehow, they all pointed back to me. All. Day. Long. You can bet when I drove home I was calling myself some rather unflattering names, and feeling so discouraged and down. Why couldn’t I just get it together and do my job with superior organization and excellence? Why couldn’t I do a project like so-and-so and have it come out perfect? Why did I not pay close enough attention to detail, and how could these things have happened??? (insert something about “being human” here…)
This reminder today that His delight is in me – ME, the girl who messes up most of the time – is refreshing. I was driving out the driveway this morning, not too eager to get to work for fear of being reminded again of my faults, when my sweet husband appeared at my car window with a kiss and a sticky note. On it he had written “Call upon me in the day of trouble. I will deliver you, and you will honor me.” (Psalm 50:15). I stuck that note to my dashboard and claimed it all the way here and asked God to turn my attitude around and to deliver me…..not by avoiding or escaping the problem but by going in it and through it with Him.
Thank you for sharing God’s opinion of me just when I needed it; when I was being so hard on myself.
Lisa-Jo Baker says
What a beautiful testimony, Beth! Thanks for sharing it with us!
Jennifer says
Thank you for this today. I am struggling with depression and anxiety, and I must say I cannot repeat the names I have for myself. I needed to hear this, my soul needs to absorb this.
Thank you sweet friend!
Lisa-Jo Baker says
The only truth we need to hold onto today is that we are His delight. You are God’s delight, Jennifer. All day long.
Joanne says
Lisa-Jo, thank you , THANK YOU JESUS, for giving Lisa-Jo the words to tell me you forgive me, for loving me. I am always berating myself for not having my quiet time, for being fat, for being …….., never thought I was shooting insults to my Heavenly Father. Thank you for telling me I need to see through his eyes, his love and delight in me. 🙂
Lisa-Jo Baker says
Beautiful Joanne – you are His daughter and He loves you just the way you are. Me too. I’m so so grateful!
Laura Thomas says
I love when God teaches us truths through our kids! Thanks for sharing this beautiful verse… such a poignant reminder of how much we are loved and cherished <3
Julie says
Such a great reminder! I love how you shared this with your kids. My kids do the same name calling to themselves. I’m going back to share this with them too.
Such a great nugget you have shared here to me on my parenting journey!
I’m so glad I read this!
Julie
Karen says
And HE repeats this theme over and over in scripture…Zeph 3:17 just to name one! This was fantastic. I LOVE that you had that conversation with your kiddos!!!! May they learn it at a much younger age than i did (am)!
Dee says
Thank You for for sharing! I really needed to hear this! 🙂
Cindy says
Your post was just what I needed this morning! I have been feeling like such a failure lately, to my family and to God. I never realized that God doesn’t view me that way! Thank you for allowing His Holy Spirit to work through you and reach so many of us who feel the same way!! God bless you and your family!
Bev @ Walking well with God says
Lisa-Jo,
So many times I’ve thought that God must be disappointed in me. In my mind I’ve fallen short. If I was judging me, I might be disappointed, but disappointment isn’t in God’s vocabulary. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that God is disappointed in me…that’s a human thing, not a God thing. I love the idea of trading in my notion of disappointment for His truth of delighting in me. I’m going to put a note card on my mirror today!
With blessings and thanks,
Bev
rebeccajones says
We do it all the time don’t we? And to throw in the devil’s lies on top of it. Let’s stop beating ourselves up and get it through our heads how much He loves us. I catch myself apologizing to the Lord all the time, He doesn’t expect me to. All He wants to do is love me and me love Him.
An says
Oh Lisa Jo, how I praise the Lord for answering a prayer. While it hasn’t quite sunk into my soul, I know that my heavenly Father is so good and loves me so much, pained every time I’m so hard on myself. You are so right that sometimes those labels that we tell ourselves, condemn ourselves with, get in so deep that getting them out is like pulling glass out of a tender heart. Yet our hearts can’t truly beat for the Lord alone with those stones in the way, those stones that push us away from Him. Thank you for this beautiful verse that I need to re-shape my identity to the one He has given me-never forgotten, beloved, redeemed, called by name, chosen. May each of us be so rooted and grounded in His love for us, our true identities as His children today 🙂
Donna says
Thank you so very much for the reminder that the Lord delights in me and loves me just as I am. It has been beaten into me most of my life that I disappoint or fail. I (we) must believe what God says, not what the enemy says, not what others think or say, not what we ourselves think, feel or say……It’s God’s word that counts, it’s God’s word that is the truth…..it’s God’s word that never fails!!! I am making my own note of God’s word and name for me right now & putting it everywhere!!! The Lord bless you all!!!
Leslee says
I have so struggled with this in the past year. I let Satan use people in my life to make me feel like a failure and I have been calling myself that a lot this past year. So this post shines a light at the end of a long year for me. I have been in the Word relentlessly lately because God’s words and God’s thought about us are really what matters. And I have been going through Beth Moore’s Breaking Free. And this week is is about Truth and Lies. So your post was very relevant for me and spoke to my heart right where God is working. Thanks Lisa-Jo for pointing out the truth for all of us this week. My new name is “My Delight is in her”.
Sue Hull says
I feel so blessed to have found your incouragement & blog. Thank you for this incouraging post. It made my day
Im so hard on myself when I forget to read my Bible. I talk to God throughout the day everyday. He is my everything.
Im glad Im His delight.
Amanda Snodgrass says
What a great name! If I just sit and let that soak in just a little bit, it also reminds me of Zephaniah 3:17 “For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with singing.
JoJo says
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I could write lots here to express how I feel reading this and my gratitude to you for sharing this, but none would suffice as much as to say a heartfelt thank you for these precious words you have shared.
Thank you x
KaraAnne C says
Thank you for this post. I’ve gone for years trying to shut out thoughts from my head, replaying embarrassing or wrong things I’ve said or done any time from years ago to a few hours ago. I have to vocally shush out the voice. It is hard. And I love this post.
Thank you.
Debbie F. says
bykaraanne,
I hope you will search the Scriptures for verses which you can use to *replace* the negative things you say about yourself, such as the verse LisaJo gave us above. I know I am searching for them. Make a list, or post them in visible places (where you dress in the morning, in the bathroom mirror, or on your computer screen) so you start telling yourself good things instead of negative.
MB1208 says
But what do you do when it’s not you who is calling you names? What do you do when it is the one who took vows to protect you and provide for you and be Jesus in your home to you? What do you do when he calls you stupid and worthless and a pile of crap and a moron in front of your children…then gets his Bible out to study it? When he turns every situation around to be your fault?
Yes, we’ve had counseling. Yes, I’ve made boundaries. Yes to all you will suggest.
I wish I only had to contend with what I CALL me.
Suzanne Gunter McClendon says
I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I have been there, too. I am glad that you’ve set boundaries. I will pray for you, for the scars and heartache to heal and for Heavenly Father to protect you from further hurt.
I will also pray for Him to heal your husband of this meanness, to teach him how to cherish you. {{{Hugs}}}
Iguana says
MB1208,
I’m praying for you and your husband. May God change your husband’s heart & soften it towards you. May God heal the scars that you bear.
Blessings 🙂
Theresa says
My heart breaks for you. Your husband can not be a happy man when he treats you that way. And names from a loved one can crush a spirit and can over time seem so true. Please remember you are a Delight to your Father and that He sees you with different eyes than your husband does. And what ever you do, don’t believe your husband’s lies. Satan wants you to believe and think you are worthless, but God sees you as precious, beautiful, and a delight. Remind yourself of the truth of your worth when your husband belittles you.
Sarah Coleman says
Thank you Lisa-Jo. As a serial-self-destructive-name-caller I know how your son feels. You had me close to tears as I realised how I would feel if I heard my son call himself something derogatory and how Father feels when I do. I, too, will print out my real name and place it where I see it often. I have decided to call myself a delight and hold my tongue when I feel otherwise.
Suzanne Gunter McClendon says
I can’t thank you enough for this post, Lisa-Jo. {{{Hugs}}} Have a blessed week.
Debbie F. says
This is so timely for me! I have recently heard God whispering to me when I start to say to myself that I am awkward or impatient or trying too hard to be cool or whatever…whispering for me to look in His Word for what He says about me that contradicts or invalidates these statements. Thank you for sharing this verse! Are there other verses which people have found to speak God’s truth about themselves? I would love to hear them and add them to my list.
Iguana says
Lisa-Jo,
God bless you for having that talk with your children. They need to hear those Bible verses also. I am a serial name caller myself. When I get upset with myself the devil will whisper those names to me and I believe them. Then I heard or read that God made me in His image and called it Very Good. If I am in His image how can I be dumb, stupid, ugly. By calling myself those names I am calling God the same thing. What an eye opener it was to me!
Blessings 🙂
Sandy says
Lisa-Jo,
This has come at a “valley” time in my life. I definitely needed to read this message today! God is sooooo amazing; He brings us to truths we need to hear at the right time in our lives. Thank you and continued blessings with your writing.
HeartbrokenMama says
I cried. Thank you so much for this. I need so desperately to believe it. I think I’ll read it several thousand more times and hope for the best!
Jennifer says
I needed this today. Thank you. I believe that God wants us to improve our selves in all ways, to become more loving and compassionate and capable, but he also wants us to recognize that he created us out of boundless love and doesn’t expect us to be perfect. Thanks again.
Gail says
Lisa Jo thank you so much this spoke to me. I have been calling myself names for while and decided to say help me everytime I start to go there. Now I will post this scripture and be called I delight in her. And shine His everlasting love instead of my doubt and shame.
Lauren Aboagye says
You really have a way of speaking right into the situation I’m in! How did you know? 🙂
I too have found that I am quick to put myself down and say things to myself I wouldn’t say to others. My thoughts can quickly turn negative when I’ve messed up or fallen short.
God has been speaking to me about this, and just yesterday I decided to use a portion of my kitchen wall to put up scripture and quotes to remind myself of the truth.
This scripture will most definitely be added to my wall!
Thank you so much for your vulnerability; for sharing your life with us and echoing what Father God is speaking to me.
God’s richest blessings to you!
Alison says
It sounds strange to me when I realize how I speak over myself . I often feel God is disappointed in me especially when I compare my ” spiritual progress” to others, or when I seem to lack confidence, passion or conviction and I’m almost 50. It is encouraging to have someone in a public ministry , whom could be equated with more spiritually advanced or approved ( wether that is right or wrong)
And see that you have to fight the same situations I do. I just have a tendency to view others greatness and my weakness, when I need to be viewing all through God’s eyes. It is hard to do , fighting the lies that seem to flow through my head so easy, and believe deeply that God is delighted in me and therefore I also can be delighted in me, forgive me, believe the best be a use I am loved by the best.
I thank you for these vunerable moments you share with us and the Truth that overcomes them.
Sara S. says
This just destroyed me. Thank you for your words and drawing our attention to His truth!
Tara says
I have children who speak to themselves that same way.
I tell them, “Please don’t talk about my son/daughter that way.” I think it always surprises them.
But it also reminds me that I am the daughter of the best parent, and he doesn’t like it when I talk to myself that way either.
Thank you!