I got a Christmas card from my mom.
You don’t know how significant that is.
I know, it sounds so normal to get a card, right? But for me, it’s not normal. Normal for me has been having a mom who didn’t know how to be a mom. Her wounds clouded her ability to parent; her heartache led her to alcohol, and alcohol led to the near destruction of her mind, her liver, and our relationship.
Also, she should be dead.
In 2008 I was told my mom had a month, maybe two, to live. Her liver was shot from 20 years of hard drinking. she was going to die.
She didn’t die. She sobered up. And in 2009 she moved in with my family because I didn’t want her to die alone. She was put in hospice care while she lived with us, so she had nurses that would come and care for her.
She was stubborn and and difficult, and our relationship was terribly strained. But she was sober, and she was better than before. Our relationship was better.
After a year and a half they released her from hospice. She ended up moving to Florida (for her health) where she lives to this day. She lives. She has an apartment, a pool, and friends. But I still haven’t told you about the recent miracle.
In May I went to visit her because I hadn’t seen her since she moved out of our house a few years before. During my time with her, the unimaginable happened. My mom apologized to me for not being a good mom.
She told me she was sorry, and that she knows now how much she hurt me.
I almost fell out of my chair.
She went on to talk about how the Lord has been showing her the truth of how she treated me, and she wanted to make things right. She was genuinely sorry.
I wish I could express to you how significant and crazy and wildly unimaginable her words were. My mom has always blamed me for our relationship issues, and if she wasn’t outright blaming me, she was just stubborn about it all. She was always a victim while saying she wasn’t. She was manipulative. She was mean. She was dismissing. She was incapable of having a reasonable conversation. I always felt like I was talking to a 2-year-old or a 16-year-old. It was so frustrating. Eventually I gave up and just accepted it.
I learned to let her go as a mother; I mourned over her as though she died; I had to grieve the fact that I would never have a mother. It was heart-wrenching (sometimes still is), but so good for my mental and emotional health. And also, so I could love her freely without expectation.
I never expected her to say she was sorry. I never expected anything from her.
This is what the Lord has done.
The Lord saved my mom, and He restored her mind enough to give my heart something I never thought it would get from her: acknowledgement of the pain she caused and a sincere apology for it. Miraculous I tell you.
Which brings me to the Christmas card.
She sent my family a card, and she got my kids a gift, and I could feel a new normal. She’s always loved me and my kids, but now there is a sweetness to it that was never there before. Something has been redeemed. And it’s all a gift straight from the Lord.
I’m telling you this because some of you out there need to know that there is always hope and there are still miracles. Never give up on anyone and never stop praying for them.
Never, never, never, never give up on hope.
Love, Sarah Mae