My daughter comes to me with snot and tears streaked down her face and asks between wails, “Do you still love me, Mama? Even when I’m crabby?”
She then bursts into more sobs as I take her small frame onto my lap and wipe the hair out of her eyes. I slowly pet her back, her shaking chest and stroke those soft arms and use my sleeve to wipe her eyes.
I make her look at me.
I make her look up at me and into my eyes, and I tell her to listen carefully.
I speak the words slowly so that my four-and-a-half-year-old daughter can really, truly hear them and process them as fully as I want her to. I say, “Zoe, I love you when you’re crabby, and I love you when you’re happy. I love you the same when you’re mad and when you’re sad. I love you just as much when you are mean as I do when you are kind. Mamas always love their girls.”
And she sighs and snuggles closer and whispers, “Promise?”
So I hug her tighter. I wrap my arms and my life around her and tell her, “Can you feel that? Can you feel how tight I’m holding you?” And she nods snuffly into my chest.
“That’s how tight I love you,” I tell her.
And she can feel it. She can feel my solid arms strapped around her tiny frame. She can feel my legs under her body and my back and chest supporting her being. I am sandwiched around her, and I let that reality do the talking when I know my words haven’t quite sunk in yet.
I want her to know this deep, reassuring promise of a love that isn’t conditioned on good behavior. This love that doesn’t keep a list of all that she got wrong. This love is bigger than whether or not she stayed “on green” all day.
I give her my love as a gift, and I watch her tiny face try to process that she’s allowed to just reach out and receive it.
Because it’s easy to keep our own score, isn’t it?
Yesterday I was late getting the kids up, I lost my temper, and we didn’t properly hug good-bye, so today I’m a bad mom and don’t deserve to be loved.
Or today everything ran smoothly and kids laughed and leaned through the minivan window and kissed me good-bye, so today I get to feel worthy.
Maybe for you it’s keeping score of which days you lost your temper and which you didn’t. Or which days you got caught up on the laundry or which days you managed to put up with your boss with a good attitude or which days you snapped at that co-worker, ignored that annoying friend, or forgot to read your Bible. Again.
Which days you managed not to take a drink or which days you woke up in a bed you didn’t recognize. Which days you don’t even remember anymore. Which days your marriage was a drag and which days you wanted out and hated yourself for it.
We are good at keeping tabs on ourselves. We are relentless about our lists.
What we got right and what we got wrong and all the ways we try to make up for it, or do better next time until finally there’s an afternoon we just wind up on the bed crying because it’s so exhausting. It’s just so exhausting trying to live up to all the ways we hope make us worthy of being loved.
But that is not love.
That kind of list-keeping, always measuring, always bartering kind of life — that isn’t love.
“This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” (1 John 4:10, italics mine}
This is the love that lets us off the hook. The love that burns our lists to the ground. The love that looks at everything we are and everything we’ve done and chooses to purposefully love us through it all. Not despite it all.
God’s wildly generous love looks you in the eyes, sees you and your exhaustion, and wraps both arms around you and holds on tight. All you have to do is receive the gift. Like the tired, cried-out toddlers that we are.
Because the thing is, nothing can disqualify us from how Jesus loves us.
“I’m absolutely convinced that nothing — nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable — absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us. {Romans 8:39, italics mine}
All we have to do is believe it.
In the commuter lane or carpool, in your kitchen or cubicle, at your desk or in your bed. God’s love will meet you there and listen to you cry and then promise you that He loves you regardless.
God’s love knows you by name. Not by your lists of mistakes or regrets. But by name.
Beloved.
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Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Lisa-Jo,
I needed to hear this this morning…yesterday was one of those days that I fell into bed exhausted and feeling like a huge failure. So thankful that I have a Heavenly Father who is compassionate, caring, and loves without limitations. Letting the truth you’ve beautifully laid out here seep into the cracks in my heart today. May I then go, and remind someone else that God loves them unconditionally and be a balm to their hearts like you are to mine…
Blessings,
Bev
Lisa-Jo Baker says
I’m so glad to hear it’s not just me 🙂 And SO grateful for a Father who loves us no matter what.
Jas says
Lisa-jo, I especially like reading your posts, you always seem to be on point to where I am. Again tonight your words ring true..thank you for the reminder I am worthy of Gods love. It is sometimes hard to wrap my head around why God chose me, when I constantly fail him and break promises, “this time I’ll do better” type of scenario. But He blesses me continuously, I pray I can feel his love always and be a good example of showing that love to my own three blessings (children). Thank you for showing me Romans 8:39. Jas
Lisa-Jo Baker says
So agree with you, Jas – especially this: “It is sometimes hard to wrap my head around why God chose me”
Amazing love. Just amazing.
G says
Praise be to God for this message today. He always knows what is needed and thank you, Lisa-Jo, for bringing this beautiful message here. It was a refreshment to my soul 🙂
Lisa-Jo Baker says
Thanks so much for sharing that, G.
Meredith Bernard says
Such a needed word for this mama who tends to measure my ability to mother on how I seemingly measure-up. Thank you, as always, Lisa-Jo, for your heart poured out in your words. Truth we all need. <3
Lisa-Jo Baker says
You and me both, sister.
Beth Williams says
Lisa-Jo,
This is spot on! So often I feel like your daughter–unworthy of being loved. I know in my head the God loves me, but getting that into my heart isn’t always easy! Some days I actually cry and question if people love me-due to small or big failures that day. Each Sunday our church does communion. I often find myself crying and asking “God How in the world can you love little old me so much?” It is mind boggling sometimes.
Blessings 🙂
Lisa-Jo Baker says
Completely mind boggling, Beth. And like you I’m so so grateful.
Ann Marie says
Thanks so much for this, I really needed to see this & to remind myself of it daily
Lisa-Jo Baker says
You and me both, Ann Marie
Adeola Odutola says
True, one thing I recently learned from Him, for I’d said ” Lord I lose whatever I am given, they take it from me, to which He replied after many months, “one thing they can never take from you is my love for you.” Those deep resounding words from Him when I least expected is what increases that deep faith that your salvation is eternal. Man can be persuaded , spiritually manipulated to turn against you , God’s never.
Lisa-Jo Baker says
Thanks for that Adeola – such a good word.
Kristi says
What a beautiful reminder. Thank you, Lisa-Jo. ☺️
Lisa-Jo Baker says
Thanks Kristi.
Joanne Peterson says
Lisa-Jo,
I’m weary from a long stretch, and the phrase: All you have to do is receive the gift Just receive it like the tired cried out toddlers we are. And even though I truly know this the phrase God’s love knows you by name, not by your lists of mistakes or regrets. But by your name. So beautiful, and you writing the Truth of this is used mightily today for me. Do not give up or grow weary of doing good. Good medicine for the soul!
Blessings,
Joanne
MillennialMom says
I agree with the “cried-out toddlers” analogy. Yesterday I cried so much that my head was exploding with pain. There was Paris, there was the pressures of adulting, there was an almost 4-year-old son who is pushing every limit and being sassy to the point of anger…everything. It’s a refreshing way to think of the Lord–as a Father that tenderly wants to hug us and let us cry into His chest. Thank you for sharing this devo, Lisa-Jo, and thank you for your thoughts as well Joanne. <3
Lisa-Jo Baker says
Yea it’s been a hard year for this world that we love and all it’s families, hasn’t it? And we ache and cry and it’s such a relief to know that God can take it. And He holds us through all of it and never, ever quits loving us.
Joanne Peterson says
Millenial Mom, This is my second round of children, grown children and now littles again. I have to remember, but so easily forget and use my feelings when I’m weary and overwhelmed, that the climate when the New Testament was written is the same human heart and climate we have here in our world today. The technology we have is new, we have more people and faster news, but the condition of the human heart without Christ and climate is still the same. God our Father, does love us no matter what happens. If we ask Him and even before we ask according to Isaiah, He moves in. When it’s dark, as under the wing of a hen with her chicks, He’s loving and comforting and very close to those who weep, and who mourn, and those who are broken hearted and contrite. I know I’m preaching to the choir, but especially since I have more than grandchildren, but children who are little, moms with young kids are close to my heart because I live it too, and even though I have experience, it is just as challenging living it again.
Lisa-Jo Baker says
SO glad I got to be part of God reminding you how deeply He loves you, Joanne. And He does. He really does.
Michele Morin says
Thanks be to God!
Even when we’re crabby, we’re loved!
Blessings, Lisa-Jo!
PurpleSlobinRecovery says
I needed this. Thank you.
Gail Noe says
So special! Needed this! THANK YOU!!!