I had a boyfriend in college who told me he could never see me as a mom.
I asked him why he thought that, and he just said, “I don’t know. I just don’t see it in you.” His flippant words hurt. I had always wanted to be a mom, and this person who I cared so much for didn’t think I was worthy of that title.
Fast forward to now, and even though I have three beautiful children who I am absolutely in love with, his words creep up on me. Hidden behind the spoken words I hear, “You’re not good enough to be a mom.”
Some nights I lay awake with anxiety, spinning with thoughts of everything I mess up in and all the ways I could do better. I just don’t want to regret my mothering years; I want to do right by my children.
Then the morning comes and everything feels new and I know I can begin again.
And I remember, I am not enough. I am not adequate. I will fail in a million and one ways. But…
Merit doesn’t make a mother. God makes a mother.
And I remember that I was never asked to be enough, or to be adequate, or to never fail. God didn’t call me to mother because I was good enough or smart enough or nurturing enough. He called me to be a mother because it pleased Him.
All God asks of me is to believe Him, to trust Him, and to follow Him by faith.
I can mother well because I have a Father who helps me. He is my comfort and my hope. And it is through His grace and guiding that I will remember these things during my anxious nights.
God is Always With Me
I am never alone in this motherhood thing. And neither are you.
Not only are we surrounded by sisters who have gone before us, and who stand beside us, and who will come after us, God is always with us. He will not leave us or forsake us. He is our helper, our perfecter, and our gentle Father. He made us to mother our children for such a time as this. We can mother well because He gives us what we need. And when we botch it up, which we do and which we will, He gives us a new day to begin again.
And that’s what we do, we begin again and again and again.
I Can Choose
God is the Director of my steps, and the Molder of my soul, but in His wisdom He also gave me the ability and the gift of choice.
I can choose to submit to His molding of my me.
I can choose to follow Him by faith.
I can choose to make wise decisions for myself and my family.
I can choose and you can choose.
If you are waking with anxiety because you know there is an area you could do better in, you have a choice to make. You can try. You can course correct. With our God, there are always new beginnings; we never have to stay stuck. No matter your circumstance, there are always decisions to be made that affect our lives and the lives around us. Wisdom is calling out to us, and she wants us to choose her.
Wisdom called to me when I was doing too much, and I had a choice to make. I could listen or I could turn my ear away. I chose, by the very grace of God, to listen, and I took a year off.
Maybe for you the choice isn’t an act of doing something, but believing something. Remember, you might make a ton of wrong choices, but you can also choose to begin again.
What choice can you make today that answers the call of wisdom?
If you mother in any shape or form, God has called you to it, and you can do it. He is with you, and you can begin again.
“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.
‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I will hope in Him.'”
{Lamentations 3:22-24, ESV}
Keep on, sister!
By Sarah Mae
Do you ever think, “I just can’t be a mother today”? Are the waves of discouragement and exhaustion rolling over you? Find support and wisdom in Sarah Mae’s book (co-authored with Sally Clarkson) Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe. Enter to win a copy for you and a friend over at SarahMae.com today!
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Kristen Linkletter Rekker says
Thank you for this, Sarah Mae. As I walked through the messy house this morning on my way to the kitchen, I felt like a failure. When I thought about the day ahead and how I will deal with boys constantly fighting and bickering, and how I will likely lose my temper about it, I felt discouraged. As I wondered how I will juggle the dance class, the last minute touch ups needed at a rental house going up for sale today, the lack of cards for mothers in my life in time for tomorrow, the meeting I said I would attend… I just feel overwhelmed. I need to make the choice today to know and believe that “The Lord is my portion, therefore I will hope in Him.”
Sarah Mae says
It’s tough, life, and it can feel SO overwhelming. I am with you. One step at a time, friend.
Penny says
Sara Mae,
What a beautifully written post. I’m sorry that you had to hear such insensitive words.
I know I have had to come to terms that with Mothering there will be mistakes to be made. And that I will always be learning and growing right along with my children.
Sometimes as Mother’s we may not of swept the floor, provided a three course meal or caught up on laundry. But the meaningful word you mentioned ‘forsake’. That is one of the things we should try really hard not to ever do.
I hope that you have a blessed Mother’s Day…..
Sarah Mae says
Thank you! And my husband is such an encouragement to me, always cheering me on and telling me I’m great mom. I am so thankful for him! As for mothering, yes, we just put one foot in front of the other by faith… 🙂
Tamara Lammers says
Love this Sara Mae ~ Thank you so much. These are thoughts and examples right out of my head and life. I would LOVE this book. Sound like you wrote it for ME 😉
Sarah Mae says
You’re welcome! 🙂 And, I did write it for you, and all the moms who feel like they are getting swept under!
Beth Williams says
Sarah.
I sometimes feel I can’t do my job anymore. I sensed that so much last year dealing with my aging father. It would have been easy to quit, but wisdom said stay and work it out. It was hard, but praise God dad is doing much better now & work is ok. So many days I have felt like a failure and kept hearing “not good enough, dumb, stupid”. I have been praying for wisdom as to what the next step is. I know God will answer my prayers.
Blessings to all moms 🙂
Sarah Mae says
Oh girl, you know I’ve had those same lies! Keep asking Him and following by faith, He will answer you! I’m praying for you today, friend!
Sarah Wiens says
Thank you! It has been an hectic week and I have failed to show God’s love to my children. Thank you for the reminder that every moment is a new one, that God will provide for us in the moment. He supplies grace for the moment!