Last year around this time, I was out of town staying alone in a hotel, away for a weekend of writing. I ordered dinner at a nearby Italian restaurant, brought it back to my room, and went into the bathroom to change into my jammies before settling in to eat.
As I changed clothes, I caught sight of my reflection on the back of the bathroom door. It was a full-length mirror and I paused to stare because, at that time, I didn’t have a full-length mirror anywhere in my house and hadn’t for years. It had been a while since I’d seen my whole self all at once.
I wish I could say I was all delighted by what I saw, but I wasn’t. I was discouraged in the way a mom of three in her late 30s might feel discouraged when she sees her reflection in a full length mirror.
On that regular day, something shifted. I don’t know if it’s because April is my birthday month and a natural time to evaluate life and how we’re living it. But in that moment, though I held discouragement in one hand, in my other hand I felt the silky promise of hope as I realized the power I had to change: There is no law that says I must always feel discouraged when I look in a mirror.
Standing there in that hotel bathroom, I decided to make small changes so that, by this time next year, I won’t be discouraged when I look in the mirror.
I remember that part specifically — by this time next year.
Turning the light out in the hotel bathroom, I sat down in my jammies in front of my spaghetti and began to notice the self-talk happening in my head. I could feel myself rushing into the future, doubting that change was possible, but I purposed to simply stay in the moment and make small choices as they came.
I realized that starting small and paying attention could eventually have a big impact.
When I got home, I started attending a power yoga class twice every week for months. I did it because I liked it, because I felt better afterward, and because it was all around good for me.
I continued with that schedule, making a few other small lifestyle changes as I went along. For six months I had a vague sense of confidence and accomplishment, but nothing extreme. Still, I understood the power of starting small.
But then October rolled around and I got sick with a brutal cold for a full six weeks. Then the holidays changed my normal routines, and in January the snow days rolled into town, keeping the kids home from school for days at a time.
My small starts rolled to an uneventful halt.
I would start small again, here and there, but like snow on a warm sidewalk, my routine had all but disappeared.
Last April I told myself by this time next year, I won’t be discouraged when I look in the mirror.
Well guess what? This time next year is now, and another birthday is soon to come, and I don’t feel very different. What gives? I’ve narrowed it down to two things. The first is this phrase:
Start small and celebrate progress.
I read this phrase in Greg McKeown’s book, Essentialism:
“Instead of trying to accomplish it all — and all at once — and flaring out, the Essentialist starts small and celebrates progress. Instead of going for the big, flashy wins that don’t really matter, the Essentialist pursues small and simple wins in areas that are essential.”
It’s true, I am a woman who appreciates the value of a small start. But I’m still learning the importance of celebrating progress.
When I don’t pause to reflect and celebrate progress, the small starts don’t gain enough traction to make a difference. So even though I purposed to “start small” I was being counter-productive by refusing to also “celebrate progress.”
But secondly, and perhaps more importantly, I haven’t taken the time to consider what it actually takes to feel better about my reflection in the mirror. I know physical health is part of that, but it’s not the whole. And rather than focusing so much on how I look in my body, I also want to pay attention to how I feel and more, how I think inside my body.
Obviously I’m no expert at this.
I’m fumbling through the birthdays, grasping at the truth, walking through the fog when it comes to embracing my whole self, both the parts I am proud of and the parts I’d rather hide.
I’m learning how not to talk about myself in “parts” at all, but in wholes. “After all, He is before all things, and in him all things hold together” {Colossians 1:17}.
I take that personally. In Christ, all parts of me hold together — every changing shape and curve is held in tight by Christ who came first.
And so it’s April again and I weigh a few pounds more than I did this time last year. But I’ve also gained some wisdom and experience as well, although that progress won’t show up on the scale. And so I have to find ways to celebrate, not just physical progress but soul progress as well.
What have I learned? How am I changing? Who am I bringing along?
Today, I’ll start small again. I’ll choose to move when it’s time to move, but I’ll also remember to be still and reflect as well — to take time to look over the day and celebrate progress, small wins, and tiny victories — both in body and in soul.
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Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Emily,
Over the past two years I have literally inched my weight down 50 pounds. I had to realize that the weight would not all come flying off in a fad diet (been there, tried that), no, it would take small steps and celebrating the teeny tiny steps of progress. I can relate that to my spiritual life as well. Instead of being discouraged that during trials, or even during times of relative peace, that I don’t act and react as “Super Christian”. I still doubt, I still worry and get anxious, I still sin and fail, but I am learning to celebrate the teeny tiny steps of progress remembering that Jesus is the author and perfecter of my faith – not me. Thanks so much for the beautiful encouragement. I’m trying to get back to going to the gym and I needed this reminder!
Blessings,
Bev
emily p freeman says
Oh that Super Christian. Such a terrible friend, that one. Teeny, tiny steps of progress are always worth celebrating. I hope you do!
Jenny says
I love this! I have had 4 days of eating on plan…which is a lot for me….and have not celebrated yet. I think I’m due.
emily p freeman says
It’s so important to celebrate!
Jess says
Love this reminder. My birthday is coming up this month too and it’s so easy to judge ourselves harshly in the mirror! Somehow we convince ourselves that after having kids and getting older we should still look the way we did years ago. It’s nice to remember that God made our bodies for the things we experience. Happy birthday! 🙂
Beth Williams says
Jess,
Have a blessed Christ-filled birthday! Blessings 🙂
Pam Cason says
I believe you’re bringing many of your readers along in what you’re learning along life’s way. I, for one, have gained much from your journey through your words. Thank you for sharing it with all of us. Great post!
Kristin S says
Oh, Emily, yes! Just last month I embarked on a 28-day detox. It was the kind with shakes and teas and fiber. It didn’t taste awful. It did remove dairy, gluten, sugar, and caffeine from my world. I had a come-to-Jesus around day 10. I love and enjoy food. I love the community that exists around food. I lost 50 dang pounds still enjoying food! I love to exercise. I try really hard to take care of my body. But for me, the over 43 body shift made me sad in my full-length mirror. The scale didn’t move but my middle did. It’s a hard reality. I poured out a long email to my wise grandmother and her “oh honey…” response was all I needed to stop the $275 madness of that 28-day detox and rest. I’m not stopping exercise because I really do love it. I’m not gorging on a baguette – though that’s my favorite kind of indulgence. I am pausing to think about my choices and who at that moment I am trying to please. I miss my tiny waist. I hate my jiggly thighs.
BUT I’m in the middle of working on a talk for our women’s time this summer on our identity in Christ. Of course I am. Instead of some wisdom-filled 20-minute talk, I want to walk around the rook and take each precious girl’s face in my hands and speak truth to them about how beautiful each is and how God created her. Why is it so hard to believe all that myself?
You are beautiful. You are not a failure. And power yoga? You are a beast. I bought a power yoga DVD months ago and decided to actually do it on Saturday. I made it 7 minutes of the 50. What in the world? That’s some intense cardio. I will return to it and I will work toward more than 7 minutes.
Thanks for sharing. As always.
Beth Williams says
Kristen,
Yes! Why is it so hard for Christians to believe that we are beautiful?! Why do we talk so harshly to ourselves? I believe your talk will impress upon these women that we are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of Christ!
Blessings 🙂
Kristin S says
Thanks, Beth!
God's child says
Yes, I believe cerebrating each small steps will encourage us to take the next steps. Unless we learn to do that,we will be discourage or not satisfied till we get there and we are setting our self for disappointment. Thank you for the encouragement.
Lyn says
I am literally in tears because of this post Emily. The knowledge I am not alone in trying to make progress and sputtering out, in having negative, derogatory comments bouncing around inside my head and in being discouraged by my physical self…
It is so easy to be overwhelmed by how much I feel like I need to change; physically and emotionally/spiritually. On top of that is the frustration of trying to see, mark progress & change. Most days it feels like I have not made ANY progress in ANY area.
You have given me the encouragement to try again.
KimberlyCoyle says
I’m often too busy lamenting the losses, that I forget to celebrate the small. What a lovely reminder! And yoga–well, I had to laugh not to cry at my class last night. Why is everyone but me so bendy?! But, hey, I made it there and I worked through the worst of it, and I might even go again;) Starting small!
Brenda says
Happy birth-month to you. 🙂
Interesting timing for this post. Thought I’d share a verse with you, that I came across in my Bible reading last month, in context to starting small. I wrote it on a bright yellow note card, and put it right in front of me on my desk. In my NLT Bible it reads: “Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin…” (Zechariah 4:10). Don’t you just love that? For me, this verse was kind of a way of God singing over me…letting me know that the “small beginnings” that feel like inchworm-progress to me, with my writing, are delightful to Him. I love words, and yet words fail me. I’m all teary-eyed trying to express the emotion of knowing that the work is His, and He treasures my obedience…even in the humble beginnings. Another verse that I have written on a pink note card, right beside this one, is one that I heard Lysa TerKeurst quote…I think that they complement each other well…”…Get your fields ready; after that, build your house.” (Prov. 24:27) I put them together on my desk as a reminder that, with all of our small beginnings, we are readying the fields for the Builder of the harvest. His harvest. 🙂
I am also trying to shed 10 pounds, so thank you for that perspective as it pertains to health as well. 🙂 Hope that you have a sweet birthday. 🙂 Blessings!
Beth Williams says
Emily,
I can so relate in many ways. Last year was tough on me and Yes I gained a lo of weight and hated to see myself. Also had/am having rough time at work. My self talk isn’t what it should be. I’m realizing that although painful trials will come, trials will go and God will see me through them! I must start talking better to myself and seeing myself as a loved Child of God!
I must celebrate any small steps or victories like going down 2.5 pounds. I also must infuse myself with Godly music, scripture, etc. Like God is for me and will get me through this trial!
Blessings 🙂
Happy Birthday! May God give you many more birthdays to celebrate!!
Kathy says
Thank you for this! It was exactly what I needed to read today! God is SO good.
LeeAnn says
Emily I think you look great but I too can totally relate to how you feel. Thanks for the reminder to take small steps!
Cathy says
I can relate. I am older and approaching my 49th birthday. I know the struggle you described with routine being broken etc. I have finally gotten to a place to realize that my weight is higher but so is my physical strength and I would like to think my “wisdom” of life has increased too.
Inspired Life says
Just last night I told a friend “each small step leads to the BIG VICTORY! Be encouraged friend.
Tricia Johnson says
I Have Cut bread, pasta, and everything gluten out of my diet for the last eight weeks and have only lost 6 pounds, but tons of inches off my waist! And I feel great! I’ve suffered with IBS for about 15 years, and think I’ve finally figured out my triggers. Now that’s progress! I love that we always have a beautiful identity in Christ, no matter what our current circumstance or pant size!
Kendra Burrows says
This is great stuff, Emily! I intermittently get the hang of small starts and celebrations, but too often they snowball into bigger goals. “This is great, but wouldn’t it be good if…” and I’m back to bigger plans and fewer celebrations and the discouragement that comes along with them.
Thanks for the reminder to keep celebrating the small starts. The older I get, the more I suspect there is no one big final “ta-da” project, but just a series of small starts to celebrate until we’re called home. Blessings!