When I was in the thick of corporate ladder climbing, I had an image in my head of what success would look like. It would include a team to manage, a beautiful office, a fancy title on a business card, and a feeling that everything I did and said would be treated with respect and importance.
I fought for that for far longer than I’d care to admit. In fact, I started to act like I’d already achieved my imaginary level of success long before anyone around me agreed. I made sure I was working on the most important projects. I fought for recognition. I worked long hours and chose my career over most other things in my life so I could convince myself that I was important. I was needed. They couldn’t manage without me.
But they could.
And my self-centered attitude and need for recognition made me a miserable person to be around. I would look for ways to push myself to the top, forgetting that true success comes from serving others, not serving myself.
I’ve found myself falling back into those old thought patterns again the last few weeks, looking at the projects going on around me and trying to find ways to be included and invited to join the ones I viewed as important, significant, recognition-worthy. When the desires of my heart don’t line up with what God has planned for me, I become envious and bitter, and I wonder Why not me? instead of How can I support her?
As my heart began to feel heavy, a friend encouraged me to ask God to reveal the root of my feelings of discontentment and discouragement. Then He brought me to a passage in Romans I’d never paid attention to before.
“I commend to you our sister Phoebe, who is a servant of the church which is at Cenchrea; that you receive her in the Lord in a manner worthy of the saints, and that you help her in whatever matter she may have need of you; for she herself has also been a helper of many, and of myself as well.” {Romans 16:1-2}
Phoebe. I’d never heard of her. But here she was, praised by Paul, listed not only as a helper (or in some translations, “benefactor”) to many, but also a servant. The Greek word used in this passage for helper is the word “prostatis,” which means “a woman set over others” or “caring for the affairs of others and aiding them with her resources.”
This Phoebe? She had influence. She had respect. She was able to use her resources to care for others, and she was viewed by the early church as a leader.
And she had a servant’s heart.
My study Bible makes this comment regarding Phoebe: “Even wealth, position and influence do not relieve a woman of the responsibility of humble service.”
Humble service. In all my striving, in all my planning to achieve respect and influence, I stopped seeking ways to serve others. And so I began to ask myself a few questions.
- As a mother, how can I use my resources to best serve my daughter?
- As a wife, how can I use what God has given me to care for my husband?
- As a co-worker, how can I use my talents to lift up those around me and offer words of encouragement?
- As a writer, how can I use my words to bring glory to God?
I would rather live life as a humble servant than live with a heart made heavy with selfishness. I would rather find myself in a position of prostatis than position myself above others. It is in those “Phoebe” moments, when God uses me anonymously, selflessly, and humbly that I find myself filled with the most joy.
And to me, that feels like success.
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Bev Duncan says
Crystal,
I have “walked in those pumps” as well – climbing the corporate ladder and only being content to be a leader and not a follower. Granted, I did have some gifts and talents in administration, but most of my motivation came out of insecurity and pride which basically has its roots in sinful selfishness. It’s a hard obstacle to overcome. Thankfully, God humbled my heart and I have been able to find so much more joy in serving and in cheering others on in their successes. Truly, the greatest among us are those with a servant’s heart. Thank you so much for sharing honestly from your heart and your experience…cheering you on 🙂
Blessings,
Bev
Crystal says
Bev, your comment made my heart warm this morning. I was watching the IF:Gathering this weekend and praying about what’s next, and God just kept whispering “serve.” Thank you for affirming that!
Kris Camealy says
This is it. When we bend to serve, this is when we stand tall in God’s kingdom.
Love watching Him lead you, my friend.
Crystal says
So grateful to have friends like you, Kris, who walk me through God’s leading with such grace.
Adeola Odutola says
Thank you, ‘selfishness’ in other circles is attributed to Christians who are walking in the light of the Word who refuse to share their body by choosing to honour God above men.
Missy Robinson says
This is a daily struggle for me to love my people well, mostly that comes by serving them. Thank you for the encouragement to stay in the game and the reminder of the dignity in service. At the office, in my home, at church, I’m being prompted to ask myself – “What would love require me to do?”
Crystal says
What a beautiful way to phrase that question, Missy. I think I’m going to write that down in my office as my own reminder today!
NJ @ A Cookie Before Dinner says
I’ve been mulling this over a lot lately this weekend, Chris Caine’s talk during the If:Gathering rocked my core. Service over platform. Easier said than done sometimes…
Crystal says
It’s like swimming against the current isn’t it? So hard. Grateful to do the hard work alongside you, NJ – you cheer for me in a way that teaches me what it really means to have an encouraging heart.
NJ @ A Cookie Before Dinner says
When it comes from the Lord, it is natural but it isn’t easy, especially when deep down my flesh wants to be known and seen. I’ve found that encouragement begets more encouragement…
Inspired Life says
Amen Crystal. And isn’t that truly having the heart of Jesus? He said he came to serve not to be served. My husband doesn’t care for the word servant (I think he acquaints it with subservient) but I willingly and delightfully serve those whom God has called me to serve.Selflessly giving knowing that God fills, restores and sees me.
Crystal says
Yes! Love that so much 🙂
Liz Curtis Higgs says
Love all that you gleaned from our ancient sister, Phoebe! What a powerful role model for ALL of us who struggle with striving rather than serving. Thanks for your honesty and humility, dear Crystal.
Crystal says
Love how you cheer and serve so beautifully Liz – you are certainly a “Phoebe” to me 🙂
marsha says
Wow! So beautifully said. Straight to the heart, this one.
Thank you!!
Crystal says
Thanks, Marsha 🙂
Louise says
This is just a beautiful piece of writing, thank you Crystal. Phoebe moments – I love that. All to give glory to God. I love Phoebe in the bible – a few years ago I felt I was given in prayer by God the name Phoebe for a future child. With no husband yet – I’m not so sure this may have been correct. Even without this – I should continue to look to Phoebe for my servant heart.
Ashley Fields says
Wonderful post that hits home, Crystal! I don’t think that it’s by accident that the word ‘prostatis’ reminds me of the word prostrate. In order to be a humble servant I have to be humble, and sometimes I have to lie prostrate before my God. I cannot do either of those things if my selfish desires and ego get in the way. Thank you!!
Crystal says
That’s a good word, Ashley!
www.godlovesallofme.org says
Thank you for your honesty! I, too, heard God nudging me towards service & humility this weekend at IF:gathering. One of the speakers said, “Pray for bigger humility rather than a bigger platform.” So good. Cheering you on & in the journey with you!
Crystal says
Loved listening to those amazing women this weekend – and was so blessed by how God used their words to affirm these words in my heart!
Beth Williams says
Crystal,
Cheering you on to serve others. Sometimes God wants us to take a step back from corporate ladder climbing and serve others.
Lately I find myself wanting to serve others more and more. I guess as I age (50) and take care of my dad (90) I see more people who need help. I just want to go and serve God. I would love to be a Phoebe. Want to hear “Well done good and faithful servant”.
Blessings 🙂
Crystal says
Oh that’s it exactly, Beth! “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
Marina Bromley says
Lovely reflection Crystal… I have no doubt you’re already being transformed into a Phoebe… Love it when God does that…
Crystal says
Marina you are always and forever just the sweetest and most encouraging voice in this space. Thank you for believing in me 🙂
JeanneTakenaka says
Crystal, what a beautiful post. And oh, how I can relate. I’ve spent years working to first remember who I am in the Lord’s eyes matters more than how others view me. And His affirmation should be enough for me. I’m still working on that.
But, I loved the questions you are asking yourself about using your resources for those in your circle of influence. I’m going to post those so I can remember them too.
I loved this!
Crystal says
Thanks so much, Jeanne 🙂
Nancy Ruegg says
Thank you, Crystal, for highlighting the joy of “Phoebe” moments. Sometimes I need reminding that serving humbly and selflessly is the way to godly success–the kind that brings lasting fulfillment.
Crystal says
It’s a hard lesson for me to remember -grateful God doesn’t run out of ways to remind me 😉
Melanie Singleton says
Amen Crystal! Oh how easily I forget the backwards way of the kingdom of God. Such good questions on how can we serve right where we are. Praying my eyes are opened and heart changed to “see.”
Crystal says
Praying that with you, Melanie!
TeriLynneU says
Beautiful post, Crystal. Your genuine desire to share your struggles as a means of encouraging others is such a blessing. And you are not alone … it’s easy for me to slip back into those old patterns in my life as well. I love that you shared about Phoebe and her character.
Crystal says
Oh friend, you have such a wonderful way of making me feel brave enough to share these stories. Thank you for letting me know I’m not alone!
Paige Estes says
I wish I could ram this into my head and it would stick. God has placed me in a humble position that seems very inconsequential to me. I keep worrying that I’m not DOING anything that matters for His Kingdom. I feel like I’m spinning wheels. But every time I try to step out of the borders he has me in, anxiety, feelings of stress and being overwhelmed hit like a ton of bricks. Why can’t I just choose joy right where I am? Consistently? ARGH. Trying so hard to live redeemed and just be. But every message of service and reaching the lost leave me spinning those wheels again and looking for “the opportunity.” Lord, I am so confused where I am supposed to be. Please help me stop and breathe and accept my place today. Help me be a light to others where I am. Show me what I’m supposed to be and give me confidence to be that, trusting that if and when its time to move, you will come get me. I won’t “miss” it.
Crystal says
Beautiful, heart felt prayer, Paige. Praying it with you and for you and knowing that God hears it and will answer.
Elizabeth Forkey says
Fantastic sister. And much needed in this “aspiring writer’s” heart. Thank you.
Pat says
thank you for the reminder of Phoebe and the call to serve. I needed it today when the blizzard raged outside and I’m homebound with a sick hubby. It’s not about ME, but what brings God glory!
Marty says
Such a great and thought-provoking post. Thank you so much for sharing your heart, because this: “When the desires of my heart don’t line up with what God has planned for me, I become envious and bitter, and I wonder Why not me? instead of How can I support her?” OUCH!