My world spun around me. My heart felt like it might cease beating at any moment. I was reeling from a heavy blow and every breath hurt.
I had obeyed God, but I paid a price for my obedience. Repercussions came from unexpected places and the cost was agonizing.
I could not handle the pain. So I crawled, bleeding, to the One who can, and I fell at the feet of my Savior… where I heard precious words whispered into my soul:
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27 NIV
I hugged His words close and felt His peace wash over me. Soon, however, I wanted more than peace. I wanted to know why.
I asked God, “What is going on? What is Your plan for this situation?”
Searching for answers, I dove into the pages of Scripture. The Lord began to speak to me about death. Not literal death, but death to my expectations – that bittersweet surrender of self-preservation.
He took me to this passage:
“Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds… Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.” John 12:24, 26 NIV
The Father whispered to my heart, “Will you allow Me to sow you like a grain of wheat? Are you willing to die to yourself in a new way so that you can produce more fruit?”
“Do I have a choice, God? That’s what You’re doing already, and it hurts. But yes, You can have Your way with me. I know the resurrection at the end of this season will be worth it.”
Then I heard a much more difficult question: “Will you follow Me in this, even if you have to go alone?”
Ouch.
“Please don’t make me go alone. How much worse is this going to get? Who and what will I lose? What will You take away, Lord?”
Thoughts of people and things I love flashed through my mind. I didn’t want to lose any of them. But His urgent whisper was still there: “Even if no one goes with you, will you still follow?”
I began to pray, hoping God would change His mind. But then the words to the old hymn filled my soul: “I have decided to follow Jesus! No turning back! Though none go with me, still I will follow! No turning back!”
And I surrendered.
“Yes, Lord. I will follow You even if no one else goes with me… but I’m scared. I love ___. Please don’t take that away… But if You need to take that, Lord, You can have it.”
If scared is the new brave, I must be the bravest soul on the planet right now. I know that following Jesus through this new season will cost me something, and I don’t want to see — don’t want to imagine — what it will cost.
Nevertheless, I know that, somehow, it will be worth it. He promised to take care of me. He promised that He would never leave me or forsake me.
Are you going through a similar season right now? Are you paying a price for following Jesus?
You may be hurting terribly. If so, I am very sorry. However, I want to encourage you today: your trouble will be worth it.
No matter what season of darkness you may be going through, resurrection is waiting for you on the other side. Even the bleakest circumstances are only temporary. Know this: you will not be alone forever. God’s promise applies to all of us. You are going to bear fruit and a bountiful harvest is coming your way.
Look up, my friend. It’s going to be all right.
In what situation should you anticipate a harvest today?
This is a great word. The Lord has worked stuff out over and over for me in the past, that’s why I know He will do the same for my current & seemingly harder situation. I have to keep reminding myself to let God stay in control and get out of His way. It’s going to be ok and HE will get the glory– that’s what keeps me pressing on. Thanks for reminding us about John 14:27.
Thank you, Sherry! Yes, He is so good at getting us out of messes, isn’t He? I didn’t see how on earth He was going to get me out of mine, but He has! Woot! Go, Jesus!
Thanks for reading!
The more I linger on His faithfulness to me in the hard times, times when I thought I would never make it through, I hear his whisper, ” I got you, I’m that same God today, that I was then.” His grace is sufficient in even the deepest darkest valley, when we can’t possibly see the light. His light shines the brightest in my darkest hour.
Such a heart-stirring message, Jamie. I feel the struggle and identify with it. It can be so hard to surrender everything, even our control over situations. To let go and let God. To die to ourselves and find all our life in Him alone. Thank you for this meaningful post. It is causing me to reflect on what I still cling to.
It sure can. I pray we’d all be so wrecked for Jesus that it doesn’t matter what it costs–that we will follow Him anyway. Thanks for sharing, Trudy.
Thank you for this encouraging message. My season has been very dark and lonely. I only have Jesus right now. His word is all I have.
He’ll be faithful to you, Jennifer. I’m sorry you’re going through a hard time right now. I just prayed for you to be comforted, and for Papa God to come to your rescue. 🙂
Then I heard a much more difficult question: “Will you follow Me in this, even if you have to go alone?”
You really stirred my memories of a time I knew that for safety & necessity that I had to leave & raise my five small children without my husband, It was only time I really heard God speak to me & I heard Him! They all have children & some of their children have children. I may have been physically alone but my Heavenly Father is always there every step of the way. “He will make my path straight.”
Hi Wini. I am sorry you went through that. I pray Papa will help you feel His presence more than ever before so you won’t feel alone if you still do sometimes. Hugs!
Thank you for your encouragement. God took me alone (with my 5 beautiful children) out of a 17 year marriage. It was the hardest thing I ever knew and I am still healing and dying and surrendering despite the blessing of an amazing new husband. Surrendering my dream of one man, one marriage, 50th wedding anniversary… I still struggle to surrender that dream in how I grieve over it. Somehow despite all the miracles around me to the contrary, my stubborn faithless heart still can’t believe that breaking out family was the best plan God could come up with. I know I’m wrong, but the total surrender is a hard time coming. Thank you for your sharing. Jesus is the only way!
Hi Betsy. Thank you for sharing. I can’t imagine what you must have been through. I pray Jesus will restore you double for what you have lost… and I am glad you found a new start. Blessings to you and may the Holy Spirit comfort your heart always. 🙂
This made me cry and smile at the same time…thank you for sharing this word in season…may we press on, press in and never give up 🙂
This post is awesome. Not in a “WHOA, HOW AWESOME!” kind of way. But in a “yeah…I get it…SHE gets it, too.”
One thing I’ve learned is that, in this life, we may not get all of the answers we want…but if we are obedient, God works all things out for our good. There is always a cost for obedience, even if it’s just that we die to our will and do His…but He is always faithful.
Thank you, Marty. Yes… and since this post was written, God did work out the hurtful circumstance in a beautiful way. I’m so thankful.
Jamie,
This has been a tough year for me and my family! We had 2 hospitalizations with my dad and many doctor’s visits. Through that I worked a job I didn’t like and my hubby almost lost his job (thankfully he didn’t) WOOT 🙂
Through all that craziness and stress God was there. He worked and got us through those trials and dad is fine now. My hubby and I are both still employed and life has gotten a little better. God is soo good and He has always seen us through our trials!
Blessings 🙂
I’m sorry to hear about such tough circumstances, Beth, but what an awesome story about God’s faithfulness! Yay! Thanks for sharing!