I hated myself and the skin I was in. I was behind bars for seven years. Not physical prison bars, but bars of self-hatred, self-rejection and low self-esteem. What caused me to end up there was my obsession to have the perfect skin. And my cell mate “Acne” didn’t make life any better. I was too embarrassed to face people at school, work and social events.
Self-rejection, self-hatred and low self-esteem roll together. You don’t see one without the other. They made sure to consistently remind me that I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough or talented enough. They made sure I was aware of myself instead of God. They made sure I checked in to pay homage to the mirror on the wall.
“Mirror, mirror, on the wall, am I pretty at all?”
It would always answer back, “If you had the perfect, smooth, blemish-free skin, you would be pretty. If you looked like the models in Vogue magazine, then you would be pretty once and for all.”
I had believed the lies. I had a severe case of “compare-itis.” I constantly compared myself to other women. “Why is my skin this way? Why can’t my skin look like hers? Wow, she doesn’t have any blemishes.”
I thought everything was okay until God began to shine His light on this issue in my heart. I was a captive to self-rejection. I began to journal and ask God to set me free.
*****
I was going to get the perfect skin at any cost. And a cost I paid. I bought product after product thinking I’d have the perfect skin. Nope, that didn’t work. I tried home remedies but that didn’t work either. Finally, I came to my one last resort: an Intense Pulsed Light Laser skin treatment.
“A skin treatment? Yes, that’ll work.” I’d finally have the perfect skin now.
The treatment went fine – so I thought. I didn’t feel any different afterwards, but was excited for a new look.
Within five minutes, my new look started to show on the way home.
“Turn around,” my mother said, with an alarmed look on her face.
Turning towards her, I asked, “What? What’s wrong?”
“You have a huge welt right here on the side of your face,” she said, rubbing my face.
“What!” I flipped down the car mirror. A 2-inch welt and purplish-red skin stared back at me.
My new look became worse overnight. My face was severely burned. I was angry, hurt, disappointed, and sad. “How could this happen? Will I ever get married? What will people say?”
*****
I had a straight out of the Bible mini-Job experience; it was hard and painful. But Jesus, the Great Liberator, freed me from a seven-year prison sentence from low self-esteem. He unlocked my chains with love, acceptance, worth, approval, and revelation of how He saw me.
“Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.” {John 8:28}
At first, I wanted to hide. Instead, I chose to boldly face people with my “burnt face.” Jesus showed me what true beauty was to Him. He used Psalm 139:14, “I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made” to restore and heal my self-image. I spoke this verse over myself daily. I meditated on it, prayed it, and posted it up on my wall until I believed it. Forget the mirror on the wall, I looked up and said, “My God, my God, on the throne, tell me again how beautiful I am.”
My skin still isn’t perfect compared to Hollywood’s airbrushed standards. But by Heaven’s “beloved seal of approval,” I’m beautiful in my not-so-perfect skin. And it’s all good because I’m fearfully and wonderfully made. And you are, too!
Would you share in the comments – what is your freedom story, verse, or song?
Leave a Comment
Melissa Lu says
Oh my friend . . . I can relate to hating my body so well! Not hating it has been a long process, and one that I have to revisit fairly frequently! Thank you for sharing this vulnerable and wonderful story.
Chavos says
You’re right, it is a long process. A journey of self love to see ourselves the way God sees us, and a day-to-day reminder of our true beauty in God. Thank you for reading Melissa!
Dana Butler says
Beautiful, my friend. Your heart, Jesus’ movement inside you, this story, and your face. 🙂 we’ll-written, Chavos. love you!!
Chavos says
Dana, thank you so much for your encouraging words. You made me smile! 🙂 Love you too, my friend!
Fus'Kari Womack says
Thank u for sharing ur journey which will inspire, encourage many others. Ur Beauty starts inward, then reaches outward. U r
truly Blessed, Anointed with GOD’s DNA.
Chavos says
Oh Ms. Fus, you are always such an encourager to me! I’m so grateful for our friendship 🙂
Elizabeth says
I have also struggled with hating the way I look, especially after gaining my baby weight. Recently I read an article on CNN from someone who works in hospice, and it said one of the things that people regret the most is spending their life hating their body, especially in those moments when their body is diminishing as they die. Our bodies help us experience beautiful things in this life – a good meal with friends, sunny days playing outside with our children, etc. This gave me so much perspective on not hating my body but thanking God for the gift of it instead. It has also challenged me not to complain about its imperfections, like my extra baby weight 🙂
Chavos says
Sounds like a great article. I would love to read it. Well said, Elizabeth. Yes, we must see our bodies as a gift and moved from complaining to gratefulness. Blessings on your journey as you celebrate life and its beautiful imperfections 🙂
Carmen says
I have struggled with my self-image too. My skin is far from perfect and I too have tried many products and home remedies to try and make it look better. I have asked the same questions and have felt so worthless and not beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing your story and for helping me to see that I AM BEAUTIFUL…AND I AM FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE IN HIS IMAGE.
Chavos says
YES you are Carmen! Society doesn’t do a great job in helping us women accept ourselves like God created us. They constantly bombard us with product after product, image after image, and cause us to compare and be dissatisfied. But in spite of them, “WE will arise and declare, “we’re beautiful, we’re accepted and we’re approved by God!”
Camilla says
Chavos,
Thanks for sharing your heart and journey with this post! I love your writing!
Beth Williams says
Chavos.
I am right there with you. I guess you could say I’ve been in a prison for about 3 years now. The phrase “bars of self-rejection and low self-esteem” ring true with me also. My job drastically changed 3 years ago due to new boss and recently underwent a tremendous change, Having low self-esteem didn’t help the fact that they were in fact saying that I couldn’t do certain things I had been trained to do in school simply because I didn’t have the right degree (AS medical assisting not BS RN).
Now I find myself taking offense a lot when people say I can’t do this or that! It makes me feel stupid, dumb, ugly, etc. I will start saying that verse “I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made” to restore and heal my self-image. over to myself. I will remind myself that God doesn’t make junk–He makes good things!