About the Author

ALIZA LATTA is a writer, artist, and pastor who is a huge fan of telling stories. She creates content for Canada’s largest youth conference, Change Conference, and is a church planter in Ontario, Canada. Her artwork and writing have been featured in publications for LifeWay, Dayspring, and (in)courage. She is...

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Reader Interactions


  1. Aliza,
    To answer your question, yes! I believe as a mom I have this built in mechanism that wants to fix things for my children. When my children were little, it was easy to “fix” their problems. Put a band aid on it, kiss it, and it’s all better. But, as they get older and their problems more complex, it becomes more and more difficult to do. I believe God has a purpose in not allowing up to fix others problems, particularly those of our children, because then we are robbing them of the opportunity to depend deeply on their Savior. Our job, I believe, is to point them toward Him.

    Instead, I can listen, grab their hands and pray for them and over them right then and there. There is power in the name of Jesus and when we call on Him audibly the enemy has to flee. I can lift them up with texts and notes and by asking questions. All the ways you listed to hold up each other are right on target. What a powerful post and a great reminder to me, as a mom, wife and friend, that it is not my job to fix everyone. Beautifully written…

  2. Hello, I am Kristen and I am guilty of being a fixer! Your post called me out and set me free. When approached with a problem, my first reaction is “how can I fix this?” and if I can’t then I get frustrated and feel like a failure. But, the truth you have shared totally knocks that feeling of failure out of the park! As a Christian, I am not called to fix everyone’s problems, no that’s the Saviors job… To save ! I’ve been in the way this whole time, wow! But, I’m stepping aside and embracing this freedom that I’m not supposed to have all the answers , because He does! Thank you!

  3. I am a fixer too but I like to think of it as a peacemaker or encourager 🙂 Happy weekend!!

  4. Thank you for this post. It articulates so well how I felt when I was on the other side-the person who was pouring out her heart. Several years ago I was not only going through a crisis of faith, but I was also struggling with an eating disorder and severe depression. When I finally opened up to a couple of friends they tried to do what you said, cover things up with a band-aid, pretend things weren’t that bad, and/or “fix” me with their christian-ease language. But the one friend who I turned to again and again, who helped me through that dark time, and who to this day is one of my best friends, is the one who just listened. She gave me hugs when I needed it, sat up late with me when I couldn’t sleep, ate meals with me when I needed support, and told me that even though I didn’t believe in God right then that she was praying for me. She didn’t try to fix me or cover up my problems. She was there for me and showed me Christ’s love through her actions. Years later looking back, it was Christ living through her that helped me get the help I needed and brought me back to Christ.

    • Bryanna
      I am in the midst of really really hurting and I have told my firends, how terribly lonely I am and that I feel that they don’t really care. I’ve -just gone thru a 2nd divorce, both husband’s cheated, my last husb. mentally abused me, stole most of our $ & investments. I lost my home, job, pet, had a heart attack from stress. had to re-locate to a new state to live w/family. My new church friends basically just say “I’ll pray for you”” when all I really want is just some friends to talk to, to feel like I matter to someone, that I feel Loved…I am depressed from all my past losses and I find it incredibly sad that people say they are Christians, yet can’t reach out to a sister in Christ that is telling them, that they are hurting, lonely, & sometines just wanting to die. I am not asking them to FIX me, I just want a friend period, just to talk to. So Sisters In Christ out there. Please Please don’t ignore another person that is hurting and just asking for a friend to talk to.. If Jesus was right in front of them, he would tell them to Love me & just be a friend, because GOD created us to be in relationships with one another & no one should have to feel unloved, lonely, hurting and forgotten. Any sugguestions from anyone out there on what more could say or do?

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  6. So perhaps, I can love you instead.

    I can hear you.

    I can see you.

    And I can be here, with you, right across the table.

    Yes, that is what I need most of the time, someone to show up and just be there. When I was first diagnosed with chronic illness and all the emotions that go with it, all I really wanted was someone to say “I will journey with you through this”. I personally did not want someone to fix me, but to love me through it, and fortunately I have some friends who have braved the storm with me, and for that I am forever grateful. Wonderful post today, Thank you.

  7. Wow, your words are so timely, and like an arrow, they hit the target of my heart. Just recently a young woman in our church family really needed “fixing”, and I did everything BUT the right thing. All she really needed was someone to listen, someone to pray with. So now we meet in the park, under a lovely canopy of trees. Her young children play on the swings while I am there for her 100% present listening, loving, praying, and being a true friend, a non-judgemental, safe place for her story. Jesus does the fixing, and often, it is BOTH hearts he is fixing! Lol.

  8. Such a wonderful reminder of the truth that JESUS is our Savior and in the freedom we have through Him, we love others. We don’t fix others. We can’t even fix ourselves! 🙂

    Brings to mind John 8:31-36, where Jesus tells us the truth will set us free and that He will remain with us forever.

    Beautiful. Thank you, Aliza.

  9. Sometimes I think we just want someone to help us carry our burden and we don’t really expect others to be able to fix it, but we do want them to be there for us.

    If I share a difficulty with someone and they immediately start firing off what I should do, I think to myself, why did they answer so quickly when they haven’t even had time to think about it or ask for wisdom or pray. If they waited and came back to me later with some advice, then I would more readily receive it.

  10. Dearest “Starshine”
    Some days I feel like the fix-er and some days the fix-ee. But, in the end, I know the only One who can help is Jesus, my Lord and Saviour.
    I feel so privileged that He has placed me in the lives of so many loved ones to encourage, love and pray for them. Sometimes it’s overwhelming,
    but, compared to what they are going through, my problems are so miniscule. Thank you for your wise insight, little one.
    I love you dearly: Mrs “T” xo

  11. I so needed to see this article this morning. My husband is so angry at the world, at life, at God, at just everything. I know I can’t “fix” him that only God can but I get so tired of being the object of his anger while he works it out. I just feel like if I “fix” his problem he will quit crapping all over me. This article reminds me that I need to take it to God as well and only He can heal my broken spirit and the pain that is infected one by others.

  12. I’d just note that, in general, I’d *love* to be *actually* fixed… but when you’re saying “yeah, and the waiting list for this open-heart surgery is really, really long, and it’s going to be super-expensive, too”, the last thing you need is for the person you’re talking to to say not-as-a-joke that, well, they’ve got a steak knife and wikipedia and, like, some sewing skills from 4th grade Home Ec and they’re sure they can do it for me today if I do really want the surgery done sooner…

    Aka, yes, I really do want to *be* fixed/healed/unbroken. No, in general, people can’t do it and they should not try to cover that fact up or have a go with their steak knife.

  13. To be so young, and yet so wise! Bless you, darling Aliza, for helping us see what we truly are called to do–love one another. Not save, not fix, not repair. Love.

  14. Sigh…oh yes. I am a recovering fixer who is still at times tempted but after caring deeply and getting in over my head and having to step back which resulted in the relationship ending, I am more into blessing nowadays rather than fixing because I am more aware and perhaps still healing. Thank you for your transparency. I try to repeat the words of Bilky Graham to myself frequently…”It’s God’s job to judge, Jesus’job to save, and my job to love.”

    • “I am more into blessing nowadays than fixing”
      I love that perspective, so helpful. Thanks Vicki, and may The Lord bless you abundantly as you bless others.

  15. Think caring would be a more appropriate stance I would take unless I was close to the person. Then of course love the person.
    I tend to be careful ……. with those I do not know.
    Help. I would help.
    There are so many in pain and suffering and we learnt today that it will always be like that until JESUS return.
    I do not have the answers but it’s good to be of some help.
    And love those deep in my heart.

  16. What should we do when the person who truly needs to be “fixed” (as all of us do, in some way) is basically pretending to want to be fixed and hiding behavior that proves otherwise? I have loved and loved a friend who is like this. She knows what I think, what I believe, how much I love her and yet she has used this against me. She is a chameleon that becomes whatever she thinks others want to hear so she can control them. She plays the victim while victimizing those who love her. I have reached a place that, in order to remain sane, I must pray for her from afar. It breaks my heart, but I cannot be close to her anymore. I can do nothing for her, not even listen to her lies, when she is seemingly content to live in them. I am mourning this relationship, but there is nothing to preserve. Sometimes, we are brought to a place where we really have to let go and pray God has the answers we cannot provide.

  17. Thank you for this. I spent last night’s high school Friday night game talking with a friend who is going through a lot of the same things that I am. (I watched my boys when they played, but missed most of the game!) My first instinct was to actually DO something for her. When I came home, I immediately prayed for her. I realize now that’s about all that I can do. Especially since I’m facing a multitude of problems myself. I will leave it in God’s hands and believe that He will pull my friend (and me) through .

  18. I recently went through the darkest valley of my life and when I shared with my friend, she cried too and said, “I hate that you are going through this”. Those heartfelt words helped me more than all the advise I was given.

    • I don’t often feel as though I can fix any one else because I am most of the time worrying about how to fix my own messes – & they are many. I have been unable to see a way out – until your post. I am not supposed to fix anyone else, most especially myself. I am not supposed to have the answers – only Jesus has those answers & the ability to make everything “right” & inline with the will & plan of Our Father in Heaven. “Thank you” to all of you who have been obedient to God in sharing your struggles & pointing me back to the only one who can “fix” me.

  19. Thank You Gracious Redeemer, Savior and Father for soothing and encouraging me through Aliza and her message today. Please bless her and all the others who receive this today. You are great, good and oh so patient with us all. Hallelujah, bless Your Holy Name.

  20. Oh… I am a recovering fixer… For me having all the answer kind of person… I agree with Liz… What a blessing to get this so young. For me God showed me my need to fix was based in my lack of trust in Him… I wanted more instant results …relief from the pain for others… It tested my faith to trust God when I walked with someone who was walking the dark night of the soul. So I had to quietly wrestle my own struggles with God as I watch those I love suffer… or be slow in seeing truth. As I stepped back… Grow in my own relationship…my words can be transformed from being theory in my life…into a known reality… When I did speak… My words carried hope in who God is…not so much in how He was going to work. I believe this is a on going process… The deeper we go with God… The deeper and long we can sit in pain and uncertainty with others… Aliza, great encouragement here.

  21. Ok so first, I love that verse in The Voice . . . “deeply and fully” . . . because love can be almost surface-level at times but we’re called to a deeper, fuller love as modeled by Jesus. Love that.
    I think it’s second nature for us to give advice, trying to help in the tangible ways that we only know how. But you’re so right–sometimes we’re called to simply listen and love. I know there have been times I didn’t want a solution or someone to try to fix me per se . . . I knew I needed Jesus to work in me and He was, but it was a slow process. I just needed a shoulder to cry on, ears to hear me. Sadly, I’ve done the same though so thank you for this reminder, especially as I know many around me are struggling. May I seek God’s wisdom as to what they need and leave Him to do the work, whether through me or not.

  22. its really a risk to handle someone who is hurting because sometimes our expectations of their healing and getting over are greater than the love and concern we have of them. they are too sensitive to be able to sense if after all the risk of opening up wounds they can end up hurting all the more because here comes the another and the usual person who is not really there to listen and be there but ugh… pretend to listen and get information but just leave things hanging… all they need is not really the fixing but the assurance that they found a friend who cares and loves and is ready to pray and journey with them until the right time comes and everything will be alright. we hope that before we allow a person to reveal hurts to us, we are ready to love and accept them first.

  23. I have truly felt that so many times, “Lord please give me the words that will ease the pain, provide wisdom, alleviate their anxieties because oh, how I feel their emotions. And yet…I think about all the times I have poured my heart out to someone and when they reply with words that they hope will help, sometimes it plunges me deeper because I can tell they really didn’t hear me because what they say is really all about themselves.
    I think the greatest thing we can do sometimes, is just let a person tell their story, no matter how many times and different ways they need to tell it. Sometimes in telling the story, a person will finally hear what they are really experiencing and will find a way just because someone has validated them instead of trying to fix them. But on the listening end, we need to be fully listening with all our heart and soul and mind and, at that moment, become part of their story and their life. We need to step out of our world and in to theirs and leave our judgements at the doorway of their story before we step in to their life.

  24. Thank you Aliza. I wish I’d learned this lesson when I was your age. I am a recovering “fixer.” Listening (without trying to fix someone) is both a difficult and precious gift to give.
    Yesterday I was also reminded that it’s good to pray for and with someone as they share a need, not just tell them you will pray for them.
    I’m also learning to entrust people to God; he has safe hands.

  25. I was reminded of one of my favorite quotes as I read this:

    Listening as Spiritual Hospitality – Henri Nouwen

    “To listen is very hard, because it asks of us so much interior stability that we no longer need to prove ourselves by speeches, arguments, statements, or declarations. True listeners no longer have an inner need to make their presence known. They are free to receive, to welcome, to accept.

    Listening is much more than allowing another to talk while waiting for a chance to respond. Listening is paying full attention to others and welcoming them into our very beings. The beauty of listening is that, those who are listened to start feeling accepted, start taking their words more seriously and discovering their own true selves. Listening is a form of spiritual hospitality by which you invite strangers to become friends, to get to know their inner selves more fully, and even to dare to be silent with you.”

    Your post is so powerful. Thank you!

  26. Thank you Aliza ~
    I do struggle with wanting to fix everyone that comes and speaks with me or emails me or skypes with me. This is only what I’m learning now, I’ve tried to fill my heart with food, ksny purses, friends, and anything else in the hopes they will fix me or at least a piece. However, all that’s fallen away which has left me empty and having to face all the “junk” and as uncomfortable it is to sit with the truth and feelings, He is filling me with Him. He is fixing me. Thank you for sharing. So beautifully genuine!

  27. This hits home. My very close friend took her life Friday and I’ve been beating myself up asking why didn’t I ask more questions…. this really helps!
    It doesn’t make it hurt any less but truly helps.
    Thank you.

  28. I am definitely a fixer. If I hear of a problem my first thought is “ok what can I do to help out now”. Usually I want to make a meal or get food for them to assist them so they don’t worry about that aspect.

    Sometimes, like Bev said, we just need to be fervent prayer warriors for them. Praying right there in front of them, then keep up the work. Also sending a few encouraging cards, texts, or notes may help during down times.

    Blessings 🙂 :>)

  29. Oh, how I have always wanted to fix things especially for my children. I have wanted to solve their problems, protect them from harm, control many things in their lives. I had to find out the hard way. You can’t control them, fix them, or protect them. That is God’s job and that is hard to admit and let go. Thanks for the reminders.

  30. Uggghhhh yes… I still feel this way far too often! However, I now know better, see it sooner, and let it go much easier than ever before. But THANKS for the reminder!!