Recently, I sat down to outline some thoughts that I was preparing to share with the students at my church. On Wednesday evenings I have the pleasure of hanging out with some of the coolest teenagers I know, and one particular night I was given the opportunity to speak to the middle and high school girls.
I pulled out my aqua-colored Moleskine journal and starting jotting down all the things I wanted to say. Our Student Ministry was in the middle of a series on relationships and I knew I had so much I wanted to share. Shoot, these kids with their Snapchat and their text messages, their iPhones at age twelve and their obsession with the word “ratchet” (no, not the tool), yes, these kids were going to hear all that my oh-so-wise, 27-year-old, single self had to say.
I wanted to talk to them about being smart with social media, cutting back on the selfies, the difference in being single and being alone, the importance of finding your worth. I wanted to share my awkward moments, make them laugh, and challenge them to find Jesus in it all. I was eager and excited and ready to go.
My journal pages were covered in notes and arrows linking from one idea to the next. It was like a treasure map to my brain. As I read over each point and talked through them all in my head, I thought, “Well, now it’s time to add in some Scripture.” So, as I opened my Bible app to search for the verses that would fit my stories, I slowly began to realize that something was terribly wrong with this picture.
Somewhere along the way I turned this effort into a plan where I was attempting to weave Jesus into my story instead of allowing Jesus to reveal His. I was looking to add a dash of Him into my mix rather than looking at His plan first. And this is the place, this go-at-it-my-way place, where all can easily unravel.
It’s like I was saying, “Let me take my plan and add You to it.”
We all tend to do this, right? And I say “we” not because I’d like to throw you under the bus, but rather it gives me hope that I’m not alone in this self-centered journey. We sometimes start our day with goals and to-do lists and packed schedules and realize later that Jesus was just someone we squeezed into our agenda.
I turned the page of my journal so that a blank one stared back at me. Pulling out my Grandmother’s tattered Bible, I folded back each page and quietly asked God to reveal to me the message He wanted to share. A few minutes into my reading, I found myself in 2 Corinthians, wandering through the letters of Paul, and stopped on two verses that had been smoothly underlined by my Grandmother’s blue pen. I read,
“But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:16-18 NIV
There it is. The veil is taken away. Freedom. Reflection of His glory and not mine. Those words seeped into my heart as I felt God whisper,
“Start with me. Just let your story start with me.”
It was there, in His redemptive grace and His increasing glory, that I realized my greatest plea is that Jesus, above any writing project or to-do list or work task, wouldn’t be my afterthought.
Jasmine says
Thank you for your touching post. I don’t want The Lord to be an after thought for me either and yet I think that’s what has been happening for the last 15 years. Not always, not the whole time but I am searching for change and waiting for Jesus to show up in my life, your post has reminded me that He is well and truly here with me. I just can’t seem to move on from asking for forgiveness over and over again. I feel like because I have let him be an after thought that I have perhaps hurt him, disappointed him, that I am not good enough for Him anymore. I am so stuck in my sinning ways and a repeat offender that He is so amazing, too much time has gone by…this blog is my only fellowship, worship time with others. Ideas incourage every night pretty much before bed, I long to hear him whisper some direction softly to me.
Sorry for rambling, but thanks for your post x
Katy Boatman says
Jasmine- I totally understand that struggle. I’m thankful we serve a gracious God that never will never give up on us.
Sarah says
Jasmine,
It’s never too late to turn to Him and seek His face. He loves you more than you can comprehend. Start by believing this, and then acting upon it. Claim the truth of I John 1:9, and then receive His sweet fellowship. His mercies are new every morning and it endures forever.
Marty says
This is perfect! Thank you so much for sharing this great reminder. 🙂
Katy Boatman says
Thanks, Marty!
Amy says
This is perfect. And something I’m wrestling with in my writing lately. I have some ideas, but I keep taking them back to Jesus, asking “did I get this from you, or am I trying to cram you into it?” Thanks for the encouragement.
Katy Boatman says
Oh Amy, I hear ya. So many times I have to stop and ask myself whose agenda I’m pushing. I’m grateful God can work through me despite my selfishness.
Ali says
May we always start with Jesus first, not our personal agendas. Very convicting this morning.
Katy Boatman says
Amen, Ali.
Marie says
Katy, I love this. We are all so guilty of trying to “sprinkle a little Jesus” onto our stories. We get it backwards all the time. It’s brave of you to admit that! Thank you for reminding me Who the source of my story is.
Katy Boatman says
Thanks for reading this, Marie! I’m glad I’m not alone in this struggle.
Melanie Awcock says
Over the past few days I have sensed God encouraging me to write some devotions to encourage women. Your words “start with me. Let your story start with me.” were a confirmation that I need to write my story, and a reminder that the story needs to be about God and not about me. My story weaved within the grace and redemption and freedom that are His story. Thank you.
Katy Boatman says
That’s awesome, Melanie!
Jeanne Takenaka says
I loved your post. So often, I spend “my” time with Jesus, and then I get busy with the rest of “my” day. Lately, He’s been challenging me to slow down, be still before Him. When I went to the Philippines years ago, I was so convicted by the difference between how I approach my relationship with the Lord and how some of my Filipino brothers and sisters approach theirs. I have the bad habit of squeezing Jesus in around my activities and to-do’s. They, on the other hand, fit their to-do’s for the day around Jesus, making Him their first priority. I’m still figuring out what this looks like in my life.
Your post is very encouraging. Thank you!
Kim says
I first read this a few hours ago and was convicted. I decided to immediately go have my Bible and quiet time. To start my day on the right note, with Jesus in the lead. I was drawn to Luke 12. What spoke to me was how I am more valuable than sparrows. God cares for them yet he knows the number of hairs on my head.
I tend to only go to Him when I am in desperate need and sort of squeeze Him in when things are going well. Thank you for the reminder to not let Jesus become an afterthought in my days and life.
Liz Johnson says
Katy, gorgeous post! What an awesome truth. You are so not alone in suddenly realizing that the journey has become self-centered even when we desperately want it to be about Jesus. Thanks for sharing.
Beth WIlliams says
I have a tendency to keep Jesus as an after-thought as well. When life isn’t going well I hear myself thinking “yucky” thoughts and complaining–not going straight to Jesus. Instead I should be praying to God about the situation and asking Him to help me see it His way.
I wish my first inclination would be to pray about everything and everyone! Letting God have control of the situation.
Blessings 🙂
Tara says
May we always start with Jesus first. When I start to write then I stop and pray asking God if he wants me to write for him today and in a small whisper he answers yes. So every day we should pray and and ask God what he wants us to do for him today. Then be still and listen and they do what He tells us to do.