About the Author

Mary is a writer and speaker who lives for good books, spicy queso, and television marathons – but lives because of God’s grace. She writes about giving up on perfect and finding truth in unexpected places at MaryCarver.com. Mary and her husband live in Kansas City with their two daughters.

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things we love
& you will too!
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Reader Interactions


  1. Amen! Thank you for sharing. I was feeling a bit overwhelmed earlier in the comparison lies and quickly reminded myself it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with our amazing God. What a beautiful reminder this evening. Thank you!

  2. Mary,
    Ahh…self-deprecation. I do it well. I am, by nature, not a high energy person. You won’t find me running circles around my family in our house. I too often compare myself to those who do and then land a self punch by being sarcastic about my clutter or housekeeping skills. Amen to loving ourselves as much as we love others. Thanks for a great post this am.!

  3. Wow this was great Mary! How subtle the enemy can use our “humor” in self deprecating as a cover up to our pride and insecurity. I loved the part of saying you would rather point out your faults than wait for someone else to (who probably isn’t even noticing!). Never really thought about Eph 4:29 applying to the words I say and think about myself…good conviction this morning!

  4. Ouch. I do this all the time, I throw the first punch at myself. I often sense the Spirit chiding me when I do. I had never thought to apply Ephesians 4:29 to myself, this is something I will change. Today.

  5. What a good idea. I’m in.
    The best form of defence is attack. This is what we do in sport. We attack.
    So, I’ve changed.
    I was taught to turn my back on my fellow sporting athletes and attack them there pins.
    So, I’ve changed and have mellowed.
    Life changing JESUS’ Presence is. Right.
    I’m in.

  6. Thank you, Mary, for your grace-filled words. This really ministers to my heart. Yes, let us be kinder to ourselves and to others, whether it be in failure or success. Thank you for the reminder and for the verse from Ephesians.

  7. A-MEN! It’s seems the pendulum has swung in the opposite direction. It used to be the perfectionist judged the ones that didn’t seem to have it all together like them, now the not so well put together have banded together and condemn and judge the natural perfectionists, crafty, go getters. (that made more sense in my head!)
    Why is it so hard to just get along and accept each other the way we are? We’re all just doing the best we can with what we have and know.
    Grace. Love. Peace!!

  8. This is an insightful look into what all of us do sometimes, that false-pride, false-humility thing. It is usually motivated by fear and a healthy dose of inferiority and then bam!, the words come out. I think your point about this behavior stemming from judging others under the guise of self-deprecation is interesting – and one that we all need to sit with for a while. I know I do.

  9. I so LOVE this. Father has been dealing with me about “doing away with the putting forth of the finger”, and this is right in line with where my thoughts have been lately. Thanks for the silent accountability to honor Him in my attitude and relationships.


  10. I must say like the publican i do rather glory at times in my weakeness, i believe if for the right motives. I agree the comparison game is a no win. Tho i do glory that even tho David was handsome God was more concerned with his heart, than his appearance. Thats my job, the time and energy it takes to get my own heart right will not allow me opportunity to really worry about you. Here in line the facebook stalker. If i was being fed, cared for and my needs properly met, i would be so full as to not be ill concerned with what you are doing. Then people i interact with will be people i love and choose to spend time with not bc i want to spy on them

  11. Thank you Mary for sharing your insights. It had been a long day of pouring out my heart and mind in my job as an encourager to others, so I came home to collapse on the couch. Then my husband talked to our adult daughter and said she’d be coming by. I moaned “Oh I am so brain dead, I hate feeling all used up and having nothing left to give to my family at the end of the day” I thought it sounded like authentic self disclosure, but apparently not because his response was “Ohhhh, its Sooooo hard to be a Lainer” (Think of it sounding like what you might say to a whiny toddler) So I guess I was having a pity party, and not really loving myself with my self disclosure! Somedays we just can’t get it all right and as hard as we try, it really necessitates total unabashed dependence on the Father! But, Praise Him, she didn’t come over and I am redeemed. Truly and with a self deprecating laugh!

  12. I do this constantly–especially at work. I’m to quick to point out how “stupid, dumb, not good enough” I must be to be given what I consider to be menial tasks at work while some of my training isn’t even being used to its fullest extent. It’s tough when you’re working with more educated people and can’t shine as brightly as they do.

    The evil one is quick to remind me, but I always try to lash back with scripture and remind myself that no task was to menial for Jesus! 🙂

    Thanks for a great post!


  13. I sorry but please pray for Ukraine. She needs God`s protection, His peace, His healing, and repentance, and forgivness.