Jennifer Thomas
About the Author

Jennifer Thomas is the co-author (with Gary Chapman) of When Sorry Isn’t Enough. She's a keynote speaker and psychologist in private practice in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.

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things we love
& you will too!
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Reader Interactions


  1. Im so happy to have found this daily devotional! They seem to speak directly to me. And just as the website says encourages me. lifts me up and helps me on my way. thank you so much to all of you who made this page possible. God Bless you all!

    • I love this post, because often Sorry , is used to avoid the root of the problem or to just keep peace. I believe just like when we go to God for forgiveness, for our wrongdoing then how do He accept it when you don’t go before the person you hurt, or wounded? We must admit (confess) the God commands us to. Sorry can be said without truly understanding why, how, or when. So it must be sincere with a confession. If you admit your wrong then you can prevent it from happening again. I’m definitely interested in this book because we need truth.

      Much Love,

  2. Thanks for this devotional today! It spoke to me just where I am at. I will be able to apply what I read today in my marriage.

  3. I have read 2 of the “Love Languages” books and I would love to add this one regarding apologies! Mine is a blended family and I had no idea how simple changes can have such a huge impact on our relationships.

  4. Jennifer,
    I never thought about it, that if we can have different “love languages”, then we can have different apology languages too. My fiancé and I will be married in January and I think this is a must read for us both!

    • Bev,

      Been sort of following your comments on this blog. Wanted to offer Congratulations on your upcoming marriage. May God truly bless the two of you and give you a long and happy life together!

  5. Boy is this the truth! My hubby & I definitely need to hear things differently when an apology is spoken. I’m certain we would both benefit from your book. Thank you for the opportunity to win it!

  6. Having people apologize to me is hard…sometimes I have more than forgiven them before the words come out of their mouth which makes my forgiveness seem lacking and makes them wonder if I was even listening to the apology…other times I am not ready to forgive yet because I was too hurt to forgive right away but it is hard to know that I am not forgiving them…

    • I’d like to thank all of you for your comments!

      I agree that having people apologize to you is hard. As an author on this topic, I find apologies can be especially awkward with my friends and family. It can be pretty funny when I offer a BAD apology. No pressure there!

      With apologies, there is a balance to strike between requesting too much and asking for too little. Gary Chapman and I hope our book will give people clarity about WHAT they want to ask for. Hopefully, forgiveness will follow.

  7. Ooh, apology and forgiveness is a tough topic, but such an important one. Would love to read this book.

  8. Thank you so much. Sometimes I know I haven’t taken responsibility for my actions when I apologize leaving it a bit flat. Other times I know I would have so appreciated more from the person apologizing. Often times, I thought I was requiring too much in the apology…now I know why. Thanks for helping me understand a new, better way to make things right.

    • LeeAnn, this is very well said. Your new understanding lifted my heart this morning.

      As I travel and speak, I find that wanting MORE in an apology is common. For example, people who really like to be asked for their forgiveness have often been hurt. They are left wanting something that few people (myself included) offer naturally. It’s just not part of our script. This person may have even been labeled “unforgiving” by themselves or others. In reality, they are very forgiving but they just want to hear the request for forgiveness.

  9. I can see how this book would be beneficial in dealing with life’s everyday challenges.

  10. I certainly could get better at apologies. My husband would probably agree. I would love to have some tools to teach my kids how to apologize too. They are still trying to grasp the concept, especially when they have hurt someone on accident. They think “I didn’t do it on purpose…” so they resist saying sorry.

  11. Sounds like this is a book that most everyone could benefit from reading. It would be a wonderful tool.

  12. This sounds like something I could really use right now. Maybe, just maybe there are some words of wisdom inside for me. I could use some wise words to try and mend a friendship. Looking forward to reading your book.

    • Dawn,
      Best wishes to you as you try to mend things with your friend. I know how painful it is when relationships go off track. Betrayal, hurt, sadness, and a huge distraction from the other busy parts of your life.

  13. I m a fairly humble person until it comes to apologies. So HARD for me to word it correctly, to not defend myself…ugh! I could really use this book!

  14. Hearing your heart is the goal of the apologiizer, but not hearing your heart sabotiges every effort to reconcile. I love your suggestion to ask the person you’ve offended what they listen for in an apology, their “apology language”. I can’t wait to read more 🙂

  15. This is so true! My 15 month old watches Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, & they said say sorry and ask, “how can I help?” In a sing-song version, it stuck in my head that I can’t just say sorry over and over, I have to go to lengths to try to make it better. I am one who says sorry just to avoid conflict, even if it’s not my fault (who’s keeping count, anyway? ;o)

    • Tamra, I love your Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood reference. Too true!
      In When Sorry Isn’t Enough, we do talk about the problem of over-apologizing and we speak to people whose pride gets in the way of apologizing often enough. You’re right- who is keeping count, anyway???

  16. Loved the 5 Love Languages book, but never thought of apologies in that manner. Would love to read the book!

  17. I need to read this book. Unfortunately I’m on the waiting end of receiving an apology after my ex ended our 31 year marriage due to his alcoholism. I don’t think “I’m sorry” is going to be enough!

  18. Wow – convicting! All the times I’ve uttered an apology that served, not to mend a breach, but only to give myself the self-righteous rush of being the first to say it…

    • Sarah Jo, thank you for your honesty. I can certainly relate to what you said. Your friends and family are fortunate to have such a truthful person in their lives.

  19. This sounds like a very interesting, thought provoking book. I never win so I guess I should go ahead an buy it! 🙂

  20. I’m so guilty of just saying “sorry” and hoping it makes everything better. I’ve never thought about actually fessing up to what I’ve done. “Sorry” to me is just the word to say to clear the elephant out of the room and to remove the tension because I hate conflict and always want everyone happy. I’m even guilty of saying “sorry” even if something is not my fault because of my dislike of conflict. I’m thinking this book might help me with getting over that…

    Thanks for sharing! I’m super excited about all of the Fall recommended reads!

    • Sarah, thank you very much for your honesty. I don’t like conflict, either. 🙂
      Yes, I’m excited about all of the Fall books too. There are so many authors on the list whom I’d love to learn from!

  21. Oh dear, how I could use this..I have a situation that mirrors the one you describe above-yet, we are not reconciled…very painful and sad. Thank you for your wisdom…

      • Oops. Regarding my painful 7 years of a broken friendship, I meant to add this: It pained me so much that the two of us, both young mothers, couldn’t find a way to sit down together. It was as if the “road” of our relationship had been blown up by dynamite. Still, I was trying to climb over the boulders to reach her but she had put up a no trespassing sign. I waited and prayed and sent her an occasional note. In time, she responded. If she had not, it would have been OK for us to grow apart. That is, we were not in a covenant relationship but I had really enjoyed our friendship. I hope that you will soon find healing too.

  22. Apologies left unaccepted are the most painful. After my mom died 2 years ago, some issues that typically come from a death in the family broke my relationship severely with one of my brothers. He didn’t understand her wishes coming through me… and in turn, he was hurt. I could not make it better — she was not there to explain… I have written to him telling him how things happened the way they did (to avoid hurting her before she died) and shared my heartfelt sorrow that it wasn’t handled better, but I wanted to be honest with him… he has not accepted my apology, and has not spoken to me since then… his wife used to be my best friend…and I have lost them both. I wish I knew what language my apology could be accepted by him… I would hate to wait 7 years! Yes, sometimes I’m sorry is definitely not enough…

      • Thank you Jennifer… I pray for that too… hopefully one day the family will reunite and my mom’s legacy will be restored.

  23. Sorry? What do you do when you hear “sorry” all the time but rarely, if ever, receive a real apology — interesting concept — I think I may really need to embrace (not just read) this book!

  24. We all need to learn how to apologize with sincerity and love. Thank you for the devotion.

  25. This is a topic that comes up in my house often. Not only between my husband and me, but between us and our kids as well. I want them to do more than just say they are sorry, but to actually mean it. Next thing I know, my husband is telling me “I wish you actually meant it when you said sorry”, ouch!

    • Ouch is right. I’ve had that happen to me, too. Also, nobody wants to be called defensive. There is no way you can defend yourself when that happens or else you are making their case for them!

  26. I have always tried to apologize when I have hurt someone. But it’s tough to do that when you aren’t aware. Thanks for the reminder to be present and aware of how our actions and words affect others, especially those we love.

  27. Thanks for this insight. I appreciate it, and my prayer is that someone who used to be very close to me would read it. Maybe he’ll learn something new.

    Regardless, this is great to take into a future relationship. Thank you for sharing.

  28. Thank you for writing this book. I know it will help many wounded relationships. God is faithful!

  29. I appreciate your comment about finding the other person’s apology language. So often when we apologize it can be motivated by our own desire to be forgiven and done fighting. We think our apology is enough to ‘make things right’, but if it doesn’t speak to the heart of the other person, then things still aren’t right. I am trying more and more to be aware of my perspective when in conflict with someone so that I can truly say I understand where they are coming from and can relate to them out of their pain, not out of ‘my side’ or perspective.

  30. I am so happy to see this topic tackled in your book…I have struggled with forgiveness for almost a year now. So much hurt was caused by a family member following the death of my granddaughter last year – hurt from a most unexpected source! I still struggle daily with this, but am reminded that I, too, have hurt those I love, and I can’t imagine where I’d be without their forgiveness!

  31. I, too, say I’m sorry a lot, I often don’t think about what I can do to make it better. Just reading this devotional makes me want to go back when my dad was alive to make things right with him instead of just saying sorry. I know I can’t do that though, but I can still do it with my mom 🙂

  32. I need this! My husband and I have been married 28 years and we seem to communicate anymore is an arguement. I’m afraid!

  33. I have found it very hard to apologize correctly – must still be dealing with my flesh!

  34. Reconciliation with our loved ones is so very important!!! Awesome blog, with lots of great information and encouragement!!! Thanks, I needed to read this.

  35. Been there. actually, my husband an I are in a someone difficult place in our marriage. Sorry never seems to be enough. But, I have every faith we will get through it!

    • Gina, you are not alone. To you and all the others who are not where you want to be in your relationships, I applaud you for tuning inhere and reading things that might help you.

  36. what a difference it would make to understand the words sorry are not enough…the need for the offended to hear what they need to HEAR for the apology to be accepted
    thanks so much4
    blessings wendy

  37. It can be so difficult to say sorry, but so important too! And it’s even better if said in a more meaningful way!

  38. Timing couldn’t fit more perfectly, unfortunately. 🙁 Gonna’ go read the sample chapter.

  39. This book can be life changing and I am grateful to have a chance to read/win it and then pass it on. It sounds like this book is meant to be shared : )

  40. Sounds like an awesome book to read and pass along to a friend. A message that is pertinent. Sometimes reconcilation is hard, but it’s so important. Thanks for the offer.

  41. Looking forward to this book – We are currently going through a particularly rough patch in our marriage and any hope is greatly needed.

    Prayers requested.


  42. I have a hard time apologizing and have a hard time accepting someone else’s apology. This book sounds awesome to read.

  43. I add my “Amen” to this. When I’m the offender, I know it’s so hard to acknowledge what I’ve done wrong to the other person, but it is much more helpful for my growth than just saying nothing, or even just “I’m sorry.” I have to ask myself if I really want to grow up or be a child who’s told to say “I’m sorry” by an adult. When another offends me, their admission helps me want a reconciliation with that person more than just hearing him/her say, “I’m sorry.” Then I’m not sure if they’re truly sorry for their wrongdoing or for hurting me, or they’re just sorry that now things are unpleasant for them. I look forward to reading the book.

  44. My husband and I have been going through some tough times in the communication department for a while… ok maybe longer. I hadn’t given much thought to the quality of my appologies before reading about this book. I believe that reading this book (and applying the knowledge) would greatly improve not only marriages but all relationships that we have with others.

  45. This is so true. Sometimes we hang on because we didn’t hear what we wanted to hear. Only by communicating this to the other person can we move forward. Unless of course, the other person isn’t willing to fully own up to their part of the problem. What’s your advice in this scenario?

  46. I love this – I have 3 boys and when one says they are sorry I hear a lot from the other that that is not enough!

  47. I look forward to reading this book! I currently have a “situation” with another individual that has come to a stand still; there’s just no communication between myself and this other person. I’d really like to hear them say “I’m sorry”… On the other hand, I’m praying about the possibility of taking that first step forward, even though it would be difficult.

  48. Wow! I have been dealing with this for awhile now, only thing is I’m on the other side of the fence. My husband and I are currently seperated due to downplaying what happened and lack of a sincere apology from him. He seems to believe if you laugh it off and make a joke of it, it clears the air, but it doesn’t. Even when he says he’s serious about wanting our marriage to work, I find it hard to believe or accept. When I say so, he laughs and and then tells me I’m too serious. A whole lot of led up to the decision to seperate and now that I attempt to open up again to consider working things out/perhaps reconcile, I am struggling with putting my heart into this again. I am not hearing the words I need to hear from him. What do you do when you deal with someone with alot of pride? What do you do with someone who struggles to share feelings and makes it even harder for you to share your concerns without trying to make light of the situation. I’m not innocent in this by any means, but I need to hear the words that will convince me it’s even worth my while and I am beginning to realize maybe I wont’.

  49. Good True Words. I’ve been saying them for 2 years to my sister, since my Mom died. Thank you Jesus ❤ with God is all things are possible. Amen

  50. I have a husband who is great at apologizing and I am horrible at it. Ugh. This book would be very convicting to me. Maybe I should hope I am not one of the 5 winners. But, for the sake of my husband, I hope I will win a book. 🙂

  51. This could not have been more timely. My husband and daughter came to an impasse last night. Both need to apologize and accept blame for past hurts, but neither will. Each thinks the other should and each is tired of being the “bad guy”. She is 32 and has a family of her own. He is 62. They are both professing Christians! Can this book help if only one make changes and attempts to restore this relationship? I fear he will go to his grave never giving nor receiving true forgiveness or a true reconciliation that does not let old hurts explode like a sleeping volcano. I pray your book has the wisdom we need.

  52. Prayerfully hoping I would have the opportunity to read your book and learn from it. Today is one of those days when I have to intentionally choose to speak truth to my broken heart over a separated relationship. Thank you for your post. Trusting God for his wisdom as to when to speak and how to speak in ways that breathe life into relationships has been a theme for me in my prayer life lately.

  53. How many people do you know who fail in relationship and then won’t have anything to do. with anyone afterwards Failure is how you learn,how you grow how you transform yourself into a new person,into a wonderful reflection of the beautiful creation you are.Look at the failures and shortcomings in your life as refinement,as you move on and become a beautiful example of what a hu,man being can be

  54. This sounds like a God-sent book to all of us who are hurting & who have intentionally or unintentionally hurt others. This book would enable me to mend fences with those I love, those I come in contact with every day, we only live once here on earth & we want to live it in peace & with joy to those whose lives we touch. We want to bring happiness, joy, & sunshine to others, not hurt, betrayal, but pride & selfishness gets in the way sometimes. Thank you writing this book on this topic “When Sorry Isn’t Enough.” I think it could help all mankind & make this world a better place for everyone. Praying I will receive the blessing of your book. God Bless you both. We all need God’s Grace in our lives. We need the courage to forgive ourselves & others. With your help, we can do that. We need to make things right with those we love, TODAY!

  55. this is AWESOME!!! I not only come from a family of MAJOR TYPE A personalities..but i work in my family’s owned business with my Hubby!!! i DO have a hard time with apologies and being wrong as well as having to be “right” all the time, or doing it the way MY father did it for xx amount of years…I would love to read how i CAN change myself…because it IS affecting my marriage…to the point the business is NOT worth it if my hubby and i cant get along…

  56. I’m sorry is definitely not enough – it’s a band-aid phrase. Looking forward to reading more about this topic!

  57. Acceptance
    Sometimes we must accept life on its terms not our own Life has a way of unfloding not as we will,but as it will When events transpires that are beyound our control we have a choice we can either accept or we can make ourselves miserable as we struggle to change the unchangeable

    We must entrust the things we cannot change to God,doing something about the things we can change with his help Once we accept our limits we go beyound them

  58. RUSH my free copy !!! I need it!! My hubby needs it!!! My best friend needs it!!! After reading the blog today- we all NEED it!!!!

  59. Thanks for a book that takes its to the next level. We all needbto communicate effectively and ask for qhat we want and need. Those are the most effective and meaningful relationships we have. Amen.

  60. This is such a needed topic! Feelings and emotions – when hurt – need wise counsel!
    Looking forward to reading!

  61. Can’t wait to read this. I am not one to read non-fiction books. I am all about reading self help books & I can’t wait to read this one!

  62. Boy, just this morning I realized I didn’t say sorry when I should have. Would love this book.

  63. I love that you’ve approached a common relationship issue with a unique concept of going beyond the apology. Thank you for your hearts that hunger for the healing of others.

  64. What an interesting way to use the love language concept , applying it to an apology. I will use this information as a mom of 6 children I will find out how each of my children like to hear an apology. I think this will be wonderful for their relationships with each other and with us! Thank you 🙂

  65. Yes! This hits close to home as my pride tends to want to convince me that I was not in the wrong. I do find that in prayer, I can push my pride out and allow the spirit to humble me.

  66. The title appears simple enough. Here in 2013 – 2 daughters out of 4 separated from their husbands. As parents who tried their best in raising girls to become Godly young ladies, this has been a tough year. Our God is in control.

  67. This seems to be the exact book I need in my life right now. Can’t wait to read it.

  68. What an awesome tool for our church and recovery ministry, not to mention my own marriage and relationships!

  69. I never was taught how to apologize, and that has caused some conflict in my marriage. Reading things recently about this book has made me very interested in it, and it would be great to be chosen as one of the winners. My family is also going through something that recently took place with a friend that we could use some advice on how to apologize appropriately and start healing the relationship.

  70. I am not very good at saying I’m sorry to my spouse. This is an area God is currently working in me with. I know I want to hear sorry for the things that have been done to me but when a person uses it as an excuse to just appease another then it has no meaning. I am glad to have read this devotional to help me become the best me I can be! Thank you.

  71. Thank you so much for writing this. I have a collection of books that I share with a lot of people. I wonder if the topic of “forgiving oneself” is addressed?

    oh, and pick me for a free book 🙂

  72. I am writing this with a heavy heart and would love to have this book to help me in my broken relationship with my husband. We have been suffering for a couple or more years since I was blindsided with the almost foreclosure of our home and now into bankruptcy. I believe in this marriage and the vows I spoke and the Lord’s prayer I pray.
    Thanks for the opportunity.

  73. TIming is everything! With six almost all grown children, especially with the ones still in the house, there seems to be conflicts and apologies, but something seems void. It’s the apology to each one’s love language (the love languages are still being figured out.) Just in time for the new school year, this would be a great tool.

  74. Wow. As it happens, exactly two years ago today I experienced the end of a relationship with my two best friends. They were like family to me. The worst part about it is, they have moved on and I am still struggling. I guess that is because they walked away without one word to me about it. They just stopped talking.

    • Woah, Lisa. I feel your pain.

      As I write this, I’m awaiting the arrival home of my middle child from her first day at middle school (a public school). For all the young people out there, I pray that friends will be kind and follow the Golden Rule.

  75. Thank you for sharing! I look forward to your daily emails, they always seem to speak to me at the right time 🙂

  76. Recently my sister wrote and listed all I’d done wrong for the past ten years. I apologized straight away but she wouldn’t speak to me. She is now but I have the feeling things will never be quite the same again.

  77. I know totally from experience when “sorry” isn’t enough – my husband and I are raising three teenage granddaughters (their Mother is in prison) and some days it seems that nothing I say or do is acceptable to them. It would be great to get some ideas on how to do things differently to have a better outcome. I NEED HELP!

  78. At times we all need to give ourselves a little hug, especially when things aren’t going so great in our relationships. This website gives me a little hug everytime I read it. It lifts me up, encourages me, and gives me the strength I need to pass encouragement on to others as well. So, glad I’ve found it.

  79. Wow, going through some difficult times right now in our family. Relationships that need to be repaired, apologies that haven’t been heart-accepted, while verbally acknowledged. In simply reading this devotional, I am finding encouragement and help, but boy would the book be a good thing to have.

    We taught our kids from early on a difference between checking to make sure inadvertent mistakes were taken care of and sincere, heart apologies/acknowledgement of wrongs done with intent to hurt or from selfishness/carelessness of heart. Somewhere along the line, tho, the “sorry” began to be flung out and the hearts have been missing.

    That said, I’m glad for God’s restorative love and the healing only He can effect.
    (Would love to win this giveway. :))

  80. The older I get the more I realize we can always improve on relation skills. 😉 This sounds like a wonderful book. I look forward to reading it.

  81. My husband and I meet in seminary. We were friends for a year before, our hearts began to change toward one another to more than friendship, so we began to date. My husband and I were part of dysfunctional families, and our trust level had been totally erased. Our self-esteem was low, due the tapes of our parents telling us “why can’t you do anything right,” and “I love you,” was rarely spoken. So we had a lot of relationship building to do, and we both indicated that if we ever married it would be forever. I finished seminary, and began my ministry as a Associate Minister of Education; while he continued to complete his seminary education. Well two months passed before I received a letter from him telling me that he wanted to develop our relationship. Well twenty-three years later, we are stilled married with two young adult children in college. We have been in several states as co-pastors, and pastors at different churches. With kids off pursuing their dreams, my husband and I are at two churches as pastors; and we have come to the point were we co-exist with love, yet we seem to have drifted apart. Some days we seem to be strangers that pass one another in this house with a dog, and the kids far away. I think this book will be good for us to read together. Thanks Pastor G

  82. My husband and I are going through right now, things have been said by him that I just can’t shake and I just can’t sweep them under the rug. I need to be still and talk to the Lord on what I need to do now for my five children and myself. I do care for him, love him even, but I’m tired of him throwing out words like “divorce and separation” and “I’m looking for another place to stay” comments.

    • Chryssy, for you and many others out there (those who have posted and those who read along), I applaud you for the times you choose to “fight fairly” even when those around you are not. You’re right that we shouldn’t use the “D” word as a threat. How about using the “C” word (counseling)? If counseling is too expensive, perhaps your church or one nearby offers marriage mentoring. My husband and I serve young couples in our church in this way, as do many other couples out there. Mentors and other wise women, if you are reading this and you have advice to share, please reply to anyone who has written. I’d like for this to be a widely shared forum.

  83. Thank you Jennifer. In my family there were 11 of siblings now 8 of us left. There is much reconciliation to be done. For some time I’ve been praying to reconcile. The details are deep but I know that with God nothing is impossible. I don’t want to wait till it’s too late often that’s what happens. God call us to be peacemakers. Thanks again.

  84. When we find ourselves in a position of vulnerability to ask for forgiveness by starting with “I am sorry” we are open to the possibility of healing and helping the other person heal.

  85. Thank you for this inspiring lesson. I have shared this with a couple of folks in my life and have learned a few take-a-ways for myself. Keep being a blessing to other!

  86. I wish I had known about this book before Friday 🙁 I don’t even feel I have anything to be sorry about, but I’m sure the other person does. And that matters. But I don’t know how to apologize and what to say when I don’t agree with why the other person is mad at me. It’s very hard to put yourself in someone elses shoes sometimes. I am trying very hard to understand what they want to hear from me, without faking the apology to make it better. I’m sorry they feel the way they do, I’m sorry my actions made them feel that way, but I’m not sorry for the way I acted because I don’t feel it was wrong. Am I being too prideful or am I sticking up for myself? That’s my conflict…

    • Anna, so many of us can relate to your dilemma. It’s good that you are trying to listen, understand and validate the other person when possible. At the same time, all apologies need to be sincere. It sounds like you’re looking at the complex issues in thoughtful ways.

  87. This has been a relevant topic in my own marriage over much more than little spats. I haven’t gotten around to purchasing it yet, but I have read The Five Love Languages, and The Four Seasons of Marriage, also by Dr. Chapman. Very good reads, and helpful resources in marriage, troubles or none.

  88. God has been speaking to me over the past several months about mending my relationship with my siblings. I have a sister and four brothers that I have avoided communicating with for years now, other than the occasional holiday greeting. I have been avoiding being obedient, to mend these relationships out of fear and not knowing where or how to start. I pray reading this book will help me start the healing process and restore these relationships.

  89. Whenever anger, pain, and resentment replace compassion, forgiveness, and understanding in my heart, I remind myself how often our Heavenly Father continues to forgive and unconditionally love me (and all of us) during times of disobedience or distance. No one is more superior than our Creator, but it is in our human nature to place ourselves above others who have disappointed us or destroyed our fragile relationships. Would love to share this book with a few family members and friends who are bound by bitterness.

  90. Saying I’m sorry is easy but having to actually say “I was wrong” is tough even when we know we were. I have Gary Chapman’s book on the different languages of love and would definitely like to read this book as well. Great devotion and thanks for the great giveaway.

  91. I think some times it’s not just the actual words of saying I was wrong, but the display of actual courage and strength that comes from the articulation of that. I agree each of the different love languages needs a different approach in conflict resolution, but mostly it the recognition that words are hurtful as just as much as actions or the lack of. Thanks for this devotional, “timing is everything!”

  92. This is a great article and I think this would be a great book. It helps deal with the delicate subject of forgiveness. Unfortunately, too many people utter the words, “I am sorry” and expect to automamtically be forgiven. That is not the same as actually asking for forgiveness. A person can be “sorry”, but not really be seeking forgiveness. They may be “sorry” they didn’t get away with it. They may just be wanting to get past the situation and hope that will be enough to get them by. But, that’s not what the wronged person needs to hear (both in words and in tone of voice). After a while, all of the “I am sorry’s” in the world won’t mean a thing….after all, they are just empty words without any real intent of repentance.

  93. Sometimes it feels like we speak a different language than our spouses. Apologies are hard enough to say, but when your spouse doesn’t recongize it, it makes the situation that much more difficult. This book sounds like a great resource for married couples.

  94. Apologies are difficult to say, I have learned a lot on this book, how to apologize.
    I would like to share this book with someone that really needs it.

  95. I found this blog to be helpful and insightful. I love The Five Love Languages, and because of some personal experiences, I would greatly value the opportunity to own this book. It is so, *so* important to know how to reconcile differences, and so few people really understand constructive confrontation and apology. Dealing with confrontation and conflict has always been a particular fascination and passion of mine. Anything I can learn to help myself grow and to share with those I love is of intrinsic value to me. Thank you so much for sharing this information, and doing so in an eloquent and interesting manner!

  96. I’m too fast to say I’m sorry but I don’t see people being too fast to say I’m sorry to me when they wrong me?, Am I wrong? Sometimes I think I feel guilty more often then my family members do. Is anything wrong with me?I think I’m usually very kind but a little sensitive sometimes!

  97. There are so many times when husbands and wives just don’t communicate the same way — it can be super frustrating, just in regular conversations! The arguments and hurt feelings definitely need to be handled with care, and they carry a lot of weight. I would love to hear more from the book!

  98. I knew about Love Languages. I never thought about Apology Languages. It all makes so much sense. Sometimes when I apologize, it seems like the other person never heard it and is indefinitely angry. Asking what another person needs or wants in an apology is a great idea!

    • Michelle, thank you to you and all the others who have commented here. I think the idea is simple and practical. I love it when people say, “Why didn’t I think of that!?”

  99. This book sounds very interesting. I have certification in Biblical Counseling and didn’t really get this approach in my course work.

    After some hard lessons in marriage that I could nothing about I had to learn more on my own. I’ve been a senior citizen for a decade.

    My incident with a stranger helped me realize I had learned a little. I pulled into a parking lot and crossed some empty spaces for a parking place. The person in front of me seemed uncertain, unfamiliar and hesitant as to where they were supposed to drive so I did my thing. Well, he proceeded to pull in close to me, get out of his vehicle while his female passenger was telling him “don’t do it!, don’t do it” and walked over to my car as I was getting out of it. He said something about ‘was there a big sale on or something [I was at Salvation Army Store] that I had to cut him off? what’s your problem, it was wrong’. Well, since I was technically wrong in crossing the parking spots and taking a short cut, I was wrong. So I said, “You’re right, I was wrong and I’m sorry.” I sure was at that point. But when I said it you could see it in his body language as he deflated and mumbled something like ‘OK’ and walked back to his car and left.

  100. I think the movie that came out in 1970 ‘Love Story’ and the line that was spoken twice in the movie: ‘Love is never having to say your Sorry’! I feel this really had an impact on the world and relationships! People just thought apologizing wasn’t a necessity if you were in ‘Love’ – it was so wrong!

  101. I need this book!
    We have recently gone through a painful period at our church.
    Many of my friends have left. I wish to reconcile with them and my efforts are not working.
    Maybe i need to understand their “apology language”. Thank you for this book.

  102. I am weary of hearing “I’m sorry” from someone I love. The hurt is deep and just when I think the wound has healed, although scarred, gets opened again with this offense. I am in the midst of a serious conflict and I was browsing in the bookstore a couple of weeks ago and happened to see the title of your book and I thought, yes, that’s exactly it – saying I’m sorry isn’t always enough. Then a few days later this book was mentioned on (In)Courage and again today so I’m thinking it is just what I need for such a time as this. What keeps my knees bent and my head bowed is knowing that God has forgiven me for much . . . and so, at the end of the day, I know I must choose forgiveness even if “I’m sorry” is as good as it gets.

    • Louise, thank you for your good comments here. One concept we talk about in our book is “forbearance.” It’s very helpful when you are hurt by someone who has not or will not apologize!

  103. A relationship with a very dear loved one is on shaky ground. I’ve apologized but things are just not the same between us so I need to try to learn what I need to do differently to make things right. This book sound like it is what I needed.

  104. Praying for the Lords glory in this new mission he has started with this book. It is a heart felt issue that I dont think many truly walk through for full restoration. Looking forward to reading it and growing in the lord in this area. Thank you for your servanthood.


  106. I have this book on my wish list. My marriage has been less than it could have been because the apology has been lacking. The betrayal and hurt are always smoldering. My whole family is suffering and it is very sad. I would like to read this book and see if can help restore the life and love to my marriage.

  107. I would love a copy of this book. Last night my husband and I had a fight about…eggs. EGGS! Honestly! I am so tired of fighting about meaningless things, and I know it’s not about the THINGS themselves, but about how we communicate and don’t really HEAR what the other person is saying. When it comes time to apologize, neither of us seem to get it right, I’d love to learn more about how to apologize in a way that is meaningful to the other person. The post above also reminded me of a relationship with someone who was my best girl-friend 7 years ago. We had a falling out, with similar twisting of words, and although I have attempted to apologize numerous times over the years (not so much in the past several years, as it was just too painful to keep re-living things), when I read your post I thought maybe I’m not apologizing right, because there has been no reconciliation and it plagues me to this day…I think I could learn a lot from this book.

  108. I would love to have this book. I think this is such a hard thing in life to figure out and deal with. Would be very helpful.

  109. That really hits home. In trying to recover from a heart-breaking, often marriage ending offense from my spouse, hearing “I’m sorry” is truly not enough. I want reassurance he is aware of what he has done wrong and what he is going to do to put up hedges and barriers to prevent it from happening again. And, I want him to want my forgiveness, not just my acceptance of an apology. I guess I’m looking for signs of true repentance. I’m still waiting. 🙁 In the meantime, I am doing my best to provide a true apology and ask for forgiveness when I am the offender–with him, my children or anyone. Thanks for pursuing this subject for the masses! We all benefit!

  110. JUST YESTERDAY I was speaking with a friend with whom I hadn’t connected with in a while, who told me sadly of a break in relationship with her best friend. I tried to encourage her the best I could, but I would love to win this book so I could give it to her! I know she would receive some great counsel about how to glorify God through a heartfelt apology that would hit the mark and help heal this relationship. And then she could loan the book to me for my next “relational drama”.

    Thanks for writing this book and this blog post!

  111. Very enlightening… Saying “I was wrong” is definitely different than just saying “I’m sorry”. I can see how that would make a difference in a heated situation. Thanks for the giveaway opportunity. I’ll definitely check out this book!

  112. I would love to get a copy of this book. I probably can do a lot better in expressing the aspect of being sorry to others & I’m always looking for ways to improve myself to be a better person. Also my husband does not know how to say sorry when appropriate let alone show that he is. I believe that this book would help us both tremendously. Here’s hoping to win a copy. 🙂

  113. After watching several couples in my circle headed for divorce, I would love to read this book. The enemy is out to destroy the family. Every Christian family. If he can tear homes apart, he’s winning the battle. I know ultimately he’s a defeated foe, but for now, he’s wrecking so many homes!

  114. This book looks fabulous and something very helpful for my life! Thanks for the chance to win!

  115. So, much has been written on forgiveness in the last few years. I am interested in finding out how approaching an apology in the right way can help the forgiveness process. Looking forward to reading what you have to say 🙂

  116. I would LOVE to read this book. I’m horrible with apologies. I’m sincere…. I just dont know what to say.

  117. Thank for sending this email regarding making things right with the ones we love whom we’ve hurt. I could have been an excellent example of one who’s blown many relationships to bits. I am emerging from a cocoon of self-protection that encumbered the beautiful daughter, wife, mother, sister, friend an co-worker I am meant to be. Your book would feel like rain on my parched soul. I will find a way to get a copy. God bless you for sharing such a treasure.

  118. Thank you for sharing. My parents haven’t spoken with us for almost a year. We said we were sorry for the offenses we caused. We kept them updated with our lives via email and finally they have requested we go to a counselor. There is still a great deal of healing ahead of us.

    • Kate, I’m glad you and your parents are finally moving through the impasse. Blessings to you and all the readers here who are struggling with relationship issues.

  119. This sounds like a great and much needed book! Thanks for writing and sharing your own experience too.

    I already forwarded it to a friend I think will greatly benefit from it as well.


  120. Love this! Thanks for sharing! Conflict resolution is such a huge area in all kinds of relationships. Putting the book on my wish list.

  121. I had never heard of apology languages, just love languages. It helps to make sence of what someone esle needs to hear.

  122. I am ending a marriage of 30 years. I want to stay on friendly terms for all involved. I do certainly feel this book would be great to help work through this process. The future would be a lot more positive. I am a true believer in Always being teachable no matter how old you are!

  123. I would love to win a copy of this. 🙂 Our marriage has been through the ringer the past several years and I know this will help.

  124. I’ve always had a problem with the phrase, “Tell ______ your sorry.” I don’t want someone to apologize to me unless they really mean it. So many times it is easy to throw out an I’m sorry just so we can move on. When we need to apologize to someone, I truly believe that it needs to come from the heart and say why you are apologizing and ask the person(s) to forgive you. Would love to read this book.

  125. What a powerful personal reminder today. So often I receive quick one word apologies from my children on my cell phone after a heated face to face conversation. I have told them those are not apologies. They are the cowards way out. My husband and I have fallen into the text apology trap a couple of times. Then we promised each other that apologies would be verbal and never on technology. Thank you for the great post!

  126. I think this book could do a lot in helping my husband and myself to recover from a devastating blow to our marriage..I have been trying over and over to get the right words or do the right things or make the right moves, but nothing is ever quite right. So perhaps if there was a book to help with cope with or help me in determining the best or necessary steps to show him that i’m geninuely sorry that would help greatly in the healing process between he and I. I look forward to reading this book..I’m just looking for some peace. Thank you.

  127. Would love to read this book! I think it would go a long way with all of my relationships.

  128. This sounds like a very valuable Book with tools and insights for everyone!
    I have had a roller-coaster relationship with my
    married 35 year old daughter since she was in middle school and now
    she has 3 young sons of her own. I can’t tell you what hope I have in your new book!
    God Bless You!

  129. This post was wise and succinct and useful. I love people and words, but sometimes it all gets tangled and I hurt the ones I love most. I would LOVE to win this book!

  130. What a wonderful book idea! I have been told before that what I said didn’t match what I meant, and I have felt that about others, so I know it’s not just me. I wish I had this book, and had had it as my daughter was growing up. I hope the section on family relationship talks about communication between children and adults. I will have to read this.

  131. Looking forward to reading more than the small “nugget” you offered above!
    Biggest struggle for me is a heartfelt apology which isnt received because they may not be ready and therefore the apology is dismissed. I dont understand that at all… any attempt at an apology should at least be considered. Do I really need to react the way you want me to react in order for the apology to be “valid” or accepted? It all seems selfish to me. the best apology I could ever get from someone who loves me is evidence that it wont happen again when you say it wont.
    looking forward to reading more…

  132. I used to think of myself as always being sorry for something. In college, REM’s “So. Central Rain” was my song in part because of the refrain, “I’m sorry…” I think I’m good at facing the music and apologizing, and I’ve also learned that individuals require individualized approaches to love, appreciation, and apology. But despite all my experience apologizing, I know the least about how to do it well. Thank you for this book.

  133. wow!! after reading some of the comments that were made it sure makes me look at myself and how hard it is for me to say I am sorry. Maybe its the thought that I could be wrong (cause I never am lol just joking), or like maybe sometimes sorry isn’t good enough. On second thought this book will help me even more with the issues I have with my mom that I cant seems to figure out….. Man I SO need to read this book in a bad way. I have read The 5 Love Languages book for years and every time I pick it up I get a new message that I so badly needed. I share this book with all my friends and many of my clients that need help with there relationships. Thanks for such great reading material that helps create a better me for my kids, my future husband, my family and friends…xoxo

  134. great point, and great post! just recently i inadvertently offended a friend, and luckily for me, all she needed to hear was that i knew how i had hurt her, and she lit up like the most precious Christmas tree ever. thank you for the wonderful tip – asking what the other person needs to hear in an apology – so many times for me, these situations end in looong awkward periods of time, where neither person knows what to do or say to make things right.

  135. Sorry can be so easy and flippant for some and a mountain to climb for others. You’re right. Knowing the “language ” needed is crucial to total forgiveness. Can’t wait to read your book….to see, hear and learn how to do this right!

  136. I am like Tamra, I say I’m sorry so much.. though until I read her comment, I didn’t realize WHY. To avoid conflict. Oh yes, that would be me. I say it so much, I think it becomes meaningless when it really needs to be more. Also I struggle with admitting I am/was wrong.. maybe in a week or so, or a year?? I know this is wrong, and I sometimes make myself admit it. But if my heart isn’t in the admittance, then it still shows. Oh my. Sounds like I need to read this book!

  137. Oh I needed this today! A dear friend and I have not shared words since she walked away almost a year ago. I miss her! And I wish I had taken action immediately. Can’t wait to read your insights and gain wisdom!

  138. Love Gary Chapman’s books! Would love to read this one as I have much to be sorry for and so many that won’t except and forgive.

  139. It seemed so interesting just thinking on the psalmist reflection. I recall the pain of the divorce and how this psalm soothed my broken heart. It occurred a two decades ago, but the psalmist reflection calmed my soul. Reviewing today with your message it was a revelation of a soul explaining why it was so hard.

  140. This makes me think of a friend who once spent several days apologizing to everyone for the tiniest things. She eventually realized that there was a big guilt-inducing situation in her life that she was NOT dealing with, which somehow expressed itself in multiple unnecessary apologies for things that really were not important. Once she faced that sin situation and made it right, her obsessive apologizing ceased. Interesting.

  141. Humble and heartfelt apologies are essential. After nearly 29 years of marriage and 24 years of parenting, I have seen the powerful effects of apologizing from the heart. My husband and family respond well to “I am so sorry. It was wrong of me to (fill in the blank). I don’t deserve it, but can you please forgive me?”. Staying humble and admitting it when we are wrong makes us more real, builds trust, and opens pathways for hearts to be mended.

  142. It is so nice to see someone else gets what I have felt for years! Ask any of my children (3 boys all adults now) and they will tell you that many times I told them saying you are sorry isn’t enough.

    I think many struggle with knowing they need to do the right thing and apologize but society has been slowly teaching us that we are to be bold and strong and speak our minds, not feeling guilty for anything we do. A fear has developed among people because of that type of thinking that to do more than a mere “sorry” shows that they must be weak when in truth it shows the strength of persons character.

    Thank you for writing this book! I look forward to reading it.

  143. After 3 generations of our family constantly hurting each other and always saying sorry but continuing to do it all over again…this book would be perfect for me to read and pass it on to my children or get them a copy so we can stop it before it travels to another generation. It breaks my heart that we can’t seem to be sincere enough to really be sorry. We need to learn and get advice.

    I read many books by Gary Chapman and I am sure this book is the one that will hit it where it hurts but has a solution.

    Thank you for posting this and offering to give away a copy.
    God’s Blessings to you.

  144. I need to read this book, “When Sorry isn’t Enough.” I have been through a tense time with my youngest sister as she made some comments about me being “greedy and selfish.” I thought I acted appropriately in a circumstance. She has been evasive with me about the event. Maybe I need to find words that would say, “I’m sorry you misunderstood the action.” I’m not sure she is just a controlling person or wants to keep me at arm’s distance. I do need help to resolve the current alienation. This book would be a great tool. Thank you for the information on the book.

  145. This really hit home today…guess I know what I’ll be talking to my husband about when he gets home from work tonight! Thank you for your wise words.

  146. I love Gary Chapman and I am looking forward to reading this book. I feel like this book can help with the healing process of so many years of hurt that I’ve been harboring. Also as a parent and step parent I’m always looking for new information to help the blending of our families.

  147. Thanks for writing this book. I would like to read it and then give it to those who think they are right but so wrong a way to get back on track. I would like to see if it works on the really hard-hearted even abusive ones.

  148. In the midst of a divorce I don’t want. Things have definitely gotten beyond the sorry stage, and I don’t know how to repair them.

    • Linda, I’m sorry for the unexpected situation in which you find yourself. I was just talking with a friend whose husband left her (the provider) right after he earned tenure. Like you, she does not want the divorce. This is so painful and all too common. Blessings to you!

  149. I thank you for sharing this. I was recently told by a close friend of mine that I made her feel inept and like an idiot. She couldn’t give me a specific thing I said or had done, but I hurt her. I apologized for making her feel this way and never meant to hurt her. The problem I have now is how do I fix something I don’t know about. If someone can’t give me the “reason” I made them feel this way it makes it that much harder for me to desire to be close again, when I am afraid I may do it again and not realize it!

  150. What a great reminder that words don’t have any meaning, unless we are communicating in the context or “language” that says what we really mean! Thanks!

  151. ok need this book, my husband and I are in Re-engage in our church and currently separated and I know I need to find a way to say more that sorry. Look forward to reading every page.

  152. My son and I have not spoken for seven years and I so want to know how to tell him I am sorry for causing him hardship and ask forgiveness and don’t have the foggiest idea how to go about it.

    • Patty, your situation tugs at my heart strings. I’m glad you are thinking about how to reach out to your son. For anyone in your situation, I recommend listening a lot (if he will talk to you) and avoiding the BED principle. That is, do not Blame, Excuse, or Deny your part in things. That would be my advice for your son, also. Good luck!

  153. Dr Jen, it seems like I am always apologizing…. I don’t know if its my lack of faith in myself and God at times…it seems like I’m always the one that’s sorry… Maybe I need your book!

  154. Nanette, I think more people fail to apologize than over-apologize so you’re probably on the right track.
    We all need to remember how much God loves us and that he understand our shortcomings. God is full of grace and mercy.
    A quick quiz: Does anyone know the difference between grace and mercy?

  155. I really enjoy Gary Chapmans books and am thrilled that he has teamed up with another amazing author to spread the word. Gary’s books have changed my marriage. I have shared his tips and facebook update with many in my circle. I am sure that this new book will help many more. Great work . Keep it up! Kind Regards, Nicole Wijngaarden from Wellington New Zealand.

  156. The thought of someone not accepting the way I apologized, never occurred to me.
    It gives me hope for those relationships that I have felt are beyond repair.
    Thank you for today’s devotional.

  157. YOU don’t have an idea how much I love Gary Chapman and his books. I really hope to win this book and send it with Gary Chapman signature to my lover…. Thanks Gary.. Keep going and we are waiting for further writings.

  158. Thank you for the chance to win this book. I’ve been a fan of Gary’s books for years.

  159. My wife and I have been together for 34 years. God has been working on us two old fogies through many wonderful books. It has been a blessing to read and share the books we have read with many couples like us that need help. God bless you guys.

  160. I dropped an “email bomb” today which is Monday, and felt horrible about it. I didn’t feel like sorry was good enough. Then I saw this on my facebook new feeds! So grateful for the insight! Looking forward to learning more 🙂

  161. I am struggling terribly in my relationship with my husband and sorry isn’t doing a thing. Thanks for your post.

  162. I have felt God nudging me to try to reconcile, or at least own up to my part in a broken friendship. Can’t wait to read this! Def adding to my wishlist!!

  163. Like the song says, “Sorry seems to be the hardest word”. I wonder why it’s so hard…maybe because we have to admit being wrong or at fault. Also, sometimes hearing the word just isn’t enough…it seems empty… especially when the hurt is so deep I’m finding out right now. I would love to read your insight on this.

  164. Dealing with this for the past two days. He says no big deal…I’m devastated and don’t know how to recover. How does the pain subside when he won’t acknowledge the injury? Lost. So very lost and without hope.

    • Nicole, thank you for reaching out. You are not lost here. This is a community that cares. Also, do you have a local place of worship and fellowship? Sending a hug to you and to others who feel lost or hopeless.

  165. Sometimes it is so difficult to admit to a loved one that you know that you were not only wrong, but, a total jerk. I have a loved one in my life that I can’t seem to reconnect with. At this point, I’ve admitted that I was wrong, but, I’m not sure that the tone of the admission was framed the way My Lord would have me do it. I am paralyzed. What can I do to make this right.

    Thank you,

    • Alice, it sounds like you’re on the right track. I’m glad you’re trying to rebuild this relationship. Sometimes questions are helpful. You might ask the other person how your apology sounds and what else he or she needs to hear or see. Good luck!

  166. My ex-husband & I separated several times before finally getting a divorce. During one of these separations he found another woman. I’m not saying everything was all his fault – it wasn’t! But if he had even said “I’m sorry” (which he didn’t), maybe that would have helped. I’ve apologised to my children for not being a good mother but I still feel I could have said more. This book would help enormously.

  167. This book sounds perfect for the place I’m in right now. Engaged and looking forward to marriage but remembering that each day is a new opportunity to learn each other, through all the ups and downs. No marriage is perfect, but a book like this offers advice to help make the best of bad situations.

  168. I think we (both) sometimes use “I’m sorry” as a quick band-aid to a hurt we inflicted on one another just to quickly get by it. Most of the time it does work–it is an admission in a sense. But other times, my inner self wants more… like a discussion of why the hurt was inflicted and whether I should expect this again. Definitely a part of a relationship between two sinners who love each other. We always have Christ’s model (“Father, forgive them…”). We’ve been giving the “Five Love Languages” as wedding presents ever since reading it. This book sounds like another way to expand our wisdom. Thanks!

  169. Timing is everything…. I need a book about admitting wrong and saying sorry (a phase that I feel society has turned into something cheap that should be so rich). Knowing how to apologize and admit wrongs is soooo important.

  170. After 41 years of marriage, have worked through a lot of those things each member of a marriage brings from their parents. The toughest one yet, an apology that is truly meant.

  171. Wow. I so need this book. I don’t want to lose my best friend. I’m always quick to apologize I always take the fall. But this last time be hurt me and he won’t Apologize. I can’t ask for him to apologize because then it won’t be real. But it’s killing me in the process. What do I do. I need the book

  172. Thanks for this – it is so timely. After having a baby the conversations between my husband and I have changed inadvertently in tone, content, and attitude. As a result, there are many opportunities for misunderstanding in our intentions, resulting in the need to apologise (when we finally have time to reflect and take away our pride to apologise). The next problem is not knowing how best to apologise as we seem to have less time now to consider what the other person wants to hear. This devotional serves as a great starting point to help us move forward, and your book will definitely teach us more.

  173. I would LOVE to win a copy of this book. I know it’s an area I can grow in and my sweet husband and marriage would thank me for it 🙂

  174. Well after being married for 31 years, you’d think I would have learned some of these skills by now, but I haven’t. I think it would be great to improve my marriage for the last half of our lives together!
    Thank you.

  175. My husband & I are rebuilding our relationship after a long ‘quiet-time’ where we did what we had to raise our kids while ignoring our marriage – we were each waiting for the other to make a move toward a ‘sorry’ that we needed to hear…this is the book we need. We read Love Languages -it opened doors so we could begin ‘listening’ to each other.

  176. Wow, God’s timing is amazing. I just received one of “those” emails from a friend and have been struggling with how to repair the damage done. I can’t wait to read this book!

  177. Learning and growing never stop. Thanks so much for all your insight and putting it down on paper. Sorry is something personal. It’s never as easy as saying “I’m sorry”, thought often times we think it is. I can’t wait to read about this and gather more knowledge.

  178. I have been helping a friend who has not heard from his two children in almost two years. I think your new book would be PERFECT to help resolve some of the pain.

  179. Even after 20 years of marriage, this book sounds like something that would help my spouse and I learn to argue (and forgive) in a better way!!

  180. Please please please. I would really love to win this book! My marriage is, after 15 years, falling into the same snares we had when the marriage was new and fresh. Help this “old dog” learn some new tricks, er, facts, to help her become a Proverbs 31 wife…


  181. My 1yr anniversary is this sept 8th. We’ve been togeather for 4yrs and 4 kids. I would absolutely love to read this!!!!! 🙂 Thankyou~

  182. “Produce fruit in keeping with repentance” Luke 3:8 NIV. Authentic apologies produce repentance. Repentance demands change. Strongholds/ addictions are demonic adversaries to both. When the disciples were unable to defeat demons Jesus told them that some things require much prayer. Much prayer and fasting still have not brought deliverance to produce fruit in keeping with repentance. “Now what do I do, Lord?”

  183. Thank you for posting the Pastor’s apology… Words cannot express how profoundly this touched me! So glad I read thru all the comments and found this piece of hope! Would love to read the book! Planning a sincere apology now!

  184. Thank you so much for sharing. I just read the morning devotion of how self forgiveness bus so difficult. I find that I receive the strenghth and courage found in humility to be an honorable event. All things including forgiveness of self and others falls under Gods grace and mercy. There truly is a time for everything under heaven. Blessed be this day and may the light of Lord Jesus shine forever brighter in us each day regardless of what it may hold.

  185. this post came at a MOST opportune time…I struggle with saying I’m sorry…or saying I’m wrong…etc..i believe its because i have so little pride in most things that i cant believe i could be actually wrong at those times that i “strongly” believe in…its a work in progress and hope with the help of THIS book, i can be better show forgiveness to myself and others as God does for me…EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!

  186. Actions always speak loudest –
    don’t they? May my words and thoughts and actions line up with the Word of God!

  187. This is so timely. We’re teaching our children about the beauty of giving sincere apologies and the gift of receiving them. We’re stumbling along through it right now, but we are moving forward.

  188. I have some bitterness and unforgiveness in my heart (even though I say I am forgiving them, if I had I do not believe that I would still be thinking about it). The people with whom I am upset do not even know and I have struggled with letting it go and moving forward because I am tired of wasting my time. I want to focus on better thoughts. I hope that your book would help me forgive myself for wasting so much time and forgive the others as well. God bless you and thank you!

  189. Since the Seventies I’ve held on to the quote: “Love means never having to say you’re sorry” from the movie Love Story. Well…….it’s high time to change that to “Love means knowing how to say you’re sorry.”

  190. Your next post on forgiving ourselves really hit the mark for me 🙂 Hopefully God can help combine what I’ve learned from the two posts as part of that painful pruning process.

  191. I am hardest on myself and not willing to give myself a break. There are decisions that I have made in the past that I can’t seem to get past. I hope the insight in this
    book would help.

  192. Asking forgiveness of those we hold dearest is so hard. It makes me feel so vulnerable. I am realizing that in a situation I am facing right now, I need to apologize without condemning myself or the other person.

  193. Thank you for your post, Jen. I met you with my sister Kari, at Becoming. I honestly have never thought of apologizing to myself, although I just did and appreciate the challenge. What is the name of the other version of your book that included how to teach kids to apologize. There a lot of “sorrys” thrown around in my house by little people and it makes me angry when they are clearly not heartfelt.

    Thanks and Blessings!
    Anna Lynch

  194. I too have never given thought to apologizing to myself. I’m pretty good at finding the fault/flaw and then remembering all that I’ve done wrong. This has definitely given me something to “chew on” for the day!!

  195. Just finished reading the article about saying sorry and making things right with your loved ones and how if you have done wrong by some one that it is important to apologize straight away . Sometimes it is not as simple as that. Like my situation. 2 years ago I was going through a tough time and part of that tough time was because my sister in law took a sudden dislike to me. We had gotten along fine for 15years and then went to visit her one day and she suddenly did not like me any more. I had not done anything wrong. Anyway for the rest of that year our relationship was strained and we weren’t getting along very well even though I tried my hardest to get on with her. Her and I not getting then started to effect my marriage as my husband was upset that we were not getting on. He had difficulty coping with the to woman in his life who he loved not getting on. Thing got to the point where my sister in law tried to turn my husband against me and our marriage hit the rocks . I am a Christian and I have Christian friends on Facebook and I was feeling very down about what was happening with my sister in law and other problems in my life that I had been crying for three days and feeling very down so I posted a prayer request to my friends on Facebook asking God to help with my problems and for healing of my relationship with my sister in law. My sister in law found out about my post and took offence. She rang my husband and accused me if writing Christine is evil on Facebook. Which of I did not write and would never write about her or anyone else. Because she accused me of writing that she was evil and i new I had not I told her I was innocent and therefore did not apologize. Several months later through a bit of my own detective work I was able to work out that it must have been my prayer request post that she had seen and been upset by so I imedialey sent a email of apology and explanation. I told her how deeply sorry I was that she had been so upset by my post. I got a reply from her saying that I had left it to long to apologize and that I I could never fix things . I emailed her gain asking if I could come and see her and apologize again to her in person and how deeply sorry I was . I got no reply. Unless she said it was okay I could not go and see her as when she rang and told my husband that I posted a message saying she was evil she told my husband I was not allowed on her property ever again.One point I want to make is that If she had been honest about what my post said when she rang my husband I would have gone to her home that night and apologized so it is her own fault that it took me so long to apologize. So it is really hard to apologize straight away to some one when they are not honest about what it is you have wrong .

    • I could really do with a copy of Gary Chapman s book when sorry is not enough to help with my situation with my sister in law. I would give anything to make things right with her and for my husband and I and our children could be part of her life again and we could go and visit her again. We loved having her and her husband as part of our lives and loved going to visit them. I feel so guilty even two years on about how my husband has lost his sister because of me. She is the only family he has that lives in the same city as us. The rest of his family live over seas and in the north island of New Zealand. we live in the south island of New Zealand. The rest of my husbands family don’t want anything to do with us either as my sister in law has poisoned them against me. My husband feels can’t see his sister while things are the way they are between her and I . It is all very sad and such a mess.

  196. Admitting we are wrong, asking forgiveness, and seeking restoration from the one we’ve offended is one of the most humbling but
    powerful things we can do…..and this simple act brings glory to our precious Lord and Savior Who chose to forgive us while we were yet sinners. I would be blessed to receive this book, and share the wisdom in its pages to bless
    others who find apologizing to be such a difficult thing to do. May our Lord use this book to set many others free from fear, and receive His amazing grace to be able to aplogize.

  197. Oh, I could definitely benefit from this book right now! I have lived with chronic pain for many years now, and I am unable to drive, go to school or work, and am mostly home bound. I’m now in my twenties and dependent on my immediate family members for many of my basic needs, which has been tiring and difficult for all of us and has caused significant strain on my relationships with certain family members. Being an adult child who is still dependent on her parents for physical needs can be frustrating and complicated and hard to know how to handle in certain situations. Because of my circumstances and limitations, my family is my main support system. I love my family very much, and it has grieved me to see and experience strain and tension increase over time in relationships with those who are so dear to me, due to my pain and health issues. I really want to repair these relationships and prevent these problems from getting even worse in the future. I know I need to make more of an effort to understand what my parents and siblings are going through and what ways I need to change and would appreciate if they would do the same for me. In the past, I struggled with saying sorry when I was wrong, but I’m working on it. However, I have noticed this same struggle in a couple of others in my family. It would be great for all of us to learn how to deal with this, true forgiveness and other relationship issues better. I just want to see God work in all of are hearts so that we would treat each other with respect and honor, and the love of Christ. I want us all to strive to show each other the kind of love described in 1 Corinthians 13. I also have had other people make critical, hurtful, and judgmental comments about me and my pain and health issues and am curious if your book would have any advice about dealing with that. This book sounds like it could be a real blessing to me and just might be an answer to prayer! Thank you so so much for this wonderful giveaway!

    • Christie, my heart goes out to you. I’m sorry for your medical concerns and the loss of freedom that has caused you. I’m glad you’re reaching out through communities such as this one. Blessings to you and your whole family!

  198. It seems lately that my hubby and I argue a lot. It could be from stresses at work, or just plain life & the baggage we both bring to the marriage.

    One way I apologize is by sending nice/cute Love e-cards by Dayspring. The messages I convey is that if I am at fault–I’m sorry and truly love you with all my heart and soul.

  199. I feel like I let my co-workers down. I feel like a bad example, a bad mentor. I want to blame others. But I also want to be forgiven, accepted, loved. GOD can give me these things, should I even ask this from others? All thoughts that won’t go away this morning…

    • Meegan, I lift up the concerns you’ve bravely mentioned here. Even mentors need mentors, right? Do you have a trusted advisor you can lean on during this difficult time? As far as asking others for forgiveness, I’ve only seen it help; not hurt. What would you say? Does anyone else want to chime in on this topic?

  200. I would have loved the book before my marriage fell apart.
    I am so glad it is a resource for others.

  201. After many years of God`s service among Chinese in Asia and Europe – and after returning having a trafic accident with severe head injuries as conquence – I feel I didn`t manage my life but let my own family down. That is really hard to cope with +forgive myself. I certainly need help in reading this book – before it`s too late.

  202. I read your article on teaching kids forgiveness. We have always used those strategies and they do work beautifully. We teach trying to see from others eyes and feel from others hearts. By far the most painful experience is being a forgiving friend and then not being forgiven in return. My 6 year old daughter made a very childish misunderstanding with a life long friend who in turn severed the frienship. My dd just could not understand why her very specific heartfelt apologies and note cards were not being received… especially after we had experienced several hurts from them and always had forgiven them…”we are all learning” has always been our approach. It has been a very altering experience for all of my children. They talk about it frequently and are truly hurt by the “friends'” unforgiveness. It has even affected the way they now respond to forgiving and being forgiven…like a scab that just won’t go away. “Life is not easy and we must continue to pray for them always,” is our response. I am not sure how to help mend their wounded hearts, and it has been over 2 years. This is perhaps one of the toughest life lessons thus far for all of us.

  203. Knowing when we have sinned against another, and being willing to make reparations is something that we have to be taught, over , and over. I would love to read this book.

  204. Hi I have just read this and it just made me realise how wonderful God is and what he puts right in fron of us at the right time. Im going through a similar thing with my husband when sorry is not enough I can just continue to pray about it. Thanks for sharing and im sure your book will be of a great help to many, who feel the same way. Blessings

  205. I am adding this to my must read list. I’m a mess so its getting very long. . However, i believe that my need to apologize for a mistake made in the past is holding me back.

  206. In my opinion, I see people put unreal expectations on one another, they cannot live up to those expectations and rejection sets in.

    This then causes a break down and someone has to be honest and forgiving.

    Just my thoughts.

  207. This is a book that my 12 year old and myself definitely need. We both need to try hard to recognize how we hurt each other. Looking forward to reading and sharing this book with my daughter in the near future. Thank you and God Bless.