Editor’s Note:
We’re running the second half of Part Two first due to a technical issue with the first half; we’ll have that up for you next week!
Read:
The second half of Part Two is weightier than the first half, both in terms of the number of pages we’ve included in this section and relative to some of the subject matter. Read from Open the Door to the end of Part Two for today’s post.
Like always, we’re sharing some of the points that got us thinking:
Open the Door ~ “It seems to me that women typically experience shame about two things: their bodies and their homes.” (p. 105. Also, the primary focus of today’s video.)
“What people are craving isn’t perfection. People aren’t longing to be impressed; they’re longing to feel like they’re home.” (p. 106)
“It isn’t about perfection, and it isn’t about performance. You’ll miss the richest moments in life…if you’re too scared or too ashamed to open the door.” (p. 109)
Baking Cookies With Batman ~ “The heart of hospitality is about creating space for someone to feel seen and heard and loved.” (p. 114)
Morning, Noon and Night ~ “We never grow until the pain level gets high enough.” (p. 120)
What My Mother Taught Me ~ “…if you take the next right step, if you live a life of radical and honest prayer, if you allow yourself to be led by God’s Spirit, no matter how far from home and familiarity it takes you, you won’t have to worry about what you want to be when you grow up. You’ll be too busy living a life of passion and daring.” (p. 124)
Cupcake in the Oven ~ “What I may have needed or not needed in that moment didn’t matter a bit. What my friend…needed was totally different.” (p. 130)
“Love is born when we misunderstand one another and make it right, when we cry in the kitchen when we show up uninvited with magazines and granola bars, in an effort to say, I love you.” (p. 132)
Feasting and Fasting ~ “My work these days is to find that fine balance–allowing my senses to taste every bite of life without being driven by appetites, indiscriminate and ravenous.” (p. 137)
Watch:
{Subscribers, please click here to view video.}
Discuss:
Ah…so good, isn’t it? Do you find yourself relating to the Sofa Girls’ conversation, to the shame-battles universal to women? Satan so delights in our defeat. But maybe do you hear just enough encouragement to re-orient your thinking?
Many times, for many different reasons, we’re hearing readers say, “I’m so glad to know I’m not the ‘only one’.” That is the essence of our Bloom community–finding common ground, seeking God in the everyday and building one another up!
Do you find yourself feeling that people can’t handle the truth of who you are, or as Angie put it, stifled by the vision of what it “should be” when you entertain? Did you cringe or applaud when Shauna invited us to make a “deal” with the people in our lives to “invite you into my less-than-perfect home”? When Jessica challenged us at the end to identify an area of shame to release, did something come to mind?
Beyond the topics discussed in today’s video (primarily shame and practical, sometimes fumbled service to others), what hit home with you? What are the areas you’re surrendering to the Lord or where you need Him to strengthen you? Please share your thoughts in comments or on our Facebook page–we love seeing when you connect with one another!
Share:
We’re hearing a lot of you trying Shauna’s recipes; if you do and share pictures on Instagram, Twitter or even Facebook, be sure to hashtag it with #inbooks and @incourage so we can find them and drool!!
On Friday we’ll feature our second guest post by Lyli Dunbar of 3D Lessons for Life, and like last week, we’ll have a “Second Helping”. You’ll be adding beauty to our Bloom community when you engage their posts, so be sure to catch both and comment freely. Plus, remember on Tuesdays and Thursday we’re featuring even more Guest Posts on our Facebook page!
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Helpful links and reminders:
- Bread & Wine book club schedule.
- Sign up for exclusive emails for Bloom (in)courage! The easiest way to receive free book club updates as soon as they’re available (a separate subscription from regular (in)courage updates).
- Still need a book? Or pick up a few copies for gifts at DaySpring’s great price: Bread & Wine for just $9.99!
- Join Bloom (in)courage on Facebook! Be sure to invite your friends, too!
- Tweet your thoughts about our study! Just be sure to use the #inbooks hashtag so we can find you!
- Author Shauna Niequist’s site
- Jessica’s site, The Mom Creative
- Angie’s site, Bring the Rain
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Wishing all of our U.S. readers a very festive 4th of July!
love & flour-dusted fingers,
~ Robin for Bloom
Leave a Comment
Loved this video, so heartfelt. I can totally relate to the issues discussed today. My son is seven and absolutely LOVES swimming in the summer. I am 37 and not that thrilled with putting on a bathing suit and then wearing it in front of complete strangers at the pool. I took the plunge after reading about Shauna’s ongoing shame battle with her body-this is SO ME. I bought a new bathing suit and I can honestly say that my son and I had two of the most fun times ever in the swimming pool after a long day of work and camp. I really feel that reading this book made this happen for me. It doesn’t matter what I look like in that suit. What my son will remember most is playing with me and laughing in the water while I try to copy his tricks. If I hadn’t bought that bathing suit I would be missing out on all that fun and those memories wouldn’t have been created. Sometimes I just needed to let go. So grateful for having read this book-truly one of my new favorites.
Oh, Brandi….THIS is a gift today. THANK YOU for sharing your personal experience. So very proud of you :).
That is wonderful, Brandi! Thanks for sharing this! I hope that you and your son have more fun days like that at the pool.
I am hoping to go to the pool this afternoon. Your story will help to make me a little more brave as I face the world in my swimsuit. (: Thank you!
I really struggled with these types of insecurities from a very early age, even though I can’t think of a childhood trigger that would make me feel that way. When my husband and I were still dating he noticed that in pictures of me at a friend’s pool party I was always hiding behind someone and just sticking my head out from their shoulder. He said, “Candice, stop worry about what other people think. You’re just drawing more attention to yourself by compensating. Everyone else is too busy worrying about what you think of them to really even pay attention to your imperfections.”
I’ve found so much freedom by revisiting that advice over and over again since then. That’s exactly what Shauna said about the friend who was “perfect” for 7 years. It just drew more attention… and not necessarily good.
Candice,
Your husband is wise; and loves you well by speaking this truth over you :).
Ladies, thanks for giving us permission to “fumble.” I think I think I am going to make that my motto from now on. “I am a fumbler. Are you one, too? Let’s get together and chat about how messy life can be.” Amen and Amen. 🙂
I sent this post to my husband… this is something we as a couple need to talk about. He runs a business out of the house, so there is big bulky medical equipment everywhere. I keep telling him that all our friends don’t care… but I am not sure he believes me…
The chapter that deeply resonated with me was “Morning, Noon, and Night.” I spent most of 2012 recovering from a surgery gone bad… I had two friends who came over and spent time with me so that my husband could go to work… They made me fruit smoothies with protein mixed in to try to fatten me up a bit. They loved me at my worst, and I am so thankful.
The house issue was something I really struggled with 3 years ago when we moved across 2500 miles. I had a 16 month old, a 6 week old and was headed back to work full time. We needed to make friends and neither of us had the energy to get the house looking how we wanted. We chose to invite people in and we have not regretted it. Now there is a 3rd baby and the house still isn’t where I want it but I’m okay with it. Now to work on those body image issues. 😉 I can relate I the swimsuit comment. I took my big girls to the lake by myself. The joy my girls had that mama was in the lake with them completely drowned out the voices in my head. It was awesome.
I have been sad and frustrated about my house for years. More than a decade really. An old house that has so many issues. A flooding basement, leaking plumbing, broken windows, etc., etc. There has not been the money to fix it, and my husband is not a handyman. He just lives around the problems. My Mom passed away one month ago today. I had hoped to host the gatherings of friends and family, but nothing was fixed in time. I am trying to move on, and not give up hope that someday I will be able to have the gatherings I love right here. That my children will get to experience that feeling of love around the table.
As I watched the video, and read the book I do feel encouraged. I feel warned not to wait until the whole house is remodeled, just wait until the problems are fixed….and make the bluberry crisp today! Thank you for renewed hope.
I just want to cozy up on that couch too. I haven’t got the book yet…but I sure plan to. Thanks for your open and real perspective. My day to day stuff is exhausting enough! I just want to be me and enjoy life and absorb the time with my kids while they are little but it is like a tornado in my head…bombarding me with “you need to”, “you should”, “what will they think”. I know you get the picture. I love what I am seeing and hearing shared. Thank you so much it is so needed.
I loved the discussion going on in the video and definitely related to it. It is so true, we crave to have friends who can just be real and honest, not all pinterest perfect. At the same time, I keep a *fairly* clean home, certainly NOT perfect and by no means perfectly decorated (everything I own has been given to us by various people so as you can imagine, it is hodgepodge). But I often have guests comment about my house always being clean and it can make me feel sort of guilty (shame?) that my house ISN’T always a disaster? A clean home doesn’t always mean someone isn’t being genuine and letting you into their mess. It may just be that they are a clean freak (like myself). Laughing. But I think the issue is more about comparing. And judging! We can learn from one another, we have different strengths and weaknesses. I agree with what Shauna was saying and I hope as women we can choose to not make it a comparison/competitive game and instead just enjoy one another, the differences, and learn from one another. And agree not to judge one another. A friend’s clean house might NOT be a pretentious show; it may be meant to be an inviting space, a welcoming space, a refuge from a chaotic world, a blessing.
Even still at times I can get caught up in having things clean before we invite people in and it’s just always a good reminder.. people don’t care that much. They want to see that you are HUMAN. I remember reading somewhere recently that we should be careful on instagram and other social media to present an accurate picture of our life, not always just the perfect moments and I think we would do a great service to our fellow women to be real and imperfect in front of one another. To be secure enough in Jesus and His love to let others see us in our totality. I think that blesses and encourages others.
Loving the book and cooking up a storm. 🙂 Breakfast cookies are a THUMBS UP and had magical white bean soup last night.. Thank.YOU.Shauna. 🙂
Brandi- love your comment about the bathing suit. I am very fair skin and I will only be seen in a bikini in front of my husband. I’m tiny. I know that BUT my whiteness keeps me hiding being a coverup in front if others. Why? I can’t help it! I’ve cried many tears bc of others’ hurtful comments and judgements cast on me and my white skin. I get spray tans before any big events where we will be in front of friends in swim suits. I try any rub on creams and I am ok under a tent at the beach or shopping in the rain! Candice- thank goodness for sweet husbands who speak life into us! My husband from day 1, 12 years ago has said he loves my white skin & freckles. Now why can’t I???
Alright… I’ve had something similar to the dark chocolate toffee. But used brown sugar in my recipe. In Shauna’s dark choc toffee, do I use white sugar or brown? It just says sugar.
Oh and PS… I can relate to not inviting ppl over bc my house is not what I want it to be. We subbed out / built it ourselves so it’s not totally done. Others don’t understand we did that to bud the house we wanted & could afford. I had a group of girls over once when we first moved in and several “friends” made comments about our house to others, making fun. If course I found out. So now I’m more reluctant and hesitant to invite others over.
Loved this section and discussion. I have shame in both areas – although they come and go and definitely aren’t as bad as they used to be. BUT – it is hard sometimes to invite people to my home because of what I FEEL like they will think. And I guess that’s the crux isn’t it?! I am projecting my feelings onto them, when odds are they won’t think any of it. Being honest about the fact that we are not perfect is always hard, but it is always worth it in the end. I have to remind myself of that all the time! I loved what Shauna said in the video about how Pinterest is great, but we don’t need to “be” that all the time. That was a huge relief to hear.
I’m a serial cleaner … I super love a clean house. Once during Easter Brunch I realized everyone was having a good time, except me. All my energy was spent cleaning & cooking. My pulse raced when anyone stepped outside then back inside! I was all jacked-up over my soon to be dirty home. I’d just spent hours cleaning.
So, I flipped the script and now I only clean after the event. I make the beds. Clean the basics in the bathrooms. Turn on some music. Turn off/down the over head lights in every room. Finally … I light candles in the main rooms & Ta-dah … No more Clean House Anxiety
Having grown up in an atmosphere where it was said often, “If you can’t do it right, then don’t do it at all,” it has been a tremendous blessing to be the manager of my own home and offer grace to myself. I have come to embrace the less than perfect times when the focus was on the guests and not my home and certainly not my appearance.
Getting out from under the perfection oppression has been HUGE! Praise God!
Like everything resonated with me!: the shame for loving food, the excuse I give about inviting “large” groups in my home, or any at all, the fear of people not being able to handle or adjust or react to my illness. I LOVE LOVE LOVE community and fellowship and closeness, but I do let trivial things trip me up. But this truly helped me let people I love in the “messy” parts of my life. And I never realized how when people come over that I keep apologizing for what I didnt clean or forgot to put away or maybe just didnt feel well enough to make to eat for us, and ALWAYS the reply is “oh i dont care!” or “girl dont even worry about it.” and that does make me relax A LOT. So then when I go over someone else’s home, THEY apologize to ME now lol and I find myself making sure they know they dont need to impress me. Ironic how we can live under a cloud of shame and even embarrasment and that keeps us from being real because we don’t even know their are others who mentally suffer the same things.
Oh and I should probably be real myself and say the MAIN reason I dont have lots of people over, which i love to do, is because my apartment isnt big enough. my home is cozy and definitely bigger than our last place, but not nearly as roomy as say both my sisters homes or my dad’s.
So, with that being said, before I even finished reading this post I … did it .. I stepped away from the site and shot out an invite to have some people over this weekend. That’s right. I sure did. And I’m not talking about 2 or 3 people here. I’m saying like 3-4 couples and some singles as well. Yipes. And as I replied to the post, I got a few replies of acceptance already….here goes, girls.
That’s awesome! I want to hear how it went.. and what you cooked! 🙂
Lots of uh-huh and amen! moments watching the video. I both cringed and applauded when Shauna invited us to invite them into my less-than-perfect home. I’m not sure ‘ashamed’ is the right word, but for real, we’ve lived her for more than 5 years and my walls are bare. We just replaced our one couch (that I got from my parents) with 3 other couches (from my parents), which are the couches we’ve had since I was in high school. Not that we can’t afford new couches, but I really am not a decorator, and I hate shopping for anything. :p We do love having people over all the time, and I think they like being over here, but it’s just always there that my house doesn’t exactly look like some of theirs. I love the sharing about bringing a friend something when they need it, because it’s not really about what we bring, but that we are there.
Soo true I don’t have a lot of people over cause I get embarrassed oh how my home looks. It is sad and this book is pushing me to take more risks. It is the people not the place.
WOW!! This hit home for me! I started hosting a ladies small group in my home this past school year and totally stressed myself out…every.single.week. And so much that it did indeed feel staged for me at times. Thank you for the reminder that it isn’t about the surroundings but instead the people. It’s not about the outside whether that may be our homes or our bodies…It’s about the heart…! I needed this reminder today…Thank you so very much! I feel so blessed by God through each of you ladies!! To Him all of the GLORY!!! 🙂 (and I promise to make the deal this fall when we start up our small group again to invite the girls into my house the way that I live in it, not the way I pretend to live in it! :))