I have been writing these words in my heart for so long now. I never believed that they were mine to share, but now I feel a tug. As I finally sit down to write, I feel so anxious to get it all out. I am trying to slow my mind, pace it with my heart.
My Faith journey…
When I was a child we went to church every week. But, through a whole host of reasons, it was always a source of stress and resentment for me. As an adult, I stopped going. Twice, early in our marriage my husband and I went to a church, but it never felt right.
We moved to a new state, a new home and then I was pregnant with my first daughter. I asked my husband to start going to church. That was 12 years ago. We are now very active members of our church community. I teach religion to children, I run a committee, we attend most of the social events.
But even with that, something always was a little off for me.
When I first started teaching first grade religion I became very nervous, what if they asked a question and I didn’t know the answer? I went through several years of childhood religious teaching, but I felt like I knew nothing. So, I started attending bible studies, learning more about the bible. Learning how to read the bible.
But still something was missing.
2 years ago, I discovered the world of blogs. At first, I was drawn to the decorating blogs. I still do enjoy them, but I found myself more and more being drawn to bloggers who spoke about their Faith. In this crazy world of blogging, I found women who spoke openly about their Faith. About their love for God and their love for Jesus. Speaking this way was natural to them and part of their everyday.
I was envious. In the past, anyone I had ever spoken about religious topics with made me feel very uncomfortable. That was personal and it wasn’t shared. Now, I wanted to be able to speak like these women. But I did not know the path to follow.
Last January our church started a 7 week program called Discovery Christ. Not only did I want to participate but my husband did too. It was life changing. I went through a roller coaster of emotions after completing that program. Anger – now that I knew so much more, how could I possibly be all that? Fear – what if He tested me to prove my Faith?
But then my heart let peace start to set in.
Understanding started to take hold.
Now, here I am today wanting to be the one to speak His Truth. To share my journey.
I saw a bumper sticker the other day: “God speaks: are you listening?” Now I understand that this whole time I wasn’t listening. Now, I try so hard to hear Him. And He speaks to me. Some days he whispers. Some days He shouts. Some days I close my ears. I am still learning.
I am realizing that I started this blogging journey with the goal of Finding Home, but what I really needed was to be on the path to finding Him. My journey has just begun, but now I realize that I am worthy of his love and maybe even to be a voice for Him.
I am so thankful that my heart is now open to hear Him.
By Laura Putnam, Finding HomeLeave a Comment
I so relate to this–so often I can hear or read about Christianity without letting myself truly encounter Christ Himself….but of course everything changes when I do! Thanks for such a great post! Blessings!
Amy Hunt says
He’s so patient with us!
Rich blessings as He shows you more of His grace, and how He uses *time* and story for purpose.
(where in New York are you? Me, too!)
Well and beautifully said! Our journeys are all so unique… As diverse and creative as our Designer! Thank you for giving us an honest peek into yours.
Just have to wonder where and how God will use your faith story. Walk on in His confidence!
You could be writing my life story or be my long lost twin! I too felt something missing from my faith life, stumbed upon blogs, drawn to decorating and crafting and through them the beautiful women of (in)courage. When you mentioned ‘Discovering Christ’ it was like a bolt of electricity went through me! I went through the program two years ago and am profoundly changed! So thankful for it! I too live in NY and think perhaps near to each other…drop me a note if you would like to chat!
The internet and blogging can be used in such a positive way. I’m sure it was divinely inspired as it started you on your path to discovery, in a sense. We are always in the process, aren’t we? Or maybe that is just me…
Nancy Mazany says
Wow, Laura, you are such a blessing to so many people. Thank you for the courage to share such a personal part of your journey. Sometimes we find ourselves in places we never thought we’d be in. It’s hard to trust and push fear out. Your story is very encouraging. The journey really never ends.
Love Laura’s heart and blog. She is an amazing woman and I’m so glad to follow her. Thanks for being real and honest! Love this!
Welcome, friend! It’s heartwarming to read your story – so glad you’re here. May we both learn to listen for the ways God speaks 🙂
Oh, also – I’m from NY, too! Where in the state are you?
Oh girl I love hearing your story. Don’t beat yourself up…a lot of people are brought up with faith being private. I wasn’t. My momma talked to anybody who would listen. It was just what I always knew:)
Laura, Isn’t it awesome that the God of the universe loves us so much that He calls us to Himself? Calling us in a way that is totally unique to each of us? So glad you’re on this journey and are finding your heart’s desire. May God continue to guide and direct you.
Blessings from Barbara in Missouri
Laura, beautifully written. Following the same journey… Thank you sharing your personal feelings of faith. I too, never really talked about my faith in conversation. It’s so nice to find people that you can talk to and share with. God bless ~
Thank you Laura! God has brought a couple of “sandpaper people” into my life the last few weeks and I’ve been asking why. I’ve really resented the extra stress and complications. But now I have an answer – I need to look for what God wants me to learn from them.
Vis Naicket says
I need the Lord to be with me all the time., to take all my problems away and to cover me with his precious BLOOD.
I thank Him for all his blessings and for my good health that He has given to me.
Vis Naicket says
Thank you for every person that have prayed for me and made my life more pleasant
I know I have alot of fellow brothers and sisters in Christ who care about me.
I love them all.
Oh, precious Laura! What a joy to read about this very personal and very beautiful time in your life. Finding Home has taken on a new meaning~because you have found a permanent home in Christ. Remember to rest in His love and know that He has been waiting for this season in your life always and will guide your path. You are a delight! and you bring such joy to your readers and to Him! Blessings to you and your family!
Behind The Smile says
I can relate to needing to listen to God as well as speaking to God. Listening to what God has to say, taking a quiet time to just sit in his presence to hear from God. I can relate to sometimes closing my ears though and at the moment I am doing just that. I know I need to listen but I think I am scared of what I am going to hear plus I too have been taken aback that after a Christian event I find I am angry at God-I know the place to take those feelings is to God himself. Thank you for sharing.
Beth Williams says
I grew up in church. I went every week was in youth choir, did cantatas, bell choir, youth group, etc. My parents did not go, but I did. Sure I heard sermons & knew stuff, but it took me years to finally “get it”. It has only been in the past few years (47) that I truly understand what a relationship with Christ is a about.
I have done a number of Bible studies and memorized scripture. But the best part of all is the preacher we have. He makes the Bible come to life and explains it in simple to understand terms–and he and his wife live out the Bible!
It can be hard at times to really hear Christ during the busy week, but I try and I pray often & listen to Christian music–all that seems to help!
Thank you for listening and sharing laura 🙂
Thank you so much for your heartfelt words. I became a Christian in my early 30’s, and even after 30 years now, I still feel like a “beginner” in the faith sometimes! One of my biggest struggles is in giving all my worries over to Jesus to handle. I keep taking them back and worrying anyway. I am so blessed to have a Christian husband to pray with and to celebrate all of God’s blessings with. So happy for you and your family that you have that joy, too!
The world is an amazing place if only we can see it….and hear it. Thanks for sharing. I loved Discovering Christ too. Great program. To openly love God is a challenge and it’s own reward. Nice essay.
Tanya Halligan says
A beautiful journey from a beautiful person, thank you so much for sharing Laura