She came running to me, cradling her hand, two brown slivers of wood poking out of her fingertip. One gentle touch made her realize how much it hurt, and she immediately curled her hand tightly closed. We went back to the house and settled her down with an ice cube, Capri Sun, and a kid’s television show before I descended on her finger with a pair of tweezers. It would only take a second to pull them out, I thought optimistically, and we could then move on with our evening.
Half an hour later, we both lay exhausted on the floor, television ignored, drink forgotten, and the splinters still firmly stuck in her little finger. I had tried everything I could think of – cajoling, soothing, bribing (two marshmallows!), threats, and brute force – but the only thing I had ended up with was a sad little girl with eyes red from crying and her hair laying in sweaty chunks across her face as she screamed, “No! No! No!”.
I gave up, wrapped her finger in a Band-Aid, and hugged her tightly before tucking her into bed. Then I sat down on the back porch, rocking and staring out into the trees, as I tried to calm down my adrenaline flushed body and work through the frustration that was still bubbling up inside me.
It would have taken 10 seconds, maybe less, for me to pull out the tiny shards of wood. Over. Done. A pinch, and then the pain would be gone. I was trying to help her and take away her pain, but she just kept kicking and screaming, pushing me away.
But how often do I do the same thing to God?
I kick and scream, pushing God away from my life. I don’t want what He has for me, because it might hurt or be uncomfortable. Worried that I can’t handle what he gives me, I clutch my heart tightly to my chest, not willing to open my hands and let God prune, fix, grow, and stretch what needs to change in order to prepare me for His purposes and will.
I’m sure that sometimes He sits back, smiles sadly at me, and says,
“Rachel, don’t you know that I love you? I only want the best for you, but I can’t heal you if you don’t let me in. Trust My ways, dear child, and I will bring you to a better place.”
I understand her fear, because I have felt it too.
Later, I go in to check on her. She has surrendered to sleep, her bandaged hand sprawled out on the pillow next to her head. I smooth back her still damp hair and pray for her…and me.
“Help us to trust. Help us to uncurl our hands to the ones who love us the most and accept the healing that comes with it. Bless us, Father, even in our lack of trust, and draw us close to you.”
By Rachel Hammond, Circle of Quiet
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Eileen says
How true. It seems no matter how long we serve Him we still have areas of our lives we lack trust. Our lives are a matter of maturing in each area. As we grow in one area and learn trust, another area still lingers in mistrust. Over time we learn, in layers like an onion, our fears become peeled back. God understands we are weak, but He is strong, like the old song rings out.
I had to learn to calm down when dealing with emergencies and push into peace. I noticed my children responded to the truth being told of what I was going to do and that if they trusted me I would do my best to make it better. I had to learn to address fears first then the need. Even when my daughter split her chin, wide open. I remained calm and talked in a gentle voice, explaining what I had to do to get the bleeding stopped. When my son came walking in with his pants torn up and blood everywhere, I had to calm my heart first, deal with his crying, gain his trust then work on his leg.
My daughter had tried to ride the dog as a horse, it ended badly, my son tried to do a trick with his bike, and it ended the same. Their tears were not always because of the pain or the blood, but the shock of the event. I too had to learn shouting never solved anything. I was the grown up, so I had to learn to remain calm and deal with the situation. My mother had 4 boys and 2 girls, farm accidents are plenty enough without the antics of children, the dare devil trick, when a child think they are impervious to pain or accidents. Through it all she learned to remain calm. My sister and I were the youngest so by the time came for us to come along she has learned how to deal with trauma and emergencies. It comes with time she would tell me, and so it did.
Rachel says
Eileen,
Thanks for your thoughtful words – I feel like teaching our kids faith and trust in us is preparing them to learn the same things with their Heavenly Father…it’s a huge responsibility that starts with us, right?
Learning to Trust…One Sliver at a Time…{Guest Post @ in(courage)} | Circle of Quiet says
[…] writing at (in)courage, an amazing place where faith and community collides, today – HERE I would love it if you would check it […]
Lydia Abraham says
Did u finally manage to get the splinters out?
Rachel says
Hmmm…good question. 🙂 We wrestled one out the next morning, but the other one we left in and it worked itself out in good time…
Holly says
I have a daughter, now close to 16, who was the same way with splinters. What a beautiful illustration you bring to light about myself too! There are current circumstances in my life now that I am pushing and kicking against…perhaps I need to stop and see what foreign object God is trying to remove from my heart…
Thank you for your words and insight!
Rachel says
Thanks Holly…sometimes we get so used to the “splinters” in our life that we stop thinking about them. Sometimes we need someone to poke and prod at them a little bit…a friend, a sermon, a teacher…to remember that we need to deal with them!
Kristi Huseby says
Rachel,
This was soooo good and so true for me too!
Blessings my friend.
Rachel says
Thanks Kristi – so nice of you to come and check it out! 🙂
Lisa says
Lovely and true! Thanks for your beautiful words…
Rachel says
Thanks Lisa!
Marni Arnold says
Rachel,
What an excellent reminder from such a simple…yet exhausting…moment. It is amazing how much He uses our children to instill, or reinstill, trusts deep into our hearts for our own lives. There is depth in the basics of life, and what better way to learn them than through our kids? 🙂
Rachel says
Thanks for your thoughts, Marni. I agree that having kids opened my mind and heart to learn so much about myself and my faith!
Behind The Smile says
Such a relevant message for myself today and in this particular season of my life. I need to trust the father God in my journey to healing but I am scared and I doubt and so I hold back afraid of what will come what lies ahead instead of trusting the father will not hurt me and will be with me. Thank you for sharing. Behind The Smile.
Rachel says
I try to keep in mind that He knows the whole story, and I only know a very small piece, and that helps me to relax into what is best for not just this moment, but my life altogether. You can trust Him!
Beth Williams says
In my life I’ve had to learn to trust God. At times I thought I knew better & would do things, but not get the results I wanted. After much prayer & trusting–God gave me more than I could ever ask for!
Prayer, calmness & trusting in God all work hand in hand.
Rachel says
Absolutely true. Thanks Beth!
Anne says
I vividly remember a similar experience with my daughter over 35 yrs ago. The Holy Spirit has brought it to mind many times over the years when I have needed to just relax and trust Him who wants only the best for me.
Rachel says
Isn’t it cool how the Holy Spirit both gives us those experiences and brings them back to our minds just when we need them? Amazing…
Ruth E. Chidley says
Thank you Rachel for your inspirational insight. It made me realize that I am holding my hand(s) tightly closed because I’m afraid of that which, I know, God has been asking me to do for quite some time now. Might pain be involved? Yes, without a doubt! I will be reminded of very difficult times as I go through with what God expects of me. What is it that God wants that I’m afraid to open my hands and do? Write a book. Not just any book but a book that shares my life journey with physical pain and illness. The primary message isn’t to be about pain or illness but about the faithfulness of God through all areas of our life. Why do I hesitate? It isn’t just about being reminded about the pain, it is because I have a fear of failure. I know fears do not come from God so I have to be listening to someone else, right? : )
Thank you again, Rachel, for your inspirational word picture about allowing God to work on us and through us for he only desires the very best for our lives!
Rachel says
Ruth – Thanks for sharing a bit of your journey, and I’m sure that many people would be blessed by the rest of your story and the faithfulness that you have been shown through your experiences. I pray that you find the peace you need to move forward with CONFIDENCE! 🙂
Learning to Trust… One Splinter at a Time… | Righteous Tree says
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Amelia says
Thank you for sharing this moment with us, Rachel. So often we fear the pain of having something removed, yet it ends up costing us so much more to not let God remove it.
Rachel says
Thanks Amelia – that’s such a great statement…and I entirely agree. And…thanks for reading 🙂
Marni Gallerneault (@LMarni) says
Thank-you for sharing this. And it’s so true for me, I fight God all the time and it seems quite silly for not trusting Him … who better to trust??
Rachel says
Good point, Marni! People are bound to fail us, but not God!
Andrew says
Very good article, thanks for sharing. Resisting God is simply a lack of faith.