There’s something in the heart of a woman that responds when she is noticed. It’s that hint of enjoyment when a photograph catches her good side, that wisp of hair hinting at beauty. It’s far too subtle to be vanity—it’s akin to that feeling of looking at a nice sunset or admiring the joy of a child; unexpected and lovely.
Some deep cavern inside her heart fills up as she lingers on the photograph—it echoes a remembrance of something stuffed inside the trunk of her memory. It’s like a melody she can hear inside her head but can’t think up the words to. She looks again and notices the curve of her lower lip, the arch of her brow and that particular way her hands are folded her lap. It’s the memory of her mom.
I came to know my grandmother Marie by way of photograph. We never met but she might have touched me once or twice as I swelled in my mom’s belly. I’ve seen her in black and white and even in my aunts when they look at me a certain way.
My grandmother was a quiet reservoir of thought. She wasn’t one to speak her mind, especially about other people. She held her piece. When something was on her mind, she swept the kitchen, wordless and pacing. My grandfather was a truck driver, often on the road to support their growing family but unavailable to debrief her thoughts at the end of a long day.
She gave life to 16 children, all her own: ten girls, six boys in a healthy Catholic-sized family. Nowadays it would prompt some kind of chaotic reality TV show. But large families were a thing of the 1950’s. Some people in their small town scorned my grandmother’s refusal to use contraceptives, as if she would single handedly overpopulate the world.
She hardly had a room to herself or an ounce of alone time but nurtured her children to become kind people, not mere numbers in a line of many. It’s not the kind of life many women would choose, but it was a beautiful picture of that first life giving vision God had for man and wife in Genesis: “Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it.”
Grandma Marie died of breast cancer when my mom was 30. I wish I could sit at her kitchen table that housed pitchers brimming with milk and learn to bake bread by her side. She did things simple, living and loving in basic acts. She was a grand woman.
My mom recalls one Christmas Eve when my aunt fit my Grandma Marie in a fine purple suit, the likes of which no one had seen her in. It was a rare moment, the fabric fit her perfectly and she enlivened the room with her radiance. The hidden beauty of my grandma’s quiet soul was a treasure to reveal, and a poignant moment not lost in my mother’s memory.
A woman lives for these moments, for the hour she is recognized as feminine and lovely. My grandma Marie should’ve had more moments like this, but the demands of her everyday life made them infrequent. A woman affirmed in her beauty is something right and good. It’s the way she should feel. In true form, it is not a vain or shallow thing but something to celebrate, dress up and call out when we see it in others. I wish I could celebrate my grandmother all dressed in purple like royalty. I wish I could hold her hand. But until we meet in the sweet company of our Savior, a photograph will have to do.
By Lauren Ruef, Echoes of Eve
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Elizabeth says
Beautiful post. Beautiful words. There is so very much we can learn from this generation. Your love for your grandmother and your respect for her come through so tenderly here. Thank you for sharing these gentle reminders of a simpler time. I know you are blessed by family, and she would be pleased I am certain of your gifts as a writer.
Lauren Ruef says
Thank you for reading Elizabeth. She really was all this and more and I’m so blessed to honor my grandma’s legacy today.
Stacey says
Beautiful story – Thanks for sharing <3. I'm so blessed to have some wonderful
Memories of my Mama <3. She was also a woman of few words, but full of Love for us grandchildren. She spent treasured time with me <3
Lauren Ruef says
Those memories are precious, aren’t they? It’s amazing how women can speak so much through their actions in graciously serving others. Thanks for reading along Stacey!
Lisa says
What a beautiful group of children. Think of the legacy she has left behind! Wow!
Lauren Ruef says
I’m still astonished by it Lisa! We have a family reunion coming up in August and I have fifty first cousins just from this side of the family. It’s beautiful and a great blessing.
Theresa Hartman says
Thank you for sharing. I am a mom who has 15 kids. 10 girls and 5 boys and I can really relate. 🙂 And yes, no reality show here either. Thankfully just quietly serving my family.
Theresa Hartman
Lauren Ruef says
You’re a legacy in your own right Theresa! Thanks for sharing. You are doing so much to change the world in your day-to-day. I admire you!
Beth Williams says
Delightful post filled with charming words. I am taken aback to a much simpler time–a place & time I would love to go to. Don’t care for the hustle & bustle of everyday life–just the simple days of raising children without much distractions.
You are blessed by your family & your grandmother would be proud of such an interesting writer!
Honoring a beautiful woman. | Echoes of Eve says
[…] a woman who I’ve never met, but greatly respect. My guest post about her is featured on InCourage, a blog for […]
Lauren Ruef says
Thanks for reading Beth! I also long to return to that time when life was slower and a bit more simple. Though I don’t have children of my own, my grandma taught me how to love people well in how she raised my mom. Blessings to you and your family!
Christiana says
wow, thank you for this. beautiful writing and memories.
Lauren Ruef says
You are absolutely welcome Christiana, You’re a beautiful part of her legacy!
Sarah Case says
Thanks for giving me a moment of beautiful memory today. I do remember Grandma Marie…I was eleven when she died. I remember her as generous, nurturing, thoughtful, and kind. I think she was made of strong stuff – to have carried and birthed sixteen beautiful babies and kept that house running all those years, especially when Grandpa was on the road. During my own pregnancy and childbirth experiences, I thought of her so many times and wanted to ask her questions. I wish she were with us now!
Lauren Ruef says
Thanks so much for reading cousin Sarah. I admire that “strong stuff” in you that endured child labor to bring sweet little Dot into existence! I know Grandma Marie would be proud!
Greta Pyle says
Lauren you are an amazing writter! You beautifully have captured the essence of Grandma without ever having met her! I got goosebumps reading this. Thank you!
Love, Greta
Lauren Ruef says
Thank you Greta! I so wish I had the privilege of meeting her like you did. Hope to see you at the reunion in August!
Anonymous says
You made think of my grandma. I was fifteen when she died, when I look at her picture I see strenght. She always gave me a sense of safety. When she visited us, she stayed in my room and I think that were the moments I felt the savest. My grandma was not a quiet she talked a lot, but she was also very humble. In my country grandma’s are very “powerful”, they often take care of their granchildren, because the parents have to work. She lives forth in my mom who looks more like her everyday and talks maybe even more than her!
Lauren Ruef says
Wow, I would love to hear your story! You sound like a very strong lady yourself and certainly a reflection of your grandma. I love what you said about your grandma being a “powerful” lady. I think our culture could appreciate the “powerful” women we know a lot more often. It’s refreshing to hear that kind of strength is appreciated in a woman where you are from. Thank you so much for reading!
Fran Berrey says
Lauren, You captured her heart so perfectly, thank-you for honoring Mom in this way. God has big plans for your writing skills, keep up your beautiful insights. Now, to find some tissues.
Lauren Ruef says
Oh Frannie, you are so sweet and special to me. I see Grandma Marie so much in you too!
Laurie says
What a lovely tribute to an amazing women!! Your words are so eloquently written, I feel like I know your grandmother just a bit myself!!
Lauren Ruef says
Thanks for reading Laurie. I love the sense of community this blog has created!
Katie @ imperfect People says
This is great Lauren! I checked out your website and I love it. I couldn’t find where to leave you a comment though 🙁 So glad to find you!
Lisa-Jo@thegypsymama says
What woman can’t relate to this? Thank you for sharing, Lauren.
Lauren Alexander says
There’s much beauty in these words…thank you.
Judy and Morrie says
Lisa told us about this beautiful story that you wrote about Marie and as I (Morrie) read it, the description was amazing. You described Mom in such a loving way even though you didn’t know her. It was hard to get through reading the story without wiping the tears away. Thank you for your incredible writing and love for your grandma. She was an amazing woman.
Ashlie Dill (Steward) says
Lauren, Christiana passed this link onto me…and I am so glad she did. What a beautiful life story of sacrificial love. Frequently today our society calls us to “get in touch with yourself” and to “do what is best for you”…and while we are certainly called to know our identity as women in the Lord, we are also called to empty ourselves and become more like Christ. And becoming more like Christ means total self-gift. I see this in the story of your Grandma Marie, and I am filled with inspiration and joy for such an example of womanhood. Thank you for sharing.
Deirdre Lehmann says
Hey,
I work for venture magazine, and i have been reading a couple pieces that you have written.
Man, this is beautiful! great great job.