It’s been twenty-three years since I sat in that hospital room, waiting for someone with just a little bit of common sense to walk in and speak some truth into the situation. I mean, seriously? They were going to let me take this baby home? What were they thinking? What was I thinking?
Ten little fingers and ten sweet toes and raspberry lips in a bow. Long eyelashes resting like silk on creamy, toffee skin. And a sweet, baby smell that completely undid me. Didn’t these people know that if I took this baby home I would break him? Where was the instruction booklet? Where was the test to see if I knew what I was doing? Seriously. What were we thinking?
Who among us really knows what she’s doing when we make a baby and bring him home? When we put him on the bus for kindergarten, or give her the keys to the car, or drop him off at college, or move her into her very first apartment with the door that sticks and the bottom step that squeaks?
Back in that hospital, no one ever came running down the corridor, waving their arms in the air and shouting, “Wait! Stop! This woman cannot take this baby home! She has no idea how to be a mother!” Nope. They just calmly brought me the papers to sign, made me sit down in the wheelchair, and put that baby in my arms. Then, we rode down the elevator and through the door of the hospital without even one glimmer of hesitation from any of those hospital people. The security guard didn’t even glance in my direction.
So, we did the only thing we could do. We grew up together. Along the way we broke each other. And we healed each other. And we kept growing up together. There’s no way around the mistakes. There is no getting through this motherhood thing without a heartbreak or two. There is no escaping sleepless nights and tough decisions.
So here it is: your permission to be the imperfect mother that you are. Because perfect is just too much pressure. We’ll never get there. Not this side of heaven. But we’ve got two things that make it all work. We’ve got love and we’ve got grace. The thing we’re really good at? We are good at loving those ten fingers and toes and the way that baby smells and the way they grow and make us grow right along with them. And God has grace enough to fill in all the places we fall short. So go ahead. Be your imperfect self – head over heels in love with that baby or that toddler or that teenager or that college graduate. And hang on tight to God, letting Him fill all the empty spaces with grace.
By: Deidra, Jumping Tandem
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I made most of my mistakes with the first. I mean I still make mistakes, but not as frequently as the first. Good thing he loves me and forgives me just like my Father.
For me, by the time my second child came along, I had let up on myself a bit. Me too, I continue to make mistakes. But grace is just such a beautiful thing that now – after I’ve gotten done with the panic and the kicking myself in the pants – it doesn’t take me quite as long to let it go.
Also? I have learned it’s really important to tell my children I was wrong when I was, and to apologize liberally and whenever necessary.
oh yes.
it had been just over 18 years for me… and this brings to me tears. honest tears, from this mama who has broken and been broken, grown & loved. and every minute, every step… has been part of our imperfect, cherished story.
Imperfect and cherished. That just about sums it up, Dawn. I cried a few tears writing this, you know? Even though it’s been years, it’s such a sweet memory. I’d like to sit in the hospital room with that young mother and offer her a bit of hope.
Beautiful
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve said this very thing Deidra. Women will look at my grown children and ask how we did it. I smile wryly and say, “Grace.” There was no more imperfect mother than I, but in His mercy He poured grace into all the cracked and broken places and somehow we ended up with these amazing adults.
Your beautiful writing is just blessing me to pieces these days.
Linda, YOU are blessing ME these days! I’m so glad you’re all settled in, and making the rounds once again. Love you!
Perfectly imperfect is how we roll around here and it is only with grace and by His Grace that I am still standing at the end of the day! Ironically though, I needed to read this in order to remember that…and having it come from someone more seasoned than I (my babies are 6,4,2 and 5mos) it actually sunk in. So thank you!
You’re welcome! And I’m so grateful to you for the work you’re doing. You are changing the world – right where you are!
Yes!! I am so sharing this post. I know so many of us think we are alone in these fears, and mistakes, and messy days. Thank you for sharing that we are not alone.
Nope. Not alone. In fact, when it comes to mistakes and fears and insecurity, I’m pretty sure we’re all surrounded by that great cloud of witnesses the bible talks about. 🙂
Deidra,
Loved the post. Though not a parent, to humans, am a parent to 2 Iguanas–make mistakes–you bet even in life, & love! Thank God for His wonderful Grace & Mercy showered new every day!
This is a heart-touching, beautifully written article—brought tears to my eyes.
As a mother of 3 20-somethings and a 7 year old, I thank you!
I thank YOU – for the day-to-day grace you give to this work of mothering. Bless you!
This touched my heart.
Thank you. Beautiful. Authentic. Loved it.
By the way, I’m taking your permission and running with it!!
Bless your family.
I am running right along with you, my friend.
You made me cry! (It doesn’t take much, though…) 😉
Thanks, needed to hear this…every once in a while.
I remember thinking the exact same thing when we came home with our first, five years ago!
I totally get that crying thing. I used to laugh at my mother for crying at commercials and now? Oh my goodness! Tomorrow, I’m going to cheer on a few friends who are running the Marathon in our town. I was telling my husband about it tonight and I started crying. And the race hasn’t even started, yet!
I wanted to get in on the next inspired deals review. The last I saw said to check back May 15. Did I miss something? Does anyone know when it will be up?