I recently had a friend ask me, “Why AREN’T you married?”
The question surprised me. And not just because it seemed a little impolite to ask that question of a single gal in her forties. When I didn’t answer for a minute, he asked,
“Have you just been focusing on your career?”
It got me thinking.
Maybe I had wasted my best dating years of my twenties and thirties. Maybe I didn’t pray hard enough. Maybe I should have been more diligent about going to singles’ events at church. Maybe I should have made more of an effort to meet people. Maybe I’m single because I didn’t try hard enough. Or worst of all, maybe I overlooked someone. Was it possible that I happened to miss the one God meant for me in one of those dates over the past two decades?
I have always thought – and still do – that I am right where God has planned for me to be at this point in my life. In the right place. At the right time. With the right family and friends God has already placed in my life. God’s timing is perfect.
Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans. Prov. 16:3
Instead of feeling like I was less because I was single, I asked God if he had more for me. More to do? More to be? I felt him whisper that he might have more for me in the future, but for now this is enough.
This life. This family. This job. This church. This volunteer work. These friends.
This family is a sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephew, who I am so blessed to live near, to be a part of their daily lives. This job is in healthcare communications, a field I have been interested in since my college internship at a hospital. This church, where I worship and volunteer as a kindergarten teacher, is passionate about building relationships and drawing people closer to God. These friends, who grace my life, support and encourage.
God tells me I am chosen to live this life. I am chosen to be an aunt, a sister, a daughter, a friend. And I am chosen to be God’s holy daughter. I’m not less, I’m chosen.
But you are a chosen people (woman), a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 1 Peter 2:8-10
This life? More than enough for me.
By Valerie Sisco, Grace with Silk
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So, so beautiful. The peace in your voice shines through in your writing. You inspire to identify the what we haves as enough and to be grateful and at perfect peace with the where we ares this day.
Just beautiful. Thank you for sharing your heart on this topic.
Elizabeth,
Thank you so much for your kind words. Peace can be so hard to achieve and although I don’t reach it every single day, it blesses me to think that this post may have brought a little peace to your day.
Valerie
I’m only in my mid twenties, yet there are still people in my life who believe that I haven’t “arrived” because I’m single. Even though I don’t believe that, it gets hard because I do want to be married. But my greater desire is to follow God in the life He has for me. So, I guess that is where I should focus my attention. Thanks for the encouragement!
Jennifer,
I totally understand! This trend started for me in my twenties as well. I think that it’s important to value every dream that God gives us. Sometimes others don’t understand the importance of all those dreams, marriage being just one of them. I’m really blessed by your kind words!
Valerie
Jennifer,
If you truly want a mate–my advice is to pray about it and seek God’s advice. God may have bigger plans for you than marriage right now. He may be molding you and the other person–making you both the kind of Christian He wants.
The best plan is follow the leading of God. I did that & prayed hard & late in life (39 turning 40) God sent me a most wonderful man. But it was all in His timing!
Your insight and encouragement are an inspiration Valerie! 🙂
Amy,
Thank you so much — I am glad you were encouraged!
Valerie
Valerie,
I don’t like it when people ask “impolite questions”. I would have told that man that I am single because I choose to be–available more for God.
I also believe some people are not meant to ever get married. God’s plans for them may be to use them as volunteers & missionaries being more of the hands and feet of Christ.
Pray about it and seek His leading. Until then don’t stop allowing yourself to be used of God!
Beth,
Thank you so much for your comment. I agree that God has so much more planned for us than we can ever imagine!
Valerie
Those questions from others…can be really difficult.
In my 20s I thought marriage was a no-brainer. Then the 30s came and I was focused both focused on my career and emotionally unavailable for a myriad of reasons. (I told myself I was fine with my singlehood. Which I was at that point.)
People asked why I wasn’t dating. Some thought my standards were too high. Some thought I needed to hang out in bars – even Christians.
I always said that what I needed was to live my life using the passions God provided. That I could just as easily meet the man God wanted for me while pumping gas or while serving in a volunteer position…as a could at bar. I just needed to live life with my eyes and ears open.
God provided passions and I pursued them. But, nope, not one person asked me to coffee.
Some people thought I was nuts.
Then in my 40s, something changed. My heart…hurt. Suddenly there was pain and longing. I felt like I had SO much extra love. To give. Available. And, I realized that at 42 my chance of meeting a God-honoring man and getting married was about the same as getting struck my lightening.
Then lightening struck. Seeds that God had planted 23 years earlier in college became fruit. I was to become re-acquainted with an old friend through a bizarre set of circumstances. And, a year and a half later, I was married with 2 wonderful step-sons. I’m now married to a man who loves God with all of his soul. And, he loves me, with all of his heart.
Life. Happens.
Hopefully, we have our eyes and ears open.
(And, I’m glad I didn’t waste time hanging out in bars.)
Blessings,
Dana
Cooking at Cafe D
Dana,
Thank you so much for sharing this heartwarming and personal story. It is so wonderful to hear how God worked in your circumstance. You are right, when we have our hearts open to his plans, and to his love, great things happen!
Valerie
Valerie, It is better not to marry than have bad marriages or to rush in in desperation to an ill advised marriage. I have been married three times. All were abusive. Now nearly 60 years old I finally realize God has more out there than that. I’m disabled so cannot do a lot of volunteering but I have my computer! I do things online and my prayer life is rich. I can pray for people because I am not so busy with life anymore. Things are at a much slower and more relaxed pace these days. I am so blessed to have these single days. I really do appreciate them. Thanks for the reminder that the single life is rewarding. Our celebacy is something to be treasured and used by God. What ever your situation in life rejoice in it! You are the daughter of the Most High God, a sister, single mom, friend, a great aunt and more. Blessed
Susan,
Your story is very touching. I can see that you are using the gifts and abilities God has given you to serve him and bless others. Thank you for your kind words!
Valerie
I would have told the guy, “If God wanted me to be married, I would be.” Because if you leave it up to God, He will pick the best mate for you. I’ve learned this lesson myself because humans make serious mistakes based on wrong criteria. It’s best to leave that to God because it is a serious step in your life. No one has to waste their time trolling the universe for a perfect mate. God knows where everyone on the planet is and He will hook up the two people when the time is right. In the meantime…you can be about our Father’s business. 🙂
Christine,
I agree with you — I love leaving the details to God! It sounds like you have experienced this firsthand — the best timing, best plans and best choices are better left to him.
Valerie
Dear Valerie,
I thank God for you and I thank you for letting God use you to be a blessing.I am a Nigerian and I come from a culture that believes that it is only in being married that one is fulfilled.having to watch most of my friends get married kinda puts some pressure on me to do the same but I find that despite what my eyes see, I can’t seem to get myself to feel sorry for myself because of words like yours. I kNOW that because I love God, the best things in life are mine. God has blessed me and I have a lot to be thankful for and as such I choose to seek FIRST the Kingdom of God and I know that EVERY other thing (a husband and a happy, God-centered home inclusive) shall be added unto me
God bless you richly.Thanks once again.You have indeed blessed me this evening.
Abhuohien,
Thank you for sharing your story. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to keep your personal sense of worth intact in the midst of a challenging environment. I am inspired by your determination to seek God’s best for your life!
Valerie
Thank you for your blessed words.
Chosen for right now. There’s such power in focusing on that truth. No matter where we are in our lives, it’s for purpose. We can trust Him. Your words were such encouragement to my heart today as I choose to trust Him for where I am in my story.
Rich blessings as He shows you His ways for your life, Valerie.
Amy
Amy,
I’m so blessed that you were encouraged! You are right about God writing the words of our stories — it’s wonderful to trust him as it unfolds.
Valerie
Simply beautiful, indeed you are exactly in the right place. Thank you for sharing.
Beautifully written. I so needed to read this.
What joy it is to be secure in exactly where God wants you to be.
Tamerriell,
Thank you for your kind words! I’ve found that where God wants me may not always be the easiest place, but it’s the best place for me.
Valerie
Thank you for the wonderful insight. We should all reject rejection instead of absorbing it.
Thank you.
Thank you for your kind words, Leah! They are much appreciated.
Valerie
Thank you for opening your heart to others to be an encouragement and a light
Valerie,
I love reading your articles – they are so uplifting and encouraging.
I shared them with some girls at work and they feel the same way.
You are such a talented writer, keep up the good work!!!!
Jan,
I’m so encouraged by your kind comments! Thank you for reading and sharing!
Valerie
Thanks Val…you express so well the thoughts my daughters and I have shared. Therir lives are so full of the thing God has provided. “The Lord has done great things for us and we are filled with joy’
Love, Mary
Hi Mary!
I’m overwhelmed that you would read and comment! Thank you so much!
Valerie
Valerie, you are wise beyond your years. It takes most people a long time to realize and accept that God is in control and indeed His timing is perfect! You sound like an amazing young woman and God is using you to touch many lives in special ways!
Sandra,
That is so kind of you!
Valerie
You have wonderful insight and a solid perspective.
Thank you.
Jess,
Thank you so much! So kind of you to read and comment. Hope you’ll stop by my blog sometime!
Valerie
I admire your writing talents and willingness to share your thoughts and experiences so they can inspire others. Thanks for sharing with me and so many others who will greatly benefit from your insights. Keep up the great work. Susan
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Valerie, I sooo enjoy reading your blogs. Being in God’s will is the best and safest place to be.
Sandy