“It never ceases to amaze me how good we are at hitting the bullseye on the wrong target.” – Food, Inc., Documentary

I’m sad to confess that I yell at my kids most often when I am trying to finish a p90x workout video in my bedroom. It seems that regardless of how occupied they all appear to be before I push play, they descend on my exercise time like locusts on a fall crop. Suddenly, I have my preschooler sitting on me while I’m trying to do push-ups, and I’m pressing pause faster than I can break a sweat.  The older two are fighting. My daughter needs help with the computer. My son can’t find a snack in the kitchen. And while the skinny people on the video are squatting and planking and tricep-pressing, I am an irritated mom who’s morphing into a she-version of the Incredible Hulk {but, considering the Hulk’s physique, maybe that would work in my favor, anyway}.

I just want 40 minutes to myself.  What is their problem?!  Why can’t I just have access to a gym and childcare?

And so, I get angry. And unfortunately for my kids, my angry-self  is even less attractive than my working-out-self, if you can imagine. There is stomping and verbal “arghs” and frequent words I have to apologize for later.

We had a friend tell us once that “anger is oftentimes the result of a blocked goal,” and I agree. Because my goal of fighting this slowing metabolism is typically blocked by the needs of my three young children. And the result from me is always, always, an angry, selfish one.

I recently picked up a copy of Neil Anderson’s book, Getting Anger Under Control, and it struck a chord on many levels. Anderson talks about the subtle but important difference between godly desires and godly goals. Anderson writes that a godly goal is anything that reflects God’s will for our lives and is not dependent on other people or circumstances, whereas a godly desire, while potentially good, as well, is dependent on others or circumstances. Anderson writes:

“If we believe that our identity and sense of worth is dependent upon the cooperation of other people and upon favorable circumstances, then we will likely try to control them. When we discover that we can’t, then those people or circumstances are blocking us from our goals, and we get angry. If any outcome we desire is uncertain, we feel anxious; and if our goal seems impossible to reach, we get depressed. . .

Even Godly desires will become a problem for us if we raise them to the level of goals.”

Anderson explains the difference between goals and desires with several examples, one of which is a woman at the checkout line of a grocery store in a hurry to get home. Her desire is to get in and out of the shop quickly, but the cashier is checking out the customer in front of her painfully slowly. While the rushing woman might have had a desire to accomplish her shopping in five minutes, the woman’s larger goal of demonstrating the character of Christ is not blocked by the slow cashier. The shopper can still choose patience and kindness, if her desire remains less important than her goal.

And, suddenly my p90x issues came into focus, because I had been elevating my desire for a workout above my goal to be a Christ-like woman. And it seemed a simple shift of semantics, but it was an important one for me, nonetheless.

Because the truth is that I have already been given everything I need for life and godliness {2 Peter 1:3}. Right now. At this moment. And my challenge is to remember that this goal of loving like Jesus is not blocked by kids that interrupt a workout video.

In fact, interrupting children could be just the catalyst I need to embrace it.

“God’s goal for our lives is to become the person He created us to be. Paul said, ‘This is the will of God, your sanctification’ {1 Thes. 4:3}. Nobody–nothing–on planet Earth can keep us from becoming the person God created us to be. The only ones who can interfere with that goal is ourselves.” – Neil Anderson, Getting Anger Under Control

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What desire do you typically elevate beyond the greater goal of loving like Christ?

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Laura Parker, a freelance writer, lives and blogs from Thailand, where her husband is involved in humanitarian work. You can read more about her life in SouthEast Asia at her blog, ALifeOverseas. You can follow her on twitter at @LauraParkerBlog.

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