This morning I was making espresso, an eggnog latte to be exact, in the bathroom for my husband and I had an epiphany. Our espresso machine is in the bathroom. Our microwave is on the floor in the dining room, and we do dishes in the bathroom sink. If you walked into our home today, you would think that our life is messy.
Things are being gutted; painted, rearranged, and cleaned so there will be newness from the inside. We could have bought decor, painted things, bought new appliances, and it would have looked nice on the outside, and it would have been so much easier. The hardest part is living in the messiness while we are slowly redoing our home.
The early sun was already hot this morning coming through our bathroom windows. While I was pouring eggnog and vanilla flavors into my husband’s travel mug, my mind was consumed with confusion about a situation in my life. Late Saturday night I sat down on the couch and shed tears while my loving husband helped me try to sort through what’s going on.
I stumbled this weekend after a conversation with a friend.
It exposed in me the areas where I struggle most; deep connection, sincere conversations, every day connections with other women.
I am still trying to sort the situation in my mind, and trying to understand it. I finished the flavoring for Tony’s drink, and as I began to steam the milk, God’s peace and understanding rushed through me so quickly I blurted out loudly, “Whoa!”
Sadly, I have been looking for deposits in the wrong place. I let my mind wander to things I can’t understand; sin, relationships that, right now, aren’t functioning in the wholeness and healthiness of God. I have spent time in my mind dwelling on this and trying to figure it out, when it isn’t mine to sort. It’s God’s.
After I felt overwhelmed by God’s love for me, I set the steamed milk down and poured Tony’s double shot. I felt God’s direction for my morning, and I embraced it with excitement. He wants me to put my energy, my focus, and my heart into things that I can understand; Him. He wants to be my confidante; to share my heart with Him. To give Him my undivided attention. To listen.
With Tony’s latte ready, I quickly made my own, and went to our spare bedroom which will belong to our little girl, but which now holds all of our homeless possessions. I sorted through the piles of books on the floor until I found my devotional. I grabbed it and got ready to head out the door to work.
I turned around on our porch and locked our glass door, looking through it as I turned the key. I am glad our home is messy right now. That means we are working on it, changing the things that need to change, and making it better.
If our house was clean and things were still in their places, that would be fine, and easy. I wouldn’t have to scrub raisin bran cereal out of our bathroom sink, and I would feel less weird because I wouldn’t be making lattes in our bathroom.
I guess my heart is a little messy, too. It would be easy if things didn’t get uncovered. I wouldn’t feel like I was navigating through such treacherous territory. But in the same way I looked through my door this morning at our messy home and was thankful, I’m thankful my heart is being worked on. I wouldn’t want to stay the same.
By Katie at A House Blend.Leave a Comment
I love that He is your Confidant and that it’s for Him to sort out. I have a couple of things that need sorting so I’ll tell Him and let Him take care of them.
Brittnie (A Joy Renewed) says
I really enjoyed this post. It wouldn’t take much faith if our lives never needing changing, growing, stretching etc. We are all a constant mess and work in progress. Praise God that He does not give up on us. 🙂
It’s a messy thing to be made whole! 🙂
Bella Sera says
Thanks for today’s writing. I am so glad we are all a work in progress and that life is messy 🙂
Yep….I’m in the “tribe-of-try” too!! Trying to get better, do better, figure things out! Love that you said “It’s for Him to sort out”….ahhh…but I need faith in the waiting! I just need to have patience….Patience while I try out a new attitude!! Wonderful post….Thank You!
You said it… My heart feels messy right now too…
You helped me realize its a good thing. That messiNess..
I am in the process of change right now myself…trying to recover from years of family verbal abuse. At the hands of the ones who were supposed to raise me. I feel like everything is changing, life is getting messier…but in the midst of this, I am becoming more aware (more than EVER!) of who I am and what I want to be/do. When I get stuck trying to figure things out on my own, I quickly give it to God. Yes, I don’t like this messy life I’m in right now…but when the mess is over….won’t it be beautiful? I’m so encouraged that God’s peace and understanding came over you like that. He was filling you with love and joy and contentment for where you are at. You won’t be there forever…..but you can be consoled by Him in this journey. I’m a new Christian too, so I’m just learning about relationship with Him and this was a great post to remind me to let go and trust Him (still working on that whole letting go thing though =)
Thanks Katie, this is exactly what I needed today. Thanks for reminding me that it’s OK that my heart is not so neat and tidy all the time. I want to get to the place where I can say “I’m glad my heart is messy right now” because messes and brokenness are God’s specialties. Oh, and could you make ME an eggnog latte? I’m sure the toilet makes a fine chair for sitting and sipping lattes.
Totally understand living in a construction zone,I have washed dishes in the bathroom sink as well; it does keep you mindful of what is important. If I don’t have that time alone with God I get lost too. Hope your project goes well just hang in there and think about the big picture. You will have a great kitchen and extra room to share with family and friends like we do now. God Bless and keep you. Congratulations on the coming arrival.
I love your analogy of comparing your home improvement to essentially your heart improvement. Lovely…
Liz G says
‘Dwelling on… trying to figure out… not mine to sort out…’ reminded of the wise man who built his house upon the rock, maybe the messes don’t matter, only the foundation.
Liz G says
‘Dwelling on… trying to figure out… not mine to sort out…’ reminded of the wise man who built his house upon the rock, maybe the messes don’t matter, only what is the foundation.
Kaitlin @ Perceptions & Passions says
Really liked this post.
And, now at the risk of seeming completely surface…
I really want to get my husband an espresso machine for his birthday.
Do you have any recommendations? Something not too pricey, but good quality. 🙂
I’m glad you wrote this. I have been struggling to understand a friendship, too. And you’re right–let God sort it out. Thank you!
Julie Sunne says
Yes, Katie! Life is messy. Finding joy in the messy, now that is the trick. God is the instruction book on messy. Joy is found when I give it to Him. Now, to just remember that. Thanks for the reminder. I can always use it.
I love this post, it struck me deeply. Thank you.
Right there with you! Thanks for this.
Beth Williams says
Like Eden I’m in the “tribe-of-try” too!! Trying to get better, do better, figure things out! I need tons of patience in the waiting for Him to do His work in me & have me learn some lesson!!
Thank God He is in control of this messy life we live. Grateful that He forgives & forgets our slips & falls. He is in control of this messy messy world we live in!!!
Thank you Katie. Wow. Writting down a few of your words…
“…it isn’t mine to sort. It’s God’s.” –
“I am glad our home is messy right now. That means we are working on it, changing the things that need to change, and making it better.” –
“It would be easy if things didn’t get uncovered.”
“I’m thankful my heart is being worked on. I wouldn’t want to stay the same.”
I could NOT agree with you more. 🙂
Messy is painful, but messy is OK. In fact, MESSY is GOOD.
It means BETTER things are coming.
Thanks for lifting my eyes up.