The Winning Side

I need to admit something.

I might be a pretty good mother, and intentional about many important things, but there is one area that I just cannot seem to conquer. I worry.

I claim to trust God with my children. I know that God loves my children even more than I do, and I know that even my parenting is not something I do alone, but something I do with guidance and grace.

However, I can’t seem to rid myself of that awful, nagging certainty that I’m fighting a losing battle.

I have seen it with my own eyes. I have heard the stories. Good kids from good homes who end up pregnant in high school – in middle school, no less. Kids who grow up in the church only to end up leaving it once they get out on their own. Sweet and inquisitive kids who end up becoming apathetic adults at best.

I hate myself for this feeling. I want to be more positive and I want to have more faith that God can and will do a good work through my children, yet I find myself feeling like their future hangs on every decision – homeschool or public school? Are we reading the Bible enough? Spanking or time-outs? Then there are the constant comments about “pastor’s kids” and somewhere along the way I start to feel like my kids are doomed.

Well, the other night, God decided he had had enough.

Don’t ask me what time it was. All I remember is that it was dark. I was rocking my son, hoping he would go to sleep, and somewhere in between the grogginess and the creaking of the rocking chair, I started to worry.

What if it’s not enough? What if despite all my efforts, my children still end up walking away from faith, from God? And that most nagging question of all: How do I raise my children to live in the world, but not of it? After all, the world just seems too big, too tempting, and everywhere I look it appears to be winning.

Then, suddenly, it hit me. “In this world you will find trouble. But take heart, I have overcome the world!”

And all that worry, all that wringing of hands, suddenly left me. Suddenly it was just me and my infant son in that room, in that rocking chair, with only truth for company.

The truth that God is bigger. That yes, the world appears to be winning, but God already won.

I know my children will still have to make their own choices, but I have a reason to hope. Because even though the world is scary, I believe in a God that is bigger. And even though the enemy is real, my God is stronger. And even though the culture we live in is full of lies, the God I serve is nothing but truth.

The world might be big, but my God overcame it. And I’m on the winning side.

By Meredith, Love Rises Up