Our closest couple friends just drove away from our house. For the last time.
Greg and Caroline have only been here two years and are already moving states away. Lucky for me we have the internet. But, Caroline left me with much more than funny memories of battery operated toothbrushes for a science fair and plans to hang out with our husbands at the cottage. Caroline, my introverted friend taught me how to be intentional about friendship.
I thought about it the other day and it’s kind of embarrassing but about 90% of my friends here in town came about somehow from knowing both Caroline and Greg. These two are like epoxy for people. You can read more about how Greg thinks about friends here it’s worth the click. But right now I want to tell you about a few things I learned from Caroline…also known as::
Lessons I learned about friendship from a fellow introvert.
Within weeks of moving here Caroline sent an email out to all of the women who were student leaders {her husband was the new student pastor at our church} and all of the wives of the men who were student leaders {that would be me}. I remember thinking “Wow, what a go-getter, proactive, thing to do, I bet this girl is a major extrovert, she’s gonna think I’m weird and quiet.” Much to my surprise, Caroline turned out to be a mellow, laid back, use-her-words-sparingly-and-wisely kind of person. I was instantly drawn to her because she didn’t try to pretend she had a big personality, she was perfectly comfortable with who she was.
As time passed she initiated more get togethers. She sent out emails to the group about dinner and movies, hay rides and a cookie exchange. I assumed she must love planning things and going to get togethers–I’m always amazed that people like that exist. Which brings me to my first lesson in friend making.
If you want friends you have to spend time with people you don’t know, in order to get to know them so that they can be your friends.
I know what you are thinking–that’s obvious. It is obvious. But it’s really hard to do for some of us. Ok, for me.
Just the other day I found out how much Caroline dreaded going to that cookie exchange–the one she planned– two years ago. I remember dreading going too. But I went and I was glad I did. However, I was shocked and also oddly thrilled to find out that the planner of the event was dreading it as well. I’ve always assumed that the people who plan stuff like cookie exchanges are all hopped up on how fun it is to be surrounded by a group of women that don’t necessarily know each other that well. Hmmm, maybe people put the effort to plan something not because that thing is their idea of fun, but because they know the outcome will be worth it. It was worth it for Caroline to plan something because she knew that the risk and awkwardness would one day pay off with friends.
The fact is for some of us it seems like to risky a chore to initiate but, I’m learning that if I want friends, it’s worth the risk.
I snagged all these square photos from Caroline’s instagram stream. lovely. aren’t they?
I noticed one other thing about Caroline that I thought I’d share::
Say yes
Caroline said “yes” to pretty much everything I asked her to do with me. Dinner? Sure. I’m having a Blessings Unlimited Gathering at my house want to come? Yep. Wanna go to I heart Thirfting Day with me? and by the way we are all gonna wear this same T-shirt? Sure. Wanna go to the pool with our kids? Ok. How about we both go to the Relevant Conference and we have to take a plane which we both hate? M’kay. Want to go to the cottage for the weekend with us right after you were gone away from your four children the weekend before? We’re in.
Relevant Conference with Nester, Tiny Twig, Melissa, Caroline, Melissa and Ellen
Caroline reminded me that sometimes all it takes to make time for friends is to say Yes. I never say yes to something I really don’t want to do but, I won’t say “no” just because it’s uncomfortable for me. Especially if I’m in a season of needing to make friends.
Even though I’m an introvert, I still love people, I just hate the small talk it can sometimes take that leads to the big talk that leads to real friendship. I’m really grateful to Caroline for showing me how to be true to my introverted self while making friends.
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For this year one of my goals is to set up some “automatic ways” to put myself in friendship building situations, I’ll be glad to tell you more than you want to know about that in my next post here at (in)courage. What about you? Am I the only sorry person who makes friendship goals?
