When couples stand before their friends and families on their wedding day and pledge to love one another “for better or for worse,” they’re probably not thinking that the “for worse” times will come to pass. However, it is likely that most of us will have to weather some kind of storm at some time in our marriages.
The morning after our firstborn’s birth, our pediatrician came in to tell us that some of his blood work came back abnormal. By that afternoon, the ambulance crew from another city was there to take my baby. I will never forget the horror of that day as we decided that Ben should go with Landon, while I stayed the additional night I needed to recover from my C-section. I immediately felt closer to Ben than I ever had before, and it was precisely at that moment he had to leave.
The next few weeks were a whirlwind of a ten-day NICU stay, doctors visits (in a city three hours away), lab draws, and a major surgery at 7 weeks old. Add to that the lack of sleep that comes with a newborn, and it easily could have put a huge strain on our marriage. It was a very painful time, but God really used all of those hours to fuse mine and Ben’s hearts even more tightly together.
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| Our son a few days before surgery |
If you find yourself in the midst of a storm, here are three suggestions to help you come out with a thriving marriage:
It is certainly true that there are situations where one spouse is truly at fault {affairs, racking up major credit card bills to the detriment of your credit, etc.} but I’m speaking about the things that come about in life naturally. If your spouse loses his job due to company cutbacks, be very intentional to be encouraging to him. His ego is probably already punctured and deflated- he doesn’t need for his wife to add to the injury.
If you are going through something truly difficult, you obviously will lean on each other, but there will most likely come a moment when you are both so weak that you just can’t be the rock for one another.
Ben was so strong through the whole ordeal, until the day of Landon’s surgery. I will never forget when the surgeon came out to talk to us, Ben slid to the floor and sobbed. I was almost in a daze- seeing my strong man like that. I knew at that point that although Ben served as an awesome protector for our family, he simply couldn’t protect us from everything- we would have to look to God for that role.
I honestly don’t think any of us are meant to live isolated lives. In the book of Acts in the early church, we see church members readily helping one another. The help of others was amazing during our time of need. They brought food, they cried with us, they helped us financially, they generally loved on us in an amazing way.
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| Landon and me in October 2011- praise God he is doing well! |
Dear sister, if you and your husband (or you alone, if you’re single) are going through a rough spot- reach out! If you don’t have a church home, I gently urge you to find one- the people there can help nurture you through your trials.
I truly hope that it is smooth sailing in your family right now. But the reality is, some of you reading this are probably at a time in your lives where you wonder how your marriage will ever endure the trials you are having.
But with lots of prayer, your marriage can survive, and even become better through it!
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| The hubby and I, along with Landon and our two daughters. |
by Kelli Hays from More Bang for Your Bucks