As a home decor blogger, normally I would be writing an article about building character and I’d mean character like the charm of an old house. But truth be told, I’m far more concerned about my kids character than I am about any home decor project I’ve ever attempted.
I have three children, ranging in age from 23 down to 11. While our youngest is just 11, I have a lot of hope and “confident expectation” for the man he will become. He is a young man in process, but he has a heart that could be shaped and used greatly by the Lord. Right now, we are deep into character building. I don’t know the end of the story yet. But I will report back to you on how that goes in about 10 years.
Yet I can say with confidence, at ages 20 and 23, my girls have already turned into great young women of God. They care about each other and their brother, they respect their parents and they are smart hardworking college educated kids! They are still growing and maturing, as we all should do for a lifetime, but I am confident enough in them to know their hearts are fully surrendered to God and His plan for their life. They are self-sacrificing, God-honoring young women whose character is evident to all who know them. And because of those quality in them, He has many more great things in store!
So how did I raise such amazing kids? Am I super mom? Should I win the mother of the year award?
No, not at all. I have failed many times. I’m not the perfect mom and my husband is not the perfect dad. I didn’t win the popular mom vote, the most fun mom award or the most Martha-like homemaker award. We didn’t read all the right parenting books or put our kids on the right schedules for success. We didn’t go to parenting seminars or have a detailed step by step plan for how to raise our kids. We disappointed our kids and ourselves many times. We cried many tears and prayed many prayers along the way. Our kids are amazing, but not perfect. And they can still fail! We are not the perfect family by any stretch of the imagination.
For you young moms, I don’t have all the parenting answers. I’m not an expert and don’t claim to have the success formula.
I’ve seen children grow up and choose to go their own way, with their free will — and it breaks their mama’s hearts. My heart breaks for those moms, many of whom did all they could and their children still disappointed them. We always have to hold our kids with open hands.
All I can offer you new moms, who are just beginning this journey of motherhood, is what I tried with all my heart to do over the past 23 years:
Faithfully build character into your children every chance you get. Even if you are not the perfect mom in every way, you can be faithful in that. Here are just a few ways to build and model character while raising those children:
- Nurture a healthy love and fear of the Lord into their hearts.
- Teach them the character qualities of God so they will understand ALL of who He is.
- Be there for them … praise them, hug them goodnight, kiss them goodbye.
- Look directly in their eyes when they speak to you. Listen to them.
- Be humble about your own imperfection, but firmly instill how much you love them.
- Take care of them in ways that are important, let go of the guilt or pressure to be super parents.
- Let them fail and take responsibility for it. Love them through it.
- Teach them to think and reason and make good choices…and model that for them.
- Let your children see that your marriage and family are a priority.
- Teach them to show respect, love and concern for others.
- Model what it means to love your neighbor as yourself.
- Give them opportunities to practice selfless and sacrificial love for others.
- Let them shine in how God created them and cheer them on.
- Challenge them to be who God created them to be even when it is hard work to get there.
- Inspire them for what is possible with God!
- Pray for them.
- Pray with them.
- Remember Who they belong to.
- When they question your wisdom, remind them Who they need to please, above all others.
- Remind them often that being their mom is one of the highest God-given privileges and honors of your life.
Hang in there moms. I pray you will see the rewards of your labor and the joy of watching your kids grow up to be Godly young men and women of character someday!
How do you build character into your children?
Melissa Michaels, author of The Inspired Room and the ebook NOT a DIY Diva
Felicity says
Inspiring post.
My daughter is only 9 months old, but already I am so aware of how I speak and interact with her is shaping her and moulding her for the future. It makes motherhood so much more challenging when I look at it that way! (Like it needed another challenge!!) Every single step is a joy though, I love it.
Thanks for posting.
Melissa Michaels says
9 months is such a fun age! Enjoy her! Fortunately we get to grow in our role and responsibility as a parent right along with those babies! 🙂
Felicity says
Thanks – I’ll keep hold of that the nest time I feel completely out of my depth!!
jody mcnatt says
our children range from teens to toddlers…five in all. some days this presents a challenge. but i am often struck with how the basics always seem to apply. and really it is about taking time — not always easy with five of them. but it is in my parenting that i’ve seen God’s tremendous grace. the way He multiplies me. multiplies my time. the way He stretches out over our family. enough. He is more than enough…especially when mom can’t be.
Melissa Michaels says
Yes, He sure is more than enough!! Grateful for that gift!
wanda says
So long ago, I worried that I’d totally goof my kids up with my parenting….now that they are college & HS I see that God had plans for each of them and HE used me to get them there. One of the greatest investments we’ve made was a foundation in Christ. While all three could choose any road to walk–they pick Jesus for themselves. I’m forever grateful that God allowed me to be a small part in their lives.
YOUNG MAMA’S: Time really does fly. Enjoy every exhausting moment. 😉
Melissa Michaels says
Amen.
Building Character {in your kids} and introducing my girls and their new blogs … - The Inspired Room says
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Missy June says
Whew! My littles are still so small and I do pray that I’m instilling character. One of the ways I try to do this is in little ways every day: nature, meals, hurt feelings, joyful moments…we invite and incorporate God into each part of our life. As a single mama, I know that my little ones will experience pain, inconsistencies and questions – I cannot provide the ‘perfect’ childhood experience for them. BUT, I’m learning to see this as a gift wherein their dependence is not on me or things or perfection, but is knowing God has a plan and purpose regardless of circumstances.
I see the fruit of diligent training already and pray this continues. The most challenging aspect is being an example myself!
Melissa Michaels says
Hi Missy June, yes, that diligent training sometimes seems slow going, doesn’t it?! We definitely can’t always provide the “perfect” childhood experience (whatever that is supposed to look like!) but we can trust the One who can work with our messy imperfection and bring about amazing things in His time. Much love to you today!!
Dionne Adkison says
Thank you so much for a well written and beautiful blog. I needed to hear this today. Thank you. I am a 37 year old mom to two boys, almost 2 and 4 years old. Sometimes I feel like such a failure, but I know that I am doing some of what you offered to do with your children. Thank you for many more ideas. What a blessing you have and I hope God adds more to it for you. In Christ- Dionne
Melissa Michaels says
Just keep on going! Failures along the way are inevitable for all of us, but persevere towards the goal!! Praying for your two boys right now!
In It Together~ {helpful links for raising teens/tweens} says
[…] Character in Your Children at (in)Courage. Lovely article from a mom of 2 grown girls. I love hearing the perspective of someone who has […]
Modupe says
Thanks for this. I’ve been recently praying/been concerned about this topic, especially as we are now having to pick out primary schools for our 3 y.o. daughter (we also have a 1 y.o. boy).
I look back over the past 3 years and think I haven’t done all that I wanted to have done with my daughter.
I’m sure the tips on praying for and with them will fo a long way. His bless you for this post.
Brittnie (A Joy Renewed) says
I am pregnant with our first child, due in May. I love this list here and will print it out and stick it somewhere to reference as my child grows and matures. Character building is SO important but can feel overwhelming for soon to be moms. Thank you!
Robin Dance ~ PENSIEVE says
Melissa,
I *forgot* your daughters were this old but seeing them–oh, my! They’re beautiful but I still can’t believe you’re old enough to have ’em! You GO girl!
This post is lovely and wise and a wonderful encouragement to moms of ANY age. You’ve encapsulated much of our philosophy in parenting; in fact, there’s not a thing I’d dispute :). So glad the Lord prompted you to write it.
Michele says
This was such a wonderful post to read this morning! Thanks!
Kasey Krawiec says
Great encouragement, thank you!
Desiree says
I needed this today; I have been searching for answers over the past few days with my kids, ages ten and eight. Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom!
Jane says
That was very well written. I needed to hear those words today. God was speaking through you! I’m behind on blog reading and if I would have read this the day it was posted, it wouldn’t have hit home the way it did. But because I am reading posts of the past- it came at a perfect time. Thank you for letting God use you. He is good.
Practical Ways to Nurture Faith | TakeTheWordHome.com says
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