I watched her shake her long blond wig from side to side as she approached the table of boys. She had just opened a new “Rapunzel” wig and dress from her Poppy, and despite the fact that we were in a crowded restaurant, decided to climb under the table and change.
She popped back up on the other side with her wig shifted and looking a little crazytown, so I motioned her over and straightened it out.
“Mommy, did you make sure all my brown hair is hiding?” I nod yes.
“And it isn’t looking funny?” I nod no.
I smile big because of the way her words sound with her two front teeth missing, when her tongue slips out because it isn’t used to a space being there.
“Then I’m going to go dance.”
She doesn’t get too far from our table but she has her eyes on the boys across the way. She has just turned six, and she’s already trying to show off for them. I nudge her to come back over. Tell her it isn’t important to impress boys and why don’t we focus on talking with the family and enjoying our food.
“But I look so different, mommy. I want them to see.”
I make a humming noise, which means I’m waiting for God to drop some knowledge into my mouth before I screw up my children forever. I finish chewing and swallow some pasta, not feeling like this is going to go well.
“Yes, Kate. You do look different. You look like Rapunzel! But you’re Kate, honey. And I think Kate is even more beautiful.”
She isn’t listening. She’s trying to slurp spaghetti without getting it on her new dress. It’s moderately successful until the meatball falls, which leads to a 5 minute conversation about how I told her not to bother putting her new dress on because it could get messy.
Do you ever feel like they don’t listen? I mean, we know what’s going to happen here. The wig is going to get tangled, the dress is going to be stained, and she’s trying to impress a bunch of middle school boys who haven’t even noticed she is in existence.
I mean, I would never…
I would rather, well, you know…
“But I want to dance a little father away, Lord.”
Then you may, love. But I desire you to stay near to me.
“I look more beautiful this way, Father.”
I disagree. In fact I quite prefer you exactly as I intended you to look, no matter the wrinkles or the unruly hair. It’s exquisite to me. Every bit of it.
I see what the world wants from me, and I move toward it. I disguise my hair, my heart, my intentions, and anything else that reveals the real me.
And whether or not she gets a glance is insignificant, really. It isn’t about them at all.
And so it goes for me.
How many years have I hidden under tables, trying to morph myself into beauty, sneak my way to the place I might matter, only to find myself with a broken heart and a stained dress.
Love, you put that on yourself.
I chose you before the beginning of time, and I see the bits you’ve hidden so carefully. Disagree if you must, but I believe they are some of your finest…
She comes to my lap, sits, and asks me to take off her very-long, very-new, very-blond wig so she can shake out “the tickles” it’s giving her.
I giggle because I understand what it is to feel bound by something I am not, and also what it feels like to be unbound.
And I pray she will come to know the difference.
As it comes off, she smiles. No teeth. Just Kate.
Beautiful, just the way she was made to be.Leave a Comment
It interesting to me that we start so young trying to perform for and impress others by being something we’re not. I’m tired of the wig myself; my dress is stained. I think it may be time to sit back down at the table with the One who loves me just as He created me. Thanks, Angie!
yeah. dancing away from him. morphing into something the world wants. bound. i have been these. fight against them daily.
and i LOVE this line – made me smile, “I make a humming noise, which means I’m waiting for God to drop some knowledge into my mouth before I screw up my children forever. “
Jen Griffin says
I, too, loved that line… I resembled that line!! 🙂
What beautiful words Angie! And oh, so relevant in my life at the moment – Thankyou for, once again, making me think about what truly matters!!
Marisa Gary says
awesome post; something we all need to be reminded of! Thank you!
mine girl is only 4 and so far she hasn’t noticed boys or the need to impress those around her. i am already praying for god to give me grace and the right words to direct her gently “without screwing her up” as you said. but i must recognize this need for approval and how to harness it in my own life so that i can teach her!
as always angie….i’m encouraged.
Your writing is “exquisite” 🙂 This is truly beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
Diane Bailey says
Great Analogy! Love the thought that we all put on cosumes to dance for the world. I love the thought I had after reading your blog, of needing to dance as a child before my heavenly Poppy.
Thanks for sharing.
Beautiful! Thanks for a reminder we all need from time to time.
Elaine Pool says
Waiting for the “Kate book,” which surely you must write – we need a daily Kate fix! That child lays all of our souls bare!
Lisa K says
Thank you so much Angie. As I was reading this I thought, Angie wrote this! (Hearing another cute Kate story helped a bit too.) I have (again) been pondering my many physical imperfections – hair, wrinkles, shape, etc… and comparing myself with others. Thanks for the timely reminder of our Father’s loving whispers of truth.
Amen! Truly, we do not see ourselves as the Lord sees us. (Isaiah 55:8-9). Your message is so insightful! But does this mean I should stop coloring my hair? 🙂
I’m reading What Women Fear and already am buying a copy for my husband’s cousin. Thank you for pouring your true self out there for all to see … taking the risk and pushing past fears so that many would be blessed. And this post … so true! I too love the words “I make a humming noise, which means I’m waiting for God to drop some knowledge into my mouth before I screw up my children forever. ” That is actually self-control! Fruit … of His Spirit … alive in you. … mingled with fears, but alive and actually taking supremacy over the fear. It is such a perfect picture of how God works out sanctification IN US … and then somehow our children catch the sweet drippings of that transformation. WE are the ground which He tills so that they can gather up goodness. Our children and their foibles aren’t the focus of our parenting, our own walk with Him is the heart of it all. Thank you!
Hi, this post touched me. Though I find this blog written by married women and I’m a single young adult, I am deeply encouraged with how you all give glory to God by being yourselves. This post reminded me that it doesn’t matter what you wear and how you look and who’s looking except the Heavenly Father. I’m now having a hard time dealing with my insecurities and how I wish I could change instantly. But I know it doesn’t and it will never work that way. But however I want to change for the better, if my motive isn’t to please God, I know I will never be satisfied. Thank you for this post. This reminded me that God loves me as I am and my purpose in life is to please and honor God. May He bless your heart!
I read your pist with my head nodding up and down in agreement. Yes. Yes. Then He spoke straight to my heart with your words, “But I want to dance a little farther away Lord.” It was not my daughter I was nodding about it was me. How I constantly try to find the right hair, makeup, clothes… never comfortable in my own skin. But He loves me just as I am, how He made me. I am perfect in His eyes. Thanks, Angie! So needed!
My how we all want to dance and be free. What a beautiful reflection of what it means to Be free in who we are. I have know doubt she’ll know the difference.
Thanks, Angie. This was lovely.