About three and a half years ago, my husband Matthew told me that his friend Matt’s fiance Alyson, was moving to Nashville. He went on to say that he thought she and I would get along really well.
I expected that I probably would like her. Afterall, Matthew is a good judge of character.
But I didn’t expect that I would love her and that she would turn out to be one of my best friends in Nashville.
And I certainly didn’t expect that three years later, when she moved away to North Carolina, I would be so sad every time I thought about her.
But that is where I am today.
Alyson just moved from Nashville to North Carolina.
And I really miss her.
From the moment we met three years ago, we were kindred spirits. Sisters. The kind of friends that just get one another.
And now that she is 7 hours away, I regret that I didn’t savor our time together more.
I guess I assumed that she would always be here.
I imagined our kids would grow up together. We’d take pictures at soccer games, dance recitals, prom nights and graduations. We would be there for the good and the bad.
In this season of my life, God has been teaching me to savor moments and relationships more.
A lunch with a friend is a blessing to cherish, not just an excuse to gab.
A bible study with trusted friends is a gift, not an agenda item.
A text message from a friend is a reminder that you are valued.
This week, take extra time to cherish the moments with your friends that live near and far. Thank God for phone calls and playdates, coffees and text messages and let loved ones know you care.
Have you had a friend or family member move away? Or maybe you were the one to move? How did you keep your relationship strong?
Note: This post was written earlier this month, before my dear friend Sara (our own Gitz) started hospice and is on her journey home. In this last week and a half, as we have prepared our hearts for Sara to be in the arms of the Father, this concept of savoring time has been on my heart even more. (I guess God knew that would be the case when I wrote this post about Alyson…) We only have one life to love people well and savor time together. To read more about choosing joy and celebrating Sara, click here.
Yes, my best friend since Jr. High moved to Texas, and I missed her so. We emailed and called regularly. She and I could go for months and not talk (she was finishing her medical degree), but when we did talk, it was as if no time had passed.
I love friends like that!
I have moved three times in the last 10 years to other continents leaving friends and family behind {wanting to take them all with me}, even as I have found new friends and more family each place I moved to {including 120 kids now!} I stay in touch a lot via facebook and twitter, skype when connections allow and sometimes on email.
Some friendships were for seasons and we have lost track of each other 1000s of miles apart. And that is truly ok. But many more are the ones that the miles have only strengthened the bonds. Intentionality has been key. So has letting go and letting fly. I am blessed to travel about 1/3 of the year so usually get to see most of my global fam’ every 18 months or so.
In the meanwhile we keep up with one another online. And this is one grateful missionary thanking Jesus for airplanes and internet!
Jessica, I know exactly how you feel. I am in the military and have moved 7 times in the pat 13 years and because of that friends have been very… very few. During the majority of those moves I was younger and had not have the spiritual foundation I have today and although it was hard to say goodbye to this friends, and we tried to keep in contact, our lives changed and friendships fizzled. Now that I am older (and I like to think wiser) I am craving the type of friendship you describe. I am in NC now and this has been the longest I’ve been in one place and I can count my best friends with one hand. These ones I know we will stay in touch no matter where I go. Thankfully, there are so many ways to keep in contact these days, and for that I am thankful.
Jess {tears} love you and your beautiful heart!
I cried too Holley. Especially at the end. I didn’t know that Sara was as bad as she was until I clicked on her name and I just was so sad and wow! words can’t express how much I have quite complaining about the little pain I have since I started reading her blog.
Thanks so much friend. Love you. xo
Moving can be so difficult. Truly has made me look at my relationships a little more closer. Especially when it is further than a quick car ride for the weekend. Yes so very grateful for modern technology, text, e-mail etc. The (in)courage website has definitely provided inspiring posts. God is good.
thank you….
I’m so glad that you find yourself inspired here.
Praying for Sara and her family… and for you, too! Just went back and read a few of her more recent posts on (in)courage… she is such an amazing person, even though her health was declining, she never complained… only gave thanks. What a beautiful legacy she will leave behind.
I’m going to see my daughter/best friend today. She is 3.5 hours from me. We try to lay eyes on one another once to twice a month, but with an 18 month and a 4 month it is difficult.
I’ll post pictures next week on my blog!a
Almost a year ago now, my best friend since moving to Florida moved to Colorado. It was definitely the hardest friendship to see become long distance. I think part of it was that any other time that a friendship became separated by miles, it was my doing–I was leaving to seek new adventures. But this was different- we had grown extremely close, especially in the months previously as we went through our first pregnancies and had our first baby girls only one month apart. Although we both new that moving was going to happen at some point, a part of us still clung to hope that our little girls would be able to grow up together and become best friends like we had become. When they first moved, I couldn’t imagine finding any substitute for her. Those first few weeks were so incredibly difficult. But time heals. We talk frenquently–at least once every other week–and we’ve both found new, great friendships. Although there’s no way to replace friends, I’ve learned that God brings people in and out of our lives for certain seasons, and to treasure each moment of every season.
Oh Jessica…this post pierced my heart. My best and dearest friend of eight years moved over 20 hours away this past summer. We make it a point to stay in touch and have already planned several visits with each other! 🙂 But still, it stings my heart just thinking about her. I miss her terribly and don’t know how many times I regret not spending more time with her while she was here. (At one point we lived right down the street from each other!) I too wrote about it here http://dancingintherain-sassy.blogspot.com/2011/06/most-beautiful-discovery-true-friends.html
Prayers to you and your friend as you learn how to navigate life a little differently without each other. And know I am right there with ya!
The loss of dear friendships is always so difficult…I recently experienced the loss of my best friend…not through death, or even a move, but through mutual irreconcilable differences. It’s hard to explain how 2 adult women in their 30s, who know the Lord, have raised their kids together, and whose husbands are good friends, could call it quits, but after a lot of heartache, we basically both decided to end our 13-year best friendship. Although it’s for the best, I miss her…a lot. Often, I’ll find myself wishing I would have asked her about this and that, when I had the chance. I believe the Lord will open up new doors of friendship for both of us, but walking out the process can be painful.
So I totally understand your perspective on not taking friendships for granted…I am learning to trust the Lord with each friendship that comes my way, and trying to soak in the gift of a true heart friend in the moment. Praying for you and Alyson, and also for all who know and love Sara…you’re all on my mind daily!
Jen
jen…i read your comment and it touched my heart with a twinge of sadness. although i don’t know the details of the situation, i do know i was once you and decided that being apart from my best friend since childhood was better than us being together. it all made sense at the time. the reasons, the justification, the knowing that it was the best. but before i knew it 15 years had passed and i still missed her. and all the reasons and knowing it was best didn’t matter anymore. all i could see was that i missed out on 15 years of her life and she missed out on 15 years of mine. we can never get that back. never. and though the passing of time opened our eyes, it’s so incredibly difficult to get back what we lost. and i hate that. everyday. and it will always be one of the biggest regrets of my life. though this world will tell us that damaged relationships are unfixable, this world is totally wrong. i serve a God of the impossible and nothing is impossible with Him. i pray that you reach out to your friend, even in the uncomfortableness of it all, and work it out. easier said than done but so worth it in the end. i’m praying for you!!!
I said a prayer for you. Thank you for sharing, Jen. I can’t imagine how hard that must be.
It seems as though we can all relate to what you are feeling! Our best friends moved last fall, and even though they are only a couple of hours away, it’s been hard at times. We can’t just hop over for a cup of coffee and a chat, or prayer and encouragement quite as easily.
I have to say that I observed myself going through the stages of grief to a depth I hadn’t experienced before. I have learned though, as you, to savor the moments. When we did have a chance to get together, I realized I was always “complaining” when we left that we didn’t have enough time. God reminded me ever so gently to offer thanks for the moments we do get to share instead of the ones we don’t.
A change to His perspective is always a wonderful thing!
God bless you, and thanks for reminding me once again to be thankful because we are indeed blessed beyond measure just because He loves us!
Yes, giving thanks is much better than complaining 🙂
One of my dearest friends moved from CA to TN years ago. We decided to maintain our friendship by being prayer partners. She now lives in Houston and 13 years since she moved, we pray for our boys by cell M-F almost EVERY DAY. Sometimes we just have time to pray … sometimes we get a chance to chat and catch up. We each have had so many ups and downs in our walks with the Lord and our constant friendship has been there through them all. When she faced deep fears and doubts about the Lord last year, I was there for her. When I went through a dark night in my own walk a few months ago, she held fast. I wish everyone had a friend like my friend Jessica. She is a treasure.
And, ever since reading 1000 gifts (Ann Voskamp) I have set three daily timers on my cell. One goes off at 10a, one at 12:30p and one at 3:30p … they are random times I picked, but they remind me to pause and appreciate. When the timer goes off, I stop … cherish the sweet people around me or appreciate the moment of quiet or whatever is around me. Sometimes when the timer goes off I am in a foul mood and I’m stinking up the moment, but the timer gives me pause and I stop and find something to cherish and to give thanks for to God — right in the middle of real life which isn’t always just as we like it to be.
My son and I have been studying heaven lately and I have found that this study is doing what we are all encouraged to do in Col 3: fixing my eyes above the things of this earth. I am eagerly awaiting the time when we all will no longer have to say “goodbye” and we will feel no more grief or pain.
God is with you in this very hard time of loss. 2 Cor 1:3-5
I have a group of college girlfriends and we all (now) live in different cities, with the exception of a few of us. We plan two weekends out of each year to get together. One with husbands and the other just us girls. It is always on the calendar so that no matter how crazy our schedules get we know we have this time set aside.
As a PW, I know too well the sadness felt when either you move or your friends do. It’s tough stuff!
I can attest that my family is extra tight & close as a result of living so far away from loved ones. Still, I’ve learned to cherish every moment with the ones I love.
Still praying for Sara and her family.
Yes, I have a very dear friend who is a kindred spirit and we have the relationship of “iron sharpening iron”. She ended up moving to West Virginia from South Carolina and my heart was broken. I even fussed at God for taking her away from me but God has a plan and knows what He is doing.
We keep our friendship alive through texting, cell phone conversations, emails and facebook messaging. We have recently started skypeing as well. My family has traveled to see her and she has come back to visit with me.
I agree we all should “savor” each and every day.
Thank you for this, Jessica. It resonates well with me, having moved 10 years ago from Massachusetts to Nebraska – I still dearly miss my best friend, my sister, my parents. And I treasure more than ever the time I get to spend with them in person when I visit.
On another note, my prayers are with you and your husband as you say goodbye to your dear friend Sara. All that has been written about her these last few days are an incredible testimony to her God-inspired spirit, and the legacy of joy she will leave all of us.
Thank you for your prayers
I have to say that the day my dear friend moved from Nashville to Knoxville 15 years ago, was one of the saddest days I can remember. Like you, we were raising our children together, sharing the ups & downs in motherhood and marriage and could practically finish one another’s sentences. We traded off days during the week to keep each other’s kids so that we could each make our weekly Aldi run and maybe spend a little while alone. God, in his goodness, knew that it wasn’t going to be the end of a dear friendship, though. In ways I never would have expected, it’s grown sweeter over time because now we do treasure more those times that we can spend together, savoring our talks, laughter and sometimes tears. I miss being able to sit down with a cup of coffee and our children running in & out of our conversations (they’re all teenagers now). But, I know that she is only a phone call away, & if need be, she’ll come running. I have only recently been blessed to follow Sara’s story. I’m praying for her & you. May you both be wrapped tight in our Father’s love and celebrate Heaven.
x0x
My best friend moved to Phoenix, AZ three years ago and some days I miss her so much. But because her family also lives here in California, she comes to visit and I cherish the time we have together so much more now. We try to make the most out of our time when she is here. And we make sure to have a lot of fun…I think we are due for a get together!
Girls weekends are always good for the soul! 🙂
This story hit home. One of my best, best, best friends and really my sister is moving from Nashville to California next week. God intersected our stories in such a powerful way…and now I’m both thankful for the time we’ve been able to spend together but also regretful over all the times we took for granted. I wrote about our story here: Stolen Phones and Finding Hope http://ruthiedean.com/2011/09/02/stolen-phones-and-finding-hope/
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I know what you mean! We moved only a short distance in recent years, but it still took us far from friends we treasured. Because of the awful gridlock in the DC area, a move of only 10 miles can make going to visit friends a 1-2 hour roadtrip, so I find I have to be very purposeful in maintaining friendships. I miss seeing some dear friends every day, but the times I do get to see and talk to them feel like no time has passed at all and that’s a wonderful feeling. I’ll definitely be savoring the moments with the people who are dearest to me, and I hope you get to take a roadtrip to NC before too long!
I’m a PW and it was so hard to leave my friend Beth when we moved all the way to Oregon from Michigan. I felt like she was someone I could be myself with and share anything with. We were youth leaders together and had so many crazy memories. It took me several years here before I found a friend like Beth…and she won’t replace her…there are differences in the friendship. Friendships takes time! And there are periods of loneliness in between. One day I know we’ll have to move again and I’ll have to do it all over again, but I try to focus on the here and now.
Sadly the friends that have moved away, we have not kept in touch at all. It makes me really sad. This post came at a good time, because I know I need to work on my relationship skills.
Perhaps today you can pray and ask God to reveal someone you should reach out to – a card, a text, a facebook message?
Separation is never easy. The emotions that come, move like a tidal wave and crash upon us at any given moment. Its a comforting to know that the rock who sits on the shore is there to capture powerful waves and bottle every tear.
I found it very difficult when my good friend and her husband moved to Africa.
I was so lonely for them.
The first time they came home I hardly wanted to see them because of the pain of when they would leave again. I missed out.
I learned much since then.
I learned that loving includes hurting sometimes, but to not love is unthinkable!
I learned that real friends are friends forever.
I learned to relish every moment together.
I learned that praying for their ministry really connected us. They pray for us too and we keep in touch by email.
It has been many years now but when we get together in many ways it is like we were not apart.
I pray for you Jessica that you will find peace in the hurt and that you will learn ways to stay connected.
For 19 years, we lived in a transient community near Baptist Bible College in NE, PA. I hated it. I would make good friends getting closer and closer during their time at the college (through our local church) and then they would be off…to ministry, back home, wherever God wanted them to go. Then one fall seven years later, I found myself remarking to another sister in the church, “I wonder who God is going to bring to us this year.” Know how your own words can shock you when you hear them coming from your mouth? Where had the change come from? From hating the separations and feeling that God was taking from me to eagerly looking to see who He would bring next. Ah….God had done a sweet silent work in my heart. What a special blessing when the God of the Universe touches us.
My BFFL (Best Friend For Life) Kathy moved from here to North Carolina. It was devastating to me because her family, which is a very sick one, got in between us to break off our relationship for 18 years! We found each other online about 3 years ago and we keep in touch by text, IM’ing, and phone calls. I really miss having her so close.
I have been asking the Lord to send me a friend. One good friend. At this point in my life, I find myself virtually friendless. It’s so very easy to take for granted the things we never think we will want for.
I too just received word that one of my friends has advanced cancer and will soon meet the Lord. That is moving quite far away, but then I shall see her again. I have had friends move away to other States, and that is sad, but even some of my friends who live in my State are further away than I would like. My plans are to take a week and go visiting, soon. I do hope you can find another friend as close as Alyson was to you.
Hazel, I am praying for you and your friend. I know what it is like to live wondering if today will be the day…
Oh how I love this post, Jess. You remind me that those seemingly small relationship builders – texts, lunch dates, etc. – are holy, life-giving moments. Thank you! *YOU* are a tremendous friend to all blessed to be in your circle of influence. Much love to you!
xo from Nashville, dear one.
Hi Jessica,
after I have finished High School I moved to the city to attend university. That was in 1998. I was supposed to finish my degree within 4 years but as I had three children since I have finished just this year. All my university friends have moved away, and while being student in the mornings and nights and Mom and wive in the afternoons and evenings, there wasn´t much time to make new friends. I miss it so much to have my friends around for a quick coffee, or dinner. Most of my friends have very busy lifes, working on different continents. We email a lot, meeting, whenever it is possible, calling each other frequently etc. But that isn´t the same. Anywhay, I know for sure, whenever I really need a friend, they will come. As well I do everything I can to be with them, whenever they need me.
In April I finaly got my Masters degree. I have refused to apply for a job since then because I enjoy it soo much to make new friends, meeting people for a quick coffee or the whole afternoon, together with the kids or just me, alone.
Somehow, this gives me the feeling of having moved into a new life, and that is, what I have done, somehow…
Thank you so much for your post.
Christine
Jess, you reminded me I need to take care of … cherish even the text… Your words brought tears that touched my heart… you have a such a beautiful heart!
savoring relationship. what a wonderful message.