‘He loves me, He loves me not. He loves me, He loves me not’. The refrain repeats as petals flutter to the ground, hoping that the last petal will be ‘He loves me’, but knowing the outcome is as random as the number of petals on the daisy and that the answer can change from flower to flower.
Uncertainly certain am I of God’s love for me. This is a dichotomy of the war which rages within my heart and mind. My mind knows and believes that the God of the universe loves me unreservedly, but my heart. My treacherous heart whispers to me otherwise and whips the heart and bruises the heart until it is unwilling to unfurl and receive the love He freely gives.
I cling to Zephaniah 3:17. I rage in disbelief at Zephaniah 3:17. I wonder at the love my God has for me. I envision God’s love as a bountiful banquet table, but often I am not AT the table. I am crouching by the floor hesitantly collecting the crumbs of love as they drop to the floor. God’s love is the kind of love that delights and sings songs of joy over me yet I will often whisper, ‘not me, I am not that loveable’.
How many of us count ourselves unworthy, separating ourselves by choice?
We forget that we are His chosen one. We will choose to sit at the floor waiting for those love crumbs to drop instead of seated at the table. We will hold ourselves apart; we will be the one on the outside looking in. We are in the midst of a fierce battle. A battle that rages within our own heart and mind. A battle between what we know to be true and what we feel. There is also one who seeks to destroy us and our emotions are one of his prime battlefields.
But we have the weapon that can defeat this battle. It is in knowing the Truth. It is in knowing who Truth is. It is in deciding that the Word of God made flesh is True and Truth. The truth: God delights in you. He sings over you. It is True. This truth is what we must base our choices on. However, my feelings often tell me otherwise. I often FEEL like I am on the outside looking in. I feel like I cannot enter in to His love for me. I can accept the fact that He gave His life for me, but being worthy of all His love offers is something I have battled with. I see Him pouring His love on His other children, but I don’t count myself deserving of His love so I hold myself back.
So it is with many of us. We know that God loves us, yet many are still on the outside looking in. How many of us, while we hold the gaze of the Father, take a few steps toward His abundant love, but when we glance down at ourselves, at the filth of our sin, at the hurts lurking in our hearts do we take a few steps back?
He loves me….He loves me not….He loves me….
Which one will you choose to believe today? Will you open up your soul arms wide and welcome His love?
By Jess, Heart ReflectionsLeave a Comment
Betty Draper says
You write as a soldier of Christ….for the battlefront is exactly as you wrote ( A battle between what we know to be true and what we feel.) It was not the fear of hell that drew me to God as I read the Old Testament, it was the love He had for His chosen ones. I wanted to be one of the chosen ones and to be loved like that. And it was free love, paid for by the Savior and all I had to do was accept it.
Thank-you–living the truth day by day, moment by moment is how to win this battle. I love how the Old Testament paints such a beautiful picture of God’s heart for us. Many blessings on you today.
Amy Hunt says
This living in the realm of uncertainty is true for so many of us–at least it was at some point in our relationship with Our Father. And that’s how I see it, a process in the development–the strengthening–of our relationship with Him, and Seeing Him as Our Father and not just a Big God in the Sky. And this *uncertainty,* I think it’s for purpose; He allows it and gives us freedom to live in that space…and someday our uncertainties will be less and we’ll see how our trust has strengthened. In these times, I think He wants most to free us from the guilt we have over ourselves and it’s when He leads us toward forgiving ourselves. A time of trust…a time of surrender…a time of growth–such purpose, even in these uncertainties mixed with certainty. A *thin place* where He never leaves our side. Such an honest reflection you gave, Jess–such worship.
Rich blessings as He leads you toward surrendering the vice grip of judgment over yourself and choosing forgiveness…and in turn as you live in peaceful certainty…
Yes! without the uncertain times strength in the certainty couldn’t/wouldn’t grow. I love how the Lord gives us places and spaces to feel and to breath and grow. May you be as certain as well in those uncertain times that God loves!
Brittnie (A Joy Renewed) says
I can very much relate to this post. I agree that Satan frequently uses our emotions as a way to make us question ourselves and our ability to be loved by Jesus and to accept His love in return. Great thoughts for this Monday morning.
Yes, one must always, always be on the lookout for the great deceiver and to rout him out so that nothing can hinder us from embracing the love of Jesus.
Grace to you today!
Thank you for being so transparent. I was so encouraged by what you had to say. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. I have been up since 4:30 this morning, woken up with ‘dread’ feelings about decisions we have made. AND THESE ARE NOT BIG DEAL DECISIONS! in fact, some of them are so very good. But, I lay there are think, they are going to be taken or I am so not worthy to have them and God will eventually figure that out and pass them along to someone a whole lot Holier than me!
The trials I accept because there is so much to change in my sinful heart but the gifts I often leave at the altar for Satan to claim and rob from me. So, yes, I need to trust and believe.
Thank you for echoing what God was pouring over me in His Word this morning!
Be Blessed today Jess…
Your words bless me today! I, too, accept the trial, but leave the gifts behind and the Lord is slowly and gently wooing me to the alter to receive from Him and to go forth in the boldness of confidence in him. Baby step by baby step.
May joy be yours today!
I can very much relate to this post. I feel inadequate in just about every area of my life; mothering, home schooling, being a wife.. I’ve never seen these things functioning (in a healthy way). So the enemy uses that one on me all the time and keeps me second guessing myself and the Father’s love for me.
Thank you so much for this article. I’m printing it off and keeping it as a reminder for those days when it gets overwhelming and I feel like I’m the only one who feels this way sometimes.
yes, inadequacy is the wolf that lingers at the door intent on robbing me of following the path God has laid out for me. I,too, am trying to ‘create’ a healthy, functioning family and my only guidebook is the word of God–so many great verses for moms, and I search out families/authors that I can glean from and lay my expectations at the alter of Jesus and trust him to lead and guide and fulfill his plan for our home. May you be blessed with an outpouring of wisdom from God as you mother and teach and minister to your husband. I pray that you hear his heart for you.
Amy McCollister says
Your post today, I know by the shadow of doubt, that God wrote through you. It’s too much of a coincidence to be anything else. You see, a few days a go I posted a blog about my struggle with insecurity, which almost echoes the words you have here. On my way to work yesterday this song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSo46FWGh8g) came on. One of the lines in this brings me to tears each and every time. The line says: “I’m so unworthy, but still you love me.” Beautifully written. Sweet words. Words that nourish my soul every time I hear them. So often I feel less than worthy, and this reminds me that it’s His choice to love me, not my own “worthiness.”
Yes! he first loves. If I can focus on just that and not my insecurity I can rest in His arms. I pray that you will find your way there each time the insecurity raises it’s ugly head. Thanks for the link to the song!
Oh how I relate to your heart. My heart also reflects the words of Jeremiah 17:9, “The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?”. Praise God, He is stronger than my feeble heart!
Thank-you Lord for grace! It is by grace that we live and breath and can open our arms wide!
Kathy @ In Quiet Places says
37 Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. 38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
These are my favorite verses that assure me that I am loved with an everlasting love! There is definitely power in these verses, if our hearts receive it.