I had been a believer for years when we decided to adopt. I had gone to Bible college, studied theology, and seen God work miraculously. However, I was quickly loosing every ounce of fire that had once burned bright in my heart. I was growing comfortable with the false sense of control I had over my life. My self reliance quickly dulled the voice of God, and the drastic life change that had once marked who I was, seemed centuries away. I couldn’t quite remember my great need for God, something I once knew far too well! I was “good” and doing a lot “for” God. I only called on Him in dire emergencies, or for His blessings over my plans.
Then we began our adoption process….
Like the good, productive Christian I had become, I quickly turned our paperwork in, ”in record time”, according to our case worker. We got a room together, and made all of the necessary plans one would need to make while waiting for two new additions!
Then we got a picture, of the two sweetest girls ever. These were the daughters that would SOON be ours. They said, “it will only be a few months before you meet them”…all we needed was a court date…
Then the courts closed …
and several months passed before
we were assigned another court date, that the judge didn’t show up for….
and several more months passed before
we were assigned another court date and found out the agency’s license was in flux and it would take several more months to get another one….
After that it only took several minutes before
I began to question the very core of my faith….
“Why would you make this so hard God…we are doing something good right??”
“Are you really good, I am not so sure anymore! There are two little girls living thousands of miles away who don’t even know about us”
“I have done all that I need to do God…what is the deal?”
Then through a sweet friend God began to speak…..
“I am good…you need greater faith. Not faith in me doing what you want me to do, but faith in My goodness despite your circumstances….”
“You believe, but have some areas of unbelief that choke you… I can help you believe”
“There is a purpose, one you may not fully understand, but remember you only see what is just in front of you…I see the entire picture….”
So I began to pray, plead….
“God give me greater faith”
“God give me eyes to see your goodness”
“God give me ears to hear your voice”
“God…I do believe…please help my unbelief ”
Slowly, He began to increase my faith, remind me of His goodness, and bring me back to the understanding of how incapable I am of living this life apart from Him.
Our adoption still took almost two years
..finally allowed us to bring our little girls home at exactly the right time. He performed miracles almost daily while we were in Ethiopia. He gave us two sweet daughters whose hearts were ripe for the seeds of the gospel…..all while rebuilding my tiny faith, piece by piece.
by Danielle, This Life I LiveLeave a Comment