Why do I often close my doors, staying hidden behind the excuses:
The children are loud, the house is a mess, the food is basic, and growing up my family never had anyone over?
Am I content to hide this light? To keep the illuminator that leads my way all to myself?
Hospitality?
Why do you scare me so?
This fighting for perfection means missing out on friendships. Am I content in missing out? Am I content with being a hospitality hater? In the past my answer would have been yes but now?
Not a chance!
So how did I go from being a hospitality hater to having an open house? Keep in mind; I’m still a work in progress.
Here are some of the ways that helped me be ok with the hubby saying, “Lets have my family over on Saturday (all 8 of them)”
~ I would suggest you start by reading Matthew 5:13-16 in the Message. After feeling convicted, call and invite a few people over for an appetizer party. Yes, an appetizer party. It’s easy, quick and who doesn’t love appetizers? You can even have everyone bring his or her favorite dish.
~ Don’t do all the work. If they ask to bring something then give them something to bring! This one was often hard for me. I often answered the question by saying, just bring yourself but then ran around attempting to do it all by myself. Its so much easier if you allow others to assist, and they enjoy doing so.
~ Don’t worry so much about the mess. Leave the bed unmade. It’s ok, really. I used to be such a bed Nazi. My mother would tell my sister and I that if we didn’t make our beds then some day God may choose to give us a job doing so. Three years later my parents ran a bed and breakfast and guess what our job was? Bed Making. I recently decided that with all the other battles I have with the kiddos, this one isn’t as important to me as it used to be.
~ Go ahead and find some yummy appetizer recipes, cook them and then right before everyone arrives pop them in the oven for a bit to warm up. This allows you a little amount of relaxing before the doorbell rings.
~ Have Pandora streaming in the background. Nice piano music is said to bring calming to the soul, both yours while prepping and theirs for enjoying.
~Run upstairs a few moments before everyone arrives to breathe, pray and remember why you are doing this. God is not a secret to be kept.
Opening up our door, has changed our lives.
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35
I did not know what loving one another meant until I began inviting others inside my home and my heart. Hearing the stories around a campfire, wounds of failed marriages, miscarries; it was here that Father showed me what hospitality was all about.
It was here that I got to be His hands, His feet, and His voice.
It was there, watching the flame flicker, listening to stories that I fell in love with hospitality.
By Heather Mattern, Storybook Adventures
Leave a Comment
Marisa Gary says
Great idea! I’m trying to put this together as we speak! 🙂
Rambling Heather says
YaY let me know how it goes! 🙂
Holley Gerth says
Taking a deep breath (you said you’re a hospitality hater–I’m a hospitality hyperventilator! Ha!) Love how you talked about the spiritual AND practical sides of hospitality. Great info and insights! A jar of Nutella is an appetizer, right?? 🙂
Rambling Heather says
Funny how you mentioned Nutella, it’s my biggest tempation when it comes to sweets!
Traci says
Haha, too funny! Yes, Nutella is an appetizer, you serve it on your best silver spoon and lick it off…then get another spoon and repeat the process (optional:)
Smiling.
Midwest Magnolia - Melissa Lewis says
Sooooo me! This just doesn’t come natural to me. I worry too much. But we recently moved to a much smaller town and where EVERYONE seems to be naturally hospitable. I am determined to be as well.
Rambling Heather says
I think God knew that I needed a people-person hubby so that I wouldn’t become a total hobbit 🙂 You are not alone.
Risa says
What a great post. I’m in the process of having a small get together at my new small home. I’m excited, but like you, I never have people over. My mom didn’t entertain at all unless it was family on Thanksgiving or Christmas.
So as I’m sitting here reading this post and drinking my coffee….I raise my mug for a toast. Toasting to many happy and fun entertainment days!
Rambling Heather says
“My mom didn’t entertain at all unless it was family on Thanksgiving or Christmas.” This was my family too. Good luck in all your memory making, entertaining adventures!
Kristie says
I struggle with this so much. We have 4 homeschooled-kids, 4 cats and a dog residing within our home. Our furniture has been “redecorated” by one of our cats and not in a good way might I add. Because of this, we have slip covers over our furniture. When I go over to my “friends” homes, they have the nicest furniture and their rooms are nicely decorated. We on the other hand are very simple people. I don’t know how to take pride in my home to allow people to come over. I don’t want to be judged for the way my furniture looks and the way my house is a mess. I also have lots of friends who do not like pets. That is not something I can do anything about. I don’t mind having family over, but others I have a very hard time with. Hopefully this is something I can move past.
Rambling Heather says
Baby steps! 🙂 You can do it!
Stacie says
Girl, you are speaking my language! Love. This. Post.
Rachel Tatem says
And what lovely appetizer they were Heather. I love coming over to your house. No agenda just relaxed, laid back. . . chill. Very peaceful and I always come away with having had nice conversation!
Rambling Heather says
Such sweet words, thank you sister!
jeana says
Thank you for writing this! This has been a struggle for me for so long. As I read Philippeans lately God has placed on my heart to long for others with affection. I think that would include being hospitable. Thanks again!
Rambling Heather says
It’s not easy but does get easier along the way. 🙂 Praying for you!
renee @ FIMBY says
I love this Heather! I didn’t realize you wrote for inCourage.
My favorite appetizers or “have on hand just-in-case- food” is good tortilla chips and salsa or popcorn.
Rambling Heather says
This is my very first post for inCourage. 🙂 Nice to have bumped into your here friend! I ALWAYS keep tortilla chips and salsa in stock, they are life savors.
Kara says
This is me! Thanks for your encouragement to be real, keep it simple, and trust God with our weaknesses. Blessings!
Leigh Ann says
I followed over from your blog because I identified with, “Being married to a people person has it’s challenges and perks.” You got me. 🙂
I would often joke that my husband was running around loving on people while I was holding on to his pants legs dragging behind him. When we got married, he was an extreme extrovert and I was an extreme introvert. I was worn out and tired trying to keep up with him and he didn’t understand why I needed “to just be alone.”
Now he can’t keep up with me! I love having people in our home, and I don’t feel like we do it enough. But isn’t it amazing how God can change our hearts? I’m so thankful God gave me a husband who taught me what it means to love others so as to share Christ with them. Praise God for hospitality heart changes!
Thanks for this post!
Rambling Heather says
HA! That second paragraph cracked me up! That was SO me. I hope that my heart continues to move forward and that like you I will feel as though we don’t do it enough. 🙂
SueBE says
Heather-
Thank you for the gentle nudge. My husband loves to feed people. Even when my mothers was in the hospital, he’d show up with food. Nothing shows that you accept someone more than inviting them into your home. What a great way to share His love.
–SueBE
Cassandra says
I can relate 100%. Thanks for sharing this. 🙂
the nester says
funny, anyone who comes to your home would never guess that you are a recovering hospitality hater.
wish I had some of that cake you made last time I was there!
Rambling Heather says
You are an inspiring mentor! 🙂
Hope Easter says
This post makes me want to invite people over for a small get together. I’ve actually been wanting to do that for the longest time. Maybe it’s time…..
Rambling Heather says
WooHoo let me know how your get together goes! Glad that I could give you that nudge. It is so worth it!
Marilyn Yocum says
Love this! Most of the really important things that happen happen in a home. Your tips are super!
Rambling Heather says
Thank you for such sweet words!
Courtney says
Oh, I think so many women can identify with this – me included. Thanks for putting it into words so beautifully.
Sandy @ RE says
I get so many emails and just daily conversations with women who hate hospitality. Even though it may not be our “gift,” does that mean we don’t have to be hospitable? LOL! Today on RE I’m talking about how I’m trying to NOT MAKE MY KIDS hate it because of perfectionism. Too many moms have ruined the chance for their kids to learn about it in a healthy way. “P” gets in the way …
Great, great, great post! Beautifully said. xoxox
Rambling Heather says
Believe it or not, your blog is what Father used to convict me of this very subject! Thanks for being willing to be used by Him so that He could change this girl’s heart.
Gretchen says
Great reminder & clever ideas. I’m visiting from the Nester’s link on Twitter. Happy Memorial Day Weekend.
Rambling Heather says
Thanks for choosing to visit and for commenting!
Robin says
Wonderful post! I’ve been a “Hospitality Hater” for the past 19 years (since my daughter was born). I’ve recently been struggling with not having any close friends and really want to open my life up to more people. Thank you for this!
Rambling Heather says
Oh you will be so blessed if you do!
charis says
this is such an honest post! i love it! we have people over to our house all the time… i think it is part of being pastors. sometimes after a long day with the kiddos, especially a teething baby, even my extroverted self can dread the company. but – so much life always comes out of opening our home and our hearts to others, especially when it is a sacrifice.
my recent post: simple woman’s daybook 5.25.11
deidra says
Wonderful! That last tip sums it all up. Great advice!
Teri @ StumblingAroundInTheLight says
This is so timely…as I try NOT to stress about my family coming for a visit next week…ELEVEN of them!
Thanks!
Rambling Heather says
ELEVEN, fun! Take lots of photo’s and breathe 🙂
kim says
This was a beautiful post, thank you for sharing it!
Traci says
Aaahh, that brings tears to my eyes. I find myself not at the end of your post but at the beginning, sadly. I struggle almost everyday with the issues of what you called “perfectionism” to the exclusion of friendships and relationships. I so love a woman who is blessed with the gift of genuine hospitality. Today is Shabbat and as I get ready for our guests, I grumbled. I wanted to take this day off for myself and rest, I’m tired (boo hoo, poor me, ha!). I am quite sure my Father would like it if I would at least go along quietly, don’t you think? Haha.
Thank you for the lovely post. I pray I will become the woman at the end of your post and serve my guests with open doors and joy!
Blessings
Rambling Heather says
Sometimes it’s hard and I too have found myself grumbling at times. Try to keep your chin up, it get’s easier as you go along. Fake it till you make it. 🙂
Caroline says
I love the practical tips and the godly advice you shared in this post, Heather! I struggle with opening my home at times… other times I can open up the doors freely. I think it’s sometimes when I feel like I don’t “measure up” or feel like I’m being judged. But, that’s when I have to renew my heart to know that God is the just One and people’s judgment doesn’t matter! What matters is sharing His love with eager and open arms. I’m praying for that now!
Rambling Heather says
“What matters is sharing His love with eager and open arms.” SO TRUE! Thank you for this comment!
Christine says
Just reading this now. It’s wonderful to hear of your conviction, and subsequent freedom in the Spirit, to be more open to hospitality. I have a different problem in all of this. My husband is even more of an introvert than me and would rather have people over only once per year (if that- Ha!)! I try to honor that, but I have friends and their kids over every couple of weeks for lunch and every once in a while a Mom’s Night In at my house. I could probably do more but the my-house-is-not-ready-for-company thing is what holds me back.
Danelle says
One day Amazon recommended for me “The Reluctant Entertainer” and I thought I would drop into tears. How did Amazon know? This post was refreshing and real. I struggle because I want everything to be perfect.
Love and blessings to you!
Sharon says
Stumbled upon your blog today and then followed the link to your post here. Both my husband and I are introverts and I moved to his town when we got married. So I don’t have super close friends here yet. We’ve talked about having people over, but more often than not, we find a reason not to. He’s too tired on weeknights. Our house is too hot in the summer to cook. Our daughter goes to bed early and can’t sleep when there is noise in the house. So what ends up happening is that I have friends from my town (an hour away) over during the day while he’s at work. Which is great. Except I want to be making friends with people here. And I want my husband included in those friendships.
Donna says
Wow. Girl, I could give you a laundry list on why I don’t particularly enjoy having people over but the bottom line is I know I should. Just to hear there are other women who struggle with this issue and are willing to step out in faith despite discomfort is encouraging. Great post. We should have a support group! haha.
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