I was floundering.
Lost in the laundry, cooking, clean-up, baths, books, and bedtimes.
Overtaken by the mundane.
Riddled with worry of the unknown.
Frustrated with the present.
I woke up one morning, heavy hearted over the coming day. Dreading the usual tasks at hand.
God ordained that as the time I would see Ann’s trailer for her new book, One Thousand Gifts. Ann reminds us, “Gratitude for the seemingly small and insignificant- this is the seed- the seed that plants the giant miracle in the midst of it all.”
I was in need of a miracle in the midst of it all.
Then, on a recommendation from a friend, I found myself in Psalms that day.
And somewhere along the way I came face to face with my ungrateful heart.
The worry, boredom and frustration were all mere symptoms of the disease of ungratefulness.
It seems odd to consider worry as a sign of ungratefulness. Yet, I realized worry and gratitude cannot coexist. I cannot thank my Savior that I have enough and in the next breath mutter that I fear for what is to come. Worry, then, must be the antithesis of gratitude. Worry was like an overgrown weed in the places where gratitude should have been blossoming.
Instead of fretting over the things I don’t have or don’t know the certain outcomes of, gratitude beckons me, reminding me that what is to come doesn’t matter. What does matter is the condition of my heart when the future arrives.
And the present, the proverbial gift, was being tossed aside all along.
Opened, but not appreciated.
Like a child with too many gifts on Christmas day.
The gift of each day beginning to feel more and more like a burden.
Realizing the condition of my heart was one thing. Changing it was another. How does one will herself out of ungratefulness?
I asked Him to change me.
And something happened that night while putting my children to bed. Looking at my little girl and listening to her jabbering the few words she knows, I was overcome with thankfulness for these lives He has given me to guide. I hugged her a little longer than usual, whispering in her ear how dearly loved she is.
Then I sat with my older child and listened (really listened) to him tell me all the things that go through a four year old’s mind before bed. Would I be packing Jell-O in his lunch tomorrow for preschool? Because the other kids have Jell-O cups. What was on the menu for breakfast?
I tucked wiggly little bodies in and kissed them good night.
My heart brimmed with gratitude. Nothing had really changed, yet everything was different.
Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever. – Psalm 136:1
By: Lara, The Farmer’s WifeLeave a Comment
Thank you for this reminder!
Ditto Lissa! I have Lamentations 3:22-23 stuck on my fridge as a reminder that every day is indeed a gift.
This hit me full force in the heart: “I realized worry and gratitude cannot coexist. I cannot thank my Savior that I have enough and in the next breath mutter that I fear for what is to come. Worry, then, must be the antithesis of gratitude.” I am a worrier by nature (or by habit, more accurately) and am working through Ann’s book (a little behind the book club.) This is another “seed” for me. Thank you!
The same thing happened to me about a year and a half ago. It’s life changing! It’s seeing God’s little handfuls that he gives me everyday. They help me see Him in my life. Love your post.
As I read the last few paragraphs of your post I have tears in my eyes. I have been studying Proverbs 4:23 about guarding your heart. Your post is at the heart of every mother. We’ve all been there. So overwhelmed, frustrated, scared, exhausted that we forget to be grateful. I am so blessed to have 2 healthy girls. Why do I need reminded of that?
“What does matter is the condition of my heart when the future arrives.”
I love that line. It speaks to me. (I have linked back to your post for later today 🙂 )
How are you guarding your heart these days? « faith. everyday. says
[…] does matter is the condition of my heart when the future arrives.” Read her tearful post here. Seriously, I had tears in my eyes reading […]
Thank you for this post – it’s so easy to get caught up in the “day to day” that we forget what a great blessing it all really is.
i love when these moments happen in my life, it’s as if God is whispering in my ear…i want you to slow down and be present with me right here in this moment. what’s awesome is that you have the gift of hearing God when so many people would otherwise carry on. i believe that the goal is to live in the present, but sometimes we simply just let it slip away…
I felt the same way last week. I realized one night I was staying up late just so I could put off the next day to come. Then we had some time outside and there were lady bugs all over the place. Those tender moments watching my crazy boys gently hold and care for lady bugs while I taught them how to coax them onto their fingers reminded me that the sufferings of this life can be quieted with his love and perspective. I needed to let Jesus hold me and once I stopped pushing him away and trying to figure it out myself, I was able to receive his sweet surrender.
Amy Sullivan says
“The worry, boredom and frustration were all mere symptoms of the disease of ungratefulness.”
I love this sentence because there it is filled with so much truth. When I find myself feeling worried or frustrated, I need to remember it’s just a symptom of ungratefulness.
Yes. Been doing the same thing lately. Realized life of ingratitude is downright exhausting.
Thanks so much for writing this. God has certainly been working on my heart to be more grateful and to express gratitude to Him and others. There’s no worse feeling that giving to someone who does not appreciate what you’re doing for them. So thanks for the reminder. 🙂