In 2009, I ended a relationship where I felt like I was drowning and had lost my sense of self. It is a scary feeling when you wonder how you could have lost your own identity.
I sought help from a Christian counselor. I began to see the light again; I began to feel God again. I was feeling like myself, but wanted to start over somewhere else. God provided me an outlet to have a fresh start.
After Christmas of 2009, I moved from Kansas to New Mexico to live with my aunt and uncle. I quickly found a job as a waitress. I know God led me to that particular job so that I would be thrown into the community and all of the visitors that came in and out on a daily basis.
I had to be outgoing.
I had to get out of my shell.
It was hard for me, but I knew that God wanted me to let me little light shine. I let it shine.
Not only had God provided me with opportunities to find myself again, He introduced me to an amazing Christian man through a mutual friend in January. I found my smile in that man.
Everything happened so quickly. We knew that God had brought us together. And as we say, when you know, you know, and we both knew. We were married on June 12th, 2010 after less than 5 months of being together. It’s amazing how God can plan something so perfectly. You just have to trust Him and jump with two feet in.
I’ve jumped in puddles for Him.
I’ve jumped in dark pits for Him.
But this time, He had me jump into the light of a blessed marriage.
Not only has He gave my husband and I a marriage that we both cherish, in September, we found out we were expecting our first baby. The joy that this pregnancy has given both of us is beyond fulfilling.
Family is one of God’s greatest gifts. He is growing ours. Isn’t that amazing?
God does so many marvelous things for us. Sometimes we have to trudge through the mud and the rain. However, joy through God can always be found. We simply have to drop that umbrella, embrace the rain, and see the light seeping through. He’s there, always. He never leaves us. He loves us more than anything we can imagine.
God gave me myself back. He gave me my life back. I was at a point where I could not see what was up and down. I could not get myself out of the dark. I remember describing to my counselor exactly how I felt. I felt like I was stuck in a storm. Looking back now, I could cry for myself. How did I get in such a place in my own life? I was lost.
God had not left me. He was there. I simply couldn’t find Him.
He helped me find Him.
I look at my life now and can’t believe how much God has blessed me. I just had to trust Him and embrace the rain that was falling on me. After I accepted it, I could see the light.
I found my smile. I found my joy. And now God has given me the opportunity to share my smile and my joy with not only my husband and the people around me, but with my own baby boy arriving at the end of May.
God is amazing. I simply cannot say that enough.
By Shelbey Kendall, The Blissfully Blessed WifeLeave a Comment
I will find my smile again, I know, through God’s grace.
Katie @ Imperfect People says
So well written. Glad you didn’t compromise and stayed true to you!
Drop the umbrella and embrace the rain and see the light seeping through! I love it!
Beth Williams says
WOW What a story!!
God helped me find my joy also. I was “older 35-39”, single and wanting to get married. While at a planning meeting for a mission trip – my friend’s daughter got me on to Yahoo Personals.
Long story short nothing was happening so one day at work I just threw a pencil down and gave it all to God. Shortly after that he sent me a wonderful man whom I cherish. After only 10 weeks of dating we married and have been “Happily Ever After” for 7 years now.
I’m going through the same exact thing right now. Two months ago a relationship ended that I had also lost myself in. For two years I loved him and gave him everything, including who I was. Now…I’m in the dark, discovering who I am again. I long for a relationship built on mutual love and acceptance, but it seems like I can’t heal from the last one. It’s hard to believe there is anything/anybody else out there. I am hiding from the world and only spending my time working and trying to find God on a deeper level. I know how you felt about not being able to get out of the dark!
Thanks for your encourgement. I needed it today. 🙂
Sometimes that is how I feel. Like I lost myself.
Like I need to discover who I am again.
I am working on that although the situation I am in is not neccessarily one I can get out of so am finding myself in the Lord in the middle of the storm. He is faithful. Always there for me. Hoping to one day truly feel like I am able to be ME again.
What wonderful encouragement that there is healing and hope.
Lisa H says
The most common question I have asked people I trust in my life right now is : “Who am I?” I do not remember who I am, but more importantly I’m not sure I want to remember who I was. I know I dont want to replicate that person back into my current life. It took 3 years of hard work, learning, etc. and I finally wrote my ‘story’ again for myself from my own perspective NOW. I compared it to what I have written the past 3 years-eye opening! What I learned was the answer to that question and it wasn’t the answer I was looking for but I like it much better. I am God’s daughter! That is what I have to keep focusing on or else the rest will pull me back down!