About the Author

Mary is a writer and speaker who lives for good books, spicy queso, and television marathons – but lives because of God’s grace. She writes about giving up on perfect and finding truth in unexpected places at MaryCarver.com. Mary and her husband live in Kansas City with their two daughters.

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  1. My husband, who is 29, still has to sleep with his bebe on his pillow. It’s a blanket or shirt made out of thermal under clothes. As for myself, I’m 26 and I need a certain blanket of mine as well and I have a hoodie that I’m very attached to, so have no fear you’re not the only grown up with a security blanket. =)

  2. I promise you you aren’t the only one who still has a security blanket… I have a bunch of security soft bedding objects… and they have names. 🙂

  3. It must be that time of year! I recently wrote a similar post about the smartphone my husband gave me. It is a security blanket: the names and numbers of the people I hold dear, information so that I am never without (which makes me a little cranky when that happens), music to soothe the soul when all of the above fails. It’s a more socially acceptable security blanket, but I’m pretty sure that’s what they are;)

    • Those socially acceptable security blankets are the most dangerous, I think. Great point about phones. I know you’re not alone in that one!

  4. I think we all have security blankets–especially the ones made of skin and bones. Sometimes it is incredibly hard to let them go–and we hold tight to them with clinched fists.

    Lovely post!

  5. I, too, have security blankets – none with names & I’m 45. It’s the ones that you remember where you got them – that’s what makes them important.

    My other security blankets include work, husband, family, friends and the list goes on and on. As this new year begins I will try to loosen my grip on all that “stuff” and let God take over and lead me where He sees fit.

  6. I’ve heard it said courage is feeling the fear and doing it anyway. And you, Mary, are all brave and beautiful in my book. I bet that nap blanket makes a pretty good battle flag too. I think I’ll go wave mine around for practice…

    • I’ve heard that definition of courage, too – but I’m laughing this morning because it just makes having courage sound so scary! I love to see you waving your battle flag, friend…

  7. Hmm security blankets…I’m 18 and I usually don’t go anywhere without play-doh with me…Also, I always like to have my phone in my pocket–although it is almost never turned on…I probably have other security blankets too…

    • My security blanket for a long time was self-injury. It was sewn mainly with threads of control. It is unraveling little by little, but unfortunately I realized a couple months ago that the loose threads have been re-weaving themselves into anorexic tendencies.

      • VA, I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve clung to these hurtful things. Is there anyone who can help you with the anorexic tendencies you’ve recognized now?

  8. Great post. I recently wrote about my old security blanket that was woven with the threads of planning, routine and predictability. Of course those controlling behaviors left little room for God. I am grateful for circumstances in my life over the last decade that have caused me to trust and obey, so He could lead me out of my comfort zone!
    Happy New Year Wishes from Hong Kong,
    Kim

    • I’m all too familiar with this struggle. My career – and the person I was IN that career – was a huge security blanket for me. When I was laid off shortly before my daughter was born, it completely rocked my world! I’ve been learning to hold that entire part of my life much more loosely, but it’s still hard.

  9. “…anything we hold tighter than we do Christ is a security blanket….”

    Ego? Pride? Wanting to make much of self? I SO want my actions to be about YOU, to be about HIM…but so often they serve me and mine.

    Odd that those things would be a source of security, ya know?

    Sweetly written by your heart and soul. Love you, Mary. 🙂

    • Ego…ugh. That’s such a big, ugly one. And something I fight constantly! It IS odd that my SELF would be a source of security, since I know well my sinful nature and fallible tendencies! Like I mentioned to another reader, thank God he’s so patient with us!

  10. Control. Its a nasty one. And not very black and white which makes it hard to know how to put away. I do wish I could just fold it up, put it in a box, and stick it on a shelf or take it to Goodwill.

    The manifestation is planning my life. If you saw my google calendar you might be a) really impressed or b) really concerned about my well being. Ha! I need to know what’s coming, what to expect, when, and how much.

    This year, I’m going to try to give myself more margin and allow some spontaneity. (Last year, I did take two last minute weekend va-cays) I’m going to give God room to reveal Himself through HIS plans instead of trying to see Him amidst mine.

    • I’ve been working on margin for a while, too. As a planner, it’s hard. I want to fill up all the empty spots with SOMETHING – but that doesn’t leave much (if any) time for the unexpected blessings that come along! I pray you find the strength to leave room and the courage to take those opportunities that arise!

  11. I have a 27 year old Care Bear that I still sleep with, my sweet husband even makes sure “Bear” is sitting upright when he makes the bed! 😉 Looking back I realize all of the security blankets I’ve held instead of Christ and I see how some of those things have diminished, yet some I still cling to. I am working to let go of my false sense of “control”. Truly letting go and giving it to God is something I still struggle with; I am so thankful He is patient and walks beside me through this journey. Great post – thank you for your insight and honesty!

    • Sounds look like you have one sweet hubby! And yes, I’m so thankful for God’s patience and perseverance when it comes to me giving up that false sense of control.

  12. Your nap blanket isn’t weird, it’s precious. I have a nearly 20 year old pair of bunny slippers, the last present from my mother who is no longer on this earth. Reinforced, oft-mended, duct tape on the bottoms, they were on my feet just an hour ago. No judging here.

    Your questions? I’m still holding onto negative voices of a father whose hands were too violent and free, “You can’t do this” “You aren’t good enough.” “You’re useless.” “You’re a clown.” These voices have to be dropped – and new voices ushered in. Voices more like Our Lord, “Abide in me and you can do this” “You are good enough” “You have worth”.

    I’m reaching for a dream – for maybe the last time – and I will let go of those voices that held me back – and hold on tight to Our Lord – but don’t touch my bunny slippers.

    • Awww, that’s adorable, and totally understandable. One of my best friends lost her mom a couple of years back to cancer, and though she’s married and has a son (too cute) and daughter (not even a year old), she probably has a “security blanket” too somewhere.

      For me, my issues are with my parents, especially my mom. I had a stroke almost 16 years ago now (totally unforeseen), but she seems to need to control my life pretty much ever since. I struggle with the negative voices of my mom,”You’re not quite good enough.” “You can’t quite do it as good as me, so don’t even try.” “I’m better than you,” “I’m doing this for your own good.” “You’re not ready to move out” seems to be the internal mantra of hers as of late. I don’t have a say in anything involving me it seems. The Lord has started smashing those voices to smithereens, but I’m having a hard time just not internalizing them when she does let loose. Dad’s no use either, he’s an absolute wimp when it comes to defending me. I still live at home. My friends have helped a lot (both here and in my hometown where I went to university) but it’s still oh so hard. If it were up to me I would’ve moved out long ago, but I’m caught between a rock and a hard place. Risk offending them and have them not speak to me for a couple of months or stay and have the constant (almost) barrage of verbal abuse. It should be an easy issue to solve, but it’s not.

      • Wow, Chantal, that sounds difficult! I’m so sorry to hear about your struggle with your parents. I pray that you can stand up for yourself while still honoring them and preserving your relationship!

  13. What a wonderful post! I think my security blanket was my strong beliefs on certain things. I clung to them and expected everyone else to as well. God has gently weaned me off of my security “blanket” and I am so thankful because it means, I’m growing up. 🙂

    • Ah, yes, growing up. 🙂 Too bad THAT’s not a painless process! Actually, I’m thankful, too, for the ways God has loosened my grip on some beliefs – and, I’ll be honest, judgments – over the past several years.

  14. My security blanket probably has the word “control” embroidered on it in big red letters. So hard to surrender sometimes. So, while Holley’s waving her battle flag, I’ll be working on waving a white little blanket of surrender.

  15. Thanks for sharing, I loved this. For the last six years I’ve been attached to the red fleece blanket my oldest bought me his first year of college. It actually keeps me toasty inside my “covers” too! I love to see my 6’3″ son who is now a freshman in college still sleep with the blankie his grandma knit him as a baby. Even though I know God is in control, my world has been a bit crazy so it’s nice to have something to “hold onto”!

    • It is nice to have those tangible comforts. (And my mom also loves the fact that my brother and I still have – though we don’t sleep with them – our childhood lovies!)