This October my husband and I celebrated our 25th anniversary. The world will tell you that two kids who married at 18 and 19 years old, had 8 children, and lack financial security don’t stand a chance of making it.
I’ve got a quarter of a century investment that proves them wrong.
If I told you that we’re the world’s two most lovable people and that every day has been roses, I wouldn’t expect you to believe it. The Bible commands us to love our spouses. Would that really be necessary if it was going to always be easy?
Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” That’s a sacrificial love. One of the great blessings of my marriage is a husband who puts my needs first.
“The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” ~ Proverbs 31:11-12.
Two pieces of advice: first, pray that God will guide your husband’s decisions concerning your family, and then trust his judgment. It’s okay to seek input from friends and family, just don’t value it more than his.
Second, do not badmouth your husband to friends, family, or in front of your children. My mom warned me never to air marital grievances in front of family; husbands and wives make up, but family will have trouble forgetting. God has commanded your husband to lead his family; while demeaning him in front of others doesn’t negate his God-given authority, you’ll shake his confidence and he’ll question your belief in him.
What about you? Is anyone celebrating an anniversary?
By Dawn Camp, My Home Sweet Online HomeLeave a Comment
we are celebrating our 13th anniversary on the 22nd of this month…4 kids later….and choosing to love him cause I love Him. He make me want to be the best wife and mom I can be and you are absolutely right, it is not all roses all the time. For us, one of the most fundamental things for us has been to make time for each other each morning we have “coffee time” that is just our time. congratulations on 25 years. =0)
Congratulations on 25 years! This post was so encouraging to me, I just got married last June. I was 19. A recurring theme in our pre-marital counseling was the importance of not badmouthing your husband to others for those very reasons you mentioned.
It’s been a struggle sometimes not to jump on that bandwagon. This week I decided to make a covenant to guard my words and I typed up a “contract,” promising not to participate in “husband bashing,” including complaining about him or airing our disagreements. I guess I’m on the right track! Thank you!
Dawn Camp says
Emily, another caution that I can give you as a new, young wife is not to place your father’s opinion above your husband. I had trouble in our early marriage with seeking my dad’s opinion first.
Jen Martinson says
I have been working hard on not bashing…although it was often all in fun, I began to see it was hurting him.
Thanks for the reminder.
Jen…yes, even when it is in “jest” it can be hurtful. I recently posted something on my hubby’s FB status and he told me it was hurtful. I felt terrible! He said even if it was in jest (which he knew it was), not everyone would see it that way. I knew he was right. And not only did it make him look bad, it make ME look bad for bashing him. 🙁
Dawn Camp says
There are wonderful, dear women that I know who sometimes demean their husbands in front of others. It is so good that you were able to recognize the effect it was having.
Congratulations on this milestone anniversary!!! Your post is a beautiful tribute to marriage and I appreciate hearing advice and wisdom from someone further down the path than myself.
Congratulations on 25 years! We recently celebrated our tenth. We are told to wtach the “door” of our mouth and to speak words of encouragement and kindness…so true, especially with our marriages! They should be the first thing for us to defend. Husbands definitely need our support and encouragement. We can be their “cheerleader” rather than their critic. It’s very easy to slip into criticism when we get swept away with angry emotions. Even if we are struggling in our marriage, we can choose to do the right thing…regardless of our emotions wanting to take us in the wrong direction. Takes work, but it’s well worth it:)
Thanks for a great reminder to us of an awesome milestone in your life.
I Live in an Antbed says
This June was 25 for us, too!! Great advice!
AMEN to your advice about never complaining about your spouse to others. I’m amazed at how many husbands are the target of their wives jabs and jokes. And once one person gets things going, everyone tries to top each other. Congratulations on the milestone!
Congratulations on 25 years! My hubby and I celebrated 40 years in August. We were 19 when we married and my mother in law gave us 6 months! HA! Boy, did I show her! You are entirely right. Be your spouses best friend and biggest cheerleader! That makes a united front towards a good marriage…..
Dawn Camp says
Stephanie, congratulations—40 years! Way to hang in there and prove the prediction wrong. 🙂
25 years for us too in just a month! December 14th to be exact. We have relatives who are throwing a large dinner for us in honor of the event with a lot of family present. It should be a grand celebration.
Every day has not been easy. There are entire months that have not been easy. But to have a home, a family, three children, and someone alongside of me who often knows me better than myself is a rare jewel that I treasure. To have someone alongside of me who has put up with ME for the past 25 years is a gem of a person, indeed!
Dawn Camp says
We were married on only 2 months apart! I understand you being thankful for someone who has put up with you for so long. Me, too!
Awesome! Great words of wisdom and honesty here.
We’ll hit #6 in just over a month 🙂 Very exciting!
Love what you shared at the end…I told my husband how much I appreciate this in his parents…my parents struggled for a long time, though they ended well…I fight those patterns of how I speak to my husband…by His Grace I am growing…
Thanks for the reminder! and congratulations!!! (p.s. WOW! EIGHT KIDS!!)
Robin ~ PENSIEVE says
Dawn!! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! I love this picture of you and Mr. My Home Sweet Home :).
Short, sweet and to the point, this post has important, truth-filled pieces of advice. It’s never too late to learn a new way to love your spouse, but young marrieds would benefit from following your suggestions (especially since they’re scripture derived 🙂 ).
And……we’ll be celebrating 23 this weekend! Wahoo!!! 🙂
Congrats on 25 years! We were married 22 years in August- I was 20 when we got married, and not a soul was encouraging about it. I was going to ‘quit school, get pregnant, and work at McDonald’s my whole life’ from my mother, and his said since I was a product of a divorced family, we’d be divorced within 5 years. What they didn’t realize is that saying that just made us more determined to prove them wrong. And now we’ve got the only grandchildren on both sides- 6 of them, so we’re clearly nuts, but what’cha gonna do?
Holley Gerth says
Congratulations to you and your hubby, dear Dawn! I love that picture of you two–absolutely adorable. Your man is blessed to be married to you. I’m sure you bring a lot of beauty, love, and laughter to his life. And from that twinkle in your eyes–it sure looks like he does the same for you. Many more happy years to you!
Mel's Goin Goin Gone says
We’ve been together now 17 years and have 4 children. Our 15th wedding anniversary is coming up in a few months. We also got married at 18 and 19 and it hasn’t been easy but with God’s help we are still plugging along. There have been tough roads in front of us but God has been good to us.
Dawn Camp says
Mel, I love hearing of other couples who married at our age and are still going strong. We don’t have to be statistics (unless it’s a good one!). 🙂
Kristine McGuire says
What a wonderful post! My husband and I are celebrating 22 years of marriage this December for which I’m extremely grateful (we were separated but never divorced for five years). The advice you give in this article is to true. I made the mistake of complaining about my husband in the early years of our marriage and it did undermine his confidence as a leader and my family does have trouble letting go of our past difficulties. God is so faithful! If we follow His direction we can overcome the world’s statistics and maintain a healthy relationship.
Kristine, I can totally relate to yoru words. I have only recently, after 10 years of marriage, realized that my words were tearing hubby down instead of building him up. My frustrations with life were being translated into frustrations with him. 🙁 So easy to let that tongue loose, but must harder to reel it in.
Janet S says
What a great reminder! We are celebrating 8 years this year or it might be 9 years…. =-)
We just celebrated our 21st. I got married when I was 17. He was 22. If that’s not shocking enough, I met him on a blind date. Sounds horrible, I know … but it was all in God’s plan, and we are doing great 21 years later! Commitment is commitment, no matter how old you are!
Dawn Camp says
Love this story! 🙂
Very beautifully written. Congratulations on your anniversary. My grandparents would have celebrated their 65th anniversary in October of this year (he died in July) and they had that kind of relationship. If I ever choose to marry again, I will make certain to follow your advice, especailly those verses from Proverbs (my favorite chapter, by the way).
Hopeing the Lord will bless you with another wonderful 25 years!
In Christ, Teresa
Congrats on 25 years! Although I’m not married yet those are words of the wise that I will take to heart. Thanks for sharing!
Beth Williams says
Congratulations on 25 years. It has been 6 years for my hubby and I, and no it hasn’t always been easy. Even though we have no kids, we both have elderly parents to deal with and that can take its toll on a marriage quickly.
Halleluijah and AMEN to advice about never complaining about your spouse to others. I’m amazed at how many husbands are the target of their wives jabs and jokes.
I believe spousal stuff should stay at home!
Praying God gives you another 25 or more years!!!!
our 20th was in May–but are finally celebrating this weekend with some time away. congrats on 25!
Congratulations!! We celebrated our 25th anniversary also on July 20th. We have 1 son who graduated in 2009 and has dylexia so it’s been hard for him to find a job. We have had our ups and downs in our marriage..jobs haven’t come easy (he’s had to find a job 5 times now) and I have had over 7 jobs after 22 yrs. at 1 job.
We do try hard not to bad mouth each other in front of family, friends, and co-workers.
Praying and giving praise to God for the first 25 years and may there be another 25 yrs. I am looking forward to mine.
rocky and i met in 7th grade when we were 12. after high school, we remet at our 10 year reunion. married 2 years later, at age 30. last july we celebrated 22 years. awesome!
I was so blessed to read this! I was married at 18 and we are expecting our 5th child. By the world’s account, we are no successes – financially, etc. But we’ve been married nearly 8 years and have learned so much. Thank you for your story, I’m off to check out your blog!
And what about husbands bad-mouthing their wives to friends, family, or in front of your children, as my husband had done for half of the 20 ears of our marriage, which is now coming to an end? He left me in November of 2009, me and our three teens, and went to live with his mother, the only real woman in his life. Then he took me to court to try to get custody of the two minors (14 & 17). He also greatly limited my income, so that now I have to take him to court to have them settle things (please God) more in my and my children’s favor. It is all very ugly and disheartening. Please pray for us. Thank you.
Congratulations!! We are coming up on 18 next June but in May we will have been together for 20 years. At that point, we will have been together for half of my life. THAT amazes me. God has brought us so far spiritually and geographically and marriage wise. His grace is what has kept us together and continues to bring us close every day.
And the bad-mouthing part. Sadly, I did do this when I was a younger bride… but I have come to learn the importance of NOT doing it. And it requires truly trusting God.
Dawn Camp says
Sharon, I also remember how amazing it was when we realized we’d spent over half of our lives together. 🙂
shelly @ Life on the Wild Side says
Congratulations, Dawn! My husband and I celebrated 25 years this summer, and I feel pretty happy and proud about that. Every word you have said here is truth, beautiful truth. Thank you!
Dawn…Congrats on your 25th anniversary!!! What a milestone!
I love what you said about not bashing your hubby in front of others. I have done this and felt terrible afterwards. Its often something miniscule that I’m just frustrated with in the moment, but others do begin to see these instances as definitive of his character. They don’t know the context or his side of the story.
I love the challenge you’ve presented here to hold my tongue, and to build him up as a leader. Thank you!
Dawn Camp says
I can only imagine how much your husband will appreciate it. Wonderful!
Living the Balanced Life says
Hi Dawn! I can say I knew you back when! It must’ve been 15 years ago or more that we met, oh we were so much younger then!
I am so glad that you guys have exceeded the expectations of everyone else. Terry and I were married so young as well (even younger!) and 4 kids and almost 30 years later, we love each other more than ever! It is so by the grace of God, because we sure didn’t know what we were doing!
Congrats and Love to you!
This was lovely… and speaking from the unmarried perspective and a friend who often hears the grievance – you’re right. It’s harder for me to forget what I’m told. But I also know it’s my responsibility to speak love back to them and promote peace in a marriage. But not everyone does. Great advice.
Congratulations! We hit 18 years over the summer. How true that our words (and we joke that men don’t listen?) have so much power. I’ve learned that it’s not only important to believe in my husband, but to make sure he hears me say it – to him AND others! Thanks for the post.
Wow!! 25 years together, and 8 children? What a wonderful testimony. Its not often we find a couple being married that long, and having 8 lovely children. You are an inspiration to me. May God bless you and your family in his loving arms.
Congratulations Dawn! And praise God for the marriage He’s given you! Truly an awesome blessing from our awesome Father God! 🙂
We’ll be celebrating our 19th anniversary on April 24, 2011 and we’re so thankful to God for how He’s made our marriage! The one thing that I’m most thankful for, is that God gave me a husband who loves Christ more than he loves me! PHEW! What a relief! Because of this, I’m secure in my husband’s love for me, as it’s not based on me and what I do (although I strive to be the helpmeet God created me to be). Instead, my husband’s love for me is founded in Christ and His finished work.
I’m so thankful to the Lord for making me my husband’s second love…because Jesus Christ is his First! 🙂
What a great reminder of what the bible saids about marriage and how to treat your spouse.
I just want to say Congratulations! On your 25th! May you be Blessed with at least 25 more! We celebrated our 8th this year in may!
God Bless your Marriage!
In Christ’s Love & prayers
Hello Dawn . . . My husband and I also celebrated our 25th in June . . . and also have no financial security (what IS that???) but have security in heaven, and are delighted as each of our children has decided to follow Jesus. We have ten children here (ages 3-23) and 2 waiting for us with Jesus in heaven.
That was beyond encouraging…
I love your advice not to bad mouth him to friends, family etc. I live this… just naturally, I don’t like to talk about him to others when we have a had day because our bads days do not define our relationship. And if someone just HAS to tell when they have a fight, then the good things they say about their spouse should out weigh the bad, or else they can’t expect their family and friends to love the guy if all they hear is bad.
I am taking a marriage and family social work class and all avenues seem to point to divorce. I started surfing the web for testimonials of people who are HAPPILY married after 25 years. The stats are dissapointing. I too celebrated 25 years in august of 2010 and I and my husband are very much in love. I was so happy to read your story. Congratulations!