Recently, I was reminded of the awkward girl who inhibited this body of mine more than 15 years ago. Yes, I’ll admit, her body was leaner and her stomach flat. Hardly, the body I see in the mirror today. But less recognizable to me is her personality. She barely spoke above a whisper or made eye contact with others.
She walked stiffly, wore a veil of rejection, and held a basket of fears.
Perhaps that girl reminds you of someone whose reflection flashed in the mirror of your youth. I think those character traits are shared by many. And even for those of us who tightly closed the doors of the past, there are still reminders.
Not necessarily painful memories, because true healing is the best pain reliever, but more like souvenirs from a different lifetime that hint toward progress and validation. Knowing who we were then helps us better identify who we are now.
However, for as much as I have changed for the better (and I owe that change to the grace of God), a few ragged remnants remain. I long for the day when I finally throw those scraps away. What a contradiction of character that I still hold them, unable to assign them to the trash heap in which they belong. One tattered fragment that still yields power is perfectionism. Granted, that power is waning, but it’s still present.
Frankly, it’s almost silly that it hangs around. Perfectionism is nothing more than a form of pride, even though I often mistake it for “caring about others.” It’s perfectionism that causes me to put on the verbal boxing gloves and berate myself for a lapse in judgment.
Truth is, I’m going to mess up. I’m going to fall short. Despite my best intentions, I’m going to mildly offend some people and enrage others. Some of the mistakes I make will be huge and marred with selfishness. Others will be small, unintentional blunders like forgetting someone’s name or speaking out of turn.
What I’m learning is that while it is absolutely necessary to accept responsibility for my mistakes…even the innocent ones and especially the ones that hurt others…it also is absolutely necessary that I not dredge up those errors as a means of self-deprecation.
In other words, I’m forgiven. I’m forgiven even if the person I grieved chooses not to forgive me. I’m forgiven even if I choose not to let go of my mistakes.
Here’s something else. I’m loved. I’m loved even if the world calls me a fool and my friends abandon me. I’m loved the same amount whether I’m volunteering in a nursing home or cussing because I stubbed my toe.
And, here’s one more…I’m understood. I’m understood even if someone looks at me like I’ve parachuted in from another planet. No, God doesn’t always agree with my thoughts and actions. But, He understands my heart. He made it. He speaks to it. He pieces it back together after it’s been wounded.
He holds it.
He owns it.
He has made it whole.
“But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless. When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.” — I Cor. 13: 10-12 (NLT)
by Angela Nazworth, Becoming Me
Leave a Comment
Kathy says
Hi Angela,
Oh..this is good! I actually copied part of it and posted on my blog {hoping}that some of my family/friends will read it too.
I did give credit to the original post so I hope that is OK. 😉
Thanks!
Susanne says
This really spoke to me. And so often I forget all those things you spoke of. That I’m loved, that I’m forgiven. I need to remember all that. Thank you.
Holley Gerth says
Thanks so much for this beautiful picture of grace! Appreciate you, girl!
Pam says
Hi Angela,
What a beautiful post..it spoke to me greatly. Thank you for sharing!
~blessings
Rachel says
Hi Angela-
What a great post. I sensed myself in it. Very relatable. Thank you for sharing!
Michelle says
Angela, I love, Love this post. I can see myself through your words. Thank you for sharing it, and thank you for heaping us with encouragement.
🙂
Janis says
Hi Angela,
Thank you for sharing your heart and your wisdom in this post.
It is so good to know that even when my thoughts or my attitude is not Godly, that God still loves me and forgives me. And I will have to keep reminding myself that if no one else loves me, God does and that is all that matters!
Blessings,
Janis
Mandy Ford says
As a mom of two year old twins, I have a lot of “cussing because I just stubbed my toe” moments. Thanks for reminding me that I am loved even during those not so great times. 🙂
Stacy@cc-chestersprings.com says
Angela,
This is the first time I’ve read your post. Your words were beautiful and very true. Pride is so ugly, but yet can be masked in many, many ways so that we don’t see it as truly pride. But the remembrance that we are forgiven and loved with an everlasting love….by our Heavenly Father! Amen. Thank you for sharing your heart.
God Bless,
Stacy
Carleen says
Beautiful and just the word I needed today. Thank you for being obiendent.
Emily says
Loved this one too Angela! Thank you for sharing your heart. What a great topic so many of us can relate to. So thankful that He loves me even when I do mess up and don’t feel as if I love myself too much for it.
I’m sharing it also. Hugs…
Jaime Kesler says
Great post! I love what you said about being loved the same whether I’m volunteering at a nursing home or cussing because I stubbed my toe. What a great reminder that we don’t behave for worthiness, but because of our love & gratitude. Thanks so much for this!
Love you, lady!
Jaime
Traci says
Hi Angela…. beautiful! Now I get it… I just needed to read the rest of the story! 🙂
http://www.ordinaryinspirations.blogspot.com
loralee says
Thank you for such a beautiful and meaningful post. Reading it and taking some notes I found the heaviness on my shoulders lifting some.
Juana says
So good to read this and let it be a reminder that how we judge ourselves or how others may judge us is not how God sees the “all” He sees the heart…. Nice.
Juana says
So good to read this and let it be a reminder that how we judge ourselves or how others may judge us is not how God sees the “all” He sees the heart. Nice.