I know I was made for more than this.
I’m sitting on my bathroom floor and he’s given me the third in a string of sarcastic responses in a “discussion” we’re having. My head is bursting and my words are frozen – I can’t verbalize any of what I’m thinking in a way that he’ll understand.
Pinching the bridge of my nose I hang my head toward the tile. This is too familiar.
Weren’t we made for more than this?
I can almost feel the physical weight of my writing projects, church projects and personal favors I’ve agreed to take residence on my shoulders. I’ll probably have to go the chiropractor after all is said and done. Once I finish one, I have another waiting to take its place. I’m in a perpetual state of worry and stress that what I have to get done will not get done.
I feel like Lucy on that episode when she and Ethel are trying to wrap chocolates.
Maybe I’ll freeze. Maybe I’ll just give up on it all.
I’m sure I wasn’t created to live this way.
My daughters are arguing. One of them is screeching at the one who is using angry words. I hear “MINE” and “STOP” and “OUCH”. It hurts my ears to hear. Have I taught them this?
I know my girls were made for something grander than fighting over Polly Pocket shoes.
In moments of lucidity I understand that this bodily, physical, tiring life isn’t the whole of it.
Chad and I have wrestled too hard for the life of our marriage to be sitting on the ground fighting about “tone of voice.” And my stresses? I’ve walked through too much not to extract pure joy from the gift of ministering through my writing. I spent too many hours in painful-joyful labor eight and four years ago to watch my girls tear each other apart.
I can’t help but wonder if we weren’t all made for something extraordinary.
C.S. Lewis thinks out loud, “If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy , the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”
I have to admit that I don’t often feel like this. The worldly collision of words blinds me, the corporeal smells of arguments confuse me and the human sweat of this journey exhausts me.
And so only in apexes of anger, fear or frustration do I really think maybe there is more. Most of life is spent driving my minivan to and from school and wiping peanut butter from the corners of my daughter’s mouth after lunch.
And I forget.
But every once in awhile I see a glimpse of the next step, where hope takes hold of the heart. Peace. Inspiration. Beauty.
A miracle of conversation that flows easily into the next subject, the perfect word on the page, or real true love shared between little girls.
I know that I know that we were each made for something extraordinary. In our hours and our days and in our lifetimes.
by Sarah Markley, The Best Days of My LifeLeave a Comment
I love that Lewis quote, and also the song by Brooke Fraser she calls, “C S Lewis Song”. You’ve reminded me to listen to it 🙂
If you haven’t heard it, you can find it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PycBrNP8dXg
Teri Lynne Underwood says
That is one of my favorite C.S. Lewis quotes … in fact, my husband used it last night while teaching Bible study at our church.
Beautiful reminder, Sarah, thank you!
You write about where I am in my ministry. God may call us into hardship and fortify us for the work, but I don’t believe God calls us into work that sinks our souls. I hear the joy in other voices when they talk about their work. Joy for me is elusive, and I don’t believe that is how God wants life to feel. Finding the right work through which to minister is essential, but that, too, can be a challenge. I ache to serve with joy.
Yes, we were! We were made for so much more than this! Amen! And I’m so glad that God will take us where we need to be, I pray we each let him do his work in us and through us!
I do. I was just telling my husband last night that I hate my job and I hate where I am at right now. But, for the life of me, I have no idea what I am yearning for. I am not a writer. I am not a wonderful mother that is so great a nurturing. I suffice for the daughter I have. But, what is next? Where am I really supposed to be?
I often wonder that very same thing.
More often than not lately.
Awesome food for thought.
LOVE this post. I have been feeling this way…told my husband I want more for me, us, our family, our friends, our neighborhood, our congregation…& I think God wants more for us too. It’s not that things here are bad (they aren’t perfect, mind you), but I just have that sense about things. I anxiously await how God will answer:).
Good word for me this morning.
I’m an “I Love Lucy” girl – and that episode is one of my favs 🙂 And yes – that is how I feel sometimes – good example.
That C.S. Lewis quote – is awesome. Thanks for sharing.
Blessings and rest and peace to you,
Beverly @ The Buzz says
Excellent post. There used to be a guy on the Ed Sullivan Show who would spin plates on tall poles. As a child, I was so excited to see him quickly moving back and forth to keep them all spinning and not fall. As an adult, I feel like that guy all too often.
Sharing this on my Saturday Shout Outs this week, if you don’t mind.
Lisa-Jo @thegypsymama says
Dang this is beautiful. And encouraging. And so much more than peanut butter.
This is beautiful and very raw. I love how well you expressed your vulnerability.
I think often, is this all there is to my life?
I do. I KNOW we are made for more, for we are made for the real world, not this tissue-paper thing that beguiles our senses.
A tissue paper world: http://hopeiscalling.blogspot.com/2009/03/tissue-paper-world.html
Searching for the “something more” and realizing that it takes time, learning and discipline is where the frustration sets in.
We reach for what is close, hoping it will fill the need. We are (I am) inpatient creatures. The something more is a slow to unfold, beautiful thing worth waiting for. I have to remind myself of that today and everyday.
Ohhhh . . . I think you were at my house yesterday . . . Thank you for your encouragement . . . I needed it!
Wow! I’ve had so many of those same thoughts! Thanks for the reminder that God DID create us for extraordinary things! He WANTS to use us!
This post was raw and real. Thank you for sharing it.
I especially loved – I know that I know
We need to sometimes remind ourselves of what we know that we know?? Somehow it seems new again.
Wishing you sunny days, peace, and love in your life always.
Your words of the soul met me face to face today and many other days. As I read through your piece, I kept thinking “God is there and he is working through you and your family.” I remember when my children were younger and still at home and the feeling of so much to do, so much not done, so much not heard, so much more? And although the times and experiences are different in this “faze” of my life, those thoughts are still there. Last week I felt such despair and then in the same week I experienced a high in personal achievements and marital communication… go figure.. God was there through it all and I just needed to really listen and feel his presence to know that. Thanks so for sharing in such a relative way. God keep you and yours in the palm of his hand!
Yes. This reminds me of Carolyn Arends song, “Reaching.” I am learning that when no answers come, when the sidewalk does come to an end, when I’m not allowed to even try doing things my own way anymore…that there is something greater. When God speaks to dream bigger, and I find myself on my face on the carpet crying out that I don’t know how…I know there is something greater. I’m reaching for Him. I’m reaching for the high reward found in Jesus Christ. I’m reaching for the extraordinary living water who satisfies my thirst, so I don’t thirst anymore. It’s Himself. Jesus Christ.
Loved this. Yes, I agree. Beautiful Sarah.
Kristine McGuire says
Absolutely been there, done that, bought the t-shirt and yes…I do believe.
Anna K. says
Yes! Our Heavenly Father loves us too much for there not to be more for us. I often find myself thinking that I know that there’s more for me (and my family) but are we allowing it to be?
For me, I find that when I stop and truly look at and enjoy my children, share an honest conversation with my hubby, or minister with my singing and/or art from a place of love…”more” has been right there waiting for me all along!
Your writing made me think…and remember. You have my sincerest thanks!
We are with you, Sarah. Just if we can hang on to those glimpses of something more, moving and being worked out in us and through us, it will give us the hope we need to keep reaching for Him and all He has for us. God bless you and love on you big time today! deb
This goes through my mind when I am laying, able to do nothing, and I rhino those words. And I try to remind myself that maybe I’m going through this pain that allows me nothing, so I can learn and do something more with what I learn. I think I am meant for more. I’m often just too impatient to wait for it. But it will come.
Mel's World with Melissa Mashburn says
Oh my goodness, your words today were like salve to my soul…so many times I have caught myself saying that very same thing. It is in those moments of strength that I remember I am “fearfully and wonderfully made” and that He DOES have something more extraordinary waiting for me.
Thanks for sharing your words and your heart!
Mela Kamin says
we sort of wrote about the same thing today … love the CS Lewis quote and yes, we were made for more and for another place … navigating our way through this other world is the tough part
Ann Voskamp@Holy Experience says
You are extraordinary — I see so much of your Father in you.
Thanks, Sarah… for being wonderful YOU!
You help us all to see Him.
I’m reminded of the Switchfoot song “Stars”. When I forget what I am living for, who I am, and that there is more, I can just look up to the stars and be reminded I’m meant for more than what this life offers. But I can try to navigate as gracefully as I can while I am here. Not always easy, for sure, especially when my children were fighting. I used to hide out in my bathroom or under the covers. Beautiful post.
It’s one am and my husband is not home. After doing a little online research, I just found out that the “concert” he is supposed to be at (and home from) is not really a concert, but live music at a bar. I was beyond livid, holding my 4-month old daughter, wishing and hoping that this is not happening. I’m mad, scared, hurt, and angry that once again he is getting drunk with a bunch of single, non-believing men. I was preparing for the argument ahead, knowing it would not end well and I would probably feel worse off afterward than I do now. But as I am sitting here waiting for the inevitable, I decide to hop on here and read today’s entry. Thank you for reminding me that even though my marriage is barely holding on and my future is unknown, there is something more out there. Thanks you, and thank God, for reminding me that there is something extraordinary- something not of this world- to look forward to. I am God’s child and he is with me now, with open arms to comfort me. Instead of starting an argument, I will try to find a way to talk to my husband with the love God would want me to show him. Now I can go to bed, knowing that despite what my husband is now doing, God is with me. Now I can sleep in peace.
Lisa at Heaven Sent says
I know now more than ever I was made for something extraordinary, but I admit that it hasn’t taken the form I expected. When my third daughter is born in 10 weeks with a disability, I will take on a life I never dreamed of, but a life I KNOW WITH ALL OF MY SOUL God intended for something extraordinary.
When I read this post a few days ago, I didn’t have time to comment. I’ve said those very words amidst the daily sometimes ugly, uninspiring challenges. I want a grander purpose that lifts me from the daily grind of learning to live in the spirit. We all are so human and so broken some days. When I get there, I KNOW I need to pull away for some quiet with my Abba just to center myself again letting all that is happening in my life fall into its proper perspective. Sometimes life is just so chaotic that it is hard to find time to get centered by praying. That’s when I know I have to pray on the hoof as Ruth Graham once said. I believe God understands our frustrations and knows how hard it is to live here some days. And yes…we were made for better things…but for now we hold on to our faith and to Abba to see us through the difficult, messy days. I’ve found there are messy days and tranquil days and that is life here on planet earth. I am just so grateful for the love and strength of my Abba as I try with human, clay feet and hands to be his ambassador amidst the chaos of difficult days.
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