About the Author

Angie is the proud wife of Todd Smith of Selah, and the blessed mommy to Abby, Ellie, Kate, Charlotte, and Audrey Caroline, who passed away the day she was born, April 7th, 2008. Angie was inspired to write Audrey's story, and began the blog www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com in honor of her. You...

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  1. Oh Angie, I so understand exactly what you are saying. My journey was different to yours but this thing remains the same: Jesus will never leave us ALONE. EVER. The bottom can drop out of our worlds and HE is always there.
    I have been reading your ‘Bring the Rain’ blog for some time now and have wanted to comment many times. Your love for the Lord and the way you are clinging to Him is something I love. I love it because you are my sister in the Lord and because those of us who go through horribly difficult situations share something special. I love it because you choose to cling to the Lord. Even beat your hands against His chest because He is big enough to take it…. our questions, our pain, our wonderings, our hurts, ALL of it.
    I am so proud of you for writing a very public blog about your journey. During my journey I wrote too, just journals but I hope that one day it will become a book. I want my loss to be courage and encouragement to someone else. Even if it is only for one person. God allowed the circumstances that He did in my life for HIS purpose. May He receive all the glory and praise.
    Oh and Angie… keep shining for HIM. You are so beautiful as you shine for HIM.
    Love your sister in the Lord,
    Stephie

  2. “the answer is simple but not easy…”
    that struck a chord of truth in me. i suppose it will stop me in my frustration when i can see what is right there, and maybe another cannot.
    your story stirred me. that you could sit down and write what you relive… and bring such emotion to it. i’m thankful that you can choose that leap of faith. not only courage, but hope.

  3. That’s really beautiful Angie, thank you sharing. I have always been a rule follower too – and sometimes in my faith I wonder if I’ve created some self-imposed “yellow lines” that have hindered me from running around the corner to see Him. I suppose that is a question we each have to answer: when does faith ask you hold fast to the line and when does faith ask you cross over it?

  4. Wow. Thank you so much for this! Your writing, as usual, is so fresh and inspiring. You should write a book! LOL!!!!!!!!!! 😉

  5. “courage is choice. an act of obedience and trust.”
    Angie – no truer words have been spoken. For 17 years I have watched my daughter suffer each day from intractable seizures. I have held her body as it shakes violently and she gasps for air. In each moment I CHOOSE TO TRUST that my Creator will giver her the strength she needs to take that breath. I CHOOSE to be obedient and walk courageously hand in hand with the most beautiful miracle God could ever create, my Courtney. I am never alone…Courtney is never alone…thank you for sharing your heart today. Thank you for reminding me that everything in life is a choice. May Our Lord be praised and glorified through your words today. I know that Audrey is cheering you on from heaven…”You can do it Mama! You can do it!”
    Blessings to you and your family.

  6. Absolutely beautiful, my friend. You are enormously gifted with putting words together- very simply, yet they weigh on your soul.
    I’m so glad that you are choosing to step out in faith day by day. I have been following all your adventures via your blog and am amazed at the wonderful opportunities God is giving you to share your faith and be a brilliant light for Him (which you are!)
    I miss seeing you. Have a wonderful day!

  7. Amazing post, Angie. Thank you so much for sharing your heart “in courage” and love. It takes courage to reach out so transparently. The kind that God gave to David when He faced Goliath. I understand that kind of fear and that kind of courage…as well as the One who gives it. Thank you for this…
    Love to you…

  8. Beautifully written as always! I just love how you are able to look back at past events in your life and relate them to your faith in today’s life.

  9. Angie, God has given you an amazing gift. Thank you for sharing your words with us. I will remember this post for a long long time.

  10. Thank you for sharing that. So powerful. You are right, He will never leave or forsake us. He is there … big and in total control of everything. I needed that today.

  11. I loved the authenticity in this post, Angie. Something I’ve always heard whispered to my heart… is “I will never leave you- nor will I let you go”. He is right with us- just around the corner!

  12. Oh, Angie. That was just the most beautiful thing. I love that you are so transparent with your faith and your life experiences. I’ve been reading your blog for a long time and yet your words never fail to give me encouragement. Thank you!

  13. Thank you for sharing your powerful story with us! What an amazing reminder that we don’t need to see Him… He will never leave.

  14. Wow. I don’t even know how to respond, but I feel like I must. I so appreciate your story and your willingness to share it to encourage others. Thank you.

  15. Thanks so much for these beautiful words. They are such an encouragement to me, and I’m sure many others. I’m right there with you, trusting in the Lord, in the midst of grief. My daughter, Chloe, died shortly after her birth in 2006 – a chromosomal abnormality. Just recently, I had a miscarriage. Still, mustering up the courage to trust in Him.

  16. You have a gift!! Thanks so much for sharing the gift, and letting our Jesus shine thru you–You radiate light, love, and Courage, pal.
    …..with this “Gift” responsiblity comes speed bumps, valley’s, Curb’s, whatever you want to call them; so, my friend, I pray extra special for you!!!!

  17. Thank you Angie for this post. Sometimes faith seems to come so easily to everyone else … but me. I thank you for being honest. It is wonderful to know that I am not alone and that other people have to conciously decide to choose faith.

  18. While I have never faced the heartache that you have, I am so often faced with the need to trust in what I cannot see — knowing God is there because He says He is. And yes, feeling His presence because I am sitting still. It is an ongoing lesson in faith for me. You illustrated this beautifully.
    Thank you for sharing another piece of your heart, Angie. Your words always challenge and bless me.

  19. “Dare I believe him?” That is the question I am forever asking. Yet, when I do, he’s there. So why still the struggle? Thanks for posting this. You met me where I am today.

  20. So powerful Angie. Thank you for sharing.
    In my 16 years of life I have dealt with crippling anxiety and have had to constantly remind myself that God will never leave me. Even when I feel inadequate to handle what he has given me.

  21. I can see my toes standing next to yours Angie. Ah yes – it is a choice. If I can but catch a glimpse of Him then all is well. When I can’t see Him it becomes more difficult, but He is there just the same. For He truly is all He has said He is – even in those moments when the fear comes like a tidal wave.
    Beautifully, beautifully written Angie.

  22. There is such breathtaking beauty in seeing someone entrusted with a special gift, and seeing them using that God given gift to honor God.
    Thank you, Angie, for living for God, and being willing to share that life with us.

  23. He is always constant, always there. Choosing to see Him, is something I have to commit to every single day. Because it is far to easy for me to allow myself to thing He is not there.

  24. This past year, many beloved people have left and gone where I can’t see them right. I am thankful that through it all, God is with me and always faithful.
    I am looking forward to that great reunion day where we will see with our eyes all that we have put our faith in!

  25. Angie, thank you for sharing such a touching post. I am encouraged by your faith through this loss, mine has been shaken to say the least. I hope to one day get back to that sense that though I cannot see Him, He has not left me to be alone through all this pain.

  26. I’m the kind of girl who likes to have a picture in mind, something that helps me see more clearly. I’m not going to forget the yellow line. Thank you for sharing your heart so beautifully.

  27. I immediately started relating to this post when you said you were in the hospital when you were young. I was three when I was hospitalized and my memory is seeing my mom and dad keep walking as I ran down the hall screaming for them until a nurse caught me. Feelings of distrust and abandonement have followed me all my life. Finding Jesus has helped me as I have learned he can be trusted and will never leave me, but sometimes it’s a battle not to let those old feelings win out. My parents did come back for me when I was better. Thank you for sharing and reminding me that Jesus is always here and doesn’t ever leave, even if I can’t see him!

  28. so proud you are my friend. and i needed to be reminded tonight that He’s here… even when I can’t see Him. thanks for that.

  29. Hey Angie,
    I followed you here from your blog:) It’s interesting that the world you lived in thought there was something wrong with you. I identified with that and found hope in the fact that your mother and our Father knows us and will never leave us. Thank you for reminding me.

  30. Angie, your story actually took my breath away. What a terrifying experience for a little girl – but what an amazing God to redeem that memory for His good and yours!
    No matter what goes on – and bad things do go on sometimes – I’m so very thankful that I don’t have to see God to know He’s there.

  31. Thanks Angie, I’d seen your sight before & loved connecting you on this site with your own ‘Bring the Rain’. Thanks for sharing on both, and will be looking forward to more- what a blessing, this site and your thoughts on this post- Be blessed always-

  32. wow. i will not forget this story.
    i write this through tears. thank you, thank for sharing your heart and reminding us that He is there.

  33. I have never read anything more beautiful or amazing as what you just wrote there. In my 19 years of life I have suffered from being a nervous and worried child to a teenager with full fledged anxiety attacks. I began to pull away and avoid any situation which caused me to experience that horrible, awful feeling that you so accurately described. My mother watched as her 16 year old girl became so dependent on her that she could not leave her side. I feared for my family’s safety and checked doors repeatedly. I would be scared that someone was going to come into my house and take me away if I was ever to stay home alone. I avoided situations that a teen should be doing… No childhood sleepovers… No going to the movies with friends. I was a child stuck inside my confined life and began to feel alone and depressed. The doctors sent me to counsellors and wanted to put me on antideppressants. In that moment God spoke to me in a way he never has. He told me that I could beat this and I would get through this if I just trusted in him. I gave myself to him that day and surrendered. It was not suddenly an easy ride and completely fixed. Even 3 years later I still have panic attacks every once and awhile… but something is very different now. I have Him in my life telling me exactly what he tells you… I am never alone for he is forever and always with me. He will not leave me even if I can’t see him. Thank you so much for reminding me what courage is all about and that if you have that and the belief that He is with you that you can get through any bump in the road. You truly are one of God’s angels on Earth.

  34. I love this story. I had to cry for the little girl even though I don’t know her. I know a little of how she felt.

  35. I love this story. It’s full of hope in that way that makes you cry. I dealt with the same basic principle (albeit much less articulately!) in a recent blog I wrote called “Insights from Pinocchio.” 🙂 Thank you – always – for writing!

  36. “Courage isn’t natural…” that thought hadn’t occurred to me. I’ve been beating myself down for not trusting God more. I had expected after believing in Christ for so long that faith would be second nature. You’re right, it’s not natural. Fear is human trait. Lately, I claim it almost like it’s my right as a human being to live in fear. Courage doesn’t come just from living so long with Christ, courage comes from each moment that we choose to believe. Thank you.