As a physical therapist for almost 15 years, I have lived through so many changes in healthcare systems and management. But none as drastic as the pandemic in 2020. It was a bad year for all of us, and for those in the medical community, it was especially difficult. The strength of every healthcare worker is flexibility — we will adapt and perform whatever is needed to provide for our patients. But in 2020, the changes were constant. There was no time to process our grief and our own anxiety. Through the instability of the pandemic, we were stripped of choices and of any sense of personal control at a time when we needed it most.

The world labeled us “essential” and the media called us “heroes,” but we were ordinary humans who were worried we would get sick and bring the virus home. For many, our flexibility had reached its limit. We felt like we were going to break — and the flexibility demanded of us was not extended to us when we needed it. It was during this time that, for the first time ever, I struggled to like my job.

I even began to regret going into physical therapy. But I had invested too much time and money to earn my doctorate — I couldn’t walk away. I felt stuck.

As the years went on, the impact of the pandemic still remained within the hospital systems and demanded much from healthcare workers. I tried to be joyful and patient, but I was slowly drifting into burnout with all the changes in systems and leadership. My frustrations over small and big things left me with a deep sense of hopelessness because there were no answers. I couldn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. By the time I would get home from work, I was impatient, irritable, and too exhausted to do much with my family.

I realized that I was waiting and waiting for things to change, but things were changing me.

I loved my patients. I was great at what I did. My co-workers were like family. I had an eight-minute commute to work. But this job was killing my peace and I had to fight for joy every day. I knew God was making me uncomfortable and it was time to leave my full-time job.

When I put in my resignation, one of my leaders called me into her office. With tears in her eyes, she offered to work with me and offered fewer hours to help me heal from burnout. I was so grateful for her love in that moment, but I knew I still had to leave.

I told her, “I am a Christian, so I believe what the Bible says: A tree is known by its fruits. And recently the fruit I have been bearing is bitterness, resentment, grief, and anger…and that is not what I want to be known for. So, I think I need to be planted in new soil.”

“So, every healthy tree bears good fruit…”
Matthew 7:17 ESV

But how do you know if a tree is healthy? It’s hard to determine exactly when a tree goes from good to bad because it can take years and years for a tree to fully die.  Scientists verify the health of a tree by monitoring and testing the sap that flows within the trunk, from the roots to the leaves. If the soil no longer has enough moisture to nourish the tree, the roots run out of water and the whole tree will begin to feel the effects. At first, the tree will use the stored-up water within its internal system to survive, but actual growth is compromised and this overall stress on the tree can cause them to be sick.

Like a tree going through a drought, my first response was to make every effort to produce joy, kindness, and patience by drawing on my reserves. But there is only so much strength in me to do the work that only the Spirit can do. From the outside, no one could tell that my soul was worn and my body was getting sick from living in constant stress.

In His grace, God taught me to pay attention to the soil of my heart. If a tree is planted in good soil, then it will organically grow and be fruitful.

So many of us focus on producing fruit — but that is not our responsibility; it is the work of the Spirit in us. The Christian life is not about trying harder, but about digging deeper.

Our responsibility is to be planted, to remain in good soil, and dig deep into the Source and Sustainer of life. Whether it is a job, a relationship, or a church, assess the soil. And when we recognize that our environment is unhealthy, the soil no longer has the nutrients we need to grow, and our fruit is not reflecting Jesus, it is time to be re-planted.

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.”
Jeremiah 17:7-8 ESV

I pray that you will trust God to plant you in good soil, where you will no longer toil to bear fruit because you are immersed in the Living Water.

 

Listen to Simi’s devotion below or wherever you stream podcasts.

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