Confession: I have harboured anger, resentment, and bitterness against others. At times, I don’t easily forgive and feel justified in my unforgiveness, and though I desire humility, pride has won its fair share of fights. I try hard to love others well but often fall short when I conclude that withholding my love is well-deserved.
Can you relate? If so, I’m sharing this raw part of me so you can know that you’re not alone.
God is repeatedly teaching me that when we choose Jesus, we choose a different way of living – not one where we play judge and jury over the offenses of others and we let our emotions hand down the verdict. Choosing Jesus means allowing the Lord to help us process our feelings and change us from the inside out so we can be a light to others and bear fruit that will bring Him glory.
A couple of years ago, I was hurt by the words and actions of someone I looked up to, respected, and cared for — someone I held in high regard and admired. As a result of the hurt they inflicted and the brokenness I felt, anger started to grow within me. That anger grew into resentment, which became bitterness. I knew these feelings weren’t serving me well, and they most likely contributed to the lack of peace I often felt.
My mind and heart were in a wrestling match: what I knew to be true versus the feelings that overwhelmed me. But surely the Lord understood, right? After all, isn’t He the One who gave me the capacity for these emotions? I wanted to follow Jesus, but I also wanted this person to apologize. If they just owned their wrong, this could all be made right, I reasoned.
For two years, I carried the burden of unforgiveness and secretly held the sin of resentment and bitterness toward this person.
Earlier in this fall, after a time of confession with the Lord in prayer, He brought me to James 5:16 (NLT): “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.”
I sensed the Holy Spirit saying to my heart, “Ligia, you must now call the individual, confess what you have been carrying against them, and ask for their forgiveness.”
Tears began to well up in my eyes. I had so many questions brewing: Why? Why me and not them? They claim to follow Him and love Jesus too. Certainly, doesn’t the Spirit of God speak to them as well?
Like a toddler, I tried bargaining with the Lord to get out of what He asked me to do, hoping He would change His mind.
A few days later, I came across a verse I had read many times before, but it had never spoken to me as vividly as it did on this day. Philippians 2:8 (KJV) says, “And being found in the fashion of a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient unto death—even the death of the cross.” The words “He humbled Himself and became obedient unto death” hit me hard. I, too, want to be obedient to my Father, but what’s the price I am unwilling to pay? If I love Jesus the way I say I do, then don’t I also have to be humble?
This isn’t the easy message of prosperity often preached. This is the raw and real call of Jesus: pick up your cross and follow Me. Not to prove yourself but to humble yourself and embrace the opportunity for God to complete the “good work” He began in you. As Paul reminds us in Philippians 1:6 (CSB): “I am sure of this, that he who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
A few weeks later, I finally made that difficult phone call. (I am human, and God is still working on my response time.) My palms were clammy and my heart raced as I spoke. Unsure how to begin the conversation, I found courage through the Holy Spirit’s guidance and my heartfelt confession. With a trembling voice, I fessed up to my wrongdoing and apologized. However, what followed wasn’t a hallmark moment. Instead of a deep gasp followed by words of repentance from the other end, there was an uncomfortable silence, soon broken by a defensive reply. No reciprocated apology or acknowledgment of the bravery and humility it took to make this call. It wasn’t the outcome I had hoped for. Yet, this was not about me but about fulfilling the footsteps of Jesus in obedience to my Father.
We can trust that the Holy Spirit continuously speaks to our hearts as our counselor and guide — we just have to listen and obey. When we choose disobedience and justification over conviction and repentance, we explicitly silence the Holy Spirit, creating barriers to the freedom we frequently pray for.
My friend, be assured that the Lord is at work in you! When He asks us to do hard things rooted in His Word and spoken by His Spirit, He sets us on the path of completing the good work He already started. Our obedience is our partnership, which is the key to the freedom we desperately desire.
Hard pill to swallow
Thank you for the reminder Ligia
Bless you for your vulnerability, sharing & lesson
Thank you for reading, friend!
This is very personal for me. I am no longer communicating with someone I have been friends with for many years. Quite honestly, it is a relief. She is a bit of a bully, very toxic to be around, very negative and says unkind things to and about me and my family. So judgmental! I have tried to understand and not go on the attack; I have tried remaking calm and not make matters worse. Back in October, I said no to a request- a request made knowing I told her previously I was not able to fulfill. I had my reasons. Her response was so hurtful I actually cried. I have not communicated with her since then. I know she will not apologize as I have seen this happen with other people we know. And honestly, I feel so much more calm. I read recently about toxic people, relationships based on what someone has done for you (keeping count) and not acknowledging what others have done for them, people who are always complaining, people harboring long felt (and maybe not real) things done to them, etc. Maybe God is disappointed in me, but I cannot allow this person to hurt me anymore. It is too tiring to be around her. Interestingly, she does not have more than a couple of friends, and they are not deep friendships. It has taken me so long to protect my heart. I forgive her her- she doesn’t know it- but I do. It is who she is and even her children have tried talking to her- her daughter is a therapist! So, please Lord forgive me but I just can’t go there. ANd to be honest, again, I hadn’t given this any thought for a while until I read this today.
Fantastic post. I can relate. Those old hurts fester when we don’t forgive.
Thank you for your words, Priscilla. I am grateful that the words the Lord gave me have blessed you today.
Ligia so true what all you said in your reading today. When we choose Jesus we choose a different way to live. I know in my own life I had to forgive people who have hurt me. Done wrong in our family. I know to this day unless they get saved they will never change or say sorry. I had to tell them one time. When they said something to me it hurt there and then. I said back to them I love you more than you will ever know. To this a family member. If I didn’t love you and forgive you I wouldn’t be doing your home help for you today. I also told them I am praying for your salvation too. They just looked at he and rolled their eyes in the air and laughed at me. As they didn’t believe a word I said to them. I do their home help for the Love of the Lord and them I told them. If I not done what God would want me to do and that is forgive them as is say in Colossians 3:13 ” Bearing with one another and forgiving one another if anyone has complaint against another even as Christ forgave you so must you also must do.” How true that is for especially if saved. Then it doesn’t annoy us what that person did to hurt us. We can then love them like Jesus does. Even if not saved and we can pray for them and their salvation. When we see them it doesn’t hurt we can love them like Jesus would. We then have no resentment towards them. We can then repent to God in prayer for the way did feel towards them before we forgave them and if we said anything we shouldn’t have about them. Know we did what was right in God’s eyes . We can remember even if they if get saved don’t say sorry or don’t remember what they did in all things to hurt us. We know in God’s eyes we did the right thing and God will bless us for that. I say Amen to that. Dawn Ferguson-Little Enniskillen Co.Fermanagh N.Ireland xx
You are a soldier of Jesus Christ! Oh, how I admire your bravery and obedience to His word. It doesn’t matter how long it took, you did it, you obeyed.
God bless you!!! I needed to read this post as it will help me in my journey.
Thank you for your heartfelt post. I am sorry your act of forgiveness was not accepted with grace and compassion. I have learned that sometimes forgiveness can be given without speaking to the offender, as forgiveness takes place in our hearts and souls. And i have also learned forgiveness does not always mend a relationship. some relationships are meant to end – even when we desperately try to hang onto them. perhaps that is also God working in us, helping us to move away from people and places that keep us from being who God wants us to be.
Ligia,
I appreciate your humility and believe we all carry hurts that are heavy. Oh how our loads could be lightened through forgiveness. I find i forgive then i remember then i have to forgive again…it’s the circle of my messy humanity. I’m still learning to leave it all at the foot the cross.
Sending you New Year’s joy,
Lisa Wilt
I really appreciate your reminder that forgiveness is a continual choice, Lisa. It’s such an important point. Similar to you, I’m also learning to let go and leave things in Jesus’ hands. Thank you for your thoughtful reading, and Happy New Year to you as well!
I love this! Your vulnerability allows me, your reader, to see my unresolved feelings and not feel ashamed. Your story without the expected outcome helps me remember God is often doing something deeper and better in me when I obey the Holy Spirit. You have encouraged me today!
Praise the Lord for freedom to come as we are! Anna, the Lord knows you, your heart, and your unresolved feelings. He’s meeting you there, right amid them, reminding you that He loves you, He’s working, and there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. I am grateful that this blessed you today. Bless you friend.
Ligia, your words convict me in a similar situation. I will try to obey God’s Spirit in me. Thank you.
Irene, the Lord is near and will strengthen you as you choose obedience.
This is so good…so honest…so helpful. I’m in a similar situation right now and this resonates and challenges me. Thank you…even though it’s not quite what I wanted to hear! 🙂
May the Lord bless you, Jessica, and may He guide you as you navigate the challenges that are before you. I am grateful that what I shared resonated with you.
I would never believe that there’s someone who feels as I do and speaks my private thoughts. Thank you, for your honesty.
I love your words and testimony. It helped me.