Years ago I sat in a crowded room at a blogging conference. I’ve forgotten almost everything from that weekend except one phrase that author and researcher Brené Brown said from the stage, “Joy is the most vulnerable emotion we can feel.”
I had two thoughts when I heard these words: “What?” and “Exactly.”
The first reaction came because we tend to think of joy as an “easy” emotion. It’s not heavy like sadness or intense like anger. Joy is the floating balloon, the cotton candy, the confetti of our feelings. But that is a false perception. It turns out joy takes great courage.
Why? Because our brains are wired to protect us from danger. When we feel joy, we also have something to lose. Brené told Inc magazine that “80-90 percent of parents, when experiencing a moment of bliss gazing upon their sleeping child, will then picture something horrific happening to the child.”
Have you ever done something like this? You hug someone you love, and suddenly worry that they’ll get in a car wreck on their way home. You get the promotion you worked so hard for, only to feel like a fraud and picture yourself being fired. You’re finally relaxing on a beach vacation, then remember a news headline you read and feel anxious.
Joy is hard for humans, so this morning I looked up every verse about joy to seek some divine help. I found one phrase that was repeated many times, “filled with joy.”
He [God] helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. Psalm 28:7 NLT
Jesus was filled with the joy of the Holy Spirit. Luke 10:21 NLT
The believers were filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit. Acts 13:52 NLT
May you be filled with joy. Colossians 1:11 NLT
I’d always viewed joy as something I had to produce, but “being filled” means joy is something God’s Spirit pours into me.
Here’s what I’m coming to believe: We, as humans, aren’t truly capable of joy on our own. It doesn’t come naturally to us. At best, it’s fleeting and dependent on our circumstances. At worst, it’s something we fake but never truly experience.
Here’s what I’m learning: Joy is something we can ask God to fill us with rather than forcing ourselves to feel it. As someone who has experienced anxiety and depression, I’m not saying we’ll feel joy if we just have enough faith. I’m also not saying that we will always experience joy, which isn’t possible or even biblical. What I’m exploring is an alternative to putting pressure on ourselves to be happy-happy all the time. Maybe our role is simply to open ourselves to joy, to not slam the door of our hearts when it comes knocking.
Joy is also not meant to be our only emotion. Paul says, “Always be joyful” (1 Thessalonians 5:16) but he also says, “My heart is filled with bitter sorrow and unending grief” (Romans 9:2). Jesus is described as being full of joy and as being a man of sorrows. Proverbs 14:13 tells us, “Even in laughter the heart may be in pain, and the end of joy may be grief.”
As I say in my new devotional book, “We always live with both brokenness and blessings. Challenges and victories. Sorrow and joy. They’re all mixed up together. God understands both.”
Brené says that the practice the most joyful people have in common is gratitude. I would add one more element to gratitude, and that’s trust.
Gratitude today + trust for tomorrow = learning to bravely open the door to joy.
This looks like pausing to say, “God, thank You for this beautiful sleeping baby. I trust You with her future.”
It’s hugging someone we love and saying, “God, thank You for every moment I get to have them in my life. I place them in Your hands.”
It’s accepting the promotion and saying, “God, thank You for getting me this far. I believe You’ll get me through whatever is ahead too.”
It’s standing on the beach and saying, “God, thank You for the extraordinary world You’ve created. You alone are the caretaker of everything and everyone.”
The healthiest humans are those who are open to the whole range of emotions and experience all of them.
Some of us resist negative emotions. We banish sadness and anger because they’re uncomfortable. Some of us resist positive emotions. We shut down joy and happiness because they feel so vulnerable. I’m in the latter group — I can sit with grief and walk alongside sorrow. But joy? That’s scary stuff.
I’m learning joy is not a feeling to force, but a gift to receive. Opening our hearts to embrace it, especially in a broken world, takes guts and bravery. Joy isn’t a balloon, cotton candy, or confetti. It’s challenging and risky, maybe even a little crazy. It’s a wild act of worship by warriors with dents in their armor.
It’s okay if joy is hard for you to feel during the holidays. This doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or your faith — it simply means you’re human. God understands this and He will be with you in everything you face, in every emotion you feel.
Right on time.
Not only was this devotion filled with light bulb revelation, it also lit a candle in the dim corners of my soul. I needed this truth today. Thank you.
Holly love all you wrote. But it reminds me of the kids song that is good for us as Adults to remember even when the Joy is hard. It is “I got the Joy Joy in my heart” It then goes on I got the Love of Jesus in my heart” So true that is even if you don’t feel it. You see on YouTube the kids dancing as they sing it and do the actions. They are full joy like them. God to me as I read your Devotion today that you wrote Holley even when you don’t feel joy or it hard to feel. Remember my Joy is with you always. As you are Daughter of mine now you are saved. When you got saved you were full of Joy. Just ask me to help put the Joy back into and hand that problem over to me that making your Joy hard. God also gave me this song as well. “One day at time sweet Jesus” Not worry about tomorrow that it takes your Joy away. To remember one day at time with Jesus like the song. So true that is. I have found that hard to do at times. Especially to be filled with Joy and jumping around like the kids on YouTube “I got the Joy Joy in my heart.” How easy it for us including my self too to do as the other song says. “One day at time sweet Jesus” That is why we have to keep asking in the hard times Jesus to help us be filled with this Joy in our hearts take one day at time with him. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little Enniskillen Co.Fermanagh N.Ireland xx
Thanks for the reminders of truth, Dawn.
Thank you.
Holley,
Terrific devotion as we head into the holidays!
Sending you Thanksgiving joy,
♥️ Lisa Wilt
Dear Holley and a pre-joyful Thanksgiving to you and your family and friends. I started to read your story and was shocked as I thought, “How did Holley know my story? “. I mean word for word, it is exactly how I have felt for the past 50 years off and on. You see, when I was 21 years old, my boyfriend at the time date-raped me and I ended up pregnant. I wasn’t ready for a baby or a marriage as I had just finished college and did not know where I was going to do with my education.The guy that did this to me was supposedly a devout Catholic, but he told me to get an abortion. I couldn’t do that and so, back in the 60’s and I know you are too young to know this, the woman was always blamed for this happening and I was forced “The Shotgun Marriage” as it was called back then. Not only that, but I had to get married in a Catholic church not my beloved church which broke my Daddy’s heart. And, I had to sign a paper that the baby I was carrying would be brought up in the Catholic faith. Where your wedding day is supposed to be one of the best day of your life, for me it was the worst day of my life and I had to fake the joy I was not feeling. Fast forward many years, there was not much joy in my life as my husband did not even like me and I didn’t have any love for him either, but I was not nasty to him like he was to me. The joy that was mine came on the holidays where we spent with my Mother’s relatives and it truly was joy as I loved them all so much, but of course Thanksgiving was only 1 day and then I had to look towards Christmas, but as one of your incourage women in a recent devotion said they should really be called “Holy Days” and that was the way I felt. Presents were nice, but I preferred to get things for other people instead of wondering about what goodies I would get. When my Mother aged and could not make the Thanksgiving dinner anymore, I said I would do it. That brought me true joy as I loved to cook and bake. Also, God helped me to get my “Dream job” when I was 35. That is a story for another time; however, it may sound silly but this job gave me joy as I got away from my husband 6 days a week. The weekends were bad and it was always his way. He never gave me a say in anything. One last thing to fast forward to 6 years ago, I noticed that his mind was beginning to wane and I knew what that meant. It took we quite awhile to convince him to go to a neurologist and psychoneurologist. Both diagnosed him with Dementia, a violent form of it. He was in denial, flushed the medication down the toilet and refused to stop drinking. Instead he increased drinking. There is so much more, but he did try to kill me and my 50 year old son called me one night and said, “You are no longer my mother. You are a liar and I hate you. Also I have one grandson and he was 11 at the time. You will never see or speak to him again and he hung up. Grief, sorrow, anxiety and depression swept over me. It has been over 2 years now and I have not heard or seen them. My husband is in one facility and my son put him in Independent living where he should not be. He has gotten much worse and is in Tier three and is still drinking. Holley, they both blame me for this. I have divorced him, but the assets to be split are not going too fast and there is a lot of money that I did not even know about, but that also is a story for another day. I have already taken up too much of your time. I pray a lot and know that God has his own timeline. I just need to be more patient. Not much joy in my life unless I fake it and I do. I ask God to fill my heart with joy, but I am just too broken down and lost. I have been going to the same church for 70 years and that helps, but it is only one day a week. I have many of your incourage books and I have gone through the 100 days of Strength in any Struggle, three times. Thank you Holley for your devotion today and I will read it again after lunch. My love and prayers are with you……..Betsy
Saying a prayer for you today, Betsy.
Joy cannot be forced but it can be chosen – I love thinking about the agency we have to make our lives better, how we can open our hearts and minds so that Christ can prepare a way for a more grateful soul, no matter our circumstances. Thanks so much for sharing
Well said, Caroline!
Holley,
Joy is a feeling of great pleasure and happiness. Biblically joy is a lasting feeling of contentment, confidence, and hope that comes from: Trusting that God will fulfill his promises, Abiding in God’s presence, Hope in God’s word, and Intimacy with God. Being filled with joy means we are trusting/hoping in God. The world doesn’t understand our joyful attitudes. They don’t think a lot about gratitude plus all that God has given & done for us. Today I’m receiving God’s gift of oy happiness.
Blessings 🙂
This is so good and I needed the reminder today!
“We always live with both brokenness and blessings. Challenges and victories. Sorrow and joy. They’re all mixed up together. God understands both.” There is always an intermingling of things, right?! AMEN that God understands and always loves us as we wrestle through this imperfect life!
Of course God would provide a release valve!!
I think we sometimes equate joy with being happy or excited.
But as usual we get it wrong. Joy is almost inexplicable because it is given to us by the Father. And it is given to us when it is needed the most and usually not expected. Joy is like forgiveness, it floods and then becomes the calm we never knew we needed.
Totally Amen
What a Joy to read and receive thus New Joy as gift , not by our effort or society cultural reward.
I wish to quote some of the sentences by the writer
Thank you
Holley, I’m a day behind in reading this but in the big picture your words are perfectly timed. We are walking with numerous friends & heavenly siblings through the first holidays without a spouse or parent today. Our great high priest filled with joy, yet a man of sorrows gets us! The tears of grief & memories of joy will be tangled & tangible as never before. Those we lost this year are having their best Thanksgiving ever! May the kingdom increase that all who grieve can say that of their lost loved ones. Blessings! Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m glad this was helpful to you, Ruth, I’ll be going through the holidays for the first time without some people that I love too.
I am extremely thankful to God for all of the women who contribute to (in)courage.me. The posts so often speak to me or express what I am feeling and I really appreciate that most posts also relate the topic to scripture. And when I share posts with my friends they also find the writing very encouraging. So, you are all much appreciated and God is using you even here in sunny South Africa. Much love, Jennifer, Johannesburg
Thank you for joining us on (in)courage, Jennifer!