No one was more surprised than me when those dinner plates left my hands and went through the kitchen window. Even now, it’s hard for me to share that terrible moment openly, even though it happened many years ago. As a Jesus-loving woman, I never thought that I would lose control in such a spectacular way.
After I unfroze from the horror of seeing what I’d done, I grabbed a broom and dustpan, hoping to erase the evidence of what I’d done. I looked at the broken plates and cried. The only thing that survived my meltdown was a white Corelle mug that blessedly honored its no-break guarantee.
While that mug didn’t break, it was time to admit I finally had.
That morning, I was overwhelmed by circumstances out of my control, and the pressure of stress, fear, and anxiety swelled up within me like air inside a giant party balloon. Those emotions grew instead of me, stretching my ability to cope. All it took was one terrible fight for me to pop. I exploded like a latex balloon all over the people around me.
Have you ever popped because of stress or overwhelm? Perhaps you screamed at the kids, slammed some doors, withdrew, or isolated yourself. These are all common responses when too much stress overwhelms our lives.
Do you think about who is impacted by your stress and how it affects them?
Is it the people that you love, like friends and family? Perhaps it’s people that you lead at work or church. It could be random people that you let into your life. Regardless of who it is, it’s unfair to them when our stress explodes.
Years ago, I experienced two crucial a-ha moments that helped me stop blaming others for my stress and protect my relationships from my stress. Ultimately, I had to learn to take my stress to God instead of taking it out on others. The first a-ha moment was learning the difference between stress and stressors:
Stress: Your body’s response to how you’re handling the world around you.
Stressors: The people, places, or things you’re reacting to.
Why is this distinction important? If we blame stress other people, we will make them responsible for our stress. Then, we will treat them like enemies by weaponizing our stress and using it against them. We may launch angry words and grenades or run people over with our tanks of controlling behaviors.
In fact, Satan would love it if you took your stress out on the people closest to you. Ultimately, Satan wants you to confuse your reaction with your relationship in hopes that you will destroy your relationship with your response.
However, God invites us to take our stress to Him instead of taking it out on others.
The first step in taking your stress to God is remembering that Jesus has already won your victory over the worries of this life.
“I have told you all this so you may have peace in me. Here on earth, you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.“ John 16:33 NLT.
Where we focus on problems, Jesus leads with peace. Our stress happens when we believe that our problems are too big to be covered by the peace and power of Jesus. We’re reminded that Jesus has overcome the world, so whatever is stressing you out today may be too much for you, but it’s not too much for God to handle for you.
The second step is specifically about not taking your stress out on others. I developed this Stress Clarity Exercise to remind me not to blame others for my stress. If you have people in your life that you associate with your stress, try this exercise:
Stress Clarity Exercise: ________ is not the cause of my stress.
Even though I feel _________ because of ____________, I will not blame my reactions on it/them.
My reaction is my responsibility.
I pray that this simple tool equips you to take your stress to God instead of taking it out on others. Note: Even though your stress reaction is your responsibility, you can do this exercise and activate protective boundaries where needed.
The blessing of taking our stress to God is an opportunity for us to let God take care of our stress and worries so that we can take better care of the people closest to us.
Barb’s new book and Bible study, Stronger Than Stress equips you to win the battle of stress and overwhelm with ten spiritual practices that teach you to live with less stress and more peace every day.
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I am so enjoying your book “Stronger Than Stress”, Barb. It’s my current morning reading and such a great way to start my day!
Mary, thank you for this comment and your encouraging words. I’m so glad that God is using the Stronger Than Stress book to bless you!
Barb,
Very good points!
Thank you.
Sending you autumn joy,
LisaWilt
Happy Autumn to you, Lisa! Thank you for joining today’s conversations. Blessings, Barb
Dear Barb……………I kind of have had what you did but in the opposite way. I have had so many embarrassing things like you explained, but I tend to lock it inside of me where it eats away at me so that I cry and just keep telling myself how stupid I was to do this, but as you, I eventually remembered that God takes care of everything and your verse from the Bible, John 16:33 is perfect and I am going to write this on a post-it and put it right where I can see it. I also have learned that keeping it locked inside is just as bad as blowing up with your family or friends present. Now I immediately pray for either forgiveness or the stress that is tearing me apart. This works so well and I thank you Barb for your story. I am sorry that even though these things happened years ago to you, I have found that I still remember them, but then I push it away and go back to prayer.
Thank you Barb for sharing your story with us and believe me, I have plenty of those situations that still happen to me. I am just in a season that is really stressing right now. Have a Blessed Day and I do so love all the devotions that the (in) courage community share with us every day. They continue to help me every day…………………….Betsy Basile
Betsy, thank you for sharing how stress shows up in you. Not everyone pops out loud, but many women identify with your internal pop where it eats away at you. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Barb, this really resonates with me! I had an incident of this recently and I.took my stress out on my granddaughters. Definitely not okay! I felt horrible! I will try to remember your exercise next time.
Hi Irene, I’m that today’s devotional was helpful for you. Thank YOU for being willing to share your story and comment today.
I love this distinction between stress and stressors! What a helpful tool to distinguish our bodily experience from the circumstances causing our reaction—even though we can’t always control our stressors, we can control how we care for our body and respond to our nervous system’s cues. Thanks for your good work crafting this message, Barb!
You’ve got it, Jillian! Yes! Thank you for joining us today and sharing your comment.
Thank you for your message . I was sitting on my sofa looking for work and thinking of all the things I need to deal with . Then I
saw your email message .
Giving them to God daily or hourly I try to do . It is great to be reminded to take them to God and have the confirmation you are not the only one . Thank you for tve very helpful tools you shared on stress and the stressors . Thank you for sharing your vulnerable moment.
May the Lord bless you .
Susan, I love that today’s devotional helped you know that you aren’t the only one. May God bless you, too. Praying for your job search, too!
This was so helpful. The exercise us simple and clear. I am guilty of blaming others for my stress. I have thought about how some people are toxic for me and this is my excuse for my feelings. So thank you for a little clarity- distinction with stress and stressors.
Hi Madeline, I’m so glad that this was helpful! Thank you for joining us on (in)courage today.
Thank you for this reminder. I think I needed it.
Barb, I love this devotional, and also your book, Winning the Worry Battle.
Barb I know this comment is a day late because was busy yeasterday. Stress is and can be a big factor in people’s lives. Like if they feel they are not well. Go to the Doctor’s to see what he says to try and help them. They are not amused the Doctor asked them if they have any stress in their lives. As the Doctor knows it not a sickness this time they are going to see him. They are not amused with Doctor when asked if got stress in their lives. By saying the Doctor says what is annoying you and what are you stressing about. As I think this sickness you say you have is stress related nothing else. They just think a pill will take it away and that’s all they want from the Doctor. The Doctor find nothing else wrong and can’t see where the sickness is coming from. So that is why the Doctor says it could be and probably is stress related. They are not amused the person who is at the Doctor’s. They leave given no pills to what they think is a sickness that they have. The Doctor knows it was only stress they have in their lives. Because of something that has happened or they are just stress over nothing. That person can run to the Doctor’s more often expecting over other things they think are wrong with them. It all in their head. They have not wrong with them they think they have and are looking for people to give them all the attention. They can be a me me me person. If you’re ill I have to be as well. Then they get stressed if don’t get it. I know Christian’s like that. Then they become jealous of other say late time it was a waste of time going to the Doctor’s. They were no good. He said it only stress causing this. They are not amused. The Doctor is being nice and truthful with them. But they don’t like. Then the Doctor says to them what causing you be all stressed. That is why the Doctor says you feel sick. I can find nothing else wrong with. There are Christians like that. They don’t want to admit it is stress causing them to feel the way they do. They say no it not stress I do feel sick. They are people who we still as Christians have to love when you hear them say in other cases I got alot of stress in my life. It not a bad as they see it. Or nothing to do with stress they just looking for attention. People like that we have to just listen to them to show love. They can get to us. Especially if they keep each time they see us wanting to tell us they have this and this wrong with them and all the stress of things that they think are getting to them and there nothing wrong. They can make you yourself stressed listening to them all the time. But you listen to them to be nice and polite show the Love of God. But I the back of your mind your thinking I don’t need to hear you say this as you said it a hundred times before. Your just looking for attention. People like that can get to us. Yes sometimes they are genuinely not well you know that. So you can say sorry your not well. I feel for you it not nice to see you sick. I will pray for you. In all this with people like this you have to especially if saved say to them nicely why don’t you pray to God about how you feel when they say the stressed. You know in there head. That is what the Devil wants them that are like this to feel. I been there with a Christian. They offen text you this big a pistal. I got this wrong with me. I so stress no one can help me. You go not another text over nothing that it all in their head. You have to polite with your text bac to them. You have to keep reminding them to take it Jesus and pray about it all. They don’t want too they want you do for them. I been there with Christian’s like that. I ended up stressed myself. Then I get from my Husband you can’t go on letting them give your all their problems. When nothing wrong with them. You have to think of your own health. As I suffer seizures. Listen to them and trying to reply to them when they go on and on about them. I get stressed why are they telling me all the time. They know I am praying for them. I help them if I can. As don’t like them being like this a Christian. But as my Husband says you have to say nicely to them. I am sorry you’re repeating yourself you told me last time all this. I have to also think of my health. They don’t like that sometimes. They fall out with you temporarily. You say Jesus if I was wrong doing that show me. I will pray for you. I have you say it nicely helped you as best as I can. I can’t give you any more advice. How true that is with people like that. I have let this stress me up. That I taken seizures because of them going on and on about themselves. Love your reading Barb. Excellent. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little Enniskillen Co Fermanagh N.Ireland. Xx
Barb,
Thank you for your openness and honesty! The transparency in your struggles is life giving. Satan does such a great job in trying to make us think we’re alone and the only one dealing with whatever it is we have going on in that moment. You overcome him every time you speak truth. Thank you for being such a faithful follower of Christ and speaking life into our broken world because the stress of it can get overwhelming:) You are a blessing!