Recently I spent an entire day in the emergency room with one of my kids. Many x-rays and a small surgery later, the doctor said her bones should heal nicely and predicted she’d be “back to normal” in four to six weeks.
In that moment, my daughter and I didn’t dare make eye contact. Because if we’d done so, we could not have contained our disbelief and likely inappropriate laughter at that statement.
“Back to normal?” What does that even mean?
The reality is that our lives haven’t been normal for a seriously long season. Things have changed. We have changed. And even though I’m still trusting God to walk us through this time, I’ve long since given up on ever finding “normal” again.
Perhaps you feel this too?
Now please know, that I have not arrived at this place of acceptance easily or quickly. At times I also still rail against the injustice that is my specific hardship. Every person in my inner circle has heard me shout, “It’s always something!” and most have heard me, more quietly, confess how very tired I am.
But nobody sees when I cry after reading social media posts from friends or acquaintances sharing about an incredibly “normal” thing their family has just done or experienced. “Normal” is such a painfully deep longing when it feels so far from your own reality.
We’re probably never going back to “normal” at my house (and it has nothing to do with the ER visit). I know this. But I also grieve it. I have to fight the urge to put my head in the sand and pretend like this is just a temporary detour, plus the urge to let bitterness bubble up and lash out at anyone unlucky enough to stand too close.
All of that is why I recently rewatched the entire season of Ms. Marvel to get to one scene in the final episode. (Well, that and the fact that I thoroughly enjoyed it the first time around!)
I’ll try to tell you about this without giving away too much, just in case you haven’t watched yet but want to. Our main character is a teenage girl, and in episode six, she tries to help another teen who’s engulfed by grief and rage. He expresses that he just wants things to go back to normal, and the young Ms. Marvel says: “There is no normal. There’s just us and what we do with what we’ve been given.”
The whole scene is powerful (and not just because these kids have superpowers). In just a few seconds, we see a character express something so desperately and vulnerably that most of us have experienced – that deep desire to go back to the time before the thing that hurt us. But in Ms. Marvel’s voice, we also hear the gentle encouragement that while we cannot go back, we have been given a way forward.
Spoiler alert: It’s Jesus. Jesus is the way.
The disciples were so often confused about what Jesus was doing and why, about who He was, and what His rescue plan was for the people. When Thomas questioned where Jesus was about to go and how could he know the way, Jesus said:
“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.”
John 14:5-7 NIV
But Jesus made it clear: He is the way. Our path forward is to follow Him – not our nostalgia, not our fantasies of normalcy, not what we see others doing.
So how do we do that? How do we follow the Lord instead of our longings for a different reality?
His words in the book of John give us a clue. He says, “If you really know me…” and I think that’s key. When times are difficult and we’re tempted to look back at the old days and wish for a different life, that’s when we most need to lean into Jesus. That’s when we remember who He has already revealed Himself to be and ask Him to be present in the storm we’re in.
So we read God’s Word.
Or we pour our hearts out in prayer until we’ve made space to be filled up by Him.
We stand in His creation and listen to the story it tells.
We crank up the music or lift up our hands. We sway to the beat or tap our feet or sit perfectly still and soak up every lyric and note.
However you hear from God, wherever you encounter Jesus — do that, go there. He promises to meet you. And He will show you a way forward that’s better than “normal.”
Now receive these words from God’s heart to yours:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.”
Isaiah 43:1-2, 18-19 NIV
So true! God will meet you wherever you are. Praise God!
Such beautiful, reassuring words.
Thank you, Mary. I needed this today.
I’m so glad God used these words to encourage you, Gail!
Beautiful and encouraging. I so needed this today! Thank you!
Kathy, I’m so glad this was encouraging to you! Thank you for being here.
Oh, Mary… this is so, so good. Simple, profound, and powerful. I know your words are moments lived and wrung from the hardest places. I’ve had a few years of this, too (though very different from you and your family’s), and your counsel is saturated with wisdom and truth. Thank you for reaching for every word. You’ve encouraged me more than you know.
xo
Thank you, friend. I know you see me, and I’m so grateful for you. Also so glad my words can be an encouragement to you! xoxo
Mary,
Love this so much I shared x2!
I’ve heard it said that normal is overrated. Your plan is spot on to follow Jesus, the way the truth in the life.♥️
Sending you end-of-Summer joy!
Lisa Wilt
Thank you for being here and for sharing this article, Lisa!
So beautifully said. I will never again see what I always perceived to be normal. It has brought me closer to the Lord than ever before. You have written about your journey while speaking about mine. I oray this reaches an touches many. Jesus is the only way, and the only normalcy I need today! Wear life like a loose cloak!
Janice, I love that – wear life as a loose cloak. Wise words!
God is with us no matter what we go through. Like someone told me once that is saved now in Glory. Jesus hears all our tears and see our upsets and problems. He Carey’s all our tears in a bottle. Jesus knows what we feel and what we are going through. We may hurt by someone or problems have come into our lives. Or we have heard someone in our lives like a Family member or Friend not well. But we can go Jesus in pray ask him what to do tell him how we feel. He will show us what to do next. He might not do it right away. To test us how strong our faith in him is. To see will we stand on his word and claim the scripture of it over our lives. Believe what it says. Do what Jesus tell us to do. When he speaks to us and think I can do it myself. Then realise we needed Jesus all along. To listen to him speak to us through his Holy Spirit. Do as he tell us. When he tells us. We find out in the end Jesus was right we had to put our faith in trusting him. Like the songs says. “What a friend we have in Jesus. All our sins and griefs to bear. What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer. ” How true that songs is. Mary thank you all you spoke on today. It spoke to God needed you say it for my life. Keeping you all incourage in my prayers. Love big hugs Dawn Ferguson-Little Enniskillen Co.Fermanagh N.Ireland xx
Thank you for being here, Dawn, and for your kind and encouraging words.
Dear Mary……..This devotional prang right out of my computer and tapped me in the face. How did you know my complete( so far) story? I am 77 years old so not young like you. Unfortunately looking back is the only thing that gives me joy. I know to follow Jesus, but sometimes it is difficult in the season I have been in for the last 5 years. The guy I was dating, date raped me after I said NO, four times. Three weeks later I knew I was pregnant. When I told him, he said ” Just get an abortion and that will solve the problem “. Well, I responded that sounds good with one major caveat, ” I am not getting an abortion. ” Please remember this was back in the 60’s when things were very different. I was forced to marry him in a Catholic church (He is Catholic and I am Protestant ) Back then they always blamed the women for these things and then a “Shotgun Marriage ” had to be. My father and I were crushed that if I had to do this, I couldn’t get married in my own church. My father was very active there. Neither Jim nor I loved one another and did not want to do this. My big mistake and I know I should not look back, was not telling my parents what REALLY happened. I was only 21 and scared to death. I was not ready for a baby and not a marriage either. It was not a good marriage and he was very nasty to me. My job saved me then as I loved it and God had guided me to start at the bottom and work your way up to your ” Dream Job “. I did just that and started cleaning people’s houses. They liked me and passed me on to their friends. I learned a lot and this happened with every job that I had until through Jesus’s intervention which I call ( a God-Wink from my Hallmark movies ) and there it was my Dream Job and I interviewed twice and they hired me. I was a manager there for 35 years and before that I was a Payroll Supervisor for 10 years at a trucking company for 300 truck drivers. Learned quite a bit there as guys paychecks, of course were very important. I’m sorry for this long email, but I needed to give you some of the background to get to how I so related to YOUR story. Six years ago, I noticed Jim’s mind was failing. After doctor’s appointments and tests, Yes it was dementia, but he did not accept that and drank even more than he had before. I stayed with him for 3 and a half years trying to get him to do what the Psychoneurologists had said was his only chance of slowing it down. He abused me every single night for those years until on April 20, 2023 He almost killed me and I finally got my 911 call through (I am sure that Jesus helped me there as I had tried so many times and he just hit me and grabbed the phone ). The police were there in 5 minutes. All my support groups, my doctors and Jim’s doctors said I needed to get him out of our house of 40 years before he killed me and did not remember that he did it, so that is what I did. Meanwhile I have one son who was 52 at the time and 1 12 year old grandson. My son refused to come and support me . He said I was a liar and it was only old age even though I read him part of the written report from the doctors. One night even before Jim was evicted, my son called me and said “You are a liar and I no longer consider you my mother and you will never, ever be able to see or talk to your grandson again and he hung up. Now 17 months later, there has been no communication with them even though Aron knows how sick his father is. I have no other family and I had to sell the house as we both needed money. I am in a facility where everyone has a physical problem, either dementia ot can’t hear anything. Mary, I am trying to get a divorce as I could never live with him again. It has still not been settled and there is a lot of money out there that I did not even know about. He made me pay most of the bills at the house and unbeknownst to me, he as socking his money in all these different accounts in his name. I pray and pray and pray some more. It always leads me back to the past. Some days I can forget about it for awhile, but until these lawyers do something to get this settled and I can get some money so I can move out of this awful place, which just increases my stress, I just don’t know. I know God moves in His timeline and I try to be patient, but sometimes I just get angry and then ask God for forgiveness. I will save your story and the scriptures and read it every day. Is there anything else you can tell me that might help me? Thank you so much Mary. My love and prayers go out to you. Sorry this thing went so long…………………Betsy Basile
Betsy, I am so very sorry for your pain and difficulties over the years and right now. I’m praying that God will intervene in every situation you face, providing healing, reconciliation, peace–and that He will meet your tangible needs as well. Thank you for sharing your story and your heart. I’m glad you’re here.
Excellent wisdom. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you, Mary. This is so good.
Thank you for this. After the past 4 years, I think most of us long for things to get back to “normal”. We look back longingly for the simpler times we grew up in. I’m so grateful Jesus is with us in this new normal and He is faithful.Lord, help us to focus on what we’re going “to” not just “through”.
Mary,
what exactly is normal? Life as we know it is constantly changing. The only constant in our world is Jesus. He is the one way forward. He will walk beside you through any & all trials. Prayers for you & your family.
Blessings 🙂