“I just wish we were a little bit more normal,” my son exclaimed, exasperated by our latest family endeavor: no screen Sundays.
Prior to this exclamation, I had been taking a break from social media because I’d been especially glued to my phone for the last year since launching a book. Even though it had been a year since the book was released, it was hard to get out of the habit of constantly checking in online and feeling like I needed to have my phone with me at all times.
Then, there were a few things that happened within our family as summer break approached, and it just became clear (to some of us) that we could use a day to reset, along with some other parameters, to help us be fully present and not let our lives revolve around our various screens.
Before I get much further, let me assure you that this article isn’t really about screens or what others should or should not do when it comes to decisions about social media, video games, and whatever else we consume on screens. My family has found a few great resources that have helped us along the way, but I want to be clear that this is something we are still trying to figure out with grace as we go, and we mostly feel like we don’t know if anything we are doing is working in the ways we hope. There’s no one-size-fits-all (or even one-size-fits-most) in this, and things keep changing at lightspeed when it comes to tech.
I felt defensive and hurt that day upon hearing that our family wasn’t “normal.” I wanted to defend our proximity to normal, but then I remembered how long I wanted the same thing when I was that age.
I thought my Koreanness, and the way we ate and lived in our home made me less normal while living in a country that centered whiteness as the norm and left little room for anything that diverted from that.
I thought about the world our kids are growing up in and what normal means to them in this world. Racism and social hierarchies haven’t really improved since I was a child, a teenager, and these things still impact our family almost every day. However, screens and the use of screens are something new and different since I was a kid; they impact my kids’ lives in a way that’s hard for me to understand.
While as a kid I wanted nothing more than for my own family of upbringing to blend in better, I’m now so glad my mom didn’t tone down her Korean cooking or put her kimchi away, hidden in another fridge, or act as if it didn’t matter if guests wore shoes in the house. I’m glad she stayed who she was, anchoring our family in who we were, even when I struggled with wanting to be less of us and appear to be more of some kind of normal that I could never truly belong to.
To this day, my kids and I don’t exactly see eye-to-eye when it comes to screens and what’s normal. I’m trying to consider the world they are living in and trying to remember that their journeys will be filled with searches for belonging like and unlike my own.
The recent no-screen Sundays endeavor was just one thing in a list of many that my kids thought made us abnormal.
We will all struggle with the lie of normal throughout our lives. I see this just as often among adults and Christian adults no less, as I do among kids. The fight to name certain ways and people groups as normal while others are excluded seems to come with the heritage of our nation and world.
For now, my little family is sticking to our screen Sabbath along with other specific details and endeavors that make us the mixed-race Korean American family we are. I’m praying that though the pull towards other people’s versions of normal may always be there, my kids will feel that pull less and less as they rest in the love of God more and more. I’m praying the same for me and you too.
I keep asking myself this question while praying it will become a question my kids also embrace:
Why chase normal when you can flourish as one loved exactly as you are?
Oh, Tasha, what an awesome question to ask ourselves no matter our age or season of life! Thank you for sharing! Blessings (((0)))
I’m glad it encouraged you, Ruth!
Great question Tasha!
Thank you for your thought provoking post.
You are so welcome.
Timely as I had a similar conversation with friends about getting teased in elementary school for the food I brought from home. I was raised in New York in a traditional Sicilian home. While other kids brought Peanut butter and jelly or ham and cheese, etc., my lunches were so different. All I wanted was pb and j! Looking back, I am so glad I didn’t get what I thought I wanted. My children however loved the idea of bringing different foods to lunch. They loved being unique! And taking the opportunity to share with others.
I can relate to that, Madeline. I’d love to hear about what traditional Sicilian lunches you had. How beautiful that your kids love sharing their food (and themselves) with others.
Tasha, I am sorry for the struggles you have had…but I feel that we that are born white are being condemned and put into a box that not all of us belong in. God, created us all, and also created us to be the ethnicity we are. Perhaps, we all need to pray for tolerance and patience with our differences in skin color and nationalities. Some of this is still new and strange to us. I am sure in Korea, life is centered around being Korean. I would not expect it to be any other way. I am hurt that that because our country that centered whiteness as the norm, was because most of us were white. As any other country out there, has their specific country centered on their specific color, being born white in America is not a sin I need forgiveness for, nor should I be condemned for it. I pray blessings for all of us…no matter what color God created us to be.
Tasha I needed this so much! Thank you, because even as an adult I still don’t feel normal and struggle to understand God’s purpose in that. ❤️
I’m so glad this resonated with you today, Tiffany. You aren’t alone and I pray you can begin to walk the long and beautiful road of embracing all of who you are and exactly who God created you to be – this brings glory to God.
Dear Tasha…You have hit on one of the things that really upset me. I don’t understand why people think of citizens like you and your family as Korean is not normal. This not right for people who feel that way and I would say that you should stick to what you are, what you eat, what your activities or traditions that you follow. I am 76 years old, so it has been a very long time since I have had small children, so I am not quite sure how much you have to do there, but what I think is most important is as the children get older, they will really enjoy the way you do things as when I lost both my parents, I was heartbroken that all the family parties and Holiday celebrations were done. I believe that your kids will thank you at some times that you kept your traditions alive. Of course, we also know that God says ” I am what I am”. I will pray for you and your NORMAL family that it may take time, but as you know, God has his own timeline and I have found throughout my life experiences that sometimes it is hard to wait for Him to tell you that He loves you and your family and what you are doing if fine with him. Tasha, I thank you for your story today. I live in a facility for older people and I hear them speak about, Why are these( I won’t say the word they use) black here at our place. It makes me feel so bad and I try to make friends with them and they soon tell me that these people tell them they don’t belong here so they hide. This is awful. Now not everyone is like this here, but enough that make me pray for those very nice people just like us and hope that people will stop this I call prejudice. I am glad you put this story out there as sometimes we need to hear it and think how we would feel if people did not appreciate let’s say what Italians do. Love you and I send you a hug if I may and I know patience is sometimes very difficult……Betsy Basile
Thank you, Betsy.
I love your perspective! I often waded through feelings of normal vs. unique as a mixed-race young woman. I love this poignant question: Why chase normal when you can flourish as one loved exactly as you are? I hope I can raise my three mixed-race daughters who have different passions and personalities to flourish in their God-given identities.
Thank you, friend!
My husband and I have practiced No Tech Tuesday for years. Once when we had a granddaughter and her friend staying with us, they sang to us! It was much fun. And they did not fuss about not using their phones. That was several years ago. We read, paint, listen to music. No phones, no iPads, no TV. And sometimes we just talk all evening! Pretty amazing to be doing this for about 10 years now!
Kathy, thank you for sharing! It has been such a joy for me, too, and I imagine it’s a habit I’ll keep. I love that you’ve been doing this for 10 years.
Tasha,
What exactly is normal? It may be eating kimchi, creole style food, etc. God created each of us uniquely. We should celebrate the diversity of His creation. Today I’m going to rest in who I am. A child of God deeply fervently loved. Great post.
Blessings 🙂