The pain shot through my leg before I realized what happened. 

I run conferences for high school students across Canada, and I was in the thick of one, jumping and worshiping alongside hundreds of students during our Saturday morning session. I jumped with the highschoolers, but landed badly on my foot, my ankle twisting. Pain surged through me. (Is this what happens when you’re about to turn thirty? The mosh pit just doesn’t feel the same…) 

I was running point for the conference for the rest of the day. It was our team’s first time launching in Alberta, and we had been praying for this weekend for months. We had put our blood, sweat, and tears into it. I had fallen on my face before God more times than I could count. I was expectant and ready for God to move across Generation Z. God’s Spirit had already been stirring at the conference the night before, but I was anticipating Him to move in even greater ways over the course of the sessions on Saturday. Our team had a job to do, and I tend to take my job very seriously.

But by lunchtime, I could hardly walk. I begrudgingly let the conference nurse take a look at me. She predicted a torn calf muscle and advised me to go to urgent care. 

“I can’t go to urgent care!” I told her. “We have a conference to run.”

“Then you need to stop walking,” she said to me. (There was a good chance I glared at her. Model leadership, I know.) 

That afternoon, during a lull in the conference programming, I laid down on a couch in the church basement. Disappointment weighed heavy inside of my chest. This wasn’t supposed to be happening. I had a conference to run. There were things to do. I wanted to witness with my own eyes how God was transforming the hearts of hundreds of high school students. We had been praying for this for months and suddenly it felt like I was being benched on the sidelines. 

I groaned to Jesus, This isn’t fair. Heal me! Quick! 

Friends trickled down the basement stairs to pray for me. One after another, people laid their hands on my calf and ankle, asking God to heal me. I had full faith that I would be healed. But I wasn’t healed that afternoon. Instead, the pain increased, and by the final session that Saturday night, I could barely stand. 

But I wasn’t ready to quit. I don’t know if it was pride or faith, but I hobbled into that final session, ready to worship. I decided I would rather limp into the Kingdom of God and witness others coming alongside me than quit and go home. I wanted to see God move among Gen Z. I wasn’t heading home yet. 

I watched the students worship. I raised my arms and postured my heart toward Jesus. Then I felt God whisper to me, kindly but honestly: I didn’t need you in order to move. 

Humility draped over me like a blanket, and tears filled my eyes. God didn’t need me. God didn’t need me in order to move the way He wanted to. I could sit back – weak and in pain and feeling useless – and God would do every single thing He had already intended to do. 

It was a powerful moment for me. I watched God’s Spirit move in power among hundreds of youth. That night, I witnessed high school students meeting Jesus for the first time. I saw students get healed and receive freedom. The week after the conference, our team was sent story after story from those high school students, sharing how God changed their lives that weekend. 

I wanted to be strong, fixed, and healed. I mistakenly thought I was a necessary component for God to move. But God wanted to move despite my limping and weakness. 

Jesus said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.”

Maybe it’s easy for me to say. I was rehabilitated after a month and a half of physiotherapy, and my torn calf muscle is healing now. I have never dealt with chronic pain or illness. I can’t begin to understand the pain so many people carry in their bodies and hearts each day.

But I know this: God isn’t limited by your weakness and pain. In fact, He promises that His power works best in your limping and weakness. Your strength is not necessary for God to move. I wonder if sometimes our strength can get in the way of His Spirit. We think we are needed. But God is the One people need to encounter, not us. 

If you are weak today… 

If you feel benched on the sidelines… 

If you are limping and tired and feeling done… 

Come to Jesus. Come exactly as you are. Come encounter His presence, His goodness, and His absolute grace.

It turns out His power actually works best in your weakness. 

Listen to today’s devotion below or search for the (in)courage podcast anywhere!

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