It’s easy to walk into a room and bring with me whatever it is that I’m thinking about. I can carry in joy on a sunny day because I’ve been driving with the windows down and my favorite tunes have been playing on my way to wherever I’m going. I can just as easily carry darkness and frustration if somebody cut me off or my air conditioning wasn’t working or someone said something to me that got me in a weird headspace.
We are real people full of real feelings and while that isn’t a bad thing in and of itself, I think sometimes I let my feelings get a hold of me in a way that I might reconsider if I actually took the time to be considerate.
Years ago, I was on a call with some colleagues and one of them posed this very important question that I haven’t been able to get out of my head ever since: What is it like to be on the receiving end of me?
You see, when I walk into a room and I bring all of my feelings, good, bad, or ugly, I’m not often asking that question. I’m not considering the fact that perhaps someone is having a bad day and I am making it worse by telling them how amazing things are going for me. I’m also not considering that perhaps someone is having a wonderful day and I’m about to bring them down by pointing out everything that’s going wrong. While our feelings are fleeting and we don’t have to let them totally control us, they still do have a way of coloring the world around us, don’t they?
On a podcast I was listening to today, the host brought up the fact that songs that are sad stream at much higher rates most likely because sad songs get listened to on repeat in a way that happy ones do not. When we are feeling big and challenging emotions, we tend to pull out our standby sad playlists and lean in hard to process.
Let’s be honest: there is something deep in our being that wants to amplify the emotions we are carrying. We want to nurture them and grow them. We don’t just want to be a little bit one way or the other, but we want to set a tone around us based on what we feel. If we are sad, the world is dark. If we are happy, the world is magic. No matter our state, the playlist must reflect it.
As a creative person, I understand this urge completely. I understand the desire that we have to live a life that feels authentic to our experience with depth and meaning. But sometimes, we don’t think about the collateral damage that our search for meaning may be creating. What if, while we are creating worlds in our mind of the perceived reality that we are walking through on a daily basis, we are actually inviting others into something that is not for their good? What if we are, in reality, encouraging cynicism or hopelessness or, to be fair, encouraging a fake happiness or pretend way about us that ignores the gravity of a situation?
When we engage with our friends, neighbors, or family members, we are not only bringing ourselves to the table, but also the messages that we are telling ourselves, the feelings we are cultivating, and the playlists we have curated that set the tone for each interaction. When I walk into a room and I have been festering in my bitterness, it not only affects my own heart but it actually could potentially infect someone else’s. Yes, we are all responsible for our own feelings and reactions and responses, but as sisters, we also belong to one another.
The Bible tells us in Ephesians 4 that we are members of one body and that even though we have different parts, we all come together for one purpose. I wonder what would happen if we saw our entrance into each situation or conversation or space as an opportunity to invite others toward goodness and beauty and Truth. What if we saw each connection point with another human as a way of existing honestly while also seeking out the best in others?
Friend, we do not walk into our days from a place of total neutrality. Everything that we do will do one of four things: it will exhort, explain, expose, or exploit. We can use our presence and our words to encourage someone and cheer them toward the truth. We can use our wisdom to help others understand something that perhaps they did not know about before. We can bring to light realities that may have gone hidden without their unveiling. And we can also manipulate, slander, and pull people apart in ways that are not healthy.
Psalm 139 talks about being so very honest with God that you’re willing to have him check your work, so to speak. The psalmist writes, “See if there is any offensive way in me!” Can you imagine that level of being known and called out?
And it doesn’t stop there. The next line is, “…and lead me in the way everlasting.” One translation (NCV) says, “Lead me on the road to everlasting life.”
We are at an intersection of life and circumstances, friend. And we’re sitting here, tunes blaring and heart pounding and shouting the lyrics of the songs we choose and we have a big choice to make: Will I use my words and my presence to build or to destroy? Will I explain or expose or exploit or exhort?
Here’s hoping we pause long enough to invite God to lead us on the road to everlasting life.
All I can say is, WOW!
I loved the amount of reflection you lead me to in your words. I was just in the book of Ephesians before opening todays article from (in)courage and so when I read the reference you wrote on Ephesians I knew the Holy Spirit was guiding me ☺️
Your article also referred me to Psalm 139 in my Bible where I had written many notes of which I haven’t read in awhile. I confidently say, God used you and your article today to offer His presence into my life of a certain message He wants me to be aware of.
THANK YOU!
Although I don’t listen to a “playlist”, I totally hear what you’re saying. What I can feel bad about for days is if I am short with a clerk when the customer service or wait time is awful. It’s so frustrating to wait but even worse if we have a bad attitude about it and spew.
Good Morning Melissa. I just read your story and I found it very enlightening. I live in a facility for Seniors and many of them have physical problems and we don’t know what is going on here, because managers are quitting, we don’t have a chef and the food is inedible , I mean that it makes you sick. We are paying big bucks to stay here. When we come down for lunch, there are four of us that sit at the same table. Somehow, we are perfectly matched. One day we are kidding and laughing and having a good time. Yesterday, every one of us was in a bad mood or not feeling well. The first thing we do is ask each other if this is a good or bad day. It is amazing, but we almost always feel exactly the same . That day we are quiet. One couple are both in their 90’s and the other man is 86 and I am 76. They call me the baby and we call the 91 year old women, Mom. I am the one that try cheering us all up. It didn’t work yesterday. There wasn’t anything on the menu that was even tempting and the servers said the kitchen was a disgrace. We really don’t know what to do anymore. The management team the owners just picked them off of the street and they don’t know how or don’t care how we feel. My 45 years working was 10 years to find out how to be a good manager. It takes time, but it was successful. That company was closed so I looked for another job. I ended up with my dream job and the first 5 years, I was a supervisor and learned much more about how to handle certain situations. At that point they made me a manager and to my surprise, they told me I was the best manager they ever had and it is a very large company. Because of my experience, I see all the mistakes they make, but I don’t say anything to them. My husband has dementia and almost killed me so we have to live apart and I had to sell my house. That is a long story too which I have already, probably bored you. The main thing is that from 20 years old, God guided me in this part of my life and I didn’t realize it until I retired. Many things happened that I thought were strange, but ” NO” it was Jesus helping me to learn. I loved that job and after working that long, I find it hard to turn that part of my brain off. I wish I could tell them what to do or make suggestions, but we know something is going on here that they are not revealing to us. Do you have any advice for us, Melissa? I just love (in)courage and you women who are so intelligent, caring and helpful, I am sure many women see. You don’t even know us, yet you are there. Just finished the book “100 Days of Strength in Any Struggle “. it was amazing and I have several more of our books that I am working with. I will end now and thank you for reading my miserable situation. Take care and have a Blessed Day ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Betsy Basile
AMEN!
I just finished a study on James and what you wrote today is going in my notes. I pray to be mindful of my playlist.
Melissa, your words leave a lot of food for thought. Thank you. I will carry them through my day!
Oh my gosh Melissa this was huge for me! You really spoke to my heart. My attitude. My judgement. My self pity. My ego. My joy. My emotions. My honesty. Wow! Thank you
Yes Melissa, ditto what Janet wrote!! You’ve given us a whole lot to think about, digest and put into practice. I have a brand new attitude and will practice this each day, especially at work. I am also re-reading Ephesians 4. Thanks so much – continue to bring your light to these “intersections of life and circumstances.”
Melissa,
There was a period of time when the “playlist” of my mind was unkind. My job duties had just changed drastically. I was not happy about the situation. Everyone around me knew it very well. Then God stepped in & gave me a different job (same company). I am much happier now. So much so that I try to encourage my patients. You will find me cheering them on when they sit in a chair or walk the halls. I try to cheer them up daily. It is my way of trying to spread God’s light & love to others.
Blessings 🙂