Sometimes I feel like the Very Worst Christian on the Planet because my faith seems to have grown more complicated as I’ve matured.
Instead of seeing God’s love and the way He’s working all things together for good in the midst of heartache and trial, I’m sad and angry. And, after all the ways God has shown up and showed off throughout my life – in baby rainbows and strawberry moons and a thousand other ways – I still wrestle with sin, doubt, and unbelief.
I’m thankful for the insight and encouragement Paul offers about sin in Romans 7:14-25.
“I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.”
(Romans 7:18b-20 NLT)
If a hero in the Bible who wrote a quarter of the New Testament wrestled with sin, who am I to think I won’t?
Our sin nature is tied to our humanity. We despise sin because our standard is perfection. Jesus. We want to please Him – we want to be like Him – and we’re incredibly hard on ourselves when we fall short. I don’t know about you, but I have never spoken as harshly to anyone the way I speak to myself.
What would happen if we offered the same grace and forgiveness to ourselves that we easily extend to others?
Now sin, I can wrap my mind around, but it is doubt and unbelief that fuel my feelings of failure. Even though I know feelings can’t always be trusted, the lies they tell us are convincing. But condemnation isn’t the same thing as conviction. Condemnation is from Satan and focuses on our sin, making us feel guilty and ashamed. Conviction is a work of the Holy Spirit, prompting an awareness and sorrow of our sin and leading to repentance and reconciliation with God. Romans 8:1 tells us, “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.”
So, if condemnation is what I’m feeling, I can know it’s not from God.
When I feel like I’m failing God, I’m listening to the lies of an enemy who’s always and only against me, who delights in my despair. Just because I’m angry or sad or asking hard questions and wrestling with the answers, doesn’t mean I’m the worst. It’s honest. And telling the truth of my heart to God (which He knows, anyway) invites Him to speak into my life through His Word and the people who know and love Him.
And, what if it’s not my faith that has grown more complicated at all; just the reality of a complicated, hard season of life and the consequences of a very broken world?
The world around us can be hard. There are legitimate reasons we struggle in life and faith. Feelings and emotions ricochet like pinballs and rouse doubt, anger, questions, and confusion. And yet… and yet… we have a profound, open-ended invitation to trust God and His promises, right in the midst of our pain and fury.
It is okay to question God’s plan, to cry out in frustration, and to wrestle with doubt. Raw emotion is not foreign to the pages of Scripture. In the Psalms, we see David pouring out his heart before God, expressing his anger, confusion, and lament. In the midst of intense suffering, Job challenged God and demanded answers. When we’re seeking God, our anger is not a sign of faithlessness but rather evidence of our deep longing for understanding and resolution.
The suffering among people I know and love has reached a level bordering on absurd. Though I’m not one to “borrow worry,” I’m at the place where I wonder, “What next?” If this is the case for you, too, I am so, so sorry. This isn’t how life was supposed to be.
Trials and tribulations loosen our grip on this world and set eternity in our hearts. If you feel like you’re failing in your faith or have somehow disappointed God by how you’re responding to circumstances, welcome to the club.
We can take heart, sisters, because when we rage or doubt or cry or question, we do so with hope, a confident expectation that “….this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:17-18 ESV).
Our hope is rooted in the assurance that God is faithful to fulfill His promises, even when circumstances seem bleak (Hebrews 10:23). And our faith is not about having all the answers but knowing the One who does. The feelings and emotions we have are valid, but they never, ever, ever diminish God’s love, grace, and goodness.
Which is the best news to hear when you’re feeling the worst.
I read this going “same, same same!” and “me, too!” throughout the whole thing. we have apparently been on a similar journey of late in giving ourselves grace when we doubt God’s goodness and faithfulness. I feel like I’m constantly saying to God “please forgive and help my unbelief”. I too was reminded of that same verse in Romans 7 and of coming to the exact same conclusion about Paul (it was recently – I even remember what I was doing and where I was). I am comforted to know that we are never alone. That there is always someone else who might be going through something similar. Thank you so much for sharing and making me feel a wee bit connected to someone in this matter, if only in a blog post. 🙂
have an amazing day!!
(((arian))) You’ve helped ME feel not so crazy or alone in this :). I was a little anxious that people would see the title or first sentence of this devo, and say, “She’s nuts!” and move on to the next thing. But I trusted God’s leading to write it, and that those who could relate would be encouraged. Thank you for taking time to read, and I’m praying for you this morning. 🙂
And may I say “me, too!” also. I was nodding my head the whole time.
(((Madeline))) hugs & prayers to you, too. Thank you for being part of our (in)community.
Exactly where I am at! Life has thrown a HUGE curveball at our family that has been so crippling but we keep crying out “help our unbelief!” This passage has soothed my soul- a real message from God! So thankful for these words of encouragement!
(((Susan))) Those “HUGE curveballs” h u r t when they make contact. Among life’s greatest mysteries to me: that God is not surprised by what shocks us, and that He allows circumstances that bring great suffering. I hate that second thing and do not understand. But…I’m not asked to understand, and so I just beg Him for help…that prayer you quoted is sometimes my demand and battle cry.
Wow! The Lord sent this one to me today too!! Right there with you ladies!!!! Thank you so much for sharing this!!
I am breathing a little easier now!!! God is so good!
(((Karen))) I’m celebrating His goodness to you right now!! 🙂
Just what I needed to hear today! ❤️
Jordyn, I wrote this weeks ago (and have been living it for 16 months), and it makes me smile at God to think the timing was good for you. Thank you for being a party of our (in)community. Your encouragement is a gift!
AMEN! OH ROBIN I NEEDED THIS SO MUCH! It’s like you were writing this just to me. I’m in a “What’s Next” season that I’ve been struggling with for a few years now. I long so much for the Rapture! Thank you THANK YOU for the encouragement and reminders. I am SO thankful you allow God to use you in this way and remind us we are not alone! I’m praying for you my sister!
(((Amada))) Praying for YOU mid-day, friend. Your words are so affirming that I can trust God’s leading with what to write! <3
This is one of the best writings I’ve seen to help people struggling with bringing their honest feelings and wrestlings before God! As a spiritual director I often meet with people who finally feel they have a safe space to process and share some of these things when they don’t feel they have had that within the church . So it was so refreshing to see such a well-written piece along these lines here for people to read and identify with here. That you for your honesty and courage to follow the Spirit’s leading to write this!
Bethany,
I cannot tell you how much your comment means to me. Thank you for taking time to read and encourage me in such a meaningful way. I think I wrote what I needed to hear, at least in part, and my great hope is that I heard from the Lord correctly. You’re a blessing!
Oh Robin, I’m so sorry you’ve been having a rough time of it! I can certainly relate as the last 6 years have been a huge cluster for me. Since the Lord orders my steps, I’m trying to calm down and be thankful that I’m right where He wants me to be. Easier said than done some days. I hope things get better for you! Your posts are always such a blessing to me, thank you! Big hug!!
Cheryl…wow…six years. Life can be so hard, and at the same time, it’s so precious and beautiful. Isn’t that a mystery? It is such a joy to pray for our community today. I KNOW how to pray, and I’m so thankful for the insight God has given me. (Praying for you.)
Robin……………….WOW !! You have given me much to absorb. I have a very difficult situation that is still unsettled for 14 months. I used to get mad, but I don’t anymore. I know I just need to keep praying and asking my questions. I do go thru times when I get very emotional and cry. I just pray again. My faith has never been shaken, but I keep wondering, when will I get a sign. I am almost finished with that wonderful Devotional Journal–100 Days of Strength in any Struggle that has helped me so much to learn and understand different things about Jesus. Thank you, Robin. I definitely will read this one several times and look at my Bible. Have a Blessed Day……………………………………………Betsy Basile
(((Betsy)))
I often say God gave us tears as a pressure valve to express the intense feelings and emotions that have no words. Crying is a gift!
It is also incredibly affirming for you to mention the 100 Days of Strength… devotional! It was written with so much care and love, and I know the author teams offered it with the hope it would minister in so many circumstances. YOU are so kind to extend such sweet encouragement. xo
Yep! Me too. It’s so hard not to get discouraged. Thank you for your encouragement and support. We do need each other.
That’ll preach, Gail. We NEED each other (and God knows that!) xo
Wow, Robin. It was as though you were reading my mind! I have struggled so much of late with doubt and unbelief and have felt like I must be disappointing God. (That part about speaking more harshly to myself than I would ever speak to someone else. Yes.) There is so much I don’t understand. Yet, I remind myself of the many ways He has shown me His care and goodness over the years. Thank you so much for the encouragement and the reminder that we are not alone!
Oh how I need this for my tired and weeping soul! The guilt piled on my heart when I lose my grip on God. Yet I know he loves through all of my feelings.
No guilt, Maura. No guilt…. Listen to conviction, but never stupid, jerky guilt. Sending you virtual hugs and prayer. 🙂
Thank you so much for posting this; the Lord definitely meant it for me today. I have been going through a very difficult time wrestling with my faith in the aftermath of the deaths of 3 people close to me in rapid succession. It hasn’t really been anger; more a nagging feeling of, what if everything I have always believed was wrong? Your question, “what if it’s not my faith that has grown more complicated at all; just the reality of a complicated, hard season of life and the consequences of a very broken world?” really resonates with me and gives me some relief as I struggle through the process.
Rachel,
What I’m sensing as I read these comments today is the depth of God’s kindness to us. That I was all wonky about writing this, only to be utterly surprised by the response, points to how God really does speak to our hearts. I pray that we continue to hear Him!!
I’m also so sorry for your losses. It feels cruel. But I AM convinced revels in your despair, and God is still calling us to Him in the midst of suffering. Praying for YOU now… xo
I know those doubts and fears. I jokingly say that I am God’s ADHD child. I am glad His Grace is the perfect solution.
God’s ADHD child? You just blessed my socks off :).
Powerful and insightful! This was good!
🙂
Printing this out so I can read it again and again, as well as sharing it with others. Thank you so much for this post-it is universally needed. Blessings and God’s richest grace to you and those that you are praying hard for.
Susan, I’m praying for you and the people you share it with. God is so generous to connect us to each other <3.
Thank you Robin, so good to know I am not alone. God Bless you and all who read your post. Your words and God’s promises have encouraged me today. Thank you! 🙂
It helps to know you aren’t alone, doesn’t it? xo
“Which is the best news to hear when you’re feeling the worst”
Exactly every word you wrote! Thank you Robin. I was reading and shaking my head and responding yep and crying and feeling all of it…..and then…filled. Filled with hope and faith in God’s promises. I love that he speaks to me in the language of my heart \0/
Thank you so much Robin
Janet…wow…all of this points to God’s goodness and blesses me! Don’t you love it when he connects us this way?
Robin, oh how I can relate! Thank you so much for sharing. You don’t know how much it helps me to hear your reassuring words. God willing, we will get through this season, sister with our good and loving God. So grateful that He understands us and loves us no matter what! Thank you again ❤️
Amen and amen, Stephanie. Sending you virtual hugs!
God so loves our honesty with Him! You hit the nail on the head today, dear sister in Christ. Most Christians that I know are struggling with such difficult issues and wondering where God is in the struggle. I, too, have been walking in the valleys and the shadows these past few years. God’s unconditional love keeps calling me to stay the course, to persevere in the super hard days. Thank you for your vulnerability.
God’s Grace abounds.
(((Karen)))
“God’s unconditional love keeps calling me to stay….” <-- His love is powerful!
I love how you pointed out that condemnation is from Satan and focuses on our sin, making us feel guilty and ashamed. Conviction is a work of the Holy Spirit, prompting an awareness and sorrow of our sin and leading to repentance and reconciliation with God!
Amen to that!
Lisa,
It was years ago that lightbulb went on for me (difference between conviction and condemnation). That realization was pivotal in my faith.
Thank you so much for joining us here!
Yes, yes, and goodness gracious yes. Thank you for affirming my heart’s cry while directing it back to Scripture and the one who loves me like no other. Of course we feel like this. Praise God that He knew, He knows, He sees us, and He says “baby girl, I got you.” Love you and miss you friend!
I totally agree with you Robin. I’ve known the Lord since I was 14, and I’m now a great grandmother and 72! I helped facilitate a women’s bible study for over a decade and felt like I was hearing the Lord, watching Him do amazing things each Thursday night in preparing for our bible study and felt so close to Him. Now several years later and after the bible study is no longer… I know Him even more intimately but feel like I’m somehow failing in what I should be doing, saying or experiencing. It feels like an enigma…
I will continue to stay in God’s Word, pray without ceasing, and ask Him to show me what I need to do next. He’s been faithful for almost 60 years and I have no doubts He will continue! 😉
Thanks for this message! I am not alone. 😉
I love everything you write Robin!
Robin,
We all wrestle with our faith. Ephesians 6:12 says it best For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. We will mess up.. I do almost daily. In my prayer time I go to Jesus confessing my mistakes & asking forgiveness. He won’t condemn me if I come with a repentant heart. Prayers for everyone here to trust God & keep praying, asking & mostly hoping.
Blessings 🙂