I get to my seat and it’s a window because I like to see what’s going on outside. I put my bag under the seat, send a few last text messages before I have to go into airplane mode, and buckle my seatbelt. My airpods are in, music is going, and we start to taxi to the runway. As we increase our speed, I take a few deep breaths because there’s one thing I know: I want to be on the ground.
There once was a time when I would fly at least once a month; one year, I flew over 35,000 miles. Sometimes it was work, other times it was visiting my family on the other side of the country or attending a wedding. Either way, the miles added up and you’d think that my tolerance for the stresses of travel would be nice and high. You would, however, be wrong.
I’m one of those people who has panic attacks. So a flight can’t just be a time to watch movies and write in my journal or take a nap. No, my body goes into a full-on panic if we start to encounter turbulence.
I get a fight-or-flight jolt whenever a plane begins to shake.
Some things happened early in my life that left me with the inability to know when something is safe or unsafe. I can certainly know it in my head, but my body is another story entirely. My body is regularly trying to figure out if something is a threat and because of this, my pulse will rise without me running sprints or doing jumping jacks or hiking a mountain. I know that my body is trying to help me, but sometimes it makes me feel pretty helpless.
It’s easy to not feel a lot of grace when you are in the middle of trying to survive what feels like an overwhelming and never-ending cycle of fear.
I’ve tried just about everything that I can think to do and have met with therapists over the years, but when I try to slow my breathing or do exercises to get back into my right mind again, all I can think is that I need help because of my panic and it somehow makes it worse. A few years ago, however, I discovered something that helps in my moments of anxiety: I just let it happen.
I have spent so many years trying to control the outcome of these experiences and one day I decided to see what would happen if I just allowed my pulse to rise and had grace for the fact that my breathing was changing. I accepted the fact that I was probably going to cry in front of strangers and reached into my backpack to grab a holding cross I keep for comfort. It’s a little wooden cross that has smooth edges and is easy to grasp and I move it around between my fingers, reminding myself that Jesus is with me even in this. It is not a moment of tranquility or instant resolve. My grip on the cross usually involves white knuckles.
But as I have started to allow my helplessness to stay, it reminds me of my hopefulness that Jesus also stays. In the Bible, He is given the nickname Emmanuel, which means God with us. He very easily could have seen us in our mess and decided to snap His fingers and resolve all of our problems, but our God is relational, so He decided to roll up His sleeves and come to us. And because His character never changes, He’s still doing that today.
When I panic, He is not rolling his eyes — He is rolling up His sleeves.
Jesus rolls up His sleeves, He packs His carry-on, goes through security, and sits next to me on airplanes while I try to make it through to landing. And He does not disappear once my moment of need has passed. Instead, I am reminded in my moment of need that He was always there to begin with.
And He will always be there to the very end. And beyond it.
Jesus meets us when we are facing deep heartache or going on a first date or doing the dishes or making impossible parenting decisions. He is present when we are feeling the most confident and He is present when we are the most terrified. And perhaps this is the greatest gift to me in my panic: I remember my Prince of Peace, who does not always take away the struggle I am facing, but He certainly sits with me in it.
And when we land, He walks with me to baggage claim.
I appreciate this Melissa as one who seems to be always having some kind of anxiety going on. And when I experience turbulence on a plane, I go into prayer mode and think of how Jesus calmed the waters. In my mind I know God is with me, I just wish I can remember that before all the worry.
yes! I am so glad he is present with us and has a track record of bringing peace!
This is a great quote, “ When I panic, Jesus is not rolling his eyes – He is rolling up His sleeves.”
A refreshing perspective on handling anxiety.
I agree! Melissa created a powerful visual to hold onto during moments of anxiety.
Melissa, I love this!! What a beautiful visual to help us through the stressful moments.
“…as I have started to allow my helplessness to stay, it reminds me of my hopefulness that Jesus also stays.”
Love that line, and these words, and their author.
xo
Thanks, sis!
AMEN!
Excellent devo, Melissa.
Thank you for sharing! The tangible cross, a reminder that he is with us – so simple yet so profound.
Blessings to you.
Glad you’re here, Karen!
Melissa-Thank you for sharing. I too have known the anxiety and raw fear that hits with panic attacks. Your gentle words are comforting.
Oh my gosh, panic-attack girlie here – thank you! Thank you for putting words to exactly what I’ve started doing. I just sit there and let it roll, and pretty soon it’s gone. I don’t do this while driving or in public, but when I’m at home, I practice it. I need to start facing this in public too.
Yes, here with you!
Thank you for this.
Melissa thank you for this wonderful message. It is so true everything in you have said. I find in the mist of panic when asked by a Family member to something for someone. To help extra when done so much for this person to help them all ready. I take panic and think I am Christian. If I don’t do what they are asking me to the extra for this person. When do so much for this person to help them. They could say your not being very Christian. Use blackmail that way. They can go on to say well that not being a good Christian. You should do it and do the Christian thing. I then get into a panic. End up doing it for peace sake. To avoid them saying that. As had things like that said to me before. They are not saved but they use the blackmail my using the word Christian to get me to do it. By saying what I just said. If didn’t do that not very Christian of you. Then I got from them say your Christian you say. If you say you are you not mind doing it. They don’t stop to think. I been helping the person out and done lots of things for them. Out of Love of the Lord and Love for them. Then I hear Jesus rolling up his eyes to say I hear for you. Don’t let them blackmail you by using the word Christian in what they say to get you do it. And make you feel your not being Very Christian if don’t do it. To help this person you been helping alot. I hear Jesus also say stand up to them in a nice kind way. Say you done your bit to help them. You need to go home and rest. You can’t do any more or you will get to tired and collapsed thenbe no good to help the person you have been helping that day alot. Another day and you have to think of you and your health. People like that that use the blackmail do care. It all about getting you to what they want you to do. They say oh Dawn will do it. Thinking I will jump and do as they say all the time. I have to listen to Jesus and sometimes say no. I helped this person enough today. Just say all nicely to them. I have to sometimes think of my health and they don’t like it and say no. Jesus is supporting me to do that. I have to say I didn’t mind helping them in all I done this day to help them. I help another day for them. Thank you for the reading excellent. Love Dawn xx ❤️
I really, really, really needed to hear your message today. This quote of yours got me…”When I panic, He is not rolling his eyes — He is rolling up His sleeves.” It’s going in my favorite quotes book, and in my mind to remember what I have those moments of panic or despair. Thank you for blessing us today with your sweet and transparent message.
Yes, he’s right there with us! Thanks for reading, friend.
Thank you, Melissa, for being so transparent!
Dear Melissa…….Thank you so much for your story. You can’t even imagine how much it means to me. I had panic attacks since I was 5 years old, although Nobody knew what they were back then in the 50’s. This went on through my college years, my wedding, having my child and even into the marriage. I know there were two things that could have started it. When I was 3, my parents took me for swimming lessons and someone “joking around” picked me up and threw me in the pool. I sunk to the bottom and someone had to rescue me. I have been terrified of water all my life. The other thing was when my grandfather died, they took me to the viewing and sat me in another room with my Dad. At some point my mother came and picked me up. Many, many years later when I was 35, I asked my mother 2 questions. Did I go to Grandpop’s funeral and she said yes, but you didn’t see him. OK,I have one more question. Did you pick me up at 1 point and were the blanket and inside his casket, pink? She started crying and said, you did see him. My Lord, how could this have happened? I still kept getting the panic attacks but as I got more familiar with my church and I had always prayed a lot, I realized that Jesus must have been there with me. After that I haven’t had anymore since I was 40, but it really still sticks in my mind. My minister told me that God does not promise that we will not have any struggles in our lives, but someone will be there with us always. I have to say thank you again as your story eased my mind, as I never knew anyone else except that one guy in college that even knew what a panic attack was. You women are absolutely marvelous and I am going to post this and then go to Day 73 to read the story and write my journal………………………………Your friend…….Betsy Basile
Am praying for the Lord to meet you as you process, friend!
Melissa,,
There is so much great wisdom here. This especially hit me: “When I panic, He is not rolling his eyes — He is rolling up His sleeves.” Never thought about Him in that way.
Jesus meets us when we are facing deep heartache or going on a first date or doing the dishes or making impossible parenting decisions. My story is about a date. I was driving over to my boyfriend’s house. My anxiety was up there. Did I make a wrong choice? What will happen? Just then I turned on the radio & the song “God is in Control” came on.. I yelled those lyrics & calmed my nerves. I knew that Jesus was with me & nothing bad will happen.
Blessings 🙂