I didn’t expect how hard it would be. Sure, thirty years had passed since I last sat in a college class. And, of course, I knew graduate school wasn’t a walk in the park. I expected it to be a challenge; I looked forward to it even. And I’d been waiting decades for the opportunity to be just right.

But then the first day of seminary arrived. And with it, overwhelm and panic.

For the love, you’re 52 years old. What in the world are you doing?! 

The weight of doing something new, difficult, and full of unknowns fell on me like a ton of bricks. My longtime dream turned into a hard reality fast.

What were you thinking? All this time and money, and it’s probably going to be a total waste. 

It took all my will to go to class that day and not tuck tail and run the other way. I still didn’t feel confident. I felt old, washed up, in over my head. But I faked it as best I could and showed up anyway, mostly because my fear of quitting outweighed my fear of failing (barely). Before I knew it, I’d survived my first three-hour class. Then a second. I still questioned my decision now and again. But, sooner than I expected, I fell into a groove and woke up one day experiencing an entirely new feeling:

Anticipation. And joyful delight.

It’s now been three months, and I’m nearly finished with the first semester of my Master’s Degree. Grad school isn’t easy, I was right about that. And I still have days when I struggle to juggle my limitations and responsibilities, including health challenges, a career, family, and my teenagers’ homework as well as my own. But almost daily I whisper a prayer of thanks that fear and self-doubt didn’t rob me of a new experience.  

Why? Because in pushing against the discomfort and allowing myself to be stretched, I am learning. And I am growing. Just as a flower bulb must push through the discomfort of the hard earth to burst forth in colorful glory, I know today’s hard work will eventually result in tomorrow’s blooming — my blooming. And although the process isn’t comfortable, the result will make it more than worth it.

This causes me to pause and consider: How often do you and I choose today’s comfort at the cost of tomorrow’s growth? How often do we miss out on the color of new insights, new relationships, and new spiritual growth simply because we prefer the dormancy of the status quo?

It is so easy for us to slip into complacency. And yet, comfort isn’t always the haven we think it is. Sometimes it is a tomb.

A bulb that stays entombed too long in the ground eventually withers. So do we. When we start avoiding difficult circumstances, new adventures, challenging circumstances, and difficult people and conversations, we end up stunting the growth God desires for us. As a result, we miss out on our spring.

“Show me your ways, Lord,
teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.

He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.”
Psalm 25:4-5, 9 NIV

I wonder: What is the price of our addiction to personal comfort? What beautiful blooms are we missing because fear is keeping our world small? And how is our growth (emotionally, physically, spiritually) being stunted by our resistance to anything that feels uncomfortable?

Consider this: Where could your life use a little more blooming? What discomfort do you need to push against to discover the color of a fresh spring?

Don’t worry, I’m not asking you to go to graduate school. This isn’t about degrees, job promotions, or even taking a once-in-a-lifetime trip. This is about you and I embracing the posture of a student and learning that discomfort, even while we don’t always like it, is often an excellent teacher.

Let’s you and I choose to have the heart of a student no matter our classroom. All it requires? Humility. And a desire for wisdom.

Today, let’s lean into learning. Rather than walk the long way around today’s discomfort, let’s choose to stay present to it. To welcome the stretching and growing and refining as part of the miracle learning.

Before you know it, you’ll be blooming.

Listen to today’s devotion below or on your favorite podcast app!

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