I’m trying to prepare myself for the funeral of a friend. It’s the second funeral in a matter of weeks. Two different women from my church passed away just three weeks apart. Our church isn’t very large, and as one of the pastors, I’m still processing how to lead and how to grieve at the same time.
The memories we shared pierce through my mind, a bittersweetness I hold onto.
I prayed with both of them to give their lives to Jesus. I remember both days perfectly – one over the phone last September, and the other in a back room in our small church in July. Both times, I remember thinking how there was nothing I’d rather do. It never gets old seeing someone decide to follow Jesus.
They both had different stories — because all of us do — but I knew them. We texted on hard days. We hugged when we saw each other. I prayed for them regularly.
And when they were both nearing the end of their lives here on earth, I had the honor of visiting each of them separately, holding their hand, and praying. Touching and praying and crying – the most human of ways to feel pain.
After hearing the news of each of their deaths, I cried. This last year, one of my prayers related to pastoring was that God would expand my capacity. He did expand my capacity. He also expanded my heart.
It hurts to be close to someone when they feel pain. It can hurt to love.
It hurts less to keep your distance. It hurts less to not get involved in people’s lives, to refrain from knowing the stories of their heartache or joy, to keep from grasping their hands when they’re dying. It hurts less to stay away.
But getting close to someone? That’s the life we’re meant for.
Jesus could’ve been a God who kept His distance. He could’ve stayed in Heaven. He could’ve helped us from afar. Instead, He is a God who draws close, who took on skin and moved into the neighborhood. He draws as close in proximity as anyone possibly could.
Jesus is not afraid to be close to you. He is not afraid to hold your hand in the middle of your darkest nights or to hear every personal detail of your life. He is not ashamed or embarrassed to know your most hidden secret. He is not exhausted to hear you tell Him the same story again and again, or bring the same desire of your heart to Him for the hundredth time today.
Jesus isn’t afraid of proximity. He is the One who created closeness. He is the one who formed nearness. Jesus is the One who paved a pathway for intimacy… because intimacy always requires proximity.
But more than all of that, Jesus knows the cost. He knows how it hurts to love. His Love cost Him more than any of ours ever will.
Yet He still chose to come close and closer and closer still. Because proximity changes everything.
You can never hide from His presence. Our God is a near God. He does not keep His distance. Even when He is rejected and despised, He comes near.
Getting close to Jesus is the life we’re meant for. And as we begin to understand His nearness, we can bring others in closer the way Jesus does for us.
I am so grateful for the honor of pastoring both of these women. They affected my life for the good. They changed me, taught me, and stretched my heart to be wider than it was before.
It hurt to love them because it hurt to lose them on earth. But the cost of love is worth it. Jesus showed us that. Proximity leads to intimacy. And intimacy is what your heart was created for.
Thank you for sharing from a place of pain and loss the beauty of a God who is always near in the valley and everyday life.
Beautiful words, Kathy – thank you.
AMEN!
I’ve heard it said that intimacy is allowing somebody “in-to-me-see.”
We each need to be seen
i love that the intimacy part stood out to you and that’s what you commented on. a friend of mine says “in-to-me-see” as well and i’m realizing that i’ve been scared of it for some time. i have a post on my bathroom mirror that says “intimacy is allowing yourself to be fully know, fully loved, fully accepted. it’s letting your guard down completely.” thank you aliza and lisa for the reminder to open up and be known, loved, accepted, and seen.
That’s such a good reminder to see every day <3
so grateful this encouraged you today, Karyn!
I haven’t heard that before, Lisa – I love that. Thank you!
Aliza, you make me want to move to Canada, just so I can have you for a pastor! 🙂
I think this was meant for me. I’ve gotten more and more isolated, afraid of being hurt, and afraid of being left. I’ve been trying to engage more with others, but I always seem to say or do the wrong thing and then, feeling like an idiot, I withdraw again. Thank you for the nudge to keep trying.
Praying for courage for you today Cheyla. <3
Thank you Aliza \0/
I needed this reminder today
“It hurts to be close to someone when they feel pain. It can hurt to love. … But getting close to someone? That’s the life we’re meant for. ” Thank you for this very timely reminder. Keeping it close today.
God is really using this weeks devotions to reach me! Last night I was praying about a situation, I guess you could say where loving someone has caused deep hurt. Praying about it didn’t bring me peace. Instead it made me anxious about how and when it’s going to be resolved. I had a hard time sleeping last night. I’m feeling the repercussions this morning. As I made my way to work I thought, I’m not going to pray about that anymore! Not if it’s going to make me feel so anxious. God knows what’s in my heart. I don’t need to say it out loud, right? Then I was reminded, “He is not exhausted to hear you tell Him the same story again and again, or bring the same desire of your heart to Him for the hundredth time today.” Thank you.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I lost a close friend that I worshipped with for over twenty years this Christmas. We have celebrated her life and grieved with her precious family and it is just so hard and so wonderful at the same time. I loved how you compared our loss to Christ’s life. It blessed me so much.
Aliza,
Loving people & pets hurts. We as Christians know that you aren’t getting out of this world alive. We had to have my cat put down as it was ill. Later on both of my iguanas died from old age. Just recently my neighbor’s dog we adopted went off into the woods died. I miss them all. We can pray for healing but God does it His way. At work, (ICU clerical), recently was talking with patient’s brother & praying for them. Unfortunately God chose to heal her by taking her home. It still hurts some. Now the brother has to tell her son who just had a stroke.
One thing I note is that while all of those people were alive I cared for & showed them God’s love the best I could. Even though it hurts to lose friends, pets & loved ones I will still get close & shower them with His love.
Blessings 🙂