I was fifteen when I went to an evening Easter service and accepted Christ into my heart. I remember feeling unsure about what I had just done, but excited about the ways my life could be different. I was told that this was the most important decision of my life. And I was told that God could and would do amazing things because of my decision to follow Him.

But, I’m going to be honest – that’s not what happened.

At my first Christian summer camp just a few short months later, the director took me aside and asked me to wear something “more appropriate” so that I wasn’t a “distraction.” I was wearing the camp t-shirt. The same camp t-shirt as everyone else at the camp. (Turns out the only “distraction” was that I was developing earlier than the other girls in my cabin.)

Another time, after a Wednesday night group gathering, I was told by one of the youth leaders that I needed to “act more ladylike” and “not be so loud” in the group.

What I kept hearing, over and over again, was that after accepting Christ (especially as a girl) there were a lot of no’s that needed to be observed, and that Christianity was primarily a list of things that I needed to avoid. When it came to my school friends, some of my favorite things to do (dance, play card games, listen to music, etc.) were no longer acceptable behaviors, and the only reason to have friends that weren’t Christians was to evangelize to them. My friendships outside of church started drifting away. And it wasn’t just my friendships that were shrinking. It was also other areas of my life, like my hopes and ambitions.

I learned to diminish my dreams because what if they didn’t come true? Wasn’t that a bad witness, a bad testimony of God? What if I told other people about my dreams, they didn’t happen, and I caused them to lose faith in God?

Yes, I’m recovering from a lot of messed-up thinking from my early days of church. It took me decades to realize that those voices I heard were not from God, but from people around me who knew it was easier to control others when they are kept small.

It took a lot for me to learn how to listen to my own quieted, muffled voice from deep within that simply asks, “What if?” to questions that would have been automatic no’s in the past.

What if you tried writing and speaking?

What if you spoke out about the things that seem wrong at church?

What if you questioned rules that were made up by people?

What if you regained some of that ambition that you abandoned in your twenties and thirties because it didn’t work well for others in your life?

What if you married a guy with two kids, when you already had two kids?

And most recently, what if you left the city, moved to the mountains, and started a whole new life?

What our kids have lovingly called a midlife crisis, we now refer to as one of the best “What if’s” of our lives.

Five years ago, we bought property in the Sierras for an Airbnb and writing retreats. We have now turned it into our writing retreat center/full-time residence and it’s been the best thing ever.

But what if it hadn’t worked out? What if we’d hated it up here in the mountains? Even in the hardest times, when what we’d hoped and dreamed for did not come to fruition, we could look back and often see God’s hand in it all along.

A loving God doesn’t make our dreams smaller but gives us the vision, creativity, support, and wisdom to make our lives bigger.

If you’re like me and your dreams have been muffled, you might have stopped saying, “What if.”  But God puts a path in front of us, and our goal has to be not to be distracted by everything that wants to divert our attention or change our course.

Proverbs 4:25-27 says, “Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.”

So here’s what you need to know about learning to say “What if…”:

1. It’s okay to start small.

Learning to ask “what if…” questions can feel overwhelming. So don’t start by asking a big, “What if we moved to the mountains?” question. Try a smaller what if, like…

• “What if I took an online class to gain a skill that could help me get a new kind of job?”
• “What if I took a writing class to start on my memoir?”
• “What if I made a friend outside of the circle I have now?”

2. And it’s okay to dream about something big.

You can begin to ask yourself questions like…

• “What if I moved to a community that was away from what I know, but might be better for the life I want?”
• “What if I applied for a job that I want, but may not be 100% qualified for?”
• “What if I started dating again?”

When we decided to move to the mountains, it was one big decision, supported by dozens of smaller decisions.

We had talked about moving to the mountains a lot — but not until we retired. And then we started to ask ourselves, “Okay, would it be possible to make it happen sooner rather than later?” We had to make a lot of small changes if we were going to make this really big change. We started looking for a church in the mountains, and asking what the chances of my husband working remotely would be. We also had to determine if we’d be okay living all alone, just the two of us, without our social circles, coworkers, and even our adult kids in “come over for dinner” distance.

3. Start dreaming those dreams and making those small decisions.

• Buy the book.
• Take the class.
• Check-in with human resources at work and ask the questions.
• Talk with your spouse, parent, sibling, or best friend.

Friend, look for ways to make your life bigger. To trust God more. Look for opportunities to fight against shrinking to make others comfortable. You don’t have to downsize who you are.

Because God has bigger things in store for you.

Want to learn more about the red house in the mountains? Click here to check out Kathi’s new book, The Accidental Homesteader.

 

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