When I was 18 years old, I wasn’t sure what I thought about Jesus. And I certainly wasn’t sure what I thought about some people who professed Christianity.
Intellectually, I had become increasingly unconvinced that Jesus was the Son of God. Furthermore, I saw hypocrisy within the church that disturbed me deeply.
I was left with a choice about deciding who I wanted to be moving into adulthood, and while the idea of exploring Jesus was intriguing, I stepped onto a path of growing ambivalence toward the faith. There were points in my life when I truly wanted to adopt the faith that my parents had dutifully raised me in. A candlelit service on Christmas Eve would elicit tears. An old hymn would spark a familiar warmth inside of me.
But in time, the warmth faded, as I moved farther away from the fire that fed it.
Why am I telling you this today?
Because even after I turned away from Jesus, He didn’t turn away from me. True to God’s promise in Psalm 23:6, His faithful love would indeed “pursue me all the days of my life.”
And pursue, He did.
Years later, I am standing by the fire again. Jesus is not only my best friend, but the CEO of my ministry.
Do I believe in miracles? Yes, because I am one.
You’re likely reading this today because you are asking for a miracle, too. Someone you love has strayed far from God. Perhaps you are the parent who painstakingly raised them to know Jesus.
You’ve prayed. Hard.
You’ve cried. A lot.
You trusted God. And yet stand in the silence.
Your child shows no signs of returning.
Friend, I was that child.
And that’s why I am here: To give you hope.
I understand that not every faith story turns around like mine did. I also know that the reasons people come back to the faith are as varied and complex as the reasons they leave.
Some, like me, have intellectual obstacles that aren’t quickly reconciled with earthly logic.
Others have observed hypocrisy in the church, or have been told that the way they behave or vote doesn’t fit the mold. Still others have been wounded by the church.
So they left.
And you — dear soul — are standing in the wake, asking questions like:
“What in the world can I do?”
“Will the ones I love be in heaven with me?”
First of all, know that God understands what it’s like to have children who don’t follow Him. God has been dealing with the rebellion of His kids since the first two walked upon the earth.
But there’s more. While all humans have a rebellious streak, we also have this: an inborn desire for purpose. And that purpose is in God; He made it so.
“…he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us.” (Acts 17:26-27).
Blaise Pascal observed that everyone has a “God-shaped vacuum” inside our heart. We may try to fill it with work, pleasure, or relationships. But it can only be satisfied by one thing: Jesus.
As a woman who once strayed from God — and now as a mother who prays that her daughters stay the course — that God-shaped hole gives me peace.
The so-called Hound of Heaven will pursue our children “all the days of their lives,” just as He pursued me, and just as He pursued you, no matter how “faithless” we are.
As it says in 2 Timothy 2:13, “If we are faithless, he remains faithful…”
We can agree with God, by remaining faithful alongside Him.
Faithful in modeling the love of Jesus.
Faithful in doing that kind of parenting that happens on our knees. It’s more than parenting. It’s “prayer-enting.”
There will be moments when any parent will be tempted to guilt a loved one into attending church or behaving differently. But let’s remember: no one has successfully shamed another person into a relationship with Jesus. That’s a relationship built on grace and love.
Finally, let’s hold on to the promise that Jesus pursues us all, to the very end. Remember the thief on the cross, who waited until his last moments on earth to respond to Jesus’ gift of salvation. Jesus turned to him with these words: “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise” (Luke 23:43).
The wait, of course, can be agonizing.
But as one who has lived on both sides of that wait, I urge you, with all that is within me, to keep waiting. Keep going. Determine to live your life with joy and peace. Model the kind of love that Jesus taught. Acknowledge your own brokenness. “Prayer-ent” like you’ve never prayer-ented before.
And know, deep within you, that these children are God’s. The Hound of Heaven is in pursuit.
Suggested Resources:
Here are two books that have helped me on this journey.:
The first is The Case for Christ, by Lee Strobel. As someone with intellectual doubts, this book provided credible proof about Jesus. (A note of caution: Many who have strayed from the faith will not find comfort in receiving such a book, for their objections aren’t necessarily with the teachings of Jesus, but with professed Christians and/or the church as a whole.)
The second book is for parents: Love, Pray, Listen: Parenting Your Wayward Adult Kids with Joy by Mary DeMuth. It offers advice when your children choose different paths from yours.
Madeline says
Thank you for sharing this and the recommended readings. I have 2 “wayward” adult children. They are good, kind, generous, hard working, etc. I pray everyday for them to reconnect with Jesus.
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
Your kids sound absolutely amazing! What a blessing to know that they are a part of creating goodness in the world. In the midst of it all, may they find Jesus to be a good and faithful companion to all that they are doing. Thanks for sharing, Madeline. I join in your prayer.
B says
God is faithful. For 47 years of my marriage, my husband was not a believer. The good news is that before he passed away in January, he accepted the Lord. Don’t ever stop praying even when it looks hopeless. God is good.
Kathy Francescon says
B, I am sorry to hear you lost your husband of 47 years in January. But praising God, that He had accepted Jesus as His Lord and Savior! You will be together again and it shall be forever!! May God be with you as you grieve…
Jennifer Dukes Lee says
Wow! What a testimony to the ways in which God can (and does!) work. Also, I send you hugs today as you grieve the loss of your husband of 47 years. What a legacy of love.
Anna Gibson says
Prayerenting, I love this new word! My kids are 16, 18, 20 & 21. I am learning lots about prayerenting in this season. Thank you for this encouragement! I came to Christ as an adult after all my searching and so it’s a challenge to trust when they have already experienced His presence.
Anna Gibson says
Prayerenting, I love this new word! My kids are 16, 18, 20 & 21. I am learning lots about praying and trusting in this season. Thank you for this encouragement! I came to Christ as an adult after all my searching and so it’s a challenge to trust when they have already experienced His presence.
Irene says
Thank you, Jennifer. Your words encourage me. My daughters were all brought up in the church, but now have all strayed. They are still good people, but none participate in a church family. Hypocrisy in the church and differing political views contribute to their absence. I will keep praying and try to lead by example.
Nancy says
I have three adult children who late kind, loving, respectful-all the things you ask of your children as they are growing up in the faith. It’s funny to me, as we talk about their daily lives, and they share different stories, I can’t help but think, they are living out their Christian lives. They just don’t go to church and that is big but they too believe in the hypocrisy of the church. So as the proud mother of three adult Christian children, I will continue to pray they find their way back to God and open their hearts to all the possibilities only He can bring us.
Becky Keife says
JDL, I’m so grateful for the miracle of your life!
mp says
Heartbreakingly, our adult son is far from the Lord and far from us.
Thanks, Jennifer, for offering hope and coining the “prayer-enting” word.
I have recently started reading the “Love, Pray, listen…Parenting Your Wayward Adult Kids with Joy.” Much-needed!
Erin Peet says
Thank you for this encouragement! ❤️❤️
Beth Williams says
Jennifer,
The church, us humans. isn’t doing a good job relating Christ to young people. A lot of church goers want things the way they’ve always been. The old hymns, choir, sermons, etc. The younger generation seems to like contemporary church services with newer contemporary Christian music. I, personally, have found Steven Furtick of Elevation Church to be an interesting preacher. His sermons hit the spot on topics that relate to everyday living. Thanks for a great post.
Blessings 🙂